Three is a Magic Number Ch. 05byScott_Free©
All Characters Are 18+
Chapter 05: Where There's a Will, There's a Way; Or, Silent Bathroom Olympics
The church was unbearably hot. I guess there was an issue with the air conditioning, or something. I sat sweltering between my sister and my cousin. The minister droned on, and on about how awesome that my great aunt Barb had been, and about how much she had achieved, and contributed to the community. I wondered randomly how much that the hundred degree heat was speeding up her decomposition.
Julia was stone faced, as usual. Some people in high school used to call her "the ice queen." These were bitter people, who never bothered to get to know my cousin. She was warm, outgoing, and genuine. When you were in her favor, there was no person on earth who was more generous with her affection. When you earned her disfavor; watch out, but she never treated anyone bad who didn't deserve it. It was more than just her good looks that got her elected to both the homecoming and prom courts all four years that she was in high school. I had been in her favor a lot lately; mostly due to the size of my dick, and my ability to fuck her to levels of bliss that were unattainable with other guys. I had my arms around both girls, and I squeezed her shoulder affectionately. She gave me a small smile, and rolled her eyes in the direction of the minister. I gave her a discrete smile in return.
My sister, Katie, was not holding up quite as well. She held a handkerchief up, and dabbed her eyes repeatedly. After all the bullshit that Barb put my sister through while she was alive, Katie still cried at her funeral. Her heart must be bigger than mine, because my eyes had never been drier. I had never been able to like aunt Barb, due to the way that she treated my sister. Katie has a kind heart, and I'm sure that those tears were her way of forgiving Barb of all her misdeeds. I squeezed her tight; and she turned and put her head on my shoulder, and hugged me tightly, her tears soaked into the black silk of my suit coat.
I wanted to keep the public displays of affection to a minimum, but I felt that I had to sit with, and comfort my girls. The problem was that the line between what was appropriate brother/sister, and cousin/cousin interaction continued to blur as we spent more and more time together. I had caught a few of my relatives doing double takes at what we considered to be appropriate touches, or gestures. I guess it has been hard for all of us to look like we weren't intimate with each other, when we jumped each other's bones every chance we got. I sighed to myself, wondering how members of my family would take my behavior now. Would they approve of a brother comforting his grief-stricken sister, or would they see evidence of incest? Secrets that are this big, and that are this dangerous are hard to keep. If this goes on much longer I will have an ulcer.
After the funeral was over, we were obliged to attend the grave side service. My aunt Trish, who is Julia's mother, rode with us. I was glad for the extra row of seats in the Escalade. I cheerfully sat in the back, where I knew that I wouldn't do anything strange in front of Trish; and I also had almost zero chance of looking her in the eye, or of confessing the fact that I have been fucking her daughter retarded for over a month. All in all, I was glad to be sitting in the back.
When we arrived at the grave-side service, they gave all of us a yellow rose, which was aunt Barb's favorite flower. I thought that it was ironic, due to her thorny nature, but I kept this insight to myself. I guess she had her revenge from the grave, because before everything was over and done with, I had pricked my thumb on the thorns twice. The cemetery was hot, and the sun was bright, so the ceremony was by necessity quick. The minister said a few things over the casket, and invited the mourners up to drop their flowers on top of her closed casket.
Most people went two-by-two, and I was kind of panicking when faced with choosing one lover over the other. The choice was taken away from me by my aunt Trish. Her arm snaked underneath mine, and she gave me a radiant smile. I guess that she did not want to walk up there alone. Julia's dad had died in a motorcycle accident while she was still pregnant, and as far as I knew, Trish had been single ever since. It was nice for Julia, because her mother lavished love and attention on her. It was a shame for Trish, because she was so damn beautiful. My dad told me that if you ever wanted to know what a girl would look like in the future, just look at her mother. If this was really the case, then Julia would be a knockout at 40. I don't think that this is a hard and fast rule, because my sister and mother look nothing alike, other than their height and build.
We strode arm-in-arm to the casket, and dropped our flowers on the growing pile. It was almost like a large yellow bon fire on the lid of her coffin. I couldn't help but wonder what my funeral would be like. Aunt Barb was a bitter old bitch, and over a hundred people showed up from eight different states. I could picture being in my coffin, and seeing people drop bunches of white daisies, which are my favorite flowers, onto my coffin. I could see Julia and Katie, arm in arm, just like they had been today. Tears would be shed, prayers would be said, then the coffin would be lowered, and dirt shoveled in. The big question is: then what? Personally I fluctuate between reincarnation, and nothingness. I am not a nihilist by any means, but my mind is too scientifically inclined to believe in a heaven where we walk on clouds, and shit out rainbows. I prefer to believe that I will be reborn, and that your spirit never dies, it is just recycled.
"Are you ok, sweetie?" This question caught me off guard. I realized that I had been standing with my aunt Trish, staring blankly at the coffin during this entire train of thoughts.
"Yeah, I'm fine Trish." She never liked to be called 'Aunt Trish,' because it made her feel old. It still didn't keep me from thinking about her that way; after all, she is old. We walked from the grave to a nice shady spot under a tree.
"You seem to have a lot on your mind, Jack. You have been looking tired, and a bit haggard. Are you ok?" I nodded, but really didn't want to discuss what was bothering me with her. She was always the 'cool' aunt, but I in no way thought that would transfer into any type of understanding of what was going on between her daughter and me, or my sister and me. "It's Katie being pregnant, isn't it?" I said nothing, but she gave me a tight hug. There was nothing sexual in it; it was just her trying to comfort a family member that she loved.
"Thanks, Trish. You have always been an awesome aunt." She pulled back, and looked me in the eyes.
"You say that in the past tense, Jack. Is there some reason why I wouldn't continue to be 'awesome' in the future?" She read the guilt in my face. I could see it in the way her expression changed. Katie says that anyone with half a brain can read me like a children's book. Fortunately, Trish just got a look at the picture in my open book, and not at the actual text. "You knew about Katie and that soldier guy, didn't you?"
"Trish, this isn't a subject that I want to talk about, and especially not here." Her mouth had opened instinctively at the first part of my sentence, and close after the second. Apparently, she didn't think that this was the proper place for the discussion, either.
"Ok, Jack," her eyes drilling into mine, "but we WILL talk about this later though." I nodded, and she walked away, leaving me alone in the shade. I saw Katie and Julia eying me warily in the distance. They made their way over after Trish left in a huff. They were still arm-in-arm.
"What was that about, Jack?" Concern pulled at the corners of Julia's eyes. I could tell that my cousin didn't like the way that the conversation between her mother and I had looked.
"Your mom made me look guilty, because I am a total fucking idiot." I left the statement at that, mainly because I was tired of being questioned by women.
"Give yourself some credit, big bro," my sister said. Amusement danced in her red rimmed eyes, and I could tell that whatever possessed her to cry so much at the funeral had been all worked out. "You aren't a total fucking idiot; blithering, maybe. But not fucking total." She beamed a beatific smile at me, and I couldn't help but smile back.
"So what does she think you are guilty of?" Julia was in no mood for my misdirection, or for my sister's word play.
"She thinks that I might have known about the 'soldier,' and that maybe I might have lied to dad."
"Ahh." The noise sounded so strange coming out of her perfect mouth. "Then you are probably going to have to face her again later." I nodded. She knew better than I that her mother was relentless about certain things. The truth was one of them. If Julia did something wrong, but told the truth about it, the punishment was half as severe as it would have been had she lied, and been found out.
"We need to come up with a story then," Katie interjected. Julia weighed me with her eyes, and I apparently came up on the wrong side of her balance.
"That won't work. Jack is a hopeless liar. I wouldn't put it past him to blurt out the entire truth." I looked offended, but Julia raised her finger. "Don't deny it, Jack. You have barely kept the truth hidden, and I think that was mostly by luck, not by any guile of your own." She was probably right. "When she questions you, tell her that you suspected that Katie was pregnant, because you heard her throwing up in the mornings, and that you kept it to yourself. After everyone found out, it was no big deal, but you felt guilty because you suspected, and said nothing to your parents." I had to say, that plan had a simple elegance about it. It was certainly not something that I would have come up with; and hopefully, that would work in my favor.
We all piled into the big Cadillac SUV, grateful for the air conditioning. Just in the brief time that we were at the graveside, Katie got the beginnings of a sunburn. She always wanted skin that would tan easily, like Julia's, but it just wasn't in her genetic makeup. She either burned, or freckled; or both. Katie usually just wore enough clothes to cover herself when she was out in the summertime, but there were times that it was inconvenient, like today. She wore black, but despite the color, it was a very pretty sundress. It was great for the heat, but those spaghetti straps didn't cover much, and although she applied sunscreen, it wasn't like covering her shoulders up.
There was a wake planned after the funeral at aunt Ruby's. A squadron various female relatives had worked the better part of twenty four hours in preparing the food. The big old house was crowded with mourners, and Ruby seemed to be in her element; flitting from one guest after another, making sure that everyone's needs were satisfied. There were also several kegs of beer on ice, and plenty of mixers for drinks. I knew that these would all be guarded tightly at the beginning of the evening, and loosely by the end. The three of us ate, and then went to a secluded part of the extensive gardens to get away from all of our relatives. Julia excused herself to use the bathroom, and came back hefting a half empty fifth of Jack Daniels; and having changed into tight jeans, and a skimpy top.
"How the fuck did you get ahold of that, Jules?" My sister giggled as she asked the question. I was curious to know myself.
"Do you remember our creepy cousin Brian?" We both nodded. He was a strange one. "Well, I think he has always had a thing for me. He was kind of in charge of one of the places that they had drinks set up, so I asked him if I could have it, and he gave it to me." Katie stared holes through my cousin. Even I knew that there must be more to this story. Julia laughed musically. "All right. Fine. I hinted that the bourbon might loosen me up, and that I might be really grateful later."
"You aren't going to..." My sister interrupted.
"Oh, HELL NO!" She broke down in giggles, like a schoolgirl. "Even if I wasn't with Jack, two bottles of bourbon couldn't make me do anything with him." Both girls almost collapsed while laughing.
"If he crawls into bed with you tonight, it will serve you right, and I don't know if I will even call for help." Katie's green eyes sparkled mischievously.
"Cunt," said Julia.
"Skank," replied my sister. I decided to break this up while it was still good-natured fun, because it could easily devolve into them rolling in the dirt, pulling each other's hair. The thought of this gave me a slight boner.
"Was Creepy B drinking this, or just guarding it." I wasn't planning on drinking anything after him. The last time that I saw him at a family reunion, he had a suspicious looking sore on his lip. Julia laughed, and I was sure she was thinking the same thing that I was.
"Eww! He was just guarding it. Do you think I want herpes?" Katie went down to one knee, completely losing herself in gales of laughter. I took the bottle from my cousin, cracked the lid, and took a big gulp. It burned all the way down to my stomach. I could guess why they called it 'Tennessee sipping whiskey;' anything more than a sip would burn the shit out of you. Julia took the bottle when I offered it.
"Sorry, K, but you are going to be a mother." This statement sobered Katie considerably, breaking the lightness of the mood. I knew that my sister would never have done anything to hurt the baby; but she didn't like to have it thrown in her face. Julia took a big drink, and made a face, like she had just drunk some turpentine. She took a few deep breaths, and handed it back to me.
"Smooth, huh?" I said, and my cousin rolled her eyes.
"I think that I'm going to leave you guys to your drinking, and go watch some TV." Julia put a hand on her arm to stop her, but she shook it off, and was around the corner and gone before my cousin could say anything.
"I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't mean it like that." I put my arm around her.
"I know. This is all just new to her; to all of us. It will take time for us to all get our equilibrium back. She will be OK. We'll go and talk to her in a bit." Julia nodded, and we passed the bottle between us. I sat down on the garden bench, and she sat on my lap. We were out of sight, but there was always the off chance that someone would walk by. She took the last pull out of the bottle, and tossed it into the flower bed, where it disappeared. Then she turned to straddle me.
"Julia, I don't kno..." My protest was cut off by her lips covering mine. I still marveled at the difference in the way that she kissed me now, and the way that she first kissed me up at the vacation house. Before, it was lusty, like she was trying to devour my mouth; now, her kisses were light, and passionate. When asked about it, she said that the reason her kisses were different was because she was 'in love' with me. She said before when she kissed me that she was just 'in lust.' I could tell when they changed, and I suspect that she is being honest about it. The bourbon had partially clouded my mind, and lust had clouded the rest, so I wasn't exactly firing on all cylinders. I was kissing her neck, with one hand on her ass, and one hand up her shirt, when I heard someone's throat clear. I opened my eyes, and saw my cousin Tommy standing behind us. Julia looked behind us casually, never dislodging my hands from her body.
"Do you need something, Thomas King, or are you just going to stand there staring?" He looked speechless. His mouth moved, but it must have just been out of habit, because he had no answer for her. "You know what, Jack? I bet he wants to join in." His mouth dropped open, and he looked aghast, at first; then I think he was actually weighing his answer, in case she was serious. Julia stood up, revealing the enormous bulge in my dress slacks. I guess that we had been going at it hot and heavy. It was a good thing that he was the one that interrupted us, and not Trish, or my mom.
"You two are starting to be missed," Tommy said. "If I were you guys, I would put in an appearance, at least for a few minutes. If you guys are going to pick back up with what you are doing, I would recommend somewhere with a bit more privacy. Everyone has finished eating, so people are wandering around more, and it's only a matter of time..." His voice trailed off. My little head was disappointed with the interruption, but my big head was very glad that he was so thoughtful.
"Thanks, Tommy. That was really cool of you." Julia started to say something, but I stood up behind her, and put my hand over her mouth. I'm not sure if it was my hand that shut her up, or the feeling of my cock poking insistently at the small of her back. Tommy retreated gracefully, while he still could. She turned in my arms, and kissed me softly, while gripping my erection in her small hand.
"I need this inside me, Jack." I nodded, and she smiled. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, and checked her makeup in the refection off of the screen. She wiped off the remaining residue of lipstick, and then seemed satisfied. She cleaned a smudge off my cheek, and gave me a couple of minutes to deflate enough where people wouldn't notice my excitement. I could feel precum coating the inside of my boxer briefs. My cock ached with need, but I pushed those thoughts aside, and decided to go in and socialize for a few minutes, then I could have some alone time with my beautiful blonde cousin.
I went into the house, doing my best to try and appear sober. I saw my aunt Trish eying me, but I shook my head, and she turned around, and ignored me. I saw Tommy talking in the corner to Creepy Brian. I figured, what the fuck, and walked over.
"I'm tellin' you, son. She wants the B to the R to the I-A-N." Creepy B thinks he's some kind of rapper, and is always talking some nonsense about how he is "gonna blow up, son!" or some shit. Everyone in the family, including his mother, whom he lives with, thinks he's fucking weird. Tommy eyed my approach warily, and I knew that Creepy must have been talking about Julia.
"What's up, cuz!" Brian stuck out his closed fist, for a pound, which I gladly gave him. To me, bumping fists was much preferable to actually shaking hands with him. "I was just tellin' T here that I think little Julia has the hots for me. You seem to be pretty close to her, what do you think?"
"Jules? Nah. You have it all wrong, Brian." I almost slipped up and called him Creepy B; knowing him, he would have used it as his new rapping nickname.
"She was flirting with me earlier. I swear to God, son!" This guy was really starting to annoy me, and his talk about Julia was starting to piss me off.
"You know that Julia plays softball for the other team, right?" Creepy B looked dumbfounded at my statement. Right before Tommy interrupted to help him out, he finally puzzled it out on his own.
"You mean that she's a lesbian?" He said this much too loudly, and a few people turned to see what was going on.
"Quiet!" I ordered. He seemed to calm down, and moved closer to me in a conspiratorial gesture. His breath smelled like a pig farm on a hot day. "Yes," I whispered, "She's a lesbian. Not only is she gay, but she totally fucking hates men. She knows exactly how damn sexy she can be, and she uses it to tease, and frustrate men. If she didn't hate men so much she would probably have short hair, and dress like a dude." His mouth gaped open at this juicy bit of gossip. I had a feeling that I was going to be getting punched for this later. I guess that was fine, as long as I got fucked beforehand.
"So you don't think she can be converted back?" I shook my head with solemnity.
"There's no chance. She'd rather cut your dick off than look at it. She's too far gone, even for a man of your obvious talents." He threw his chest out at my ridiculous compliment; drunk people are too funny sometimes. "I've got to get moving. Take care, B."