Tidal Wave on a Blind Date

"I'd argue," Josie said, "but I have neither strength nor money."

We took a bath together, during which Josie carved my pubic hair into an arrow pointing down. It was good work, and I told her she could make money offering such a talent at salons around the city. For that I got splashed in the face.

The sun was out and it was actually very warm outside. Josie let me borrow some clothes -- a green tank top, a denim skirt and flip-flops. Josie wore red shorts, a white and red striped top and flip-flops. And Fearie wore a leash. Yep, the demon spawn came with us. We went to a coffee place that had an outdoor patio with wrought iron tables and chairs. At one point during breakfast Josie and I played footsie under the table, at another point Fearie tried to take off my foot with her teeth. I pointed my chin at Josie's huge shoulder bag. "What the hell do you have in that thing?"

"A surprise, actually."

"Oooh I like those." I craned my neck to try and see what it was.

Josie pulled her bag under her chair. "Then wait for it to be one!"

After breakfast Josie wanted to take Fearie for a long walk and I suggested we take a cab to Central Park. When we got there Josie didn't walk Fearie as much as hold her back her from killing everything in sight. Fearie did her bark/growl thing and practically attacked anything that moved. Luckily Josie yanked her back before she got too close. At one point Fearie ran up to a German Shepard and started gnawing on its foot. The Shepard jumped back and started barking. A small fight ensued with the Shepard's owner trying to break it up by yelling, "Lady! Your dog!"

Smiling, Josie said, "Oh don't mind Fearie. She just loves to play with other dogs."

"Get her away!"

Josie dropped her shoulders and rolled her eyes. "Fine. Think your dog is too good to play with my dog." She pulled Fearie away before the Shepard sustained any real damage.

As we walked I took a deep breath and decided to broach a subject. "Fearie seems a little...angry."

Josie shrugged. "Yeah, she can be that way."

"So, um, along those lines, have you thought about, you know, doggie therapy? Maybe getting her on some medication?"

"Actually Fearie has a psychiatrist. I give painting lessons to his daughter in trade. And he says upping her Prozac anymore would be considered a lethal dose."

My mouth dropped open. "My God, what was she like before?"

We picked a spot on the grass and sat out in the sun while Fearie eyed up potential victims. There were plenty of other people sitting on the grass, playing Frisbee and walking their dogs. Josie turned to me and said, "We had an interesting first date, didn't we?"

I chuckled. "You could say that."

"You could also see it. A little memento." Josie reached into her bag and pulled out a small canvas. It was the one of me she painted last night. Looking at a painting of myself, naked and exposed, stirred up feelings inside of me. But they were not good feelings.

"Maybe for our next date I can get your backside..."

"Listen," I said as I put down the painting. "You're really great, and a very...unique personality. I'd be lucky to be with you, but I'm just don't think I'm ready to date again or be in a relationsh-"

"Well I think you are ready," Josie interrupted. The look on her face said this was going to be a fight.

"You don't understand..."

"Fine, you got burned by this girl Elizabeth. It happens. But you're so afraid of what bad things might happen that you're not thinking about what good things could happen."

"You still don't understand..."

"I understand two years is a long time." Josie put a hand on my face. "It's too long."

With emotion cracking my voice I said, "But it hurt."

"Well dammit Gretchen, you can't let that hurt stop you from living!" "Oh yeah!" I stood up, yelling. "You think you know everything? Think all those questions last night gave you all the answers? Well I bet you didn't figure this one out -- I wasn't the one who walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me! I was the one in the bed! I was the one who broke another woman's heart! The one she gave to me! The one she trusted me with! And I fucked it all up!"

I turned and stormed off. But I hadn't gone five paces before I heard "Gretchen!" I kept going. Josie had gotten up and was following me. "Gretchen!"

I half turned as I walked. "Go away! You don't want to be with me!"

"Yes I do! Don't you fucking tell me what I want!"

"I'm an adulterous whore! What kind of woman wants that?"

Suddenly something was on my back and I fell to the ground. I realized Josie had tackled me. "Get off!" I screamed.

"No!"

"Get off of me!"

Being the good New Yorkers everyone knows, the people around us didn't do anything but stare at the commotion. Josie got on her hands and knees, giving me enough room to turn over and face her. There were tears in my eyes. I said, "I'm not good enough for you. Or anybody."

"Yes you are."

I yelled, "How do you know that? How do you know you can trust me?"

Josie yelled back, "Because you spent the last two years torturing yourself!"

It was a better answer than I'd expected. For a few seconds there was only the sound of heavy breathing as we staring into each other's eyes. Josie continued, "And really bad people don't do that."

Josie leaned down and then we were kissing, a heavy, passionate kiss. When she pulled away I looked up at her. "You are so fucking crazy," I said.

"And you're just figuring that out now?"

A month later, when her apartment-sitting job ended, Josie moved in with me. Actually, Josie and Fearie moved in with Angus and me. On the first day Fearie attacked Angus. But the feline, who up to that point had been so mellow that I didn't even have him de-clawed, bared those claws and chased Fearie into a corner. And Josie and I lived happily, well, mostly happily, ever after.

*

Please send feedback to the contact area in my profile.