The Secret Lives of Sheets

First time?

Does it show? I mean this is... oh- my- god- I- can't- believe- I'm- a- Top- Sheet- at- the- Ritz! Sorry, I'm just a little...

Alright. Calm down okay? I've done this dozens of times; this is my ninety- third bed; fifty- fourth as a Bottom.

You've done ninety three! Is it true what they say? That most of the time you just lie around waiting. I hope not, I want romance, I want passion, I want...

Wait'll you get your first fart.

Yewww.

Look Top, I've been peed- on, pooped- on, and thrown up on. I've had sweaty, unwashed bodies rubbing on me all night. Sometimes you can't wait to be stuffed in a laundry bag and dropped down the chute. Anything to be clean and folded again.

Is it really that bad? Don't you get wrapped around lovers sometimes? Surrounding them, soaking up their passion?

You want passion? Fine. Listen to this one. It was my thirty- fourth bed; I was Top, working with a veteran Bottom. Guy comes into the room, just another lonely businessman on the road, except that he seemed really nervous - fidgety. He calls his wife, talks to her, hangs- up and leaves the room. Comes back about a couple of hours later - he's not alone. Has a pro with him.

A pro what?

A hooker; he's paying for sex. Something you'll find is not that uncommon. What is uncommon is what they start doing. She bosses him around, yells at him, hits him with a rolled up newspaper. She makes him do all kinds of weird stuff. That's when the Bottom started to get a little worried. When I asked why, Bottom directs my attention to her high- heel shoes. Now I'm getting worried. Then without any warning I'm pulled off the bed and dropped on the floor. The next two hours were a nightmare of ripping and tearing sounds. That Bottom was never seen from or heard about again.

No! That's horrible. Not even a final laundering?

Nope. Straight to the dumpster. Whoa there Top, hold on, you're looking a little bleached. Now, admittedly that is about as bad as it gets. Usually it's just a job, but sometimes...

Oh come on. Don't short me now.

Okay. This story is about my thirty- third bed; I was the Top. It was the Honeymoon suite.

No way! The Honeymoon suite? I thought you had to have a higher thread count to go up there.

Hey, my thread count is just fine. Do you want to hear the story or not? I'm just as happy to lie here and...

No! I'm sorry. Please...

Okay, I'm Top. The Bottom had done the Honeymoon suite once before, only that time they were too tired and drunk. Nothing really happened.

Ohhhh.

Anyway, the door opens and the Groom is carrying the Bride. He places her on the bed and we could both feel the love and the anxiety - she was a virgin.

Like me?

Yup. The groom takes off all his clothes until he's standing there with nothing but a smile and a hard- on. He pulls her to her feet and then he sits on the bed. We're feeling nothing but confidence and anticipation. This guy knows his stuff. The bride slowly undresses until she's in her bra and panties. She tells the Groom that she needs to get changed. He says NO there will be plenty of time for dress- up later. I want you naked - now. She complies and she is gorgeous. He pulls me back and lays her on Bottom, her skin was so soft and clean. He's kissing her everywhere, and she's moaning and whimpering. And she's leaking a little, - then he starts to kiss her between her legs - wooowheeeee. Talk about soaking in it.

Wow. I hope something like that happens to me.

Yeah sure. Then he's lying on top of her and they start to really go at it. She's a fast learner. Doesn't take long before they both cry out in joy.

That is so cool.

I'm not done yet, and it turns out, neither are they. Two more times that night and then again in the morning. I was worn out as the Top, Bottom was just saturated. Wanna hear what happened in the morning?

Only if it's good.

Well, it was good and it was not so good, - hey you play it as it lays, right?

Morning comes, and she goes to the bathroom. He's on the edge of the bed. She comes back, looks at him, "God I can't believe that was all inside me last night." He pulls her to him and turns her around, gets her to straddle his legs, tells her to look in the mirror. He's sitting, she's straddling, and she says she a little sore, he pushes down on her hips until he is completely inside her. Neither moves until he starts rubbing her right above where they are joined. She starts thrashing about.

Oh my.

Oh baby it gets better. He stands and she hangs impaled on him with his arms around her. He turns and lays her right on me. To this day I can still feel the indentation of her nipples. He pounds into her from behind and she cries out again and again into me. She has two big handfuls of me and I thought she was going to rip me apart - it was so good for her. When he's finished she's just collapses on me leaking everywhere; I loved it. They showered, dressed and left.

That was amazing. But didn't you said there was something not so good also?

About noon, we got stripped from the bed, stuffed into the bag, and dropped down the chute - laundry time. Bottom and I are still glowing, showing everyone the soak spots - this is her smell, this is his, this is theirs. All the other Tops and Bottoms were really digging it. Then Juan came in.

Juan?

Juan, may you always be laundered when he's not working. Juan is this little pervert down in the laundry. He has a very nasty habit. Juan sniffed the air and came right to us. I was the most freshly soaked so he did it to me.

Did what?

Sniffed the soaked part of me. Then he wrapped another part of me around his dirty little dick and masturbated. I thought I was going to be stained for life after he was done. Let me tell you that commercial- grade washing machine never looked better. But even with Juan, it was worth it. I swear I can still smell her when the air- conditioning isn't working right.

Wow. Hey someone's coming into the room. Hey he's handsome and, look at her, she's pretty. Oh look, she looks just like the first woman - kind of like a matched set.

The two women are twins Top.

Hey Bottom, why are all three undressing?

Well I'll be threadbare. You lucky fucking Top.