To Be The Last Ch. 06

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Finale.
9.6k words
4.62
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Part 6 of the 6 part series

Updated 09/22/2022
Created 01/26/2008
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A few years ago...

It should be raining. Spectacular weather didn't happen often in London, but today had to be one of those rare days. The last thing she wanted was for the sky to be relatively clear. At least a light breeze kept things a little chilled.

Alexia wanted a full out storm with torrential rain and flash flood warnings. Lightning and thunder shaking the walls would have also been appreciated. All physical manifestations of the turmoil churning in her.

The black Mercedes moved through traffic deftly. Matthew asked if she wanted the windows down since the weather was so nice. Alex shook her head and told him to drop the AC temperature in the car to the lowest. Cold. If only she could numb herself to everything. Although she was already shivering, Matthew complied.

They didn't talk during the hour drive out of London. Alexia had been grateful that Matthew didn't start a conversation. He just dutifully drove her to the estate her grandfather owned on the outskirt of London. She couldn't recall how they reached the estate, too lost in her thoughts by the time the car pulled into a perfectly manicured, white coral driveway.

She opened the car door and stepped out cautiously. The twinge of physical pain in her abdomen was nothing compared to her emotional and mental anguish. The pinch from her injury only reinforced her loss. Instinctively, her hand protectively settled over her flat stomach. Tears pooled in her eyes as she stopped walking.

"Alexia," Matt began softly, "you haven't cried yet. It would do you some good." His hand was at her elbow, offering a comforting embrace should she need it.

Blinking back her tears, Alexia gave a sad smile. "I'm trying to prolong my state of denial." She rasped.

Only a couple weeks ago she shed a layer of her depression, just enough to want to venture out of her grandfather's building. She had been in ICU for three weeks before in a stable enough condition to be moved to a private wing of the hospital. The moment she received the ok, Dane had her return to London.

Matthew thought a ghost inhabited the house. Since she had been in the hospital for almost six weeks, Alexia wasted away to almost nothing. The dark circles made her sad eyes look even bigger. Her coffee and cream complexion was devoid of its usual healthy glow. Instead, paleness to her color added to the appearance of her frailty.

Dane assigned someone with Alexia at all times. She refused to take medication and he worried she would try to hurt herself. He pushed for her to visit Blake and their son's graves in hopes that reality would start to sink in. The two had been buried on the estate where Alexia was now. It would be her first time visiting the graves.

"Then we'll walk slowly." Matt replied just as softly.

They took the scenic route, going through the gardens. Her favorite part of the whole estate was the gardens. It stretched on and on, having grown in size since Alex first told her grandfather how much she loved it when she was little. Her pace grew deliberately slower as they neared the huge marble headstones surrounded by fresh flowers.

The small hills of dirt had yet to settle, reminding the visitors of how recent the tragedy. Alexia stopped several feet away. Matthew patiently waited for her next move. He could tell she was reading the headstones, the names and dates. Her gaze lingered on the engraved cursive words written in French on her son's headstone.

"We love you." Alexia translated before she burst into tears.

Matt retreated quietly as Alexia sobbed and made her way to the graves. She didn't care how dirty she'd get as she dropped to her knees in the mounds of dirt. Her words tumbled out, forming not one coherent sentence. The words switched back and forth between Blake and Gabriel. Finally, she let out an anguished cry and just sobbed herself into exhaustion.

Awhile later, Matthew approached when Alexia's body stilled. He saw her draw in a shuddering breath. She looked up at him with swollen eyes still swimming in tears. He didn't like seeing her so completely devastated and a part of him was glad that no one had such a debilitating power over him. Well no one he'd admit to.

"It-" She began, her throat working to get the words out, "it still doesn't f-feel real." She drew in another unsteady breath. "O-only a part feels r-real. I can feel G-Gabriel's loss in m-my soul, but not Blake's. I should feel like h-he's gone. But I don't."

Kneeling, Matthew rubbed a hand over Alexia's back. "They're both gone, Alexia. I'm sorry." He couldn't sympathize. He hadn't grown an attachment to the unborn child and he sure as hell wasn't fond of Blake. All he could offer was what little empathy he could fake.

---

Alexia stayed at the estate for a couple months. She found it therapeutic to visit the graves and speak with Blake and Gabriel. She heard from her grandfather that Gabriel had jet black hair, and light eyes. He probably would have looked just like his father.

At first, she had been angry with Blake, but when all that anger was spent, she was overwhelmed with how much she still loved him and missed him. She planted flowers near the graves and told stories of her youth. Sometimes she'd tell the two about her day or the wishful dreams she had about the three of them as a family.

"The doctors say I am unable to have any children." Alexia whispered to Blake as she yanked out the newly sprouting weeds. There were gardeners and staff for that, but she liked doing it herself. "I don't mind though. I can't imagine having anyone else's child."

Alexia was silent again as she worked to pull out all the little weeds and then went to planting some miniature pink roses. She felt herself smile. "I know it's not very manly, but they're so beautiful." She explained to Blake and Gabriel as if Blake asked why she planted pink roses beside their graves.

She still couldn't believe Blake was gone as well. Her soul still ached for the loss of their son, but she couldn't bring herself to accept Blake's death.

When she had been stabbed, she vaguely remembered voices, horns honking, and lights flashing in and out above her. Then the beeping of machines. She remembered being hooked up to all these tubes. The doctor checked in on her and told her to get some rest. She wanted to ask about her baby, but the solemn look on his face told her everything.

Her first visitors were her grandfather and Matthew. He told her about the funeral arrangements he made for Gabriel. Then his voice trailed off and he looked to Matthew. Her grandfather always had Matt tell the bad news. As Dane moved to leave the room, Matthew pulled a seat beside Alexia's bed.

"Blake went looking for Richardson's partners." He started with. Alex blinked and felt her stomach drop. She already knew where this headed. "He found one of the guys...but he walked into a trap."

"No." Alexia started to shake her head. She was too weak to shout. "No. He can't be dead, too. I don't believe you."

Matt continued. "We did a DNA test on the body we found and it most definitely is Blake, Alexia. I'm so sorry. Your grandfather will have Blake buried beside Gabriel. His body was unrecognizable. It would be best you don't see it."

She called Matthew a liar and told him to get out. Her sudden movement to grab something, anything, to hurl at him pulled some of the needles out. The machines started to alarm and her heart rate shot up.

Nurses rushed into the room and shoved Matthew out. They tried to calm Alexia down, but she fought them off. Her screams drowned out the furious beeping from the machines. A sedative was injected to one of her many tubes and Alex was out in the next few moments.

When she woke up again, she didn't feel anything. Living in denial was so much easier. With her grandfather insistent on her to move back in with him, she went on living in denial. She reveled in her deep depression. Every single time her grandfather mentioned a visit to the graves, Alexia pretended not to hear him.

She wasn't certain why she changed her mind that one day. Her grandfather hinted again and she agreed to go. Now she didn't want to return to London. She didn't want to go anywhere.

---

A year passed without much notice. The pain had receded to a dull ache. There was restlessness in her now. So many places she wanted to see and things she wanted to do. Life was too short to keep putting it all off. When her traveling ended, she wanted to do something useful. She needed to be useful to someone, even just one person.

After a few months of planning, Alexia was off to France. She had been all over Europe before, but tended to stay in the cities. She wanted to visit the country side where Blake grew up. Every place listed in his file, she visited for at least a few weeks.

Her grandfather fought with her about sending someone along, but she needed this for herself. She told him so and he had reluctantly agreed. Still, she called to check in every day. By the time another year-and-a-quarter passed, Alexia visited all the places listed except for one. She'd returned to England to visit Blake and Gabriel's graves again before she'd head to Cabo San Lucas for a couple months. She read that it was Blake's favorite place to vacation.

She spent a week at her grandfather's rural estate outside of London. Originally she planned for only a few days, but she missed talking to Blake and Gabriel during her fifteen-month-long sojourn throughout Europe, the Middle East, and Asia. The night before her departure, Matthew offered to cook. However, he avoided all of her questions.

"I was only curious. I don't mind talking about it now, Matt. Did I upset you? I'm sorry." Alexia murmured as she followed him from the kitchen to the dining room.

Alexia wanted to help, but he wouldn't let her. So she stood by and watched. Shortly after, she began to ask a small question here and there until it became questions about what happened more than two years ago.

"I'm not upset. I just don't know why you are suddenly so curious about it." Matt frowned as he placed the baked seafood salad down. He didn't want to answer any questions about that night. It was best to leave it alone.

Alexia gave a winsome smile. "I've been thinking a lot during the past year. Before you start in on some smart ass comment, I thought a lot before then too." She caught a brief smile touch his lips. "During my time away, I've been coming to terms with Gabriel and Blake's deaths. Things are a blur to me of that night and I just wanted to know. So I can lay it all to rest now."

Matthew let out a breath and turned to Alex. He crossed his arms before speaking. "Well...you were being stubborn as usual-"

"I'm sorry. I have gotten better about that, haven't I?"

"Yes, except you still like to interrupt me." He said lightly. Alex gave another apologetic smile before she promised not to interrupt again. "I went to the airport to pick up your grandfather. In hindsight, I should have just stayed with you until Mr. Jensen had gotten back. So I left you alone, assuming Mr. Jensen was to return shortly. I had been banking on hiding right under your enemy's nose to be the best tactic, but have since then changed my mind on that."

Matthew walked back into the kitchen and Alexia followed along. "When we returned, a gun had been fired and I rushed to see what happened. Mr. Jensen was about to pull the trigger, but I did so first and shot Richardson dead. You were in the kitchen bleeding to death. We rushed you to the hospital. They couldn't save your son, but they saved you."

Alexia tried to remember it all. Nope. Still fuzzy. "You said Kaleb was fine." She recalled asking about Kaleb's welfare and thankfully he had been uninjured. Before she got to speak with him again, he returned home. Alexia, too gone in her grief, didn't think to bother Kaleb again.

Matt nodded his head. "Yes, he jumped back in time. He told me that you warned him a split second before and that saved his life."

With a wry smile, Alex shook her head. "It's my fault he almost got shot." There were many things she thought about in since then. So naïve and selfish. A wake-up call to what a juvenile brat she had been. Regardless of the fact that she donated money to worthy charities and did volunteer work, she was far from selfless and mature. Since that realization, she tried her best to change. After her two months in Cabo, she planned to throw herself into charitable works. Maybe she'd finish med school and join the Peace Corp. or Doctors without Borders.

"True. But a part of life is living with regret and trying not to be suffocated by what ifs." Matthew pointed out. He dropped a small kiss on the top of Alex's head. "Don't think about those what ifs. There's nothing you can do about them." He warned.

Aware of the gravity of the situation, Alexia playfully scrunched her nose at Matt. "I'll keep that in mind."

---

With a laugh, Kaleb grabbed his squealing sister. She had been running around the house and daring him to catch her. The door bell rang and she yelled that she got it. He didn't like her opening the front door, so he rushed over and snatched her up. Laughing when he opened the door, he had not expected to find Miss Alexia Whitt standing there.

Alex was surprised, but she smiled brightly. "Hello." She said to the two who looked over with curious expressions. "Sorry, is this a bad time?"

"Hi, I'm Willow. Tell her come in." She jabbed her brother in the ribs.

Although Willow just made nine, she was already very bossy. Kaleb didn't mind so much. He adored his little sister. He also didn't want to admit that he spoiled her too much. While he tried to wrap his mind around Alexia Whitt being there, Willow dragged Alexia in.

"Sorry, come in. I wasn't expecting to have you here." He said quickly as he closed the door behind Alexia, keeping the cold outside.

After removing her shoes and putting it on the rack beside the other footwear, Alex smiled at Willow who said she was very beautiful. "Thank you, sweetie. I'm a friend of your father's. My name is Alexia. And you're probably going to be ten times more beautiful than me when you grow up. Your daddy is going to have to beat the boys away."

Kaleb cringed. Not because of the father statement, but because Willow truly was going to make heads turn when she grew up. Half Tahitian and half French, she inherited the best genes from both sides. With her brown curls, golden skin, and cat like green eyes, Kaleb was dreading the day Willow wouldn't think that all boys were gross. Relief filled him to see Willow's face screw up.

"I don't like boys. They're so yucky." Willow informed Alexia.

Kaleb chuckled. "That's right. They don't get much better either."

"And Kaleb isn't my dad. He's my brother. The best brother in the whole world." Willow beamed a smile of obvious adoration over at him.

The scene touched Alexia. Although an older brother, Kaleb played the fatherly role very well.

"He'll still have to beat boys away with a stick when you grow up." Alex laughed as she followed the two into a very homey living room. Willow bounded off to the kitchen after announcing she was thirsty.

"So uh...what brings you here?" Kaleb asked when Alexia took a seat.

Alexia still smiled as she watched Willow run off. That was definitely a well-loved and happy child. It only made her wonder what Gabriel would have been like around that age. Kaleb's question brought her out of her thoughts.

Her warm, brown eyes settled on him. "I never got to thank you for all your help and it was inconsiderate of me to have waited this long. Thank you for everything you did for me, Kaleb."

Certain he'd never see her again, he sat there shock. Something about long overdue words of gratitude. He wouldn't have held it against her if she just sent a belated thank you card or email or even nothing at all. But here Miss Alexia Whitt was. In the flesh.

"Jesus. You came all this way to say thank you?" He tried to lighten the mood with a laugh. "It's fine, Alexia. You didn't have to go out of your way for that and like I told you back then, I was getting paid for it." Kaleb doubted Alexia knew about his added bonus courtesy of her grandfather.

"And I do remember you saying that you're not good with compliments and it seems with thank you's as well." She pointed out softly to which Kaleb laughed again. Her attention then went to her bag as she dug around for her card. "If there's anything I can do to help, I just wanted you to know that you can always call on me."

Kaleb took the offered card, her hand so soft and warm. He always wondered how soft she was and if she was soft like that all over. Alexia didn't seem as affected by their contact as he. A loud crash in the kitchen followed by an equally loud 'uh-oh,' got both their attention.

He was on his feet and in the kitchen in less than a minute. Alexia followed and he stopped her from walking right into a chocolate milk warzone. Willow had the decency to look guilty as she stood in the middle of the giant puddle.

"It slipped!" She insisted before Kaleb could say anything. "The carton had condensation."

Alexia giggled when Kaleb shook his head.

"Condensation. Where did you learn that word from?" He asked in amusement.

Willow gave a smile now that she knew Kaleb wasn't angry with her. "From school. The windows get sweaty and our teacher told us it's called condensation."

He turned to Alexia. "Sorry, you can wait in the living room if you want. We'll get this cleaned up. You," he pointed at Willow who blinked at him innocently, "you stay there. Don't move."

Expecting Alexia to go take a seat, Kaleb headed down the hallway to grab some towels, a mop and two buckets. When he returned to the kitchen, Alexia had taken off her socks and sweater and rolled up her pants to her knees. It was pathetic really that he thought she had the cutest toes he'd ever seen. Maybe not so pathetic since Willow thought so as well.

"Oh those are so cute!" She pointed at the rhinestones on Alexia's toenails.

Alex cringed. "Yeah, my friend, Clara, took me out to a spa day before I left London." It had been what Clara called 'the first step to forgiveness'. So depressed, Alexia ignored her good friend at every turn. She was making amends now. Although Alex hadn't wanted to do a spa day, Clara demanded. "We got matching pink flowers."

"Kaleb, can I get something like that? Please."

Kaleb snorted and then raised a brow. "You emptied the entire gallon of chocolate milk onto the floor and you want me to bring you to get your nails done?"

"Yes?"

Alexia easily intervened. "I can bring you if you'd like. I'm going on a trip for a couple months and I'll need a girl day after that. We can have a girl day when I get back if you want to."

"Two months!" Willow burst out and then quickly apologized after her brother started in with her first and middle name. "I didn't mean it like that, Kaleb. Just...two months?" She repeated as if she had been told a whole year.

Alexia laughed and touched Kaleb's arm before he could scold his sister. "No, its okay. She's right. Two months is a long time. How about three weeks? Will three weeks be okay?" She asked.

Willow looked over at Kaleb worriedly. He didn't seem too upset, so she accepted. "If that's okay with you..."

"It is more than okay with me, sweetie." Alexia assured her new friend. "Now, we should get this cleaned up before your brother says we can't go."

Kaleb cracked a smile. "That's right."

So Alex grabbed the towels from Kaleb and tossed one to Willow who quickly went to cleaning up. Alexia wiped up what Willow missed while Kaleb kept insisting she let him do it. With a laugh, she had replied that he could do the mopping to make sure the floors weren't sticky. They put the chocolate milk drenched towels into the buckets and Willow showed Alex to the wash room. Kaleb filled his bucket up halfway with hot water and he added some Pine-Sol.

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