The Web Ch. 01

"Have you ever thought about doing this more professionally?" Cathy asked.

"I've thought about it, but so far I've enjoyed the freedom to work with people on my own terms. No licenses, or dealing with the business aspects of things. I like working with people I know, but I keep the conversations totally private. So far, I've been able to preserve my friendships through these discussions, and we've grown a lot closer at the same time. I may think about getting a bit more professional in the future, but I'm enjoying the pace right now. Like what we're going to—that's totally new for me."

"Me too, in a big way!" Cathy said, and we all laughed. Good, she was starting to relax.

"Well, let's talk about tonight a little bit. I figure we can start with some dinner and talk a bit about ourselves—nothing too personal. After that, we'll come back in here and I'll start you through some relaxation techniques. You should enjoy them and be in positive, receptive state, but you won't be asleep or under my control. That's also why Kelly is here. I want you to trust that I won't try to push you anywhere."

"That's me, your protector in shining armor!" Kelly exclaimed, and the two ladies giggled.

"On a serious note, Cathy, I want you to know that you are in control here. If you say anything that indicates you are uncomfortable, I will back off and try another tack. Of course, we can stop at any time, and pick up some other time or just end these sessions altogether. I enjoy working with people, and I know I'm going to enjoy working with you. Nothing has to happen, and I'm not looking for some payoff. If we stop, we can also keep our friendship intact unless you feel uncomfortable."

"Thanks, Brad. I appreciate that and your willingness to work with me."

"I think 'willingness' is an understatement," Kelly shot out, and I laughed.

"Busted!" I said. "You're right, don't take my cool, professional manner too seriously. Let's just say that I'm a little more interested than usual to work with you, Cathy."

"Thank you," Cathy said simply, blushing a bit.

I figured that I needed to keep things moving again, before we all got embarrassed. "OK, after we relax you a little, I'll start asking you some questions to speak to the voices in your personality, like we talked about. This is new territory for me, but I'm going to try to work with Desire and Joy. Desire, for obvious reasons." I looked over and saw Cathy looking down but the corners of her mouth smiling--good. "But also, Joy, because I think that what you are asking is to enable yourself to bring more joy into your life." At that, Cathy looked up at me, and I saw a look of recognition in her eyes. They said, "Yes, that is exactly what I was asking; I just didn't know it at the time." Her eyes expressed so much that I found myself looking longer than usual. Cathy's eyes went deep—like when you suddenly cross over the blue water in the ocean, and you don't know how far down it goes. I didn't say anything for a second.

"Hello, are you guys talking on a new wavelength, or what?" interjected Kelly.

"Oh, sorry." I said. "I might have been."

Kelly smiled. "Well, you better return to English. I can't keep up with love-struck."

"Oh, you're a wicked girl," Cathy warned. "I'll get you for that."

Kelly threw up her hands in mock horror. "Mercy, I beg mercy, please!"

We all laughed.

"How about some dinner?" I said. "I've been talking for a while, and it's time to listen for a change."

"I'm starved," Kelly said. "Let's do it!"

With that, we all got up and started to the kitchen. Kelly was first, and I waited for Cathy to pass. Just when she got up to me, however, she stopped and turned. She looked me in the eyes and softly said, "Thanks, Brad, I think I made the right decision."

I took her into my arms and gave her a hug. "I'm glad, really glad, you did," I whispered into her ear. We held each other for a moment.

"Hey, no fair starting the sex before we even eat." I looked over Cathy's shoulder to see Kelly sticking her tongue out at me. Cathy pulled back and rolled her eyes. "How I live with these childish friends, I'll never know."

We trooped into the kitchen. "Ladies, here's the menu. We've got marinated wild Alaskan salmon, wild rice, asparagus, and salad. I've got some final cooking to do, so you get to sit and answer some questions."

I want out to the grill, which I had been keeping hot for a while, to put the salmon on. I had gotten everything as ready as possible, so we could have plenty of time for our session after dinner. I definitely didn't want Cathy to feel rushed.

Coming back in, I poured some more wine and started. "Let's see, Cathy, we've known each other for four or five years, but I don't know a lot of things about you. Like, what's been your favorite vacation ever?"

"Well, I like a lot of outdoor things, but for a true relaxing vacation, it has to be the beach. My favorite was when I was in high school, and my family went to the Bahamas with another family that were really good friends. The four of us kids explored all over that island, and I spent many hours just soaking up the sun..."

Cathy went on to describe the trip in more detail, with Kelly and me asking questions to keep drawing her out. I started to feel like I could see the island myself, and it was fun to see it through her eyes. She definitely had a good imagination.

I finished dinner about the time she finished, and we all moved the food to the table. "Kelly, it's your turn. Tell us about your favorite vacation." Now, Cathy and I drew Kelly out, and it turned out she had been to Mexico after graduation with a small group of close friends.

"I guess our group of friends still does that." I said. "We go on ski trips, the beach, you name it. It would be hard for me to name the best one."

"I do like that about our friends," Kelly said. "Even through boyfriends, girlfriends, breakups, and marriages, we have a good group. Speaking of girlfriends, what's your story, Brad?" Kelly sounded like this was an everyday question, but I always suspected some other motive with her.

"I've been celibate for a few months after Sarah," I said. "You know, I just don't rush into those kinds of things. I enjoy all of my friendships, and I feel great."

"But you could feel better," Kelly challenged.

"No doubt," I said. "Let's turn it around. What is your boyfriend story, Kelly?"

"Oh, I just have my answering service screen the calls and check out the prospects a couple of times a week," Kelly drawled. "I only want the best." We all laughed. Kelly didn't lack for suitors. She was particular, however.

"Cathy, you've been single a while yourself, haven't you?" Kelly asked.

"Yes I have. Same as Brad, I'm enjoying life and not rushing things," she said.

The rest of the meal passed in catching up and good-natured ribbing. We were all part of a loose network of friends that got together regularly for dinners, parties, ball games, ski trips, vacations, road trips, you name it. While I had known Cathy for a while, we always had other relationships going on, so we never really got to know each other that well. I enjoyed listening to her, and laughing at her and Kelly's stories.

Finally, that pause in the conversation came when we all looked around. "Ladies, can I get you anything else?" I asked.

"No, that was great!" Cathy said.

"Same for me," Kelly agreed. "If you keep cooking like that, I might have to submit your name to my scheduling service. If you check out, you might get a date!"

"I'm tingling all over," I said. "Have them send me a priority telegram if I pass. In the meantime, how about helping clear the dishes."

"Sour grapes," Kelly whispered as she got up.

We got the dishes cleared. "Thanks for the help," I said. "Now, I just have a couple of administrative matters to discuss before we move back to the living room. First, Cathy, I don't want either of us to have any significant others while we are working together. We need to trust each other and keep that distraction away. Does that work for you?"

"Yes," she said. "I like it."

"Good. Final rule: We will all keep what happens here completely private between the three of us. No gossip, no rumors. If someone asks, you are working with me on 'life planning.' I've done that plenty of times with others. Again, the idea is that we need to trust each other completely to make this work." I looked into both their eyes. "Cathy, Kelly, does that also work for you?"

Cathy nodded while Kelly sighed. "I was all set to make it big selling the story to People Magazine. I guess I'll have to stay in my job a while longer."

"I think you'll manage," Cathy said with a wink. "But thanks, all the same."

I finished with one final instruction. "OK, my restroom is down the hall. Just like grade school, let's all visit before we start, so we don't have to jump up midway."

"Yes, Mr. Heller. I'll be right out," Kelly said in a singsong voice. Cathy rolled her eyes. "Why did we need her again?" she whispered to me.

I just smiled and went down to my bathroom. I felt fairly relaxed, but I was embarking on a voyage where I didn't know the final destination. Coming out, I grabbed a couple of towels and discretely placed them under the couch in case they came in handy.

Cathy and Kelly came out from the hall together, Cathy looking a little unsure of herself.

"Cathy, just sit sideways on the couch and stretch out with your feet on the cushions and your back on the armrest. Please arrange the cushions to get comfortable. I'll set behind you, on the chair to the side, and Kelly can sit on the other chair facing the couch."

Cathy removed her sandals and made herself comfortable on the couch. I had a moment to watch. She looked good—I was going to have to concentrate. Of course, I felt Kelly's eyes on me and looked up. She was smirking and mouthed "Like what you see?"

I winked, and then busied myself getting my notebook from the coffee table. I kept some notes to help me catalogue the various voices, and I also would jot down ideas and insights that came during the sessions.

"Before we start, Cathy, did my explanation earlier make sense? Do you have any questions?"

Cathy shook her head. "No, I think I've got a decent idea, and I probably just need to experience it to know much more."

"Great," I said.

"Hey, I've got a question," Kelly said. "When do I finish my chaperone duties? I mean, at some point, I'm kind of not necessary, you know?" Cathy and I both laughed at that.

"I think the time will decide itself," I said. "After we finish talking, and if it feels right for something to happen, that's probably a good time."

"That should work. I'll just slip out," Kelly agreed. "But until then, I'm watching you!"

"I'll be on my best behavior, I promise. As you hinted, Kelly, your job is to watch and make sure that I don't hear more than Cathy is saying or push her with suggestions or control. Also, you can help me understand later if I missed something important."

I continued. "Now, Cathy, let's spend some time relaxing. Earlier, you said that you favorite vacation was on the beach. Let's spend some time back there, with you lying in the sun. Can you hear the waves?"

"Yes."

"You are back there hearing them. Can you smell the ocean spray?"

"Yes, it smells great."

"Good. Now, feel the sun pour into the skin of your feet..." I then took her through a fairly standard relaxation sequence, spending time to get her firmly planted at the beach and deeply relaxed.

"Now, you have been lying there with the warm sun pouring its energy into your body. You absorb that energy and continue to relax until the sun starts to set. You feel the sun go down, and then you open your eyes to take in a night full of stars. The ocean has calmed along with you as the evening passed, and, as the Moon comes up, you feel totally at peace. You realize that you are one with the sky, the stars, and the ocean. With the Moon's sliver light pouring down on you, you get up and walk down to the water to immerse yourself. As you swim through the water, you realize that it's your thoughts that you are swimming through, and you delight in feeling them slide past you. Refreshed, you step out of the water and see a fire burning on the beach, with a man sitting beside it."

"You walk over to this man, relaxed and confident. This is your beach, and you control what happens here. As you approach, he looks up and smiles, motioning you to sit down by the fire."

"'Welcome,' he says. 'Thank you for inviting me to your ocean. As you know, I'm here to help you discover more about this place of yours. Shall we start exploring together?'"

"Yes, I would like that." Cathy said, and I smiled to see her understand that I was that man. She looked deeply relaxed, with her chest rising and falling at a slow rate, but she also was aware. She was right where she needed to be.

"I'll start with asking to speak to a few people there in your ocean. As I ask to speak to each of them, please answer back as that person, and speak as they would. They are out there, but you give them their voice. Do you think you can do that?"

"Yes," Cathy said. "I'll become each of them."

"Exactly. Let's start with the Protector. When I ask to speak to her, please answer back that 'I am the Protector.' May I speak to the Protector, please?"

"I am the Protector."

"Could you describe your purpose?"

"Well, I protect Cathy from all the dangers out there, including other people, even herself. There's a lot to protect her from!"

"So you're working to keep her safe from all the bad things in the world. That's a big job. What else do you protect?"

"Well, I have to protect her family and friends. She can be hurt when they are hurt, too."

"That's an even bigger job. You also have to protect her sense of self and confidence. She can be injured when she feels that others disapprove, or even if she worries too much about it. She can easily get herself into situations where she is exposed and vulnerable," I explained.

"That's right. I protect her from being vulnerable by not letting her get into those situations."

"You even have to protect others from herself."

"You bet I do. If I let Cathy go, she could really hurt others. I keep them safe as well."

"Now," I said, "How do you do your job of protecting?"

"Well, I usually put up some sort of wall. I only let people come so close. Or, I'll create a barrier that won't let her do something she shouldn't. I might even create a fence around a group of people that I need to protect."

"Good," I said. "Those are usually pretty effective ways. Have you ever over-protected her?"

"She thinks so. She sometimes regrets that I don't let her open up with people. I'm afraid she'll get hurt, but then she's angry with me."

"That sounds like a tough balance to keep."

"Yes it is."

"As you're keeping that balance, if you're convinced that the friends she's with won't hurt her, or she hurt them, you may be able to let her open up a bit more, so she doesn't feel hurt later."

"I might be able to do that if I'm sure she won't be hurt at the time."

"Good. OK, I think I'm getting a good idea of your role. Let's switch to the Controller. May I speak to the Controller now?"

"Speaking. I am the Controller."

"Thank you, Controller. Now, I understand that this is your beach, and you determine what happens here. Can you say a little more about your role?"

"Well, my job is to control. I need to keep Cathy in control, so she doesn't do something she will regret."

"It sounds like you work a lot with the Protector."

"Yes. I need to keep Cathy in control to protect her from herself and from others."

"That's a big job. What if you lost control, what would happen then?"

"Well, it's terrible. It's happened before, and Cathy just freaks out. She ends up saying and doing things that she really regrets later. She can hurt people, or get jealous and undermine them. She can also really embarrass herself. She's gotten a lot better as she's grown up, because I have become older and wiser at keeping her in control."

"It sounds like you are doing a good job. Are there any problems?"

"Well, I think Cathy resents me sometimes. She thinks I'm holding her back from some things she really wants. I wish she would understand that I'm just trying to do what's best for her. She would be happier if she would just let me do my job."

"I can understand that. You don't feel appreciated for all you do for her."

"That's right. I'm just trying to help."

"That makes sense. Now, are there times where you need to exercise less control?"

"Yes. There are times where I even back off a bit. Skiing is one example. Cathy is pretty good, and I let her go where I don't control every action. I can see she enjoys it, and I enjoy it as well. I just hang around the edges and make sure she doesn't go too far."

"Good. So you really do know what's best for her."

"Of course. I have been working on that all her life."

"Controller, I'm going to ask you a favor. I figure that if I want to speak to any of the other voices, I'm going to need you to give me permission."

"That's right."

"If you give me permission, and I speak with them, can you also work to give us space? Can you do your function of control, and keep the other voices quiet during this time, including yours?"

"Yes, I could do that."

"Good. If anyone needs to speak, just have them identify themselves. It might be the Protector, or Fear, of some other voice that feels threatened. I will acknowledge them, and they can speak. Will you do that for me?"

"Yes."

I could tell that Cathy was traveling deeply within herself, and was assuming the person of each voice. She understood how each voice operated, almost without my prompting. She was also revealing a lot about herself. This was going well. I took a deep breath for the next part.

"Good. Now, may I speak to the voice of Desire?"

"You are speaking to Desire." Cathy stretched on the couch, raising her arms behind her head, arching her back, and pushing her chest out slightly. She was looking forward to his voice. My cock stirred for the first time.

I looked over at Kelly. Her attention was riveted on Cathy. Feeling my eyes on her, she looked over. I looked long enough to convey that we were entering the delicate part of this discussion.

"What is your role for Cathy?"

"I want the things that bring her pleasure, joy, and happiness. I want so much for her, and for the whole world."

"That's a great role! Tell me more."

Cathy sighed. "Well, I try to push Cathy beyond her current limits, so she can get more out of life. Like in her relationships, I try to push her to open up more. She has so much to give, and she deserves a lot in return. I'm never satisfied with the emotional distance she keeps with her boyfriends, for example."

"What would you like her to do instead?"

"Well, for one thing, I would like her to be more adventuresome in lovemaking. She is passionate, but she wants to keep the lights out. I want her to show herself to her lover. She is beautiful, and she knows that men enjoy looking at her. I want her to share that beauty, and enjoy looking at them in return. I want her to add the visual element to sex."

"Would you like her to show herself to us?"

"I would love that." Cathy stretched on the couch again. I could feel my cock straining against my pants. I would love that myself.

"Tell us why you would love that so much."

"Well, Cathy would share pleasure with you. She would see the pleasure in your eyes, and that would increase hers even more. Sex is more than just touching. I want her to see how her partner is responding, and for him to see how she is responding."

"What would you like her to show us?"