The Send Off

"Yeah of course I do," Tim said.

"I use to get mad at them for making fun of you," Tina, "I feel bad for never saying anything to them."

"It wasn't your fight," Tim shrugged, "Honestly I just blew it off most of the time."

"But still, how do you think I felt when I heard them calling my only brother a dork, or geek, or something worse?" she asked.

"I dunno, how did you feel?" Tim smiled.

"I was mad," she said, "You know I did say something to that bitch Jodie after your graduation."

"What? Why?" Tim asked a bit annoyed.

"Because I didn't care. She was leaving town anyway,", Tina said, "I told her she was pathetic for having to get off on making fun of another person and that I hope it comes around and bites her back some day."

"Hmm," I said, "Thats nice sis, thanks."

Tim will be deployed tomorrow. He had finished his training about 2 weeks ago, and got his deployment orders right away. He can still remember his mother looked so sad when he told her he was being sent in along with the rest of the peace keeping force, for a 1 year tour. But he knows he's not the same guy he was before he went in for training. He is just shy of his twentieth birthday and so raw. When he came up with the idea, he was scared of the world in general, mostly from being picked on so often in high school. But he had left basic training a man, thinner, and bold. If only those hammer heads from high school could see him now.

Still, he was not social and never dated much. It's sort of funny in a way that he was spending his last night before he goes off to battle with his 18 year old sister, who just last week, graduated high school. It was nice of her to come along, even though Tim knows what the rest of his unit is doing now. They are probably rounding third base with girls they barely know. But all Tim wanted to do was come down to Salsbury beach, play some pinball, and sit here thinking about good times, with the small cadre of friends he had growing up. Since they didn't show, he wondered where they are now.

"You know we've been sitting here for two hours?" Tina said after a long silence.

"Oh man," Tim said looking down at his watch.

"Doesn't matter though." she said, "Mom and dad don't expect us back til really late."

"Yeah I know, just not use to them being so lenient," he said. "Their rules since we are still living in their house are strict."

"Not for long anyway, for you," Tina sighed.

"I will be ok," Tim smiled.

"More pinball? I bet that creepy one with the head and moving eyeballs is calling for you again," she smiled with her hands wide.

"Ha, I'm kinda played out," Tim said as I stood.

"Never thought I'd hear that from the pinball wizard," she smiled, "But I did like it better than the older ones you played with all the bell sounds."

"Believe it. Oh you mean the old electro-mechanical ones. Too slow for you?" Tim asked as we started the long trek back down the beach to civilization.

"Yeah I like the fast and exciting action," Tina smiled.

"So I've heard," Tim joked as Tina punched his arm.

The two walked along the sands back toward the boardwalk and talked some more about Tina's view on what to do about population growth. She had a solution that she had no trouble sharing. Tim felt it necessary to argue, simply because they always did. Tim knows that this is what he will miss most of all. They would sometimes argue for hours, often ending up in a pillow fight or arm pinches. But it always ended friendly.

Then in Tina's usual form, the conversation went directly to sex. She often brought up her experiences. Tim knew it was to try to break through his shell. He became uncomfortable as he always did with it, knowing that Tina knows much more than him. Because they had always been close, she knows his only experience has been of the solo variety. She had forced him to talk about it one time after walking in on him mid stroke. That was the way she had described it anyway and told him not to be ashamed. To make him feel better she had told him that even with all of her activity she still soloed a few times a week. As much as she liked to joke and tease, she deeply cared for her only brother. That's why she had all she could do to keep her sanity these past few weeks. As Tina thought about this she realized that she had only vaguely been paying attention to their conversation.

"It's too bad, I kinda liked her," Tina said as she got in the car.

"Yeah well, I didn't move fast enough for her," Tim said as he closed his door.

"Really?" she smiled.

"I mean, Jon told me the day after he started dating her that he...quote...nailed her already," Tim said with a gesture.

"Yeah and you believe Jon the cocktail weenie?" she laughed.

"Hey where did you hear that?" I smiled. "I didn't think that got past the senior class."

"Well you promise you'll keep this a secret," she smiled. "I saw it."

"What?" I winced.

"Well a bit more than that," she grinned.

"Ack," I winced.

"Well you asked," she said as Tim nodded reluctantly.

"Well he crashed the pool party Josie had last month," she said, "Him and his buddy Jim. Well Jim came to see his girlfriend at the party and they disappeared for about an hour. But Jon stuck around. He had like 6 shots of something, I think rum and was really getting loud. This is actually kinda funny."

"Jon is a drunk. I'm surprised he made it out of that school alive," Tim added.

"Well while he was dancing around making an ass of himself, he took his shirt off and flung it. Well someone hollered, I think it was Heidi for him not to take his shorts off or he might embarrass himself," Tina smiled.

"I'm sure that fired him up," Tim laughed.

"Yeah well he did it!" she said, "He pulled his shorts down all drunk and stuff and started thrusting it in the air at the crowd, who all basically laughed. He even went up to Heidi who opened her mouth in the first place and rubbed it on her leg. After a while, and some more alcohol all the way around someone, I don't remember who, came up with little scary game. Whoever picked the right number out of a hat, had to dance with him."

"Ha ha!" Tim smiled.

"Well I lost," she said.

"No way," Tim laughed.

"Ok so this is how I know", she said, "He came over and started this dirty dancing thing. Grossed me out when he got hard rubbing on my leg. I am totally serious here, four inches hard! No joke."

"Damn...I guess the rumors are true," Tim said.

"Yeah gotta feel bad for him a little," she said, "Size doesn't matter but there are limits."

"You could have just pushed him away," Tim said.

"I did when I got fed up with it," she sighed, "He stumbled, fell backward and passed out on his back, jizzing all over himself."

"So indirectly you did get him off," Tim grimed, "Another conquest, sort of."

"Yeah shut up," Tina smiled, "Trying to forget it actually."

"Sorry but it's funny," Tim said. "I hope he cleans up his act."

"It's all so stupid," she said, "It's just too stupid to do, I mean at a pool party. Someone could have died. Honestly, people are right. Twenty one should be the drinking age."

"I can't believe you told me that," I said as I started the car. "Why did you tell me that?"

"Does it make you think about anything?" she asked, "I guess it's this sort of bitter feeling I have about you leaving."

"I'll be back," Tim smiled.

"Say that with an accent like Arnold...I'll be baaack, " she smiled weakly.

Tim leaned over to hug her because she really looked like she was about to cry. Tina grabbed a hold of him and returned the gesture so tightly that it was very uncomfortable. He endured it for her sake. Tim was never really that comfortable with physical contact.

"Mom says you grew up and you're a man now," Tina whimpered as she squeezed me.

"That was the plan," Tim sighed.

"I suppose in the mental sense that's true," she whispered as she let go of me.

"Well yes, I mean I did go through puberty and stuff to qualify in the physical sense," Tim said as he started to drive.

"Well yeah I suppose that's what they say. But there is another way," she said.

"Well I wear deodorant," Tim smiled.

"That's not it either," Tina sighed.

"I did a lot of growing up in basic training," Tim said sternly, "I don't know what other qualifications I need."

"Intimacy...other than by yourself," she said.

"Tina!" Tim said sharply, "Oh I know what you mean now. But is that really a measure of a man?"

"Perhaps not," she asked softly. "But I am not with you all the time obviously so have you?"

"It's not a crime is it?" Tim defended.

"Have you?" she asked again.

"It's not exactly the end of the world," Tim said. "It just never came up...so to speak."

"Have you?" she asked patiently.

"Why is it so important?" Tim asked, starting to get irritated.

"It just is," she said, "Have you?"

"Dammit, no," Tim said annoyed.

"That's what I wanted to know," she said firmly, "It's early still, take us home."

"Huh?" Tim said confused, "It's still early but you want to go home".

"Yes," she said firmly.

Tim did as she asked because she seemed to be in quite a mood. He knew it was probably best to just go home so she could sleep it off. But it seemed so peculiar to him that she seemed to want to stay out more, and then asked him to take her home. Tim needed to get some rest anyway, since he had to be at the base at eight anyway. The rest of the ride home was silence. It gave Tim time to contemplate the odd conversation they just had. Tim wondered what brought on the sudden preoccupation from her. He knows she is worried about him and in some old fashioned way she feels he needs some sort of right of passage. But as he told her, she would be back. There is plenty of time for that.

"I'm not going to die," Tim said finally. "So there is plenty of time for that."

"Are you sure?" she asked, "What if you had a chance?"

"She would have to be really nearsighted," Tim smiled jokingly.

"Seriously," she said.

"Well I guess she would also have to be really clean, nice...and of course it would have to be love," Tim said.

"Understandable," she said as Tim started to pull in to the long driveway, "Would two out of the three things be ok?"

"Huh?" he asked but she didn't answer.

Tim pulled up to his usual parking space after the quarter mile trek up the driveway to the small farm. It's actually not much of one at 10 acres. The family does some limited planting with it and it makes a modest living. Still Tim doesn't like this life much and is glad to be moving on. Of course he will miss it when he is gone. There were a lot of good times growing up.

Tim knows that every part of this place is permeated with memories and experiences, both bad and good. There are happy family times, roughhousing and arguing with his sister, and even some secrets. He never told their parents each time Tina would come in way after curfew and about the 'special' garden the two of them had cultivated in a clearing in the woods. He thinks that his parents just take great stock in the fact that their kids had gotten along so well.

"Mom and Dad are home already," Tina said as she saw their truck.

"Yeah sleeping it seems," Tim said.

"Good," Tina smiled as they got out of the car.

"Well they do work hard," Tim said.

"Oh they forgot to close up the equipment barn, come with me," she said as she started to walk past the garage.

"Oh yeah I see it," Tim said as he could see the light on in the far away barn.

Tim knew his sister has always been a little afraid of the dark and the barn is way on the other side of the Christmas tree grove. You can only see the roof of it and one window from where they were standing. They walked along the thin dirt path in relative silence toward the barn used to house tools and equipment. Tina lit the way with a small flashlight. She began walking a bit faster than she usually does, and Tim had to trot a bit to catch up. They reached the barn only to see that the door was open and a light on.

"Let's check around," Tina said as she closed and locked the door behind them.

"Ok," Tim said dryly, "But why close and lock it?"

"Just in case. So no one sneaks in when we are looking around," Tina said nervously.

"You're still afraid of the dark," Tim said as he looked around.

"Yeah it's too bad really," Tina said, "I've always had a fantasy about walking around the property naked at night. It would be exciting."

"I probably didn't need to know that," Tim said.

"Oh like you didn't know that I did that last month during the daytime while you were in boot camp, and mom and dad were at the fair," Tina said.

"Ah no I didn't," Tim said.

"Right, you saw the pictures, duh," she taunted, "You said so."

"What...wait, when?" Tim asked.

"When you handed me my digital camera that I left on the table," Tina said. "I asked you if you looked at them. You said 'yes nice pics'."

"I was kidding...wait," Tim said in surprise, "You mean you took pictures of it?"

"Well Sandy and I did of each other in poses all over. On the farm tractors, spread out on hay bales, with cowboy hats on, stuff like that." Tina said as she looked at him.

"No I didn't know...but why?" Tim asked.

"For the experience. It was so fun," Tina laughed. "Maybe best you didn't see the kissing and licking each other ones."

"Oh for Chris...this is another one of those things I didn't need to know," Tim panted.

"Oh it was just posing like that. We didn't really get into it," Tina grinned.

"Ok then," Tim said.

"Yes, that's my story and I'm sticking to it," Tina said as she winked.

I heard a snap as she popped on the switch that lit up the large upper loft. Tina started to walk further in to the shed, then found the ladder to it, and began to climb.

"Why are you going up there?" Tim asked.

"Just checking it out," she said.

Tim watched her disappear up over the edge, and heard her footsteps on the beams overhead. They seemed to stop over by the far edge. Then there was nothing for several seconds. He started to think about the fountain of information she had just given him and wondered why she would be so open about it. It's true he would never tell anyone. But he wondered why she needed to inform him of her activities. He wondered if it was because he used to have a crush on her friend Sandy. He figured that must be the reason. She had probably expected him to ask to see the pictures of her. But he would not do that.

As Tim thought more about it, he began to wonder why his sister had been acting so strangely tonight. He knew she had some stress over his deployment, but this was odd behavior even for her. She seemed to usually be unfettered by most things. She would beat him regularly at pillow fights, and board games, but at the same time cared deeply for him. Even in an argument they would always be like best friends after. He was going to miss her.

"What are you doing up there, picking your nose?" Tim smiled.

"Not quite," she said.

Tim thought he had heard something hit the floor. Then her voice seemed to get louder but he didn't hear her footsteps. Something else hit the floor, and then it was silent.

"I think we have sufficiently checked it out in here, let's go back," Tim said then waited for a response. "Tina?"

After several tries there was no response. Tim grew concerned, so he decided to go and investigate. Slowly he climbed the ladder rungs and reached the top, peeking up over the edge. After his eyes had adjusted, he saw a shadow in the far corner. About ten feet away was an old blanket spread out over hay bales. He could see that perfectly fine. But Tina remained mostly in a shadow.

"Tina?" Tim said to the shadow, "Has someone been living up here?"

"No," she whispered but didn't move.

Tim climbed the rest of the way up and started walking toward the neatly laid out green sleeping back surrounded by a thin scattering of straw. He glanced at Tina but could still not quite make out her form.

"Well it looks like someone has been here, and recently," Tim said.

"Yes someone has," she whispered.

"Well we better tell mom and dad about this," Tim said.

"No we probably shouldn't," she whispered, as she moved into the light.

"Holy...Tina what are you doing?!?" Tim exclaimed as he spun around and lost his balance, nearly falling over. "Why are you...Tina!"

"Why am I Tina?" she smiled as she looked at me. "You will have to ask our parents."

"But," Tim started. "I put this all out," she said as she came closer to the scene.

"I think I should go," Tim said as he stood, knowing that the glances at his sister's body were starting to make me feel guilty.

"I think you should stay," she shot back.

"Look if this is your little place to play and have some secret fun with yourself, great, but you shouldn't have done it while I am here," Tim said firmly.

"I brought you here," she said.

"Why?" Tim asked with a baffled expression.

"What did you think when you first saw me?" Tina asked as she tried to approach him.

"Shock," he said. "That's all."

"Bullshit," she smiled as he looked away again.

"Well how do you know?" Tim said as he started to walk toward the ladder.

"Look, I am not looking for some twisted relationship here," she snapped back, "I just want to do this for you before you go."

"Tina I'll be back," Tim said softly.

"Well it's still important to me," she started to whimper, "For a while I was trying to find a nice girl for you that would be open to a one night stand. I know, a nice girl who likes one night stands...a tall order. For a year I thought about this. Ever since you told us you were enlisting."

"Why is sex so important?" Tim asked.

"Maybe it isn't, or maybe it's just to make me feel better," Tina sighed.

Tim watched her start to cry, and then she ran toward him. She flung her arms around him. If it had not been for her sudden emotions, Tim would have pushed her away. Reluctantly he put his arms around her. Her soft skin seems warmer than the air. For just a second he got lost in a sensation he had never had before.

"It's wrong," he whispered back.

"I've abstained for almost a year to be as passionate as possible," she whispered.

"I don't know what to say, but I am starting to feel a little guilty about what I'm feeling," Tim whispered.

"I want you to have this. You have no idea how important this is to me," she whispered.

"I just can't take my hands off you. I can't explain it," he whispered.

"Let me send you off properly," she said. "Please."

"I want to run and jump off the loft," Tim said as he felt Tina's light kiss on his neck.

"I know what your body feels," Tina said as she gently patted the bulge in the front of his pants, "Let me quickly erase any doubts."

Tim found himself returning the kiss without even thinking. It seemed to push her further along. Her tongue danced around his lips. He felt her grind her hips into him and let out a small moan. Then she instantly pulled away.

"If you tell anyone at all you will regret it," she said.

"Like anyone would believe me," Tim smiled as he gently cupped her breast.

"Sandy would. I sort of let my idea slip when we were high the other day," Tina said as she put her hands under the back of his shirt.

"Wonderful," Tim said.

Bragging about what he was suddenly and strongly motivated to do to people would probably be a sin by itself. Not wanting to compound the deed, he would have thought of that on my own. But he understood why she said it.

Tim had been thinking about how inappropriate this whole thing has been. But he had never had a desire this strong. In his younger days when he would fantasize about a classmate, and it would follow him around the whole day, it never felt like this. Even when he would have to take care of business on his own, he never felt these strong urges. If he was about to go for it, he would let it happen and not hold back. Then he would of course keep the secret and of course the guilt forever.