The Natalie Incident Ch. 03

‘Yes,’ she whispered.

‘I’m really glad you came to find me,’ I said, ‘when I was back home.’

‘I should have done it sooner,’ she replied. ‘I wish that I had.’

‘No,’ I said, shaking my head slightly. ‘I shouldn’t have let you go when we were in Los Angeles.’

‘Maybe it just wasn’t the right time then,’ she said, her fingers brushing the skin on my neck.

‘Is it the right time now?’

This time her kiss was open mouthed, her tongue brushing my own, and I closed my eyes and pressed her body against mine as I tasted her. When we parted she held my face in her hands for a moment. ‘Does that answer your question?’

I shook my head and held her, nuzzled my nose through her ear, and was about to say something else when the blast of a car horn, the first I’d heard in the city, broke us from the moment. I looked around to see a black Mercedes trying to get around the large pushcart that was being used as a flower stall. The driver tooted again, and the old lady running the stall turned towards the Merc and came out with a stream of language stopped the impatient driver instantly. I had no grasp of Dutch at all, but I guessed that she wasn’t wishing him a good day. We both watched the car creep past before Natalie spoke again.

‘So, have you got anything you want to do today?’

I took her hand in mine. ‘As long as it involves being with you, I really don’t care.’ I looked back at the hotel and thought about what the clerk had said to me. ‘I wouldn’t mind getting some breakfast though,’ I continued. ‘I need to get my strength back after last night.’

‘Oh really?’ She said, smiling as we crossed back over the narrow street. ‘You’d better get your vitamins as well then, because I intend to keep you busy.’ She pecked me on the cheek and let go of my hand, and I watched her skip across to the flower-stall and buy a beautifully wrapped spray of tulips before she returned to me and we walked up the hotel steps together. The doorman saluted us again as we entered, and once again I felt a little awkward. I also felt pretty damn good.

**********

That day in Amsterdam was easily one of the best of my life. After we’d returned to the room and Natalie had changed into dark jeans and a striped shirt we decided against breakfast at the hotel. Natalie knew of a little bistro just across the water that she assured me served the best food in the western world, and ten minutes later I was in total agreement as we sat at a table in the window and worked our way through a pile of blueberry pancakes that redefined the meaning of the word delicious. I felt re-energised after a couple of cups of dark coffee, and by the time we left the sun has chased away the remaining clouds to leave a sky that was powder blue. For a while we just walked through the quiet streets, not saying much yet not really needing to; I was taking Amsterdam in for the first time, and Nat was reliving it all over again. We wondered past a myriad of small shops, tiny cafes and neat bars that were just waking up for business. Many of the owners of the thin, four-story houses seemed to have converted the ground floors or basements into workshops; there was a middle-aged man sanding and varnishing superb hand-crafted furniture in one, and I spotted a woman working on a canvas in the sunlight that was seeping through her open door, many beautiful paintings crowding behind her. I knew that we were in an expensive residential district of the city, but it seemed to me as if everyone that lived here was an artist. If that was the case, I could see why they had moved here. I’d spent approximately an hour in the Jordann and it was already inspiring me.

We took a canal taxi, a small boat built for six and powered by a discreet motor. We were the only passengers, and the pilot took Natalie’s hand and supported her as she climbed from the street to the deck and slid into the leather-padded seat. I jumped down and sat beside her, and she took my hand between her own and held it against her as the boat wobbled away from the bank through the hanging vines of the willow trees that lined the water. The pilot kept the speed low and we slid along the canal, the sunlight only broken when we cruised through the shadowed arches of bridges. A grand church loomed alongside us, gothic architecture competing against the ravages of time, and then a little further on Natalie pointed out to me the house where Anne Frank had hidden from the Nazi occupation of the city for four long years. She grew quiet as we passed, and I held her tightly and didn’t say anything. I knew the story of the little Jewish girl and her famous diary and was saddened by it, but I couldn’t really appreciate it in the same way that she could.

After a while the canal opened out and the noise around us increased, and it was obvious that we were approaching the very heart of Amsterdam. We left the taxi and headed into Dam Square, a huge pedestrian area flanked on all-sides by Government buildings and the old Royal Palace. It was spectacular and impressive, and I found myself unable to do anything than stare open-mouthed like the typical tourist that I was. Natalie laughed at my expression, and pulled a small camera from her purse and proceeded to snap a picture of me. Two elderly people passed us and she asked them if they’d take a photo of the two of us, and we stood with our arms tightly around each other and the Palace behind us as the camera caught our happiness in time forever. The old man returned the camera to Nat and she thanked him, and as they walked away I held her in my arms and kissed her deeply, not caring who was watching us. The square was filled with many people from many places, but at that moment as my lips touched Natalie’s and my fingers stroked her hair we might as well been in a deserted city.

Morning passed quietly through to afternoon as we spent our time exploring the streets, stopping off in whatever small shops took our interest, sitting drinking a beer overlooking the harbor, or just walking through the parks that cropped up throughout the city at various points like a green oasis in a stone desert. We took pictures of each other until the camera ran out of film, and bought useless and delightfully tacky souvenirs to take back for our respective friends and family. Whatever we did though, it seemed as if we couldn’t stand to be separated from each other for even the smallest amount of time. We constantly held hands, touched one another, circled around one another as if we both wanted to exist within a space designed purely for one person. It wasn’t just Amsterdam that was making me feel relaxed; I’d never felt so at ease, or so able to just be myself, as I did with Natalie.

We skipped lunch, but around five-thirty that afternoon both of us had worked up appetites, and we found ourselves in a very laid back restaurant that was all dark walls, purple cushions, a ceiling filled with hand-painted stars and an ambient soundtrack. The food was Mediterranean; vegetarian and incredibly good, and we ordered various small dishes and ate well, sitting against each other in a small booth and sharing our food. A constantly smiling waitress with blonde dreadlocks and around a million bracelets bought us a couple of beers which we drank straight from the bottle. Natalie drank deeply and then turned and kissed me, and for the next half hour we whispered and giggled in each other’s ear and relaxed to the music. I started to yawn, a combination of my previous late night and total satisfaction, but before I could close my eyes Nat had taken me by the hand and pulled me to my feet. We settled the check and emerged into an early evening that was bathed in orange fire from a rapidly cooling sun. After a brief discussion we caught a tram back in the direction of the Jordann and our hotel, standing near the back of the carriage as it rattled through the center of the city. Natalie leant with her back against me as I watched the buildings and people pass us by. I thought of home for a brief minute, of my friends, of the safe, slightly dull life that I had there, and I wondered how I could ever go back to it after the time I’d spent with her. Could it be possible that my life would never get any better than it was at this minute, or was today the first step for me into the unknown, into a world where the next opportunity was just around the corner and Natalie was always by my side? I lowered my face to her hair, closed my eyes and tried to divert my thoughts, afraid of the answer.

**********

The warm water beat against the back of my neck, I could feel where the sun had caught me during the day, and it ran between my shoulders and competed for attention with the fingers that stroked my skin. In return I smoothed my soapy hands down Natalie’s back and over her butt, my palms pulling her wet body against mine, and the shower worked across us as we kissed beneath a sheen of spray.

We’d returned to the room and almost immediately destroyed the bed that had been neatly prepared in our absence, throwing ourselves across it as we tore our clothes off and made love. After we’d both calmed down we moved to the shower, washing each other with slow movements, rubbing lather into our slippery skins and holding each other tightly. Even then our lust wasn’t fully satisfied, and it was only a matter of moments before I licked my way down Natalie’s throat to her small breasts and took her erect nipple between my teeth, teasing it as I rubbed a soap-slicked hand through her wet pubic hair and slid a finger inside her. In return she took my once-more erect penis in her hand and pulled at me with increasing speed, my fingers matching her own as she rubbed me against her flat stomach, and we moaned against each other as we came almost simultaneously.

Now we just held each other under the comforting spray, tired and virtually holding each other up, until the water finally started to run cool and we stepped regretfully out of the shower and dried ourselves on the huge, soft white towels that were provided. Back in the bedroom I sprawled out across the bed and propped myself up on pillows while Natalie dialed in a radio station on the discreet and expensive stereo and then sat at the dressing table, the towel wrapped around her like a short, tight dress. I watched as she ran a comb through her damp hair, and then rubbed moisturizer into her cheeks and forehead in tiny circles. She frowned and leant into the mirror, examining her eyes, and it was only then that she noticed me watching her. She gave me a bemused look with her reflection.

‘What are you looking at?’ she said, smiling.

‘You.’

‘I don’t know why. Look at the dark circles under my eyes.’ She frowned again and looked back at herself. ‘I look totally-’

‘You look totally gorgeous,’ I said, my interruption causing her smile to return.

‘You’re biased.’

‘That’s true,’ I replied, stretching myself out on the bed with a groan of satisfaction, ‘but it’s a simple fact that to me you’re always beautiful.’

The tones of the Dutch dee-jay changed to the opening bars of an old Beatles tune as Natalie turned on the stool and looked directly at me. Her hands were folded in her lap and her breasts formed a small cleavage above the hem of the towel. A lone lock of hair fell across her forehead and she didn’t brush it away as she spoke.

‘If I ask you something, will you answer honestly?’ Her voice was soft, echoing the look in her eyes, and I nodded. ‘You do want to be with me, don’t you?’

‘Is this a trick question?’

‘No. Rich, I’m being serious.’ She rose from the stool quickly and crossed over to the bed, and I pulled myself upright, able to see from the look on her face that she meant exactly what she’d just said. She sat next to me and took my hands and held them tightly, looked at me with those dark eyes that sometimes gave everything away and sometimes told me nothing.

‘I can’t believe you’d even ask me that,’ I said. ‘You know-’

She shushed me with a finger against my lips, then ran her hand across my jawline and held my face in her palm. ‘It worries me that you’ve just dropped everything and done exactly what I’ve wanted to. I think that maybe it was unfair of me to turn up out of the blue, to ask you to come away with me.’ Her chin dropped and her eyes left mine as she spoke.

‘I asked you to stay with me, remember?’

‘I know, I know, and I could have. I could have found a way. But I didn’t.’

‘You couldn’t. There was no way, not with everything you’ve got going on at the moment, the demands that people put on you.’ I paused and lifted her face to mine, and felt a stab of pain in my heart when I saw the first forming of a tear in her eye. ‘I knew that as soon as I asked you.’

She swallowed hard. ‘But when I asked you, you just changed your life for me.’

I sat up, tossed the wet towel away from my lap to the floor, and drew her to me. I brushed the damp hair from her face and wiped the tear that had started to slide down her cheek. ‘Listen to me, everything I’m about to say is serious,’ I whispered. ‘My life changed after that night we spent together out in the desert. It made me realize a lot about myself, about what I was doing.’

‘Do you regret it?’

‘No. Never. Being with you that night was just perfect, I couldn’t have asked for anything more. The only thing I regret was not being with you when we got back to Los Angeles. But as you said this morning, maybe the time just wasn’t right. I went back home and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss you, of course I did. There wasn’t a day went by when I didn’t think about you, or wish that I could see you again. And then one afternoon, that wish came true.’

Now when I looked at her there were more tears, but a small smile had also joined them.

‘Nat, I stood at the window last night and watched you sleep, and thought about what we’d done these past few days, and I was happy. Truly happy, for the first time in a long while. I might have left a life behind me, but it was a life that wasn’t really making me satisfied. Not like when I’m with you, I feel as if I can do anything, that nothing is beyond me. There’s nowhere else on Earth that I’d rather be at this moment, and you ask me if I want to be with you?’ I had to stop for a moment, putting my own rising emotion in check before I continued. ‘The truth is, I can’t imagine being without you.’

‘Do you mean that?’

‘You know I do,’ I replied, and she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly, her breath sweet against my neck and her skin hot where it pressed against my own. I held her tightly and lost myself in the darkness of her hair, smelt the soap on her skin, and closed my eyes while her heartbeat thudded against my chest.

‘I’m supposed to be the neurotic one in this relationship,’ I muttered. ‘It should be me asking you these things.’

She giggled, and it was like music to my ears. I hated to see her upset, and I’d have done anything to make her feel better again. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered.

‘Don’t be.’ I pulled back and looked into her eyes, now regaining some of their regular shine. ‘Just remember that-’ I stopped, my voice drying in my throat before I said what I wanted to. Now it was my turn to look away, and I focused on the golden sunset that was distant through the window.

Natalie squeezed my forearm. ‘Remember what?’ she breathed.

I turned my gaze back to her, and knew instantly that what I was about to say was right, and that I had nothing to be afraid of. There had been times in the past when I’d been afraid to show my deepest emotions, afraid to fully expose myself to someone, but this wasn’t to be one of them. As I’d said to Natalie just moments earlier, she made me feel as if I could do anything. I took a deep breath.

‘Just remember that I’m in love with you.’

We looked at each other again for a moment, and then were hugging, kissing, holding each other tightly. The radio continued to hum away quietly in the background, the warm air in the room quickly dried our skin, and the shadows lengthened across the floor as the sun finally dipped below the horizon and was replaced by a clear night sky that weaved it’s way through the city.

**********

We’d intended on seeing the town that night, but in the end we never even made it out of the room. I think it was only after we were in each other’s arms that we realized just how tired we both were. The last few days had been busy and exciting, our lust for each other the night before had ensured we’d had little sleep, and the conversation that had culminated in my confession of love after our long day had both left us exhausted. I called down to room service and asked for a good bottle of wine, and minutes later there was a sharp rap at the door and Natalie hid her nakedness under the covers while I accepted the tray from the same porter who had helped us the day before.

We drank from delicate glasses and lay against each other and talked quietly, and it wasn’t long before I looked down and started to see Natalie’s eyes drooping heavily with sleep. I took the glass from her hand and placed it on the bedside table, and wrapped one arm around her while I lay propped on the pillow and watched the first spots of rain hit the window. Nat curled against me, her head against my chest, her breath steady against my skin. The room was virtually in blackness, illuminated only by the two candles that I’d lit earlier and by ambient light that crept through the beaded glass. I finished my wine and listened to the far-off sounds of Amsterdam in the distance, and then found the remote and snapped on the TV, kept the volume off and worked through the channels. Gameshow, news, sport. I kept going until I landed on a station showing a scratched print of Taxi Driver. I watched in silence while DeNiro mooched around his apartment and enquired if anyone was talking to him, but after a few minutes I not only heard anything, but never really saw anything either. My mind was on the girl that I held in my arms.

Regardless of the relationship you have, once you tell someone that you love them things change automatically. You’re offering up the strongest declaration of feeling that can be given, and it’s not something to be done lightly. It’s more than just words, it’s stripping bare everything that you are and letting someone see right to the core of your soul, it’s asking someone to accept you for everything that you are, good and bad. It was something that I’d only done to two other people in my life, and even then the first time had been a mistake, teenage hormones and enthusiasm substituting themselves for the real thing. Now I was old enough to realize what love was. Did I love Natalie? Deeply and honestly. The sound of her voice, the way she walked, even the way she breathed filled me with a satisfaction and happiness that I couldn’t ever recall feeling as strongly before.

She said that I’d changed my life for her, and that was true. Virtually everything that I’d done in the last year had been because of or influenced by her in some way. My return from Los Angeles and the forgotten dreams of becoming an actor. The way I’d kept a low profile in my small town and rarely gone out, preferring to stay home nights with the stereo on and book propped open on my lap. Working as a journalist on my town paper. All of these things had never been part of my plan, and while I didn’t resent the life that I’d made, most of the decisions had arisen after the long, almost dreamlike night that I’d spent with Natalie at the ramshackled motel in the desert. And now, here I was on the other side of the world, my home far away, my job already a distant memory, and no plans for the future beyond what the next morning would bring.

And I loved it. I loved the feeling of freedom, of not knowing what was next on my agenda. I’d told Natalie that she made me feel as if I could do anything, and that was true. That day we’d finally met each other again, a day that a part of me always knew would come, had released me. New York and Amsterdam were a new beginning. Had I changed my life for her? Of course I had, but that was what you did when you fell in love with someone. Life was love, and at the moment both were as good as I’d ever had.