That's what my friends and family thought about my relationship with Amber.
For the past 30 months or so, we have been friends. Perhaps I've been a better friend to her than she to me but that has yet to be seen.
For about five months before that we weren't friendly at all, at least I certainly wasn't.
For 23 years before that we were married to each other!
What's bizarre to me is that yesterday I got a call from Sam (Samantha) to say that she is headed back home from her weekend across the state in St. Louis but that our discussion and our decision would have to be put on hold for a while as she was bringing someone back with her and she felt it was important.
That "someone" was Amber!
What in hell was Amber doing in St. Louis and more important, why was Sam bringing her home and why did we have to put our decision on hold?
Sam and I aren't married but we have been living together for most of the past two years. The decision she referred to is that we planned to make a significant change in our "live-in" relationship and to have my ex-wife coming to interrupt that, is bizarre.
I grew up in foster homes and group homes and learned to deal with life the hard way. Those years made me as physically tough as I needed to be to fight for and maintain a starting position on both my high school and college football teams and that, combined with enough intelligence, at least to get by, helped me achieve the financial success I currently have, . . . that is, with a whole lot of help from a friend.
It has also helped me tough out the emotional problems in my life.
As I said, I was in a number of foster homes since birth, but the one that had the most effect on me was the last one I was in, with old Charlie Evanston. I had been placed with him and his wife Edith, with whom he lived at the time.
It was, as I recall, a wonderful loving and caring home and, overall, continued to be afterwards, but he caught Edith having sex with a neighbor one night after, both Charlie and she, along with the rest of their neighbors, had had a wild night of drinking and dancing at a street party.
He insisted she leave and over the next few weeks bought out her share of their home. Because there was no other place immediately available for a teenage boy, the powers that be at the Children's Protection Service, let me stay with Charlie and I spent almost 3 more years there, visiting Edith on alternate weekends in her one bedroom apartment.
Edith never recovered.
Often, going there was a chore as she was usually very morose when she wasn't outright crying, often for the whole weekend. She went on and on about what an awful mistake she had made and how much it must have hurt Charlie to lead him to throw her out and not even consider letting her return.
Sometimes she cheered up a little on the weekends when I was there, but her overall depression made it impossible for her to hold a job for long, yet she somehow got the rent paid and there was always enough food in the refrigerator.
Charlie didn't show it, not at all, but I'm pretty sure he was hurting too.
In a rare moment of intimacy between us one day, a year later, I asked him why he didn't forgive Edith. His face saddened visibly, he looked right at me and said, "This is between you and me and no one else, right?"
I could see tears coming to his eyes as he said, "I've already forgiven her. I loved her for too long and far too much not to forgive her."
"Then why doesn't she come back to live with us?"
"Because as much as I love her, it isn't enough for both of us and I don't believe she loves me enough. If she did, she wouldn't have fucked that son-of-a-bitch no matter how drunk she was. I miss her terribly but I can stand this hurt better than the hurt that comes from being with someone you know doesn't love you enough to remain true."
That confused me at least a little as, every second weekend, I listened to Edith pour her heart out about how much she had hurt Charlie and how, knowing that she had hurt him, she had hurt herself too. Because of Charlie's refusal to let her return, her regret over her transgression and most of all her pain from hurting Charlie so badly, seemed obvious to me and although still very young at the time, I remember feeling that there was no way Edith would ever hurt him again but before I could say anything to him, he added,
"Life is like a poker game, if you let them see how you are feeling, you lose! No matter how much you hurt inside, don't let anyone see it. Try to show that in spite of what has happened, you are getting on just fine. It will help you do exactly that. It will also help you avoid the embarrassment of foolish emotional behavior because the embarrassment and humiliation from your own stupidity, if you handle it badly, will last a lot longer than the emotional hurt of betrayal."
Charlie would let me play ball all night if I wanted, provided that; first, my homework was done and second, I played as well as I could.
Charlie said, "If you're not putting your best into it, you shouldn't be doing it."
I practiced more than I played and when I played, I did it well! I won a full ride at State and, with additional alumni support, actually had a decent income from a part-time sinecure as well, as long as my grades were good and I was a starter.
There were no end to the girls and women who were available, given my status as a school "jock", and as well as a reputation for being a top athlete, I also had a reputation for fucking and drinking my way through the school.
For most of my high school years, I didn't date and of course remained a virgin but my cherry was taken just after I turned eighteen, by Marci James.
I was 5' 11'' and 195 lbs of muscle and co-ordination and her boyfriend at the time, although he was bigger than me, tried to beat on me for accidentally bumping in to her one day. I beat him to a pulp right in front of her and Marci, screwed up as she was, was so turned on by it all that later that day she seduced me in the park underneath the bleachers.
There wasn't much foreplay.
Once under the seats, she took me in her arms and kissed me, forcing her tongue into my mouth. I had been jerking off regularly for years by then and had a pretty good idea what this was all about.
My cock was hard as hell.
After the kiss, she stepped back, opened her blouse, unhooked her bra in front, letting the first tits I had ever seen in the flesh fall free and then she told me to suck on them.
I wasn't at all slow on the uptake and I soon had my lips locked on a nipple.
It seemed to me that I was only at it for a few moments when she pushed me back, fell to her knees, unbuckled my pants, pulled down the zipper and pulled my jeans and boxers down to my knees, freeing my erect cock.
In moments I went from a guy who had never seen tits in the flesh, to a guy getting his first blowjob!
The feeling was incredible and I came quickly, too quickly, but she kept sucking, trying, I guess, to keep it hard. After a while, she stopped and told me to lie down on my back. When I did, she knelt beside me and got back to the blowjob.
When I was hard again, she stood up, lifted her skirt and pulled off her panties. She straddled me and sat down on my cock, taking it in, in one stroke and I was being fucked for the first time.
Even after having just cum in her mouth, I knew I was ready to cum again as she bounced up and down on me.
It's amusing now, but it was serious then. After only a minute or so (or so I remember it) she gasped as if in pain and I momentarily panicked thinking I had hurt her, but as she recovered from what I now know to be an orgasm, she looked down at me with the same look I had seen in a number of porn photos that I jerked off on and I came for the second time as she lifted off me.
On disengaging, she grabbed my cock and jerked me until I was spent.
She told me I was a good fuck and she might just call me sometime, then she left.
Afterwards I took her panties home with me. I don't remember what I was thinking at the time, perhaps a souvenir or a trophy, but that turned out to be the best thing that could have happened.
I didn't hide them very well and when Charlie was picking up clothes for the laundry one day, he found them.
When he asked, I told him the whole story. He smiled a bit and asked me if we had used a "rubber". When I asked what he meant, he explained it, then told me we were going to see the doctor.
Dr. Granet and Charlie told me about STD's and that the exam showed I wasn't infected . . . this time. They taught me about condoms and Charlie insisted that I keep one with me and that I use one every time, without exception, until I was ready to assume the responsibilities of a parent or I was ready to let myself possibly catch AIDS or any number of other STD's.
For my senior year, with my status as a starter for both our football and basketball teams, I was buying condoms by the dozen and later I used even more when I got to college.
Shortly before my high school graduation, Edith died quite suddenly. About a month later, Charlie told me he was going to retire after I graduated and move back to New Mexico, where he was born and raised, to live with his brother and sister-in-law. He sold the house we lived in and invested half the money, about $85,000, in a portfolio that he gave me, telling me that upon graduation I was on my own.
I missed him terribly but knew he wouldn't like me saying so. We kept in touch by telephone now and then, but I still felt alone.
To cope, during my first college year, I buried myself in studies, sports and getting laid, not necessarily in that order.
We had a winning record in my first year and some of the local papers listed me as the main reason.
In my sophomore year, we got all the way to the Division final but lost on a record field goal kicked by the opposition on the last play of the game.
Again, the local media featured me as a leading reason for our team's success. However we were losing a number of starters to graduation and we were, for the following year, going to be, once more, a mediocre team.
By my Junior Year at university, now playing on that "mediocre" team, I was becoming bored with it all. My grades were O.K. but I was having difficulty getting excited about the sports and the parties, even getting laid.
I had a few threesomes, both me with two women a couple of times and I double teamed a cheerleader with Robbie Kemper one time, but even that wasn't enough to keep me interested.
I had been majoring in Kinesiology thinking I would teach Gym but one night I attended a seminar on running your own business and got hooked on the idea.
In my senior year, I took a number of business courses and didn't complete the required courses for my degree in Kinesiology thinking I would stay another year or two and graduate with a double major. That caused some problems with my eligibility to play football and almost cost me everything, as I needed the scholarship to finance my education and avoid dipping into the money Charlie had given me.
Thanks to help from one of the business law professors I was reinstated on appeal and got an extra year of eligibility.
It was in his Business Law course that I met Amber.
I saw her as more "cute" than beautiful at first. She was really bright and very successful, academically. When I looked a little more carefully, I saw a great personality and really nice figure with what I would estimate to be size "B" tits and great legs.
She was on track to become a lawyer and was taking this business law course as an option.
I often sat with her, even had one study group with her and we became friendly if not friends.
By the end of that year I was fascinated with her and although we continued our friendship, she would not go out with me.
She was quite open about the reason. "I'm not about to become a notch on your belt!" she told me. "Your reputation precedes you."
As I said, I was rapidly tiring of that lifestyle and I continued to pursue her, being careful not to over do it.
For the rest of that year, I focused on my contribution to our team and on my studies, not to mention working on getting nearer to Amber, but the closest I got to a date with her was coffee after study group and one night after most of the group had met in the on-campus pub, she let me walk her back to her apartment and kissed me on the cheek when she said goodnight.
At the end of that school year I attended an orientation program for three weeks then I worked for six weeks in the summer as a teaching assistant in a summer school program and when that was over, I flew to New Mexico to visit Charlie for a week before training camp opened.
Over that entire time I didn't see Amber at all. I did call her apartment few times but got no answer and once, about four weeks into the summer school program, I left a message and one night later, when I got home, I found a message waiting from her in return saying, thanks for the call, she was hoping to hear from me but that she was about to vacation with a cousin and would be out of town for about three weeks and she would be back the week before school started.
I arrived in New Mexico to find that Charlie was not well!
He looked feeble and pale and much older than the 66 he was. His brother Alan told me that Charlie was excited about me coming and was actually better than he had been for months before I visited.
He must have been pretty bad then!
We spent a terrific week together but it was difficult for me because Charlie had taught me to keep my feelings to myself and he did it too. I loved him and I was pretty sure he loved me as well, but nothing was said by either of us.
I hated to leave him at the end of that week but training camp was starting and I had to be there to keep my scholarship.
When I left, I was afraid that it might be the last time I would see Charlie alive.
As I slid into my seat on board the plane for the trip back, a "million to one" chance happened to me for the first of two times in my life, for when I looked up, I saw Amber taking a seat about two rows in front of me.
I managed to switch seats with the man beside her and I enjoyed her company all the way home, taking my mind off my sorrow at leaving Charlie.
She had been visiting a cousin for a few weeks and was now headed back to school just as I was.
"You've changed!" she told me after I told her about my visit with Charlie and something of my life with him. "You are calmer and maybe more . . . mature."
In response I said, "More mature enough that you'll go out with me?"
She did, and in between road games we dated on weekends and then, about midway through the season, she started coming to my away games along with a group of other fans.
We spent some quiet evenings at home too, either in my apartment or hers, but she made it clear she was not getting into my bed nor would I get into hers. She had had sex with a boy at her high school when she was 15 but he had been clumsy and selfish and, over all, it wasn't a great experience. As a result, she had decided to wait until she met "the right guy" before she went any further.
Some of our sessions got hot and heavy but she would push away gently before it got too far and as difficult as it was to do, I always respected her wishes.
One night we actually slept together.
We had been studying for an international business course well into the night and we both fell asleep on the sofa in her apartment and didn't wake until early the next morning. When I left, we both laughed at what the neighbors must be thinking.
Near the end of that year we accepted an invitation from Amber's friend Lisa to spend a long weekend at her boyfriend's estate in Iowa. It was huge and definitely upper crust. His parents were there but the place was so big we hardly ever saw them. We were each given our own room and the bedrooms were larger than any two rooms in my apartment. There was every luxury you could imagine including a gym, hot tubs and a pool.
One thing that became apparent was that Amber's "friend" Lisa was putting the make on me. She touched me at every opportunity and managed to sit with me at every meal. She frequently bent down to pick up something letting her blouse fall away from her magnificent braless tits. Late Friday night she wore the briefest of skirts while she took me on a tour of the grounds. At one point, she was walking up some stairs in front of me and either she was wearing what had to be a mini thong or she was bare under that skirt.
Needless to say, her boyfriend Eric seemed to be interested in Amber as he took her on a separate tour.
I managed to get through it on the Friday night and Saturday morning but by noon I took Amber aside and told her what was obvious, at least to me, that they were looking to swap. Amber blushed and responded that she had let Lisa think we were sleeping together as she was tired of her lectures about how great it was to get fucked.
Then she blushed and said there was more but that she was too embarrassed to tell me. I've never seen myself as an insecure person but somehow the only thing I could think of was that Amber somehow wanted Eric and was using me to get Lisa out of the way.
I was hurt, but being true to Charlie's teaching, I never let it show.
I told Amber that I wasn't interested in Lisa and that I would be content to leave but that I could probably distract Lisa long enough for her to get Eric into her room before I did.
Amber was upset that I would think such a thing but did admit that she had been thinking about going along with the switch because she felt that in our relationship, we were close to making love and she was afraid she had too little experience and felt she would need more if she wanted to keep a guy like me who had "been around".
When Lisa had expressed an interest in swapping, Amber felt it might be a way to get that experience but the thought of me sleeping with Lisa put her off that idea. Hearing me say I wasn't interested in Lisa made Amber rethink it all!
That seemed to be the turning point in our relationship.
She went directly to Lisa and told her we weren't interested in swapping then she proceeded to move her things into my room.
That night she came to my bed wearing a simple cotton night dress and after some hot and heavy foreplay, she had me take it off her. We made love and, although exciting because it was our first time, we were both nervous and didn't really get off all that well.
Lisa's concern as she expressed it to me afterward was that she had so little experience and I had so much. She told me that she had even considered breaking up with me to gain some experience on her own, but feared I would meet someone else and she and I might never get back together.
I told her that just being with her, experienced or not, was exciting to me and that she would soon learn what she wanted me to do and what she didn't.
On hearing this, for the rest of our time together, Lisa approached that aspect of our lives like any other subject she studied.
She set out to learn how to be damned good at it!
She was an eager student and over our years together, she not only became adept but also creative and I believed I was the luckiest man alive.
The only small mark in our relationship was that she often said she felt she brought so little experience to our sexual relationship that she was concerned that she might not be giving me all that I wanted or needed or worse, that I would tire of her and find someone else.
I reassured her that she was all that I wanted and we went ahead and got married.
Charlie came to the wedding.