The Sexual Quick-Fix

It is estimated, that in 2004, the self-help market rose from $5.7 billion to a high $8.56 billion. In 2008, researchers say it will have reached over $12 billion in sales.

Why are we constantly looking for the quick-fix to ourselves? When did it become so much more depressing to live than to be dying? When did our preschoolers become the largest growing market for antidepressant drugs? Why are we even on them at all?

I struggle to comprehend the idea of "self-help." The idea that people are actually publishing books entitled, "He Just Isn't That into You," and "Date like a Man," and they are flying off the local Barnes and Noble bookshelves.

And not all that long ago, we began seeing commercials of men proclaiming their newfound happiness in a blue pill called Viagra. Levitra and the like substances carrying commercials of men finally getting that football through the tire swing, and growing boners at pool parties makes me wonder, is this all it takes to make people happy?

There is no blue pill that is going to make your job better, make your boyfriend love you more, or end gender inequality. There is not secret chemical substance that is suddenly going to make it easier to wake up alone each morning, or be "okay" with the fact that you have more to pay in bills than you have in income.

I have been on a quest in the past year to find a quick fix to my own dissatisfaction with my life. I read those articles in magazines about the organic aphrodisiacs and how yoga will help me find inner-peace. I mix ylang-ylang and lavender with a hint of jasmine, hoping that it will become my magic cure to my involuntary depression. Even when that doesn't work, I might even reach for the neroli with a hint of vodka on the rocks. We are all seeking eternal bliss, and yet, none of us can find it.

"Don't smoke, manage stress, drink more coffee, suck on some ginger, fight with your mate, exercise vigorously, drink ginseng tea, and make sex a priority," I read in an article by Laine Bergeson, in UTNE magazine entitled, "The Big Organic O," on the ways women can redeem their sexual pleasure. So I sit with my latte and a cup of green tea with ginseng, with my body in Simha-asana pose, ignoring my urge to smoke, inhaling from my diffuser the scents of ginger, ylang-ylang, and myrrh. I don't feel anymore sexually stimulated than before, but boy do I need to pee.

Maybe the problem is we are no longer trying hard, independently, to be happy. Maybe the fact that we can't orgasm is attached to the fact that we just aren't sexually attracted. Maybe we aren't interested in sex, because, the sex we have had hasn't been that good. Maybe we can't fall in love, because we just haven't found the right mate.

None of these books address this topic. No one expresses the fact that, maybe, just maybe, sex and love are more involved than just going into a bar and taking home the first attractive person we see. Maybe those little quirks that drive you nuts about him or her won't ever change, and their are a sign it is time to move on.

No one in this quick-fix nation realizes this. Time is the major constraint; I understand this as a busy woman who schedules most of her activities, including sex and "intimate time." When you are in a world where every minute, down to the number you sleep, eat, and even smile, is counted out for you, taking the time to relax and let go can be too far a luxury. We don't want to be on the man-hunt for our perfect date, our "soul mate" as it has been called in recent times. We can't seem to find the time to really set out for perfection in a day and age when time is the essence. So what if his breath smells and his brain is the size of a peanut; you don't have the energy or time to go find someone better.

We are constantly looking for betterment, including the betterment of our mates, regardless of their desire or motivation to change. We buy books and read articles to train our psyches to deal with ill-behaviors and obnoxious attitudes. We are testing the latest herbal supplements for more exciting sex. The reality is, 20 billion of us are on some form of antidepressant medication, spending large quantities of our hard-earned money buying books on how to compete in a ruthless world, and beginning to look for love over the internet. Come on people, the quick-fix isn't working; time for old-fashion hard work and honesty.