The Other Half Ch. 23

Two weeks later...

To my darling son's mate...

Where do I start? Yes, I'm sure I could start with overcoming the fear of the fire or the pain, but perhaps I should go further back than that and begin with trust. You see, that's what the ritual all comes down to, in the end. Do you trust Micipsa enough not to harm you? As much as I'd like to help you with all things, this is something that only you can answer my daughter.

If he is anything like my impetuous mate, Messina, then there is a good chance that he's whisked you off somewhere within a short time of your meeting. I fear it is a character flaw of the Zakharas to be so. I also believe it to be one of their most endearing traits. For the Ifrit, recognizing the mating bond and acting on it is as natural to them as breathing. It is merely another aspect of their lives and one in which they trust not to lead them astray. Micipsa would never second-guess his bond with you, my daughter, the way a human questions almost everything that occurs. For us, to question is to learn and grow and yet, for an Ifrit, to question this would mean the same as questioning each beat of his heart. This is the level of trust that he has in you; it is the same that you must find in him.

Kris looked up from the letter at the man mentioned within and couldn't help but smile. They were on the lanai lounging by the pool -- he at one end of the chaise with his laptop on a little rolling tray while she sat at the other with her feet in his lap. At his insistence, of course. Occasionally, Michael would reach over and absently stroke her leg or wrap his strong fingers around her foot and gently massage it. She wasn't even certain he was aware he was doing so; it was like he simply couldn't be that close to her and not touch her.

"Michael?"

"Yes, mea vita?" Immediately, his attention was pulled from whatever he was working on to concentrate on her entirely and he wheeled the little tray aside. She had to admit it was more than flattering.

"If I agree to the ritual, what happens afterwards?"

"What do you mean, Kristiana?" She could hear the hope that he tried so hard to smother and it tore at her heart that she couldn't agree to the ritual just yet.

"I mean...well, in stories, that would be our 'happily ever after' moment, I suppose, but...what then? Would we stay here or go back to the mainland? Would I go to work? Would you want to try for children immediately or wait or do you want children at all?"

"The easy answer, mea vita, is whatever makes you happy." He pushed the tray further away and pulled her onto his lap to hold her close. Nuzzling her head with his cheek, he placed a gentle kiss atop it before replying. "The harder answer, of course, is close to the same thing with a dose of 'it depends'. I like my home here, Kristiana. I am welcomed but not feared and I am close to my element. I have a job I love; even after sixty years it is still a challenge and one I look forward to daily. However...that would all mean nothing if you, my beloved mate, were miserable while here.

"Other than your sister, do you have so many ties to the mainland that you would be unhappy here with me? I would be pleased to see you attend university, if that is your desire, or help you find a position where you will be happy. As for children...I have sired children in my past before the pain of losing them grew too much to bear. It would bring much joy to my heart to sire a child with you."

"You've had kids?" Kris couldn't help her surprise or the faint, unreasonable pain that came with his announcement. He was over two thousand years old; of course he's had kids. So why did it bother her?

"Hmmm..." He murmured noncommittally as he kissed her head once more. "When my parents completed their mating ritual, they agreed to rule of Numidia for Rome. Father knew that he would have to appear to age, die, then leave the throne to his son but he didn't want to trap me here. I was still young even for a human, and most of my kind get restless during their youth, especially if they're born a good distance from the primordial flames. He adopted two others as his children, sons of some of his human generals during the war, so that he could divide the nation between the three of us. The hope was that, should I feel the need to roam the world in search of a closer bond with my element, Numidia wouldn't be left without a ruler.

"What none of us could anticipate was that I would fall in love with my nation and, though I felt the pull of the fire, I kept my attentions on maintaining the peace. Sometimes that peace was hard won on the battlefield but we kept our nation together and celebrated our victories in style. It was during one of these celebrations that I met a beautiful lady with eyes the color of sky."

"A Roman?" Kris struggled with her jealousy even while she knew it was unfair.

"Only half. Her mother was Numidian." His arms tightened around her for a moment as he gazed unseeing over her head. "She was, I suppose, my first love. Her father was a general who'd fought with mine during the final days of the war with Carthage. She grew up knowing what we were so didn't fear us like many others might have. After we were of an age, it was her father's dying wish that we would ensure that she marry well so that she was taken care of. It seemed a logical step to carry out our pledge by wedding her myself. I loved her but knew she wasn't my mate. In my youth and arrogance, I thought I could easily handle losing her once she'd gotten old. I never even thought of siring children."

Kris shifted in his lap and placed soothing kisses along his neck. She vaguely remembered him telling her that djinn could sire children with other races but hadn't really made the connection that he might have done so. It made her wonder about their current situation. She hadn't been in a relationship in many months and wasn't actively using birth control. Was there a possibility that she might be pregnant? If she was, how would the ritual affect any child she might have?

"I hadn't even reached my half-century mark and already I had a kingdom to rule, a wife to support, and two beautiful boys to raise. They were a joy to hold in my arms and watch them grow; however, our lives were also struck with tragedy. My Valeria had carried four children during her lifetime. Two didn't survive long enough to even learn to crawl. The pain of losing them...was almost more than I could handle. The thought that I would lose my remaining sons...."

For all his strength, my son has known such tragedy in his life as to nearly break him. He's lost so many of those he's loved to the ravages of time, illness, and war. He's held his dying wife in his arms, buried his children, and watched friends flee from him in terror after they learned what he truly was. Through all this loss, only one thing remained firmly affixed in his heart and mind: all would be worth it if only he could find his mate.

Kris soothingly ran her fingers through the hair at the base of his head and along the tense muscles of his neck. She could feel the pain, undimmed by the passage of so many centuries, rolling off him and it tore at her heart. He was hers, her mate, and she wished to see only happiness in his life.

"I'm sorry, beloved mate. I wish I could help." Michael tilted her face to his and kissed her long, slow, and deep.

"You do, mea vita, just by being here. Finding you has been all I could ever want or need." They stayed quiet for a while, simply holding each other, while the pain of two millennia finally began to heal. "Once Valeria had passed, I knew it was time to leave Numidia before questions were asked I could not answer. My children were human and I was sure I couldn't bear to watch them, too, fade away. So, I rode off to war one final time...and never returned. I was tempted, though. Oh, how I was tempted to return years later as a relative, just to see my children one more time, but knew I could never do so without revealing myself. They were fine men and good rulers. I was always proud of them."

"Oh, Michael, I'm sure they were. You are a wonderful man. How could they be anything less?" Kris felt the tears roll down her cheeks at the depth of her mate's pain. Had he kept this pain in all this time? She was afraid to ask. "Were they your only children, beloved?"

"Yes. I knew I couldn't do that again, go through that pain of walking away from my children. I couldn't bear to look my children in the eyes and know that...that there would come a time when I would have to leave, never to see them again. I wandered the world but could find little happiness in what I saw. I made friends only to lose them to age or disease or war. I had lovers but the few I let see what I was fled from me in terror. Times had changed until those creatures, creatures like me, that once roamed the world as equals to humans had been demonized. Where once we were simply different, now we were evil. Where once we were worshiped, now we were feared. I retreated then. Though the pull of the flames was no longer as strong as it was in my youth, I gave in and allowed the cleansing fire of Mount Fuji soothe my anger and grief. But always I held onto the belief that I would soon meet my mate."

We nearly lost Micipsa to the lure of the flame during this difficult time. He'd retreated to a volcano on a small chain of islands in the east and refused to leave. After too many centuries had passed, Messina had decided enough was enough and went to fetch our son from his misery. They would never tell me what happened, however, the earth shook and the mountain erupted before my boy returned home. He was a changed man, though. While he still held out hope, no longer did he speak of finding his mate. It was as if the loss of his family had robbed him of the one thing that kept him going.

This is the depth of love of which my Micipsa is capable. For you, my daughter, his love will be infinitely greater: boundless, endless, and unshakable. He will be able to look in your eyes and find happiness once more. He will see you and imagine you growing large with his children. In short, my daughter, you will teach him to live again. This is the burden of being an Ifrit's mate as well as the joy. Never doubt that you hold his heart completely and irrevocably so guard it closely. If you were but to ask, he would give you the world to make you happy...even if it meant giving up his very life.

"So many years looking, Michael." Kris whispered softly against his warm neck. She wondered if she would have been nearly as strong and doubted it. The strength of his belief in the mating bond amazed her even as it warmed her heart. "How did you know for certain that it would happen; that you would finally find your mate?"

"I had only to look to my parents, mea vita. Father was one of the First. He'd been searching for his mate since the earth cooled and the first creatures walked the lands. In comparison, my Kristiana, I have hardly spent any time at all."

"And...and what happens if I just can't?" Kris' voice shook slightly. She didn't want to hurt her mate, didn't want to disappoint him in any way but she needed to know.

"Then we continue as we are now, mea vita." Michael cupped her cheek and eased her eyes to his so she could see the love and sincerity in his face as well as hear it in his words. "I cannot deny that I would pray daily that you would change your mind but never would I force you or resent you for your decision. It is not in me to hurt you in any way, Kristiana."

"It terrifies me, Michael." Pale green eyes filled with tears. "Even as I want it, and I do want to say yes so badly, I also want to run from it and hide. I can't get past that, love. No matter what I try, I can't. I'm sorry."

Always remember, my daughter, that we are Ifrit. If you are human, as I suspect you may well be, a year for you is but a blink of an eye for us. Do not struggle over your decision but let it come naturally to you. Do not fear that you are taking too long for never will you make a more life-altering one than this one. Micipsa will understand this and wait for you even if he has to wait until the end of your days. Patience may not always be what my son has shown you, for he is as hot-headed and impulsive as any of our kind, but he will show extreme patience in this. Perhaps more so than you. Draw your strength from him if you need to but never fear you shall push him away with your indecision.

With all my love, Metucosa

Michael shifted her more firmly in his grasp before standing and carrying her into the house. Once they reached their bedroom, he carefully peeled her clothing away and tucked her into their bed before denuding himself and joining her there. Gently, he gathered her into his arms and dried the tears that covered her cheeks.

"Oh, Kristiana, please don't do this to yourself, mea vita. We have been here but two weeks; no one is expecting you to have made up your mind so soon."

"It just doesn't seem fair to you, Michael." She tried to stop her tears but they stubbornly continued their journeys to drip onto the warm skin of her mate. "You've waited so long and now, here I am keeping you waiting even longer."

"Gods, Kristiana, my wait ended the day I found you. Yes, I want us to be fully mated so that I know you will be with me for centuries but I am ecstatic to have found you in such a relatively short time. To have you here, wrapped in my arms, is a gift beyond belief." Michael pulled her face from where it hid against his neck and nudged under her chin so he could look into her tear-filled eyes. "Listen well, mea vita, for I would not lie to you. You do not wound me by ensuring you are ready for the ritual but honor me instead. I don't want someone who would so quickly bend to my will that they ignore the warnings of their own mind. When you are ready, and yes I believe that someday you will be, then I would be doubly honored for I will know you have conquered your fears and come out the stronger for it."

"Oh, Michael." Kris breathed his name at the sincerity, faith, and love she saw in his eyes. He not only believed her, he believed in her. With a shaky smile, she scooted closer to his warmth and gently kissed him. "Thank you, love."

"Kristiana, seeing your smile is all the thanks I need."

They lay in bed for most of the afternoon, sometimes talking quietly, sometimes simply holding each other. Walter had gone to the lanai to announce lunch but, seeing the laptop carelessly pushed to the side, realized that his Lord and Lady must have left abruptly. Closing the computer, he moved the cart back to its place, placed the machine in the office, and returned to the kitchen to set lunch into some containers in the refrigerator. If they'd left as quickly as he thought, it would not behoove him to interrupt the couple. He knew his former employee was having a hard time with the requirements of the mating ritual and hoped, for his Lord's sake, that she would be able to overcome her fears. He spoke to his own mate as they ate their lunch and each debated the pros and cons of cornering the human and speaking to her about the ritual. Though both wished to help, they reluctantly agreed to provide their opinions only if asked. Afterwards, he and Jenna opted for giving the couple some privacy and walked the estate's fenced perimeter to check on the needed repairs.

xxxxxx

Beloved daughter of my heart,

By this time, you are probably feeling guilty for not yet giving an answer to my dear Micipsa. Do not be so hard on yourself. If you fear you are pushing him away, then use the mating bond to feel his emotions and see that what I say is true. If you look inside yourself, at that place where you can feel him best deep in your heart, you will be able to tap into his emotions. Perhaps you already have in some ways without even realizing it. Have you been upset and the merest touch of your mate calmed you? Have you known fear or pain or sorrow and, with just a kiss, felt your heart calm and your soul find peace? It would be like my son to do this for you during times of high stress by sending his emotions to you but you may also use this link to detect his should you feel the need for reassurance. Once you have it, then accept it and stop second-guessing everything. You are the mate of an Ifrit; you are stronger than this!

The ritual isn't without pain, as I'm sure Micipsa has explained, but it can also be minimized though careful planning and the generosity of your friends and family. Like a human wedding, this is a celebration and you should surround yourself with loved ones. I'm sure my son's Guardian will be quite prepared to take a large portion of the pain of the rebirth from you, but try to gather as many as you can to ease his burden as well.

"Hey, Mr. A? Could I talk to you for a bit?" Kris had been wandering the grounds rather aimlessly after reading another of Metucosa's letters. Upon spying the portly man she still in some ways considered her boss, she made her way over to where he was sweeping the front stoop.

"Of course, my lady, and please call me Walter. I'm no longer your boss."

"Oh god, don't call me that, Mr. And...Walter." She flushed slightly at the honorific while he put the broom aside to grin down at her. "It's not easy, you know. You've been my boss for a couple of years and you, of all people, know how stubborn I can be. Old habits die hard and all that."

"Me? Think of you as stubborn?" Walter's overly innocent act had Kris giggling softly and rolling her eyes at his silliness. "Perish the thought! Seriously, however, it is...a necessary thing, a needed thing for me to address you properly. You are the mate of my Lord. I could call you no less." His final words struck her as all the more serious after the levity that came before.

"All right. I suppose I understand that but it may take me some time to get used to the change." She smiled ruefully. "Stubborn, remember?"

"Don't I know it!" He chuckled. "Of course, if it became clear that my duty was to chew you up and spit you out in order to make you see sense, well, I am but a slave to my duty."

"Oh. Happy." Kris drawled sarcastically. "I'm oh-so-thrilled to hear that, I'm sure. Anyway, I was hoping to talk to you about the ritual, if you don't mind."

"Of course, my lady. Would you like to come into the kitchen, though? I could use some water and you probably could as well. You've been walking out here for some time."

"You've been watching me?" Kris asked in shock as they moved into the coolness of the house. Walter pushed her gently towards a chair while he washed his hands and poured their drinks.

"But of course, my lady. My Lord is away and I have been entrusted with your care. Either myself or Jenna has been with you all morning."

"I didn't see either of you."

"Jenna has been enjoying the grounds in her wolf form. She has remained within sight and scent range of you, however, when I had duties here in the house."

"Oh." Kris was uncertain just how she felt about having a constant shadow but pushed that aside for now. "Michael said he'd spoken to you about the ritual. He said that...well, that you had offered to take on a large portion of the pain."

"That's right."

"And what he doesn't take on, it would be my honor to bear." Jenna had quietly snuck into the room and now moved to the counter where Walter had left her a glass of iced water. She slipped into the seat beside Walter and nuzzled his neck lovingly.

"Jenna? But...but why?"

"I am a wolf without a pack, Kris. Oh, Keith hasn't removed me from the Leroux pack and never would consider it but that doesn't feel like my pack any more. He no longer feels like my Alpha; Mr. Zakhara does." The Shifter looked up at Kris with eyes that looked more lupine than human. "And you, Kris, are my Madame. I felt the shift of the Alpha bond begin at the hotel but it's grown more obvious to my wolf since we've been here. It would be my honor to be of such service to the Alpha Female."