tagRomanceThen He Left.

Then He Left.

bybebop4862©

John brushed his fringe out of his eyes, to see her better. He gazed at her eyes, eyes of dark chocolate, eyes of pure innocence, eyes which once looked upon him with love. He bit on his lower lip at this, running a hand through her hair.

Jenny flinched at this and she turned to the side, their eyes breaking contact. She couldn't bear that look he gave her, that look of such longing and sadness. It brought her guilt and contempt, contempt at herself. They were so close she could feel his chest heaving, and yet she still felt the gap, the insurmountable void that had torn at her since weeks past. His hand slid through her hair and rested on her cheek, gently turning her face so she looked at him.

John knew why she had turned away, but it did little for his heart as it ached even more. He looked at her freckles, those which had drawn him to her at the beginning. He lowered his mouth to hers, all the time looking at her eyes. But there was no love in them.

Jenny tensed, despite expecting it, her hands clenching into fists. This time she had no where to turn to escape that gaze, so she closed her eyes. It was her first kiss and yet... it was nothing she imagined it to be. Perhaps once she had dreamt of kissing John under the cloak of dark and the shimmer of the stars, but now it was all she could do to stop from pushing him away. She had promised him this, if only to make him... and herself feel better.

As their lips met, John laughed silently, bitterly at himself. She promised to have sex with you as a final farewell; and you expect her to suddenly love you again? John fought back these thoughts, determined to do it. He had longed for this, every date, every meeting, every glance, he dreamed about how her lips would feel, how she would breathe as she lay under him. All that was in his grasp; her first kiss, her first time in bed and yet he felt a pain beyond none he had felt before. As he felt her lips on his, the past came racing back, flooding him.

"Hey, you remember your promise?" John smiled as he put an arm around her.

"No..." She smiled a small playful smile as she looked down.

"Something about 6 July, something about giving someone a kiss..." John pushed, his heart soaring. He loved how she was so shy about things, about how quiet she was. He gazed at her just as she looked up and their eyes met. John smiled.

"No... I don't remember anything like that..." She denied, and John knew she did, and that she was constantly aware and anticipating it.

But now he knew why. He never let her forget it, constantly pushing, constantly teasing. To him it was merely playfulness, but to her... it was more. John moved his lips away from hers and down to her neck, suddenly aware of how her lips were so hard and tasteless, a far cry from the stories he'd heard about how girl's lips were so soft.

Jenny slowly opened her eyes as John caressed her neck with his lips, and she looked at him. She bit down on her lower lip, disappointed and guilty of how little she felt for him. It was eating her day by day, of how she saw him suffer, of how he no longer smiled, no longer laughed. It was the least she could do. She wanted the old John back, she wanted to be friends with him again. Lifting her arms up, she wrapped them around him.

John stopped for awhile, shocked at the feel of her arms around him and for a moment, felt as if she loved him again. But it didn't take long for him to realise, it was an empty gesture, simply to make her feel better. Like her eyes now, there was no love in it, and John fought back a tear.

"Actually, John, I've been meaning to tell you for awhile now. I don't think we should carry on. I don't think I should be with someone whom I don't really love. I'm sorry. I did have feelings for you, but I guess I was a bit hasty in agreeing to go out with you. It was probably the joy of being confessed to, and I couldn't decide properly. I guess it's better if we end it now, rather than drag it out longer. The relationship was moving so fast and... I don't think I feel comfortable. I'm sorry, John." A letter, a simple one in black ink, nothing special. But it brought John to his knees, his world to shambles. He had loved her like no other, every thought, every action, every smile involving her. He strived to be nonchalant about it, strived to be cool to her beauty. But he could not contain it. He'd suffocated her. He'd pushed too hard, pushed too much.

John kissed harder and fiercer, running his hands up and down her back, caressing her, holding her close to him. But it did little to hide his feelings. He couldn't take it anymore, the pity she had for him, the emptiness in her eyes, the stupidity of her offer. So what if he bed her? So what if he took her first kiss? So what if he loved her? Tears flowed from his eyes as he grabbed hold of her arms. Slowly at first, but he eventually sobbed loudly and uncontrollably, burying his head in her neck.

Jenny was taken aback by John's sudden tears, but she didn't probe. She knew she hurt him, she knew he still loved her, but she could not be with a man she did not love. The feelings she had were false, so how could she feel real in the relationship? Confused, she knew not what to do but to put her hand slowly and gently on his head, patting him gently.

John, amidst his tears, felt her hand on him but this time, it was genuine and sincere, making him cry even harder. His heart ached so much he longed to tear it out but he knew she could say nothing to make him feel better. She loved him no longer, and no kiss, no words, no apologies could change that. Slowly he rose, fighting back his tears. He held her hand gently and crossed his fingers with hers, like they used to do. With his other hand, he touched her cheek gently. Smiling through his tears, John simply said, 'I still love you.'

Then he left.

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