Tiger and Pigeon Ch. 05

Hey,

after a long pause (and some throttling from my readers) I decided to continue posting on Tiger and Pigeon. I hope you enjoy the latest installment.

***


"I thought Aura was closed until January 10th?"

"It is, but you're lucky enough to know the owner." Jerome smiles at me.

Yeah, lucky me.

"How long do you think Daniel is going to sleep?"

"I doubt t that a teenage boy wakes up at the early hours of morning unless the house is on fire. Even YOU had to be dragged from the bed with the lure of strong coffee. Daniel was sound asleep as we left. Besides I left him a note where we are and he has our cell numbers." Jer opens the yoga studio's door and keeps it open for me too.

"The breakfast that you left for him sure looked tempting." I try to ignore the protests my empty stomach is making.

"The same breakfast is waiting for us too when we get back. It is not good to do the morning routine with a full stomach. I rarely even drink coffee before class. I thought you might appreciate a cup though."

"Yeah, there is no way to get my engine going without coffee." This is nice, just talking about unimportant matters. I would like to keep it that way...

As we enter the changing room, I feel the normal pre-exercise jitters. I know my body isn't recovered completely from the mugging, but I'm hoping some stretching might alleviate my sore muscles.

"Have you ever tried Bigram yoga?" Jer asks me with an unreadable expression on his face.

"I don't even know what that is." I'm not embarrassed to admit I know virtually nothing about yoga except for the classes I attended before Christmas with Jaime.

"To put it shortly it is a yoga routine that is done in a heated room. I have portable heaters and I can divide the room in two so that the smaller section will warm up fast. Would you like to try?" Jer turns his back to me and starts undressing.

I can't see his face so I feel like he is hiding something from me. The air between us seems to vibrate with things unmentioned. Maybe it's just my morning head – or morning wood – picking up things that aren't really there. Hot yoga... "How hot?" I'm interested. My curious nature has always gotten me into trouble. I'm willing to try anything once.

"Uhm... 113 Fahrenheit. It will make you sweat and makes you more flexible. We can take it easy for your first time." Jer turns around, still shirtless. I fight myself not to stare.

"I'm willing to try if you want." I murmur mainly to myself.

"I think it would do you good." Why do I get the feeling that we are suddenly talking about something other than yoga?

Rolling my eyes I avoid the question.

"Here, you can borrow mine again." Jer hands me light grey college shorts and a black top from his personal closet. He puts on a similar outfit without being shy in front of me. I can see flashes of round cheeks covered in green boxers and a bird tattoo on his hip.

What is it with yogis and birds? Jaime had a bird tattoo too, but a flashy and colorful one starting from his neck and ending on his waist. Jerome's tattoo is a whole different story. It is a very subtle black and white pigeon.

The size of the tattoo is half of my palm, but it almost fades onto Jer's skin. It looks old – and beautiful. Jer's hips are lean and strong; the well-worn shorts hide nothing. And I mean nothing! I fight an urge to lick my lips.

As I finally look back up, not sure how many moments, I find an amused Jer looking at me over his shoulder. "Aren't you going to change?"

"Uhm... yeah, gimme a sec." Well, it is not the first time I'm dealing with a sexy guy, but something about Jerome makes part of me feel like I'm still a kid and the other part of me just wants to rip his clothes off and ravish him. And that feels all kinds of wrong in our current situation.

As I change Jer goes to the yoga room to make preparations to heat it up. He hums something while he moves around the small area. Why am I so drawn to him? Why now? Now that all has fallen apart with Aleksi. Or maybe it's just because of it. Jerome is definitely someone I'd pay interest anyway and it's not like he's the oldest guy I've ever been with. Even the Artist was senior compared to Jer and his Muse was in his thirties too. Generally I don't look at the age of the person I'm shagging so it can't be that.

Jerome just makes me look at things differently. Sigh. And just being with him makes me feel something instead of the cold pain of being alone.

Jer looks at me differently, like he really sees something in me that he likes. It isn't the same lustful gaze as from the older queers wanting to touch my young flesh. Jer's eyes show respect and trust. It makes me feel... well something.

After this class, I will definitely go home. Screw breakfast. I need to clear my mind.

The heat and humidity hit me like a wall as I enter the smaller section of the room. Jer has covered the moveable wall with a silky sun yellow curtain and the room looks HOT! Sweat starts to push through my skin after mere seconds in there.

A nervous giggle like sound escapes me."Are you serious about doing the practice here? You're not kidding me?"

"Hahaha Tim, you'll see that your body will get used to it. It will not do you any harm, your body will adapt." Jer puts the yoga mats on the floor side by side, facing a multicolored painting of the Chakras. Jer had explained earlier at one class the meaning of them, but I have completely forgotten. The room around us is otherwise very plain; the dark wooden floor stands out from the powder white walls.

"Take your starting position on your knees or in the half lotus pose. Close your eyes. Just listen to the rhythm of your own breathing." Jerome sounds like Jerome but also something more. His voice is almost hypnotic. "Count to three when you breathe in. Hold your breath. Then count to three when you exhale. Pause between breaths. After a while, try to count up to four or five if possible. Let your breathing rhythm grow longer without forcing it."

After thirty minutes, I'm balancing in a tree pose next to Jer. I can see him from the corner of my right eye – I try to go back into the concentration I was in. It is not easy, there are moments here and there that I can feel what Jer explains I should try to feel, but my mind is not trained enough to be focused on a single matter. I am amazed how into this Jer is. I enjoy the purely physical side of this exercise; it has definitely helped with the painful muscles.

The hotness of the room is long forgotten even when I can feel the pearls of sweat running down my body.

After 90 minutes, I'm almost dead. I feel my body is soft and powerless. I have no energy to move one limb as I lie in the end of relaxation. My eyes are closed and I just enjoy the waves of pure post-exercise bliss.

After lying there for a minute or two, I'm startled by a light touch on my calves. I open my eyes and find Jer at the end side of my mat, sitting down on his knees and carefully lifting my legs just a little above the mat. What? Am I dreaming?

"Shhh... Let your eyes stay closed. I'm giving your body some help with the relaxation."

Hmmm... I don't feel I need any extra relaxation, but if he wants to touch me... I'm not going to object. My only answer is a pleased throaty groan.

After a minute or two, Jerome puts my feet back down. His hands start massaging my feet and toes then my calves and work their way up to my thighs. Oh no, no, no. I'm afraid I'm going to pop an erection any minute now! Yet I feel so soothed, almost sedated that in the back of my mind I know it won't happen.

"Turn over, Tim." Jer's voice is so soft. As I lie on my stomach Jer moves his hands over to my butt, to the small of my back. Ok now! "Jer, I think I'm good now." My words are barely recognizable as I mumble them to the mat. I'm not really objecting; his touch just feels too good.

"What did you say?" Jer leans closer over my back.

I forgot... I feel too aroused to think and too relaxed to care.

"It feels good." I mumble and laugh inwardly how the content of the sentence changed within seconds.

Jer purrs back an answer. I groan again as his hand finds an especially sore spot between my shoulder blades. Within a few movements, his other hand sneaks under my top to my sweaty skin, just sliding along the surface of my back muscles. "Ungh!"

"Does it hurt there?" His voice is suddenly filled with worry.

"No, gods no." Don't stop! Or make me turn on my back again! I beg every deity possible since, oh fuck, just my own weight on top of my cock is starting to make me hard. I can't fight it. I want to push against the mat harder to get more pressure!

Jerome's touch and closeness just drives me wild.

Then it is all over. Jer throws a towel over me. "Lie still for a few more minutes and let your body settle to the normal temperature." Jer walks around the room, shutting the heaters off and opening the dividing wall. It doesn't take much time for the air to cool. Strangely enough, it doesn't give me any chills. I feel I have been heated from deep inside.





***






As we walk out on the street, I realize I need time to think. I need it now. "Jer, I'm gonna go for a walk now. You go home and see what Danny is doing."

"But we got breakfast waiting." Jerome looks confused.

Why is he clinging to me? "I'm sorry, I need to think." With that, I turn away and leave Jer standing.

I manage two steps and already hear him calling, "Tim! I can't let you just walk away!"

I keep walking.

"Tim." The worrying voice again. Damn.

Few more steps then I stop. Sigh. I turn around and walk back to him.

"Jer, I'm just going for a walk, I'm not gonna throw myself under a bus, 'k? I will return. I just need a breather alone." I aim for a friendly and soothing tone. I can read a small amount of panic in Jer.

"No." His cheeks are pink with emotion.

"Jer, I will be back. It is just a walk. Trust me." I try sound assuring but I still feel uneasy as I turn around again remembering the hurt in Jer's eyes.

How did he think I would react? He gave me a very sensual massage; he has given me many signals that just make me feel more lost. What does HE want from me? Yeah, stupid question. The answer just doesn't make any sense.

There is a big BUT.

Jerome is engaged – with a bitch of a woman – but still engaged.

Why am I letting Jerome get under my skin like this? It has only been days since I let go of Aleksi for good.

Jer rescued me, took me to his home and washed my wounds. He is the reason I still walk these windblown streets. I should be in a body bag right now. How can I ever pay back Jerome?

Messing up his life is no way in hell the way to pay back. I need to keep myself clear of that!

I can't see the faces of the people that walk past me nor am I interested. I turn from the next corner towards smaller streets and lesser people rushing to work.

Why would Jerome come on to me? He is coming on to me? Or am I imagining it?

And then there is the unmentioned question about Daniel. I have a hunch he has a crush on me. Or he is jealous of his newly found father. I have always been good at reading people so I suspect Daniel might be a little bit of both.

A few weeks ago, I would have jumped on the opportunity to shack with either one of them!

The realization makes me shudder. The absolutely best thing for us all is that I step away from them. Give them space and time to get to know each other. And put my own shit back together somehow. I need to focus on me, not these two temptations. They make me forget I need to live my own life. I need to make peace with myself about Aleksi and Jaime. Maybe even get their forgiveness. Or learn to live without it.

Something cold touches my core. I really must figure out how to inform the law about the drug dealers. They would be dangerous to rat out, but they are more dangerous on the streets. I can't believe I was part of that. Why did I have to hurt the people I care before I could face it?

Because I'm a sick fuck. A low life. A worthless piece of shit. As I curse myself even harder I suddenly see Jerome's worried face in my mind. Yeah, without his presence I start going round and round again with my self-hatred. But I will have to try to make it with my own. For their sake if not for my own!

Things will change now! I just need to stay focused and strong about this. And not give in to the false lure of domesticated bliss that Jerome is offering.

The wind feels super cold against my cheeks and I try to hide under the collar of my jacket.

Yes. Somehow I feel real peace in me. I know now what I need to do. I must stay strong. A strong sense of fate looms over me. Something major is about to happen soon and I need to be ready for it.

I give myself a mental cheer. Here we go, Tim! I'm ready to face the father and son again!




***



My decision to hold my ground with the father and son came stumbling down as I got closer and closer to Jer's apartment. When the elevator hits 6th floor, I'm almost shaking within. I have no idea why I feel like I'm fighting against myself when I'm clearly going to do the right thing for all of us.

This time I'm not only thinking of myself!

Jerome opens the door for me and is obviously relieved to see me. Behind him I find Daniel already up and eating breakfast while reading the paper.

Jerome fusses around and as he offers Daniel coffee, he tries to mess the kid's hair, but Daniel ducks and grunts in response. Cute, he's not a morning person just like his dad. Maybe Danny-boy is not used to being around touchy-feely people like Jerome?

I remind myself the mantra I had mumbled in the elevator up. 'Be stern and adamant. Don't back away from what you've decided! Keep it short and sweet, don't stay long enough to be lured back in."

Here we go! Here we go! Here we go!!!

"Ahem. Jer, I'm just gonna grab my things and head back home. Thank you for the yoga and... well thank you for everything. I am grateful." My chest aches... To be honest, I really, really don't wanna leave. Like really.

Both Daniel's and Jer's gray eyes are on me. Oh no! They look at me like puppy dogs. I must leave before they talk me out of it!

"You're leaving?" I'm surprised it comes from Daniel's mouth.

"Yeah, it is time for me to leave you two to get to know each other and get back to my own life." I hope my smile doesn't turn out fake.

"Stay." That is all Jerome says.

"Stay for breakfast at least," comes from Daniel. Wow, I did not see this coming. Daniel doesn't want to see me go, why?

A loud Nokia tune interrupts us and Jerome pulls out his phone. "It is Laura. I have to take this." With that, he walks to the bedroom.

"I could come with you." Daniel says, mouth still chewing his bread. "I have nothing to do and hanging around here all day with Jer sounds lame."

"Hahaa... No way. You two need to work things out. I'm not gonna get further involved in this situation."

When I see my words don't seem to be sinking in with Daniel, I lean to the table getting myself closer to Daniel, who backs away some – just the reaction I was looking for!

Daniel nods at me, but says nothing.

I stare at him for a while. "I'm not the one you should bond with. I'm bad news."

I can see the kid swallow visibly then take a sip from his milk before he turns his eyes away from me. Daniel's black lashes look even longer than Jerome's. Or is that just an illusion since Jer's are lighter in color?

"That makes you interesting to me, Tim. You two are the only people I know in New York. I'm not allowed to wander around alone and I surely don't plan to stick with my dad twenty-four-seven. Besides, I won't be any trouble... If you don't like having me around, I can just use you as an excuse and we'll go our separate ways when the door shuts behind us."

Oh the little evil. Not so innocent, I see. "No deal. I won't do that to Jer."

"Do what to me?" Jer enters the living room with annoyance written on his expressive face.

"Nothing, we were just talking about your old-fashioned ringtone," Daniel says and looks at me warningly, then he turns to Jerome with innocent eyes.

"Well, that was Laura. She is coming over in fifteen." Jer holds the cell with white knuckles.

"Should you maybe sit down?" I suggest gritting my teeth. I hate the idea of Laura and Jer together again but try not to show it.

"Tim, I need one more favor. Can you take Daniel with you for a couple of hours? I promise to make it up to you." Jerome looks desperate. "Please."

Daniel hides his smirk behind the tea mug. Right.

"Hmm. This is becoming a habit, Jer. Why can't you work out things with Laura while Danny is here?" Of course he wants to work things out with her. Why did I fool myself to think Jer would be interested in me.

"Daniel, would you please leave us alone for a while?" Jer asks.

"I don't have to leave the room, I'm no baby. I know you don't want me around when your fiancée is here... She wants to talk about me, am I right?" Daniel is not a happy bunny about this.

"Well you are one of the things I need to discuss with Laura." Jer turns back at me. "Tim, please."

"Well..." I really, really don't want to get further involved. Yet, against my gut feeling, I find myself agreeing to babysit Daniel one more time.





***



Daniel walks straight through the apartment to the balcony and leans over the railing to see the view over Manhattan. His tiny butt is tentatively up and I'm enjoying my view too! Until I have to remind myself exactly who I am ogling at.

"This is where you live? Oh gosh!" Daniel looks around, eyes large as saucers.

"Well, yes. This is my parents' place, our city house. They are practically never here. Now they are on a three-month work call in Berlin."

"Do you have a housekeeper? I mean this is huge! I didn't know you were rich!"

"We have lots of different servants, they are off duty now. I only use my room and the kitchen. And the money is not mine, it's my folks." I hate to brag about money; it is nice to have, but not an issue I think about daily.

"My mum and step dad were poor in any standards compared to this. Even compared to Jerome!" Daniel sits himself down on the nearest stool in the balcony. "I love your balcony. I have never seen one so big. I have never been in a penthouse of a skyscraper."

"Uhm, well..." What can I say? I feel speechless now. "Grab anything you want from the fridge. Just don't touch the alcohol. I'll go upstairs and change. Come indoors, would you? It is too cold here."

"Would you like to show me your room?" Daniel's voice is suddenly mock sultry.

"No. Just wait in the living room. I'll be back in no time. Then we can go out or maybe play some PlayStation or something. I can also show you the roof later. You might like that."

"Fine. Go. Hurry up!" Daniel turns his face to the sun.

"Since it is not summer, you better get inside to wait. C'mon kiddo."

If a stare could kill... "I'm freaking no 'ddo!"

"Yeah, tell that to the entire neighborhood."





***






In my room, I decide to take a quick cold shower too. I feel weird being home for the first time in days. This really has never felt like home, just a place to crash. I think I see my distant relatives more than my parents. But that is the reality I grew up with and I refuse to use it as an excuse for my actions anymore.

Aleksi has been my only family for a decade. A family I have no right to any longer. I fight back my tears. I am the only one to blame for my situation now. 'Just suck it up, Tim!'

Staying under Jerome's wing would be too easy. He makes me feel welcome, wanted and needed. I can't understand why though. I'm not worth his attention or compassion. I'm in deep debt to him though. In a way, I feel like I owe my life to him. I can't mess it up again because he gave it back to me.