The True Meaning

"Sorry."

"And stop apologizing for everything!"

"Sorry."

"Merciful lord, give me patience," Mel sighed, resting her head against the window, and they fell into a somewhat nervous silence. Short exchanges, followed by long, anxious silence. This pattern had repeated itself over and over for the last few hours, ever since they had left the motel. Mel had intended to leave earlier, but the events of that morning had triggered a somewhat uncomfortable, but nonetheless necessary, conversation about her life and beliefs.

While she was reasonably confident that she was able to convince Leah that she was not a terrorist, Mel had hoped to learn more about Leah herself. So far, all that she had learned was that she was very religious, apparently a genius, and deeply conflicted. Unfortunately, she had no idea what that conflict was about, or why Leah was simultaneously repulsed and fascinated by her. But she was working on a plan to find out.

"Hey, take a look at this," Mel said as they passed out of a tunnel.

"Hmm?" groaned a half asleep Leah.

"I want you to see this," Mel told her, smiling like a child. They came around a gentle curve in the road, and Leah spotted several tall buildings through the trees. "There!" Mel shouted happily. "You see that? There it is!"

"What?" Leah said groggily.

"My city, my home," Mel said gleefully. "Seattle."

******

"I was wrong before," Leah said flatly. "This is a depressing place."

"It's your fault, ya know," Mel frowned, one hand on the wheel and the other wrapped in her hair as she leaned against the window. An hour after the Seattle skyline had come into view, they sat in traffic at the junction of I-90 and I-5. In the middle of rush hour.

"How's that?" Leah scoffed.

"I had planned to leave an hour and a half earlier, but someone freaked out when they realized I'm Muslim," Mel sneered harshly, and immediately regretted it.

"Well if someone hadn't thought a stain was a message from God," Leah shot back bitterly, and also regretted it. They sat in silence. Both desperately wanted to be somewhere else, but they were trapped in endless purgatory that is Seattle traffic. And they were both stubborn enough to not break their silence until absolutely necessary. In the end, the traffic itself forced them to speak.

"North or south?" Mel asked impatiently.

"What?"

"Which way are you going, north of south?" she repeated.

"I'm going to the end of this road," Leah said sullenly.

"Well, you reached it, kiddo. Now, which way?"

"Uh, south, I guess."

"How far?" Mel asked suspiciously.

"Santa Monica," Leah answered.

"Yeah, I thought that would be it," Mel sighed.

"You know, that sigh is kind of irritating," Leah frowned.

"Look, kid, you can't just walk around the country forever."

"I won't. I'll stop when I've paid for my sins," she said quietly.

"North it is," Mel said, and began to work her way into the correct lane.

"What?!" Leah cried. "Where are you taking me?"

"Home."

"You don't know where I live!"

"Up until now, you lived on the street. As for where you're from, your accent says Georgia, probably the coastal region."

"How did..."

"Besides, that's not what I meant. We're going to my home."

"Your home?!"

"Yeah, I know. Kinda' slutty takin' someone home on the first date. But I like you," Mel said, smiling playfully at Leah, but the younger woman blushed and looked away. "Relax, I'm kidding. You could use a good night's sleep and a decent meal." Leah looked back up a smiled, but Mel saw a hint of longing and disappointment in her eyes.

Thought so, she thought to herself.

******

Leah and Mel stood side by side in the elevator, waiting in silence. Mel stole a glance at Leah, and smiled despite herself at the look of disbelief on the young woman's face. She had taken particular pleasure in this little revelation, and Leah's expression when they pulled into a reserved parking space at one of the most expensive hotels in the city was priceless. She had followed behind as Mel simply walked in the front door like she owned the place.

Because she did.

Or, at least her parents did. Now, she waited patiently as the elevator climbed up towards the penthouse suite. She glanced at Leah again, and again it brought a smile to Mel's face, and she knew it wasn't just the surprise on that soft freckled face that made her so happy. She had led a very privileged life, one painstakingly built for her by her parents, who had dedicated their lives to their daughter. They had worked hard building one of the largest hotel chains in the country from nothing, but all of that meant nothing to them compared to her.

And they never let me forget it, Mel thought with a smile. Mel never wanted for anything. She could easily have become just another spoiled heiress, living a pointless, frivolous life like so many of her childhood friends. But it just wasn't in her blood, and she couldn't stand those people. Their fake smiles, their mindless chatter, their offense at even the most meaningless slight, all of it infuriated her.

Leah was nothing like them, and Mel loved her for it.

When the doors finally opened, Mel led Leah down a short hallway to a door with a keypad lock. She punched in the code and walked casually through the doors and into her living room. She set her bag down next to the door and hung her coat on a rack. Mel turned around to see Leah still in the doorway.

"You can come in," she said politely, with an amused smile. Leah stumbled through the door and wandered dumbstruck around the room. This one room was half the size of her home, with fine hardwood floors that appeared to have been freshly polished. As she stumbled around, she felt a pair of hands on her shoulders. "You should probably lie down," Mel said. "Come on, I'll show you to the guest room."

"You have a guest room?"

"Kid, I have another home," she laughed, wrapping an arm around the small blonde and guiding her down a hallway and into a "small" bedroom. She sat Leah down on the bed and knelt down in front of her.

"Why are being so kind to me?" Leah asked meekly.

"Because, Allah smiles upon those who help the less fortunate," Mel smiled warmly. "Besides, I like you."

"You're doing this because God wants you to?"

"Because it's the right thing to do," Mel said, putting her hands on Leah's knees. "You're a good person, despite what you may think about yourself." As she spoke, she gently rubbed the inside of Leah's knees with her thumbs, and saw a shiver go through the blonde's body.

"You don't know," Leah whispered shamefully.

Mel cupped Leah's face in her hands, forcing Leah to look at her. "Yes, I do," she said, staring into Leah's eyes. "I know exactly what you're trying to hide. I know how you feel." She watched Leah's reaction carefully and was relieved to see a glimmer of understanding, telling her that Leah had realized the true meaning of her words.

"But it's a sin!" Leah cried.

"Maybe," Mel admitted as she gently wiped away a tear from Leah's cheek. "But we have no way of knowing for sure. You have to do what seems right. What other choice do we have?"

"But what if I'm wrong?"

"Let me ask you something," Mel said, changing tactics. "Why do you believe in God?"

"What?" Leah asked, taken slightly aback by the question.

"Why do you believe in God?" Mel repeated.

"I... I don't know," Leah stumbled. "I guess I just do. I just feels right, feels normal."

"It feels right to believe, so you believe." Leah nodded. "All I'm saying is that love is the same way." Again, Leah nodded silently. "Now, you need to get some rest. But before you do, I want to ask you a question. I don't expect an answer now, or even soon. It's just something for you to think about."

"What is it?" Leah asked.

Mel smiled and leaned in. Slowly, she drew closer and closer. Leah's eyes bulged in shock, but she was held paralyzed by those deep brown eyes. Her pulse raced and her breath caught as she was held spellbound in anticipation. Finally, their lips met.

Mel pressed her lips against Leah's and slipped her tongue past the young blonde's lips, running the tip along the edge of the teeth. She kept her eyes open, locked onto Leah's shocked blue gems. As she let her tongued wander over the surface of Leah's teeth, taking in the sweet taste of her mouth, Mel trailed her fingertips down Leah's cheeks, gently grazing the skin with her nails. She stopped under Leah's chin, dragging her fingers over soft flesh as her hands moved around Leah's neck towards the back of her head.

Mel let her right arm drop beneath Leah's left and wrap around her back while her left hand slid up to the back of Leah's head. Mel lifted Leah up and placed one knee on the bed as she cradled the younger woman in her arms. Gently, she set Leah back down on the bed, head resting on the pillows, as Mel pushed her tongue passed Leah's teeth. For one fleeting instant, their tongues met, and a jolt ran through them both. Then Mel pulled away, leaving Leah panting of the bed, overwhelmed by the sensations.

Leaning down, Mel brought her lips to Leah's ear and whispered softly, letting the lobe graze her lips.

"Did that feel right?"

******

December 23^rd

Leah did not sleep well. She had lain motionless in the bed for several hours after Mel left, her mind desperately trying to comprehend what had happened and what she had felt. It had failed miserably, and she fell asleep a mix of shame, arousal, joy, and terror.

She awoke the same way she had gone to sleep: alone and very confused. After a few minutes, she eventually summoned the will to get out of bed. Rubbing her eyes, she opened the door and plodded out into the hallway. The moment she did, Leah was greeted by the smell of freshly baked bread. Following her nose, she wandered down the hall and into the living room.

"Morning!" Mel chirped happily from the couch before biting down on a small piece of bread.

"What are you eating?" Leah asked, suddenly rather hungry.

"Help yourself. It's an ancient Turkish dish called 'bread'," Mel teased.

"Oh," Leah said with an embarrassed blush.

"I'm kidding," Mel frowned. "You really need to relax," she added as Leah went into the kitchen and returned with a small bagel-like piece of bread covered in sesame seeds.

"Is this a bagel?" she asked, sitting down as far away from Mel as she could while still remaining in the same room.

"It's called 'simit'. Here, try it with this," Mel said, lifting a small dish of cheese. Leah walked across the room, blushing furiously. The sight forced a laugh from Mel.

"What?"

"Could you be any more obvious about keeping your distance? Here, take a seat," she laughed, patting the couch next to her. Leah sat cautiously at the far end of the couch. "Baby steps, I guess."

They ate in silence for a few minutes, and Mel marveled at Leah's voracious appetite. I guess food was hard to come by, she thought. Leah ate the simit, then a second, and was partway through her third when she finally slowed down enough to speak.

"What's that tattoo?" she asked through a mouthful of bread and cheese.

"What, this?" Mel asked, looking at the small symbol on her arm. "This is the Eagle, Anchor, and Globe. My other family."

"My dad has that tattoo on his arm, too."

"Your dad is a Marine?"

"Won the Silver Star," Leah said proudly.

"Awarded."

"Huh?"

"He was awarded the Silver Star. Commendations are awarded, not won."

"You sound like him," Leah said. "Well, he was awarded it then, in a place called 'Hue'."

Mel put her simit down. "Hue? Your dad was at Hue?"

"I guess," Leah shrugged. "He doesn't really talk about it much."

"I would guess not."

"What about you?" Leah asked hesitantly, before taking another bite of the simit.

"Me? I was Marine, yeah."

"Not anymore?" Leah mumbled through the bread.

"Once a Marine, always a Marine, but I'm with NCIS now," Mel said, laughing as a bit of the bread fell from Leah's mouth when she tried to speak.

"What's that?" Leah said, covering her mouth this time.

"Naval Criminal Investigative Service. It's the Navy's police force."

"I thought you were in the Marines."

"Marines are, technically, part of the Navy," Mel explained.

"And you live here?"

"Yup. I work in Bremerton. Take the ferry every day. Now, eat up. We need to go to the Market."

"What market?" Leah asked.

Mel sighed. "Kid, in Seattle, it's the Market."

******

By the time they actually reached the Pike Place Market it was past noon, and the market was very crowded. Mel and Leah spent the next three hours looking through the lower levels. Actually, Leah spent three hours looking through the lower levels. Mel spent that time following her, and trying to drag her up to the top level where the shops she needed to visit were.

After those three hours, a jubilant Leah and a tired Mel had lunch at one of the small restaurants. Mel had cunningly suggested one on the top level.

"Right, Silver Star, with the Marines in Hue," Mel said into her phone. "No, Hue, Wisconsin. Of course Vietnam!" she cried, shaking her head as sat outside the restroom. "Last name Brody. Yes, by Christmas. For fuck sake, Jack, how many people named Brody could have received the Silver Star in Hue? Let me know when you find him," she said, and ended the call as Leah came out of the restroom.

"Ready?" Leah asked with a smile.

"Absolutely, let's go."

"So, who was that?"

"Hmm?"

"On the phone. Who were you talking to?"

"Oh, just someone from work."

"From NCBI?"

"NCIS. And yes," Mel corrected her as they walked slowly through the market. Occasionally, Mel would stop to buy something or to point something unique out to Leah. As they worked their way past the stalls and shops, through the throngs of people, Mel gathered the courage to put the next part of her plan into action.

"So," she said casually, careful to hide the nervousness she felt, "did you think about the question I asked you last night?"

Leah looked at Mel and blushed, nearly running into a pole. "I... uhh... well," she stammered, blindsided by the question.

"Don't be nervous, kid," Mel tried to reassure her. "Just tell me if it felt right."

"Well, yeah, it felt good," Leah admitted.

"That's not what I asked," Mel said, stopping in the middle of the market. She reached out and took one on Leah's small, frail, trembling hands in both of her own. "Does this," she said, holding Leah's hand tightly against her chest, "feel right? Does it feel natural?"

"But it's not natural!" Leah cried.

"Why not?" Mel demanded. "Why can't it be natural? Who's to say what is or isn't natural, what we should or shouldn't feel?"

"Please, don't do this to me," Leah pleaded desperately.

"You have to!" Mel insisted. "You have to deal with this eventually. One way or another, you have to come to terms with who you are and what you feel."

"But, what will people-"

"Fuck 'em," Mel growled. "I don't care what people think or say, I am who I am. They can accept it, or they can deny it, but they can't change it. And neither can I. So I do what feels right, and this feels right."

"No!" Leah screamed and broke free of Mel's grasp, and ran off through the market.

"Wait come... ohh shit," Mel muttered as she saw movement behind the one of the counters. "Duck!"

Leah turned to look back at her as she ran, just in time to see a gray mass flying towards her.

******

"Oww," Leah moaned as Mel placed an ice pack over her left eye. Though Mel was able to ice it at the market, the area around the eye had already begun to swell.

"You big baby, you walked across the country, and now your whining about a black eye?"

"It was big," Leah complained.

"It was a salmon."

"A big salmon!"

"I was planning on showing you the flying fish, but not like that," Mel laughed, heading back into the kitchen to put the used ice pack away. "Now, if that's not a sign from God, I don't know what is."

"Why do they throw them?" Leah asked as Mel came back out of the kitchen.

"Because it's fun! And, I would assume, it draws customers." She sat down on the floor next to the couch Leah was lying on. She put one arm up on the couch, next to Leah, and looked out the window as the sun set over Puget Sound. Silently, Leah placed her hand over Mel's and curled her fingers, intertwining them with Mel's.

"Melek?" Leah whispered.

"Yeah?" Mel answered, looking first at their hands then at Leah.

"I'm sorry," Leah squeaked, tears in her eyes.

"For what?" Mel asked, taking Leah's hand in both of hers again.

"For..." she hesitated. It seemed as though a thousand voices were telling her this was wrong, but a thousand more were telling the first thousand to stuff it. The battle raged on in her head like it had for more than a year now, since she first realized how she felt. But now it was going to end. I've had it, she told herself.

"For running," Leah said, her voice suddenly clear. "For panicking when I found out you were Muslim, for being so afraid, for not trusting you, fo-"

"I get it," Mel sighed and lunged at her, pressing her lips to Leah's. This time Leah welcomed it, wrapping her arms around Mel and kissing back with long-repressed passion. Their tongues danced, and Leah pulled Mel against her as tightly as she could, desperate to feel what she had denied herself for so long: love.

"Yes!" Leah cried as the kiss broke. "The answer is yes. Yes, it feels right. It feels so right it hurts!"

"Shh," Mel whispered into her ear, cradling Leah's head to her chest. "It's okay. It's okay," she said, repeating it over and over. "It's okay."

"Please, make it not hurt," Leah pleaded, so quietly that Mel could barely hear it. But when she did, she pulled back just enough to look Leah in the eyes.

"You mean..."

"Yes," Leah whispered hoarsely.

"Are you sure? I mean, this is a big step. Maybe you should give yourself time."

"I've had a year. I'm sure," she smiled weakly, tears still in her eyes.

"Okay," Mel relented after a long pause. "Come on." She tried to stand, but Leah refused to let go. "You're making this kind of difficult."

"I don't know if I can walk," she said, pitifully rubbing her swollen eye. "Could your carry me?"

"Faker," Mel laughed. Leah wrapped her legs around Mel's waist as she stood. Leah tucked her head into the crook of Mel's neck and took a deep breath, taking in the strong, sweet scent. Mel carried her around the couch and down the hall to her bedroom. She managed to get the door open and crossed the short distance to the bed, kicking the door closed as she went.

She set Leah down on the bed, placing her head on one of the pillows with a soft kiss on the forehead. Eventually Leah let go, allowing Mel to sit back up, straddling Leah's legs. Slowly, with trembling hands, Leah reached down and took hold of the bottom of her shirt. But before she could start to pull, Mel seized her hands.

"First lesson of love, kid: take your time," she smiled, intertwining her fingers with Leah's own. "There's no rush, so relax and just enjoy every sensation." Mel leaned forward, pinning Leah's hands to the pillow just above her head. She pressed her lips to Leah's again, tongue thrusting into the blonde's mouth. Leah exhaled sharply and arched her back, instinctively trying to make contact with Mel's body. But try as she might, she couldn't quite reach. Frustrated, she whined softly into Mel's mouth.

"Take," Mel said, breaking the kiss only long enough to say the word before placing a soft kiss on Leah's cheek. "Your," she smiled before planting another kiss on the corner of the jaw. "Time," she finished, taking a soft nip at Leah's earlobe.

"Then stop torturing me!" Leah giggled as Mel used her nose to tickle the nape of her neck.