tagHumor & SatireThe Perfect Porn

The Perfect Porn

byGratefulFred©

Captain Billy and crew had returned to port with a 300 lb swordfish harvest. After removing the empty tubes of anal lube, they netted around 20 ounces of edible sellable product. Not quite enough to buy a decent beer but the piss flavored draft would hit the spot as good as any.

In the local watering hole in Gloucester, the talk revolved around getting laid and getting fish or to some the two together took on special meaning. It was after midnight when Billy and his buddy Bobby started talking about their favorite subject - mermaids.

"Like I tell you Billy, them mermaids must be giving oral cause they ain't got no way to spread their legs.

Billy considered that thought for a moment as the taste of piss beer swirled in his mouth. "Of course the whole mermaid tail may turn into some large pussy big enough to fuck and suck at the same time".

Bobby liked that version better and the two toasted to mermaids. Captain Billy slipped Bobby something from his coat. The cover of the stack of papers Captain Billy put on the bar some two pages thick read...

Mermaidsgonewild
Business Opportunity

Bobby looked at the second page, which was empty and saw his friend break out a sly grin. "You old hound dog! I get your plan now. We go film ourselves having sex with mermaids and put it up online. People pay us bucks to watch videos of us fucking."

"Not only will they pay us to see us fucking mermaids but do you have any idea how fucking famous our cocks will be? We will make the perfect porn. I tried by the way to get the "dot-com" name but some foreigners snagged it." Captain Billy responded as Bobby smiled on in awe.

The next day they decided to head out of port with video cameras in hand. They noticed that a lot of the businesses were boarding up their shops for some reason. A few people started talking about some Nor'easter but that usually came around Passover time. A conversation about Hurricanes also was overheard, which seemed kind of strange considering they didn't even make a bowl game this year.

Shortly after Captain Billy and his buddy Bobby went out a meteorologist was studying the disturbing weather pattern. "Take a look at this people. Here's Hurricane Grace being pushed back against the in coming Nor'easter that in and of itself looks like it is going to form itself into a hurricane. Do you know what the impact of two hurricanes side by side means?"

His female assistant had a look of dread on her face as she thought of the impact of back- to-back hurricanes on the local area.

"That means we finally have two ocean tits with the hurricane's eyes as nipples. Doesn't that make you horny people?" the meteorologist said as everyone poured out of the room.

Meanwhile 5 minutes off shore the waves started picking up. Bobby had some concern. "Billy, it's getting kind of rough. Maybe we should go out another day."

Captain Billy brought Bobby to check out some ship documents. "So long as someone else got that dot-com name we best make haste. Besides this vessel is made to withstand winds up to 20 Kilometers/Hour. That's some kick ass European standard."

"I get what you are saying. So long as we don't convert over to that metric system we are ok", Bobby responded feeling better.

"Now let's go find some mermaids" Captain Billy responded as they moved farther into deeper ocean water.

Several days of good weather soon passed and they were still on the prowl for mermaids. They each did some still shots of their cocks and tried to think of names to give their significant member. A fax transmittal showed two pairs of breasts and they figured it was some prank done in rather good taste.

Around morning the waves started picking up again. Some 30-foot high waves were battering the ship. It took all their resources to keep the video cameras dry. After hours of this abuse they made it into a clearing.

They looked around and saw a few splashes and than they saw what they came looking for -- mermaids! They pulled out their cameras and wondered why the sky was getting dark behind them. Turning they noticed a 100 foot wave.

Needless to say the ship was thrown upside down and started sinking. Captain Billy and Bobby were now holding on to what little oxygen remained.

"Come on Billy. Let's swim to the surface." Bobby mentioned as Billy said he wanted to grab a few beers from the fridge first.

Bobby made it to the surface and saw the awesome display of nature. Nature's fury was upon him and he was about to meet his maker and he wondered, "What was taking Billy so long?"

Suddenly he felt his pants yanked off and a mouth suck on his cock. He felt another mermaid from behind rubbing her tits against his back and as her legs went over his face his mouth ran up to her tail and he tasted a large pussy. He rode the waves as even a third mermaid jumped into the action. Finally he ejaculated and it felt great. He now looked at four mermaids and they had a disappointed look on their face as they felt his soft penis. They looked over at another mermaid who had a video camera and she gave a salute. The mermaids split as Bobby looked up in fear as that 100-foot wave was coming around.

Before Bobby goes down he does notice from the corner of his eye Jeff Spicoli with a joint in his mouth surf right by him. "Awesome! Totally Awesome!"

The End

Report Story

byGratefulFred© 2 comments/ 17931 views/ 1 favorites

Share the love

Similar stories

Tags For This Story

Report a Bug

1 Pages:1

Please Rate This Submission:

Please Rate This Submission:

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Please wait
Recent
Comments
by Anonymous

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.

There are no recent comments (2 older comments) - Click here to add a comment to this story or Show more comments or Read All User Comments (2)

Add a
Comment

Post a public comment on this submission (click here to send private anonymous feedback to the author instead).

Post comment as (click to select):

You may also listen to a recording of the characters.

Preview comment

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar:

   Cancel