The Motherfucker Rag

My son and I both heard the countdown, but for several seconds, could not break our intimate contact. I was enjoying myself and my entire body was flushed and heating up rapidly. John seemed to have no desire to end the contact either, but finally I regained my senses and pushed him away, a little sliver of spit hanging for a second and then breaking apart to splatter against his chin.

The Chimp: "Oh my God – Mother and Son French kissed for a record one minute and twelve seconds! I cannot freaking believe it!"

Dirty Davy: "Now that was what I call a special mother and child moment! Chicago, lets give John and his mom a great big hand!" The air filled with the canned sound of people clapping, cheering and car horns honking!

I felt my face burning with embarrassment even though I took a lot of enjoyment at Kelly's sour face. Both the Chimp and Dirty Davy were applauding – the Chimp's eyes burning with excitement. John was grinning at me and with a flick of his tongue seemed to lick off the saliva on his chin. Even though I was already more than a little aroused, that sight seemed to double my sexual excitement all in itself. My head roared as blood rushed through my veins, making me feel a little dizzy.

Dirty Davy: "Wow, wow, wow! Man, I would pay to watch that over and over again. That was hot. Was that hot, Chimp?"

The Chimp: "That was the single sexiest thing I've ever seen in my freaking life, Davy!" He let his tongue hang out of his mouth and panted like a dog.

Dirty Davy: "Oh yeah! So, Mom...what'd you think? On a scale of one to ten, how does your son kiss?"

I laughed nervously and opened my mouth, but for a few seconds, could not find the words. I waved my hands aimlessly and shrugged my shoulders in bafflement before I finally managed to gasp, "Uh – Thirteen?" The shock jocks hooted their delight and I added in a slightly steadier voice, "That was the best kiss I've had in a long, long time!"

The Chimp: "Outfreakinstanding! I know you must be proud of your boy, Mom! Hey, John – so how does your Mom rank...who's the better kisser, your Mom or Kelly?"

John was by now blushing a deep shade of red too, although he looked pleased by my answer. He grinned at me and then at his girlfriend who was looking extremely pissed. "Well, um, dudes, I'm going to plead the Fifth Amendment here. What can I say – it's a toss up." The shock jocks howled with laughter and both turned to see Kelly, lips pressed tightly together, the anger evident on her face!

Dirty Davy: "So, Kelly, girlfriend, what did you think? Your bf and his mom making out – hot or what?"

Kelly rolled her eyes and her face frozen in a frown and staring at me, replied, "I think this whole thing and you guys are sick!" Again, the two radio jockeys howled with laughter.

Dirty Davy: "There you have it, Chicago, Kelly says we're sick! Chimp, what do we have to say to that?"

The Chimp pushed a button and then a deep voice like the guy who does Darth Vader's voice boomed in our headsets, "YOU'RE DAMNED RIGHT, WE'RE SICK AND PROUD OF IT!"

The Chimp: "And we're just getting warmed up! Tell 'em, Dirty Davy!"

Dirty Davy: "Alright, John and Mom, again congratulations for that outstanding display of family affection. You've won your tickets, John for making out with your mom." He slid an envelope over his work station to my son who looked absolutely delighted. Then with an evil grin, Dirty Davy continued. "Now, me and the Chimp have been thinking about what actually makes up, well, making out! Now, Mom, do you think a hot, sexy kiss is 'making out?'

I wasn't actually expecting that question and I fumbled for an answer. "Um, well – yeah. It's been a few years since I've made out, but yes, sexy kissing is 'making out.'"

The Chimp: "Yeah, kissing is great, but is that all that 'making out' is? Hey, Kelly, when you and John make out, is kissing all you do?"

Kelly: "Ewww, gross!"

The Chimp: "Okay...sorry I asked. Hey, John, when you and Kelly are making out, is all you do is kiss?"

All eyes turned to my son and he laughed and shook his head, "Um, I'm sticking with pleading the Fifth."

Dirty Davy: "Okay, Mom, back to you. Now when you were growing up, was kissing all there was to making up?"

I wasn't sure I liked where this was going, but I stifled an urge to giggle like a teenager and said, "No, that was considered um, getting to first base!"

The Chimp: "Bingo, Mom. And what is second base?"

I did giggle then, wishing silently that I'd kept my mouth shut. Both the shock jocks were looking at me expectantly while John was grinning like an idiot. I promised myself I would make him pay dearly for this. My hand came up involuntarily and I almost cupped my own breast as I stammered, "Well, you know – um, oh hell, guys getting their hands under the sweater and um, under the bra or undoing it and touching...you know!"

The Chimp giggled and pressed another damned button and that deep voice announced, "BOOBS! MMMM, AINT NOTHING LIKE 'EM!"

Dirty Davy: "See how it is, Chicagoland? If in doubt, go ask your Mom! You're batting a hundred, Mom. Now howzabout telling John and us what third base is?"

Again, I wondered how the hell I got myself into this situation but at the same time, I found my mouth working and replying, "You know – when a guy puts his hand between a girl's leg and touches her, um...um."

The Chimp came to my rescue with another sound effect – a cartoon voice screaming, "IT'S PRONOUNCED VA-JAY-JAY, YOU MORON!" I groaned as I wondered who was actually listening to this and I put my head in my hands.

The Chimp: "And this instructional moment was brought to you by MOM, the one more perverts recommend you go to with questions of a..." He paused and lowered his voice to a mock whisper. "A sexual nature!"

Dirty Davy: "Right you are, Chimp. Now, Mom and son, I'm sure you're wondering why you're still here talking with us and not running for your lives. The Chimp and I have a little proposition for you two!" A musical fanfare broke out as Dirty Davy brought out several envelopes and laid them on the table between us.

Dirty Davy: "In the interest of pushing the envelope of fine public broadcasting..."

The Chimp: "And maybe setting a new record fine with the FCC!"

Dirty Davy: "We would now like to offer John and his Mom a chance to play the advanced player's version of 'Making Out With Mom!'"

John and I looked at each other warily – the apprehension in my face no doubt equaled by the interest in my son's face. "Why am I sure I'm not going to like hearing this?" I replied, my voice full of doubt.

Dirty Davy: "Here's the scoop, Mom. Although I'm sure our sponsors are no doubt regretting putting up the prizes, you can win some serious cash and stuff if you and your son are willing to really make out on the air!"

"WHAT!" John and I both cried out together. I felt a little dizzy and was wondering when and how I had gotten so far over my head with this silly shit.

Dirty Davy: "Give with the details, Chimp!"

The Chimp: "In envelope number one, there is a five hundred dollar gift card to _____, the leader in fine women's fashions! It's yours, Mom if you and your son will French kiss for another full minute."

Both the shock jocks found it somehow hilarious when my son said, "Freaking awesome – Mom loves that place, but she says it's so expensive!"

Dirty Davy: "Is there more, my horny little friend?"

The Chimp: "We're just getting started, Dirty Davy! In envelope number two, are weekend reservations for the _______ Hotel, Chicago's finest Hotel, known world wide for its luxurious accommodations. It's a thousand dollar a night suite and reserved for next Friday and Saturday nights and its yours if Mom lets John get to second base and the kiss goes to two minutes!"

I felt my mouth drop open in shock and I gasped in a small voice. "You have got to be kidding me! That's insane!" Even John looked stunned, but the interested smile never left his face and its hard to describe how that made me feel.

The deep voice boomed into my ears, "WE MAY BE INSANE, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE NOT DEAD SERIOUS!"

Dirty Davy: "We wouldn't be offering it, if it wasn't true! Finish it off, Chimp!"

The Chimp: "In envelope number three there are ten, count em, ten one hundred dollar bills! That's a clean one thousand bucks if John is a lucky enough son to get to third base while the kiss goes to three minutes!"

Kelly jumped up, a look of utter horror and disgust on her face. "This is freaking sick. I can't stand this. I'm waiting outside!" and she fled the booth, her hand over her mouth like she was going to be sick." The shock jocks thought this was particularly hilarious and stood up and high-fived each other. A woman's shrieking and hysterical voice screamed into the headsets, "I'M LEAVING THIS HELLHOLE AND I AIN'T NEVER COMING BACK!"

I stood up, thinking it was time to leave, but wondering why I didn't find their proposal as disgusting as my son's girlfriend did. I tried to laugh it off and said, "You guys are so weird! There's no way any mother would do this with everyone watching on the internet. We'd all go to jail!"

The Chimp cackled and flipped a switch and I saw a little red light go off a web camera on his desk. "Oh no, this will be a radio exclusive – no webcam! And you can't go to jail if they got no proof!"

"But...everyone would hear us – er, hear you guys talking about it!" I turned to my son, expecting him to be on his feet to walk out with me...or already on the move to catch up with Kelly, but John was still sitting there, a silly grin on his face and a more than obvious bulge in his blue jean covered crotch.

Dirty Davy: "Well yeah, but again, no proof! And as everyone knows..."

"DIRTY DAVY AND THE CHIMP AREN'T ONLY PERVERTS, THEY LIE!" intoned the deep voice.

Dirty Davy: "Aint it the truth! Well, Chicagoland, we're gonna break for a few really important commercial ka-kas while John and Mom talk it over." He hit a switch and a car commercial came on and the On-Air sign went dark. Grinning he said, "We're dead freaking serious, folks, what do ya say?"

I was laughing and shaking my head and started for the door, but John reached out and took my hand. "Mom – what have we got to lose?" he said. He grinned at the shock jocks. "It's a lot of money and stuff and you deserve it for all this crap I've put you through! Besides, everyone will think it's just a fake-out by these guys anyway!

"John, I'm your mother. French kissing you was bad enough and we can't fake that. I'm betting these two freaks will insist on us actually doing um...it."

"You bet your sweet ass, Mom," chortled the Chimp. "Other than our on-air commentary, there'll be no evidence – no harm – no foul, but we wanna see you two really make out!"

"And you better make up your mind quick," added Dirty Dave. "We got about five minutes of air-time left and we're back live in thirty seconds."

John squeezed my hand and leaned in close. "Mom, it's just a bit of kissing and touching – just for fun and money. Tell me a thousand bucks wouldn't come in handy?"

I replied, my voice barely a whisper, "But you're my son. I can't let you touch me like that!" I could hear my voice speaking the words, but deep inside my heart, part of me didn't believe a word I was saying.

"Three minutes, Mom – that's all," hissed John, his eyes bright and eager. "C'mon, Mom – it aint like we're going to have real sex or anything."

"Although, as far as we're concerned, go as far as you want, Mom!" urged the Chimp, a big, toothy grin peeking out from all that hair. I just grinned back and rolled my eyes.

"Five seconds and we're on the air," intoned Dirty Davy. "What's it gonna be?"

John just kept looking at me and I was struck not only by his eagerness, but by his confidence – the pussy warming confidence of a man who knows what he wants and knows he's going to get it. A shiver ran through me as I threw all good judgment to the wind and went with what I was feeling in my heart...or maybe a place a little lower. "I'll do it," I said with a shaky whisper! Both the shock jockeys cheered and then we were back on the air.

Dirty Davy: Alright Chicagoland, we've got a hot and sexy Mommy ready to make out with her handsome son. Grab a soda and some hand lotion and let's have some fun. Are you ready, Mom...John?"

I nodded and when the Chimp rolled his finger and moved his lips without moving, I remembered it was just radio and I said, "God...I don't know. I suppose so."

The Chimp: Well – the clock's running and we're almost out of time – so Mom and John...GET IT ON!"

I looked at John, realizing he was leaning towards me, smiling – his mouth opening up like a tiger's maw about to devour me. My wits seemed to desert me then, but my instincts were working just fine. Our lips pressed together and I let out a little sigh as our tongues joined again in a wet, sloppy soul kiss, while the idiots watching us began to report.

Dirty Davy: "And here we go – Mom and Son are kissing and oh man, look at them use those tongues! Do you think they're going to go for the gold, Chimp?"

The Chimp: "Absolutely – oh man, they're looking so hot. Honeywife of mine, if you're listening, you better be waiting in bed when I get home cause I'm raring to go!"

Dirty Davy: "And so are our Mom and Son. Uh, oh – I think John is making his move on second base. Stand by for updates. We're at thirty seconds and counting!"

John was indeed, making his move. I felt one hand on my waist and the other on my thigh. Slowly, I felt his fingers sliding along my leg towards the bottom of my sweater. I felt dizzy as I wondered if he was actually going to do this! Our tongues curled around each other, dancing and taunting and again I found myself savoring the taste of my son, feeling my body respond – the heat and wetness building between my legs.

My son's hand crept further upward and under my sweater and I jerked as I felt his fingers, cool against my hot skin, sliding around and slowly making their way up my back. I was puzzled for a moment and then moaned into his mouth as I realized he was making for my bra. His fingers stopped and ran across the seamless band of the back strap of my bra and I started to break the kiss and whisper that it was a front loader, but John's fingers began to slip around to my front and I realized that my son had a lot more experience than I thought and knew what to do.

Dirty Davy: Yes, yes yes, sports fans. John is making his move on second base – hand is under the sweater and definitely in search mode. Man, I envy this young man – his mother, Carol is definitely blessed with motherly mammaries. Big 'uns at that! I'm guessing 36D!"

The Chimp: "I'm betting they're closer to being 40Ds, Dirty Davy and if there's anything I know..." The deep voice boomed out, "THE CHIMP KNOWS HIS BOOBS!"

John found and deftly undid the clasp holding my bra together and I felt my breasts shift as their support slipped away. I groaned against my son's mouth as I felt his palm slide between my breasts, my heart pounding faster and faster under his touch. OMIGOD, my son was about to fondle my breast! I put my hand against his chest, meaning to push him away and end the kiss and this whole crazy, twisted game...but I didn't. I held my hand in place, feeling his heart pounding in his chest and allowed my son to slide his hand over my left breast, palm scraping over my hard and long nipple!

The Chimp: "Good God, John's doing it, I do believe! I see his hand moving under his Mom's sweater!" I heard a chair leg scrape and footsteps and then felt more than heard the Chimp's presence behind me, knowing without looking that he was peering over my shoulder. I started a bit when he leaned against me, a definite throbbing bulge pressing against my hip and then I felt a finger scraping skin as he pulled my sweater out and peered downward. "Yes, yes – OMIGOD, YES!" he crowed. "Chicago, I am blessed to see and report that at fifty-seven seconds in, this son's hand is cupping his mother's lovely boob! Oh yeah, John – give it a squeeze for me!" And Lord, help me, my son did!

I was terrified and excited as I don't think I'd been since I'd lost my virginity so many years ago. My John – my son was massaging my breast, his palm maddeningly rubbing and teasing my hard nipple. Spittle ran down my chin as I cried out from the crazy pleasure rippling through me before John sealed his lips against mine again. My hand resting on his chest began to curl, my long nails scraping against his T-shirt clad chest! John made an approving growl against my mouth, his fingers digging into my fleshy tit in response.

Dirty Davy: "Chicagoland, we are definitely moving into a new frontier. Let's give a big cheer to John and his Mom for making it to second base as we pass the minute and ten second mark!"

My mind reeled with the realization that for the first time since John had been weaned, he was touching my breast and for a long, crazy moment, I wished that I could feel his lips on my tits as well – almost a hunger to feel my nipple being sucked by my son once again. Seconds ticked by as we kissed and with his touch, it seemed as if I had an even greater clarity of senses. The taste of his tongue, the feel of his breath from his nostrils, the touch of his hand on my breast, all seemed to intensify with each moment that passed.

I knew I should stop, that I should try and regain some resemblance of respectability, but I didn't and a part of me began to cheer as I felt John's left hand leave my waist and travel downwards to rest on the top of my thigh.

The Chimp: "We're at a minute and thirty seconds and is he, OMIGOD, yes, John is going for gold, folks. He's got his hand on the inside of Mom's thigh and heading towards heaven's gate!"

John's fingers trailed over and down between my legs, scratching softly on the inside of my right thigh and I couldn't stop myself from slowly spreading my knees apart and then I groaned against my son's lips as his palm was suddenly pressing against my crotch! I shivered with delight as I felt the weight of his hand against my pussy – my son's flesh separated from mine only by my slacks and panties. I wondered if he could feel the heat from my aroused pussy. I wondered if he could detect how wet I felt. John began rubbing my mound as I clung to him, fingers digging into his shoulders.

Dirty Davy: "Please, God, don't let me have a heart attack now! John's definitely loving up his mom as we approach two minutes! Uh oh! His hand is on the move...up he goes...fingers sliding into Mom's pants!"

John indeed was slipping his hand past my waistband and while part of me was absolutely horrified that I wasn't putting a stop to this insanity, part of me was rejoicing that I'd worn dress slacks with an elastic waist band, making it easier for John to slip his hands inside. I rose up off the seat of the stool, trying to make it easier on my son.

With the sure movements of an experienced lover, my son slipped his hand into my panties as well, his fingers feeling sinfully sweet as he slipped through my thick, crinkly mat of pubic hair. I stiffened and squealed into John's mouth as pleasure as intense as an electric shock tore through me as my child's, my son's fingers slipped between my swollen and sensitive labia, encountering my wet and slick cunt!

I felt my head begin to spin and I clutched my son tighter, our tongues feeding on each other in a frenzy of lust as John's forefinger and middle finger slipped inside me, gently stirring around – exploring my motherly pussy even as his thumb slowly stroked my flesh, teasing my clitoris. I think I was making all sorts of little animal noises as I fought not to surrender completely to the incestuous pleasure of the moment.

Dirty Davy: "We're at two minutes and ten seconds and Mom looks like she might be getting her rocks off while her son's hand seems to be awfully busy in her panties! Chimp, do you think we have penetration? Chimp? Hello, Chimp? Um, Chicagoland, I believe this naughty display has rendered my partner in perversion catatonic...in a good, deviated way!"