Thoughts and Alcohol: Kim's version

I wasn't sure about this, but as I wrote it, it began to make sense. I do not condone heavy drinking, but I have done it.

*********

I couldn't believe it. I'd only been gone a couple of hours and he was part-way drunk. I'd not seen Dave like this for a long time. I was disappointed and I told him so. That upset him and we argued, culminating in him telling me if I was that offended I should go. I slammed the door behind me excessively hard as I stormed out. Once in the cooler air outside I stopped. I leant against the wall and began to cry. I thought back over our long relationship.

---

Dave was the older brother, by just over three years, of my best friend at school. He was a shy, tongue-tied boy who was reasonably good-looking. At first he barely seemed to notice me, I was just some friend of his sister. I think he started to look at me differently after I began to develop. I believe the first time I really caught his eye was when I was invited on a family day out by his sister. I was feeling a little self-conscious now I had gained a bosom and hadn't helped myself by wearing my new bikini which seemed a little skimpy now I had it on outside. I decided to hide myself by swimming in the sea. Finally getting up the courage to go back up the beach I waded through the surf. I saw Dave staring at me from the rock pools and then looking away. That was the first time I had felt that boys might actually find me attractive. I half expected Dave to say something to me but he didn't. In fact he hardly spoke to me at all for a while, although he always seemed to be around when I called to see his sister, until finally he asked me to the cinema. I think he was worried about dating a schoolgirl when he was about to go to college.

That summer flew by and then Dave went off to college. We had been out a few times, but I don't think either of us took it seriously, we were just someone to go out with. While Dave was at college I lost touch with him, not even seeing him during the holidays. I left school early when I was offered a full-time job at the shop where I worked part-time at weekends. It seemed I had a natural aptitude for shop work that they liked. In fact they liked it that much I was made assistant manager of our branch within a year, a position I held when Dave called me out of the blue.

He was just back home after finishing college and wanted to know if I was up for a movie and a meal. It briefly crossed my mind to wonder how he knew I didn't have a regular boyfriend still before I agreed. After the cinema we went to a nice little restaurant and filled each other in on the past couple of years. Things were fine until the bill came and I asked him if he could afford this, just being back from college and without a job. I was only offering to pay my half, but Dave reacted badly. He threw the money onto the table and stormed out. I was surprised to say the least but as I made my own way home I realised that I possibly could have made my offer in a better way and not hurt his male pride. Maybe I should have said we'd go halves before we started.

Dave phoned early the next morning, before I was out of bed let alone before I was ready to go to work, and apologised profusely; saying as soon as he'd left he had realised that I was only trying to help out as a concerned friend and could we still be friends. I could practically hear his smile when I said of course we could. Even after that I still didn't see him for a couple of weeks. I found out later that he'd taken a few jobs, now of which he stuck at for more than a day. And then he turned up at the back door of the shop where I worked, making a delivery in a van. We chatted for a while until he had to go and make another delivery. I was so pleased when he turned up again a day or so afterwards, at a later time. He told me this was his last drop for the day, so we could talk as long as we wanted. It seemed he really liked this job and he was going to be our regular delivery driver from now on. This meant we got to see each other three or four times a week. For a couple of weeks I waited for him to ask me out again but he didn't. It occurred to me that the embarrassment of our last outing was holding him back, so I asked him out to get us over this hump. He accepted with alacrity. After that whenever we were both at a loose end we'd go out together. Even if we didn't make a date we would call one another and talk. On one of our outings he asked me why I never seemed to have a boyfriend. I told him that I tended to put my career first and it scared them off after a couple of dates. I asked him why it didn't bother him. He laughed and said it would take more than that to put him off, he'd known me too long. This state of affairs went on for well over a year, neither of us thinking of the other as anything but a friend.

And then I was promoted to the manager of a problem store in our chain just before Dave's second Christmas as a delivery driver. For some reason until we were at a New Year party a couple of days before I left. I have never been able to understand why I left it so late before I told him. When I did I could tell he was pleased for me, but that pleasure was tinged with sadness. He knew straightaway that we would find it difficult to continue our 'almost' relationship. That night he drowned his sorrows and I had to see him home. It was the first time I had seen him drunk.

We did try to keep in touch. Dave would phone most days and try and get over to see me for the first month or so but it rarely worked out; I was nearly always busy at the shop. After he was promoted himself, to dispatcher, we both found that we both had even less free time so the visits and then the phone calls tailed off until they stopped. When I did have any spare time I found myself wondering what Dave was up to. It was silly, but even the sound of his voice just talking banalities had been enough to make me feel good for the rest of the day and I missed that, but it was gone now and neither of us could do anything about it except shrug and carry on.

I managed to get my problematical branch sorted out and it slowly became profitable again. This must have caught someone's eye as I found myself head-hunted to become the manager of a new superstore back in my own town. This happened several months after Dave and I had lost contact. The store was partly finished when I arrived to take over. As I hadn't had much time to find a place to stay the new chain put me up in a hotel. I was happy to be here, but I didn't relish the thought of spending my first night back in a hotel room, so I decided to treat myself to a drink. I tried to phone Dave but got the disconnected signal and figured he'd moved on. I went to a little bar we had sometimes gone to and ordered a drink. I'd barely begun to sip it when some guy came up and tried to hit on me. I told him I wasn't interested and turned my back on him to emphasise the point but he kept pulling at my arm. I was on the point of leaving when my unwanted companion was pushed against the bar and I voice I knew so well told him to push off or he'd get hurt. It was Dave.

The other guy quickly scurried off and after exchanging pleasantries Dave asked if I was up for a meal. I smiled and said of course. As we ate, we once more caught up with each others news, something we had seemed to do a lot and I wondered why. The rest of the evening was a blur as I got a little drunk, partly on the wine we were drinking, but mainly on Dave. Just being with him again was so akin to intoxication. I hadn't realised how much I missed him. He seemed to spend a lot of the time just looking at me and I didn't mind at all. He saw me back to my hotel room and as we stood looking at each other in the doorway I couldn't help but stare at him, willing him to say something.. He asked me if he'd ever told me I was beautiful. I blushed and smiled and kissed him on the cheek, telling him no, but I had sort of gathered how he felt. And then the world changed: He told me that he loved me. I was momentarily stunned. In that moment I knew that I loved him too, that I probably always had, so I smiled again and kissed him, a kiss that had been waiting to happen for a long time.

From then on, for the first time, we saw ourselves as a couple, and for a while things were better than ever, but Dave was not quite as I remembered him. After our last parting he had sought to replace me and had done so with alcohol. He drank a little more than I was comfortable with and was a lot grumpier with it. I finally managed to pry out of him that the company he was working for was having a rough time, but I was having trouble making him see that he had a drink problem. I knew I was going to have to shock him to get him to realise.

---

I leant back against the wall beside Dave's front door, all cried out now. That was what I'd been trying to do this morning; shock Dave into seeing what was happening. Instead it seemed I'd made things worse and turned him against me. But I still felt I couldn't give up on him. Suddenly Dave's front door was jerked open and he strode out purposefully towards where the bins were. I watched as, swaying a little, he unscrewed the bottle he was carrying and poured out its contents. Then, with a satisfied grunt, he hurled the empty bottle into the bin. Maybe the shock tactics had worked after all, albeit not in the way I'd intended.

I crossed my arms and, still leaning against the wall, spoke.

"Dramatic. Any reason?"

He span around, nearly losing his balance, and saw me. I concentrated on his face, staring into his eyes.

"My temper and alcohol don't make a good mix." He said. "No alcohol, no temper, simple."

I continued to stare him down, trying to draw words out of him that I suspected he'd always wanted to say, but never had.

"We're supposed to grow old with someone, not because of them." Still I stared. "I've realised that I can do without almost anything, except one precious thing."

"Only one?" My eyes dropped from the survey of his face.

"Yes. You." He stepped over to me and lifted my chin with his finger.

"Me?" I questioned, tears forming in my eyes again as I knew he meant it.

"Don't tease me Kim. I can't take back what I've said; all I can ask is that you forgive me and come back."

I smiled and hugged him.

"Fool. I never went away. I just hoped that you'd realise that you wanted me more than a drink and that I wanted to be with you" I kissed him gently and led him back indoors. "But the drinking will have to go." I warned

"I promise. Just as long as there's something to replace it." He joked, kissing me again.

"I'm sure we'll think of something." I grinned, hugging him.

Epilogue

Dave swore to me that day that he'd never drink again and he hasn't, even when the company he worked for went bust and he lost his job. I was proud of him that day, when he said that one drink was too many. He replaced alcohol with being with me, and coffee. After he had spent a couple of months unemployed there was a vacancy running the warehouse at my store that I knew Dave could do, so I got him an interview. I asked the chain's personnel department to conduct the interviews, telling them of my involvement. To my delight and Dave's apparent surprise he got the job. To celebrate he took me out to dinner this evening. We look across the candlelit table at each other and his hand reaches across to hold mine.

"Kim." He says. "I've been dry now for thirty months now thanks to you."

"That's your doing, not mine Dave." I reply.

"No Kim, it's you. You gave me the strength and the reason. You stopped me before it got bad and now I want to ask you another favour."

He looks so serious I want to laugh but don't.

"Ask."

"Kim, not only did you probably save my life, you are my life. Without you I'd be nothing, have nothing."

"Dave...?" I say, blushing, wondering where he was going with this.

He slips from his chair and goes down on one knee, a ring suddenly in his hand.

"Kim, will you marry me?"

I'm so surprised that I can't speak. Dave takes this for indecision.

"You don't want me. I'm damaged goods; I'm still too high maintenance." He starts to look away.

I grab the hand still holding out the ring and grin.

"No Dave, I just never thought you'd get up the nerve to ask me. I thought I was going to have to wait for leap year,"

"You can do better than me." Now he sounds like normal.

"No-one has stuck with me like you." I say, looking into his confused eyes. "I think I need you as much as you need me."

"So will you?"

"Marry you? Yes." I say and kiss him.

**************

I hope this makes sense, that despite everything he does love her, that he wouldn't harm her and that he is sincere in his desire to stop and that it is her love that keeps him on the straight and narrow path of sobriety.