The Secret Life of Wally Smitty

"Are you ready, Mr. Smith?" said the Dumbass. "Get ready, Mr. Smith. . ."

* * * *

"It's ready, Mr. Smith." The man shaking his shoulder was fully dressed.

Wally let out a startled yell as he jumped up and lurched forward, stopping before he hit the pole. It wasn't there. "GET AWAY FROM ME BEFORE I KILL YOU!"

"Didn't mean to scare you, Mr. Smith. Your car's ready."

Wally looked over at the blonde, who looked a little scared. He smiled sheepishly at her.

"Thank you," he said to her as he took the keys and headed for the door. She looked thoroughly confused.

In light of the huge embarrassment he had just endured, Wally got the hell out of there fast. He arrived at the beauty salon just minutes after he got the car back. Walking through the door, he desperately hoped that Tiffany was done. Apparently, she was the last customer of the day. She was in the chair, but it didn't look like she'd been there long. As a matter of fact, he couldn't see any difference at all.

"Hey, Wally," said Tiffany. He hated it when she did the "Leave It To Beaver" thing. "You got here just in time."

"You just started?" he asked.

"Aw, poor baby," she said. "It won't take long, I promise. Besides, you can tell her how you want it."

She was smiling at him as he tried to hide his obvious disappointment. With an ornery look on her face, she made eye contact with him, then looked at her lap. Following her eyes, his disappointment was slaked a bit when he realized how awesome she was. She was giving him another panty shot. But there were no panties, and the look of surprise on his face was immediate. She giggled and closed her legs.

* * * *

"Maybe Wally's not the only one in here who wants to see your pretty little pussy," said Cheryl, Tiffany's hairdresser.

Looking shocked at first, Tiffany smiled at Wally. Then she opened her legs. Cheryl reached down and gave the fully exposed vagina a few strokes before licking her fingers and looking at Wally.

"Mmm," she said. "Your wife's pussy is delicious. Don't you think?"

Still in shock, Wally nodded. Cheryl finally began to cut Tiffany's hair, but it didn't last long. As Cheryl leaned in to cut some hair on the back (cutting the back from the front?), her breasts were tauntingly close to Tiffany's face. Tiffany reached up and pulled down the halter top, exposing Cheryl's small breasts. Giving Wally a wink, she took one of the little cuties into her mouth and began sucking. Cheryl gasped, grabbed the back of Tiffany's head, and looked at Wally.

"Maybe I'll just keep her," she teased. "Just kidding. I think I want both of you. Has she ever done this before?" Wally shook his head.

"Yes I have," said Tiffany. "I just didn't tell you." She resumed her suckling.

The haircut was forgotten. Cheryl pulled her away from her breast and started kissing her. Their hands were running frantically over each other's bodies as they made out in earnest. Tiffany started at Cheryl's breasts before making her way to her pussy. Cheryl, who was also in a miniskirt, spread her legs to allow better access, while her own hand was stroking Tiffany's clit.

Cheryl then moved down to suck on Tiffany's nipples while each woman remained fixated on the other's dripping snatch. Kissing her way down Tiffany's belly, Cheryl finally pulled out of reach as she moved ever closer to her prize. Tiffany was alternating her time between watching Cheryl's progress and looking at Wally with a sensual smile. Cheryl finally reached her destination, and moving back around to the front, knelt down to devour Tiffany with abandon. Like most men, Wally had always had a fixation on Sapphic porn. But to watch his wife engage in it as a willing participant was almost too much for the poor man to handle. Without even a hint of a jealous feeling, his wife's actions made the scene unfolding in front of him the most incredible thing he had ever been a part of. He looked at Tiffany.

"Are you having fun, Wally?" she asked.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied.

"Mmm. . .not as much as I am," she said.

From his point of view, Wally had just enough of an angle on the scene to barely make out what Cheryl was doing down there. He watched as her tongue came into view and seemed to disappear into the succulent folds of his wife's pussy. Tiffany, on the other hand, had grabbed Cheryl's head and looked like she was trying to stuff her into her pussy. Cheryl didn't seem to mind. As her orgasm quickly approached, Tiffany looked directly at Wally.

"Come over here and help our new friend, Wally," she purred. "Come on, Wally; you know you want to. Come on, Wally. Wally. . ."

* * * *

"Wally. Come on," said Tiffany. She was fully clothed, as was the hairdresser. "I'm going home now. Are you coming with me?"

Cheryl giggled. Wait. Is that really her name?

"Sorry, dear," he said, as he followed her out the door. He waited until they got to the car. Following her around the car to unlock her door, he finally asked. "Hey, what's her name?"

"Why? Are you going to ask her out?" she teased.

"Yeah. Actually, I'm kinda shy. Would you go ask her if she likes me?" he asked, going along with it. He walked around to his side and got in.

"Her name is Heather, dear. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious," he replied. "I just wanted to know who helped make you so beautiful."

"Aw, you're so sweet. Or are you just trying to get in my pants?"

"Both."

She giggled, then rested her head on his shoulder and put her hand on his thigh. "Are you happy?" she asked.

"Well, not yet," he teased, putting his hand on hers and moving it higher, "but I think pure bliss is just up the road a bit." She jerked her hand away and slapped his arm.

"I'm serious, Wally. Do I make you happy? Or are you just in it for the sex?"

"Of course I'm happy with you," he began. "I mean, the sex is GREAT! But I'd venture to say that I'm both the happiest and the luckiest son of a bitch in the world," he finished, pulling into the driveway. Getting out of the car, she rushed around to his side, kissed him and told him she loved him. They walked hand in hand into the house.

She led him to the couch and gestured for him to sit down. Straddling him, she removed her shirt, waited for him to undo his pants, and sat down. His prick slipped in easily as they made out in earnest. Still kissing, she rocked her hips back and forth, grinding into him while he struggled not to cum too soon. He grabbed her ass and began pulling and pushing her in the same rhythm she had established. Lucky for him, she increased the tempo and began whimpering as her orgasm approached. Making out through the entire, although very quick lovemaking session, she came just before he did, moaning into his mouth which sent him over the edge. As they slowed their grinding to a halt, they shared one last kiss.

"Feel better now?" she asked, still breathing hard.

"Much better," he replied. "That was awesome!"

"I'm glad you liked it," she giggled. Their position remained unchanged. "And just for your general information, Wally, I'm the luckiest bitch in the world." The laughed together and hugged. "Penny for your thouhgts?"

"I'm thinking 'if this is a dream, I hope I never wake up'."

"I know, right?" she replied. "Whatever you do, Wally, don't wake up. Don't ever wake up."

* * * *

"WALLY! WAKE UP!" yelled his wife Leah. While he'd always had trouble distinguishing reality from his daydreams, Wally was always goddamn sure when he woke up from a real dream. One could say that Leah was standing in front of the TV, but Wally saw it more as "blocking the whole fucking thing." What show was on? He had no idea. "Are you up now?"

Not a chance in hell!

"Yeah, I'm awake," he replied grumpily. He looked around the shitty little apartment he had shared with this enormous waste of expanding flesh for the past five years. As depressing as his reality was, it was no wonder that he had a constant need to escape to his overactive imagination. Otherwise he'd go crazy.

"It's time to buy groceries and I need to go to Wal-Marts," she said. God he hated this woman! It's Wal-Mart! Wal-MarT! There's not a fucking S on the end of it you illiterate fuck!

"Is there some reason I had to be awake to watch you waddle out the door?" he asked.

"You're going with me," she replied. "I can't do it all, you know. And watch your mouth. Honestly Wally, I don't know why I put up with you."

"I'm not going anywhere; I've been working all day. Actually, I was having a pretty good dream before you opened your mouth."

"Aw, did you dream you made enough money to support us?"

"We would have enough money if you didn't blow every dime on a bunch of shit we don't need. Or, better yet, get a job!"

"Someone has to keep this house in order, Wally. I already have a full time job."

He looked around the house. The living room was cluttered with magazines, trash and what looked like 3 days worth of sitting in front of the TV while eating all day; through the kitchen door he could see the dirty dishes still piled up from the last time she actually cooked supper (three days ago); and the house stunk. He tried and failed to remember a time when it didn't.

"Yeah, I can see you've been working your ass off."

"IF YOU WOULD HELP ME EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE THE HOUSE WOULDN'T LOOK THIS BAD! I GET BORED WHILE YOU'RE GONE ALL DAY, WALLY AND YOU DON'T CARE!" she yelled. Wally knew this piss ignorant rampage was going to go on and on and on. Her favorite thing to do was to bitch. "WHO BUYS THE GROCERIES WALLY? ME! WHO COOKS FOR YOU? ME! WHO MAKES SURE YOU HAVE ENOUGH. . ."

Thank God the doorbell rang. He was always amazed when she went from a rampaging bull elephant to normalcy in a matter of seconds just as soon as someone else showed up. Like they couldn't hear her loud ass mouth for miles around.

"Oh, hi Tiffany," she said sweetly as she answered the door.

Wally craned his neck, trying to see around his wife just for a glimpse of Tiffany. Sweet Tiffany. The star of all his fantasies. Of course there were many women in his sexual fantasies, but Tiffany was the leading lady. And it wasn't always about sex. If he could only have Tiffany, he could find happiness. He knew all about the cliche of "the girl next door," but this was different. Tiffany understood him. He had avoided her like the plague before she turned 18, but for the past few years, he had grown closer and closer to her. They could talk. He would vent to her about his dead-end marriage, and she could count on him as a shoulder to cry on when her life wasn't exactly going as planned. She had a love-hate relationship with her parents and, like most college kids, she was ready to escape from this shitty little town and make something of herself. Although Wally felt like an old man around her, there was only four years difference in their ages.

"Hello Mrs. Smith," Tiffany replied.

"How's college?" asked Leah.

"I'm sick of it," she began. "Thank God it's almost over!"

"I went to college for a year, but I lost interest in it. And Wally went to, but he flunked out. I wish he had gone to college, cause he sure doesn't make enough now! I tried to get him to go back, but he says he doesn't have time, but look at him. Sittin' on the couch. Looks like he has plenty of time to me. Now I can't go back because I didn't pay back my student loans. If Wally made more money, I would have paid. . ."

This was the part of his life that Wally hated the worst. As if the mindless rambling wasn't enough, she always blamed him for everything. To watch people stand there and pretend to listen to her as she talked nonstop was the embarrassing reality of his pathetic existence. To be trapped in this nightmare with no escape was almost unbearable. Why not just leave? Leave?! Accept the failure of a marriage and just give up like his parents did? He couldn't. He had vowed at the tender age of 12 that he would never give up. He would marry once and make it work no matter what. He never realized that his own stubborn insistence to live in misery rather than accept a mulligan in life and start over anew had taken away his confidence, his rationality, and most important, the love for life he had lost so long ago. Goddamn, that stupid bitch was still talking! He walked over to them.

". . .but anyhoo, I hate to run you off, but I gotta go to the store since Wally won't go. I won't be able to buy much since he can't bring home enough money, but I guess I'll make do. If you're still here tonight, maybe we can do something."

"No, I'm leaving this afternoon, and after I graduate I'll stay in the city to work. I'll probably never come back here again."

The words hit Wally like a sledgehammer. The grim realization that today was the last day he would see Tiffany was the final jolt that would send him into a depression that would most likely destroy him. He tried to keep a poker face but failed miserably. Tiffany saw it.

"Actually," she said with a nod to Wally, "I needed to talk to Mr. Smith before I go."

"Well, I hope you're not needing money, cause he damn sure don't have any! HA HA HA HA HA," her laugh sounded more like a cackle and irritated poor Wally more than her constant belittling of him.

"Well, if I don't see you again Mrs. Smith, take care," said Tiffany. Leah's reaching out to give her a hug surprised her, but she recovered nicely.

"Goodbye, Tiffany." said Leah. She closed the door behind her.

Wally and Tiffany stood by the door looking at each other. They both heard the car leaving.

"You wanna sit down?" he asked, pointing to the couch.

"Okay."

"Something to drink?"

"No, I can't stay long," she replied. They sat at opposite ends of the couch.

"So what's on your mind?" he asked, trying to sound both nonchalant and confident at the same time.

"You are, Wally."

His heart lurched. He knew she didn't mean it the way he took it, but for that brief moment, he couldn't help himself.

"Why are you with her?" asked Tiffany.

"What?" he was stunned.

"Well, you seem to be used to listening to women talk nonstop, so here goes. She's abusive to you. She damn sure doesn't appreciate anything about you. I can tell you are miserable, and who wouldn't be?"

"Tiffany. . ."

"No, just hear me out. If you want to kick me out after I'm done, go ahead, but this needs to be said. She's gross, Wally. She's not overweight; hell, she's not even fat. She's what you'd call morbidly obese, which is alright unless the person in question is a pig. You can tell by her house that she's a slob and God knows when she showered last, because, let me tell you, she stinks! When she hugged me, I almost threw up. And then there's you. You're smart, good looking, and one of the sweetest guys I have ever met. It just doesn't make sense to me. Why, Wally? Don't you think you can do better?"

"My parents. . ."

"Don't give me that bullshit about failed marriages again, Wally. Holding on to a bad relationship makes life a failure doesn't it?"

He was beyond stunned now. He expected this kind of abuse from Leah, but to get an ass chewing from Tiffany was awful. He knew she was right. He knew that he should have left this miserable situation long ago, but why was Tiffany pissed off about it?

"Then what do you want from me?" he asked. He was shamed by her pointing out the obvious and couldn't think of a way to defend himself.

"You, Wally. I want you. I can't figure out why you stay with her, and I can't stand to see her abuse the man I love. I fell in love with you a long time ago, Wally; and now I'm asking you to leave her and come with me."

Suddenly it made sense. He figured her rampage about his ignorant wife and his stubborn insistence to stay must be his subconscious. And when she pledged her undying love for the umpteenth time, it all became clear. Except he wasn't in the mood.

"Yeah, I've already had this fantasy a thousand times, Tiffany. If you don't mind, I'm going to sit this one out and just wait till I wake up again. In the mean time, why don't you do another striptease for me?"

She reached out and grabbed his hand, ran her hand up his arm, and pinched him. Hard.

"Ow, God DAMMIT!"

"Oh, I'm sorry; did you feel that?" she asked.

"Hell yes, I felt it!" he replied. She raised her eyebrows. It suddenly hit him. For a long moment, neither of them spoke.

"Dammit, Wally, I'm not going to beg."

* * * *

And that's my story. I even told it in third person like I learned in high school (eat your heart out Mr. Hammond!). Sorry to disappoint those of you who were expecting a sex scene at the end, but I left it out because it didn't happen. To just put a scene in there would stretch the truth too much. What happened to Wally and Tiffany? I'll leave that up to you. I have to wrap this up now so I'll bid you farewell, dear reader. I hate to leave you hanging, but Tiffany wants to get a few hours of sun before the luau tonight. She has a new bikini she wants to try on; oh here she comes now. God look at those tits!