To Love a Stray Ch. 04

"It's very shallow, like a pant." Pete replies.

I realise they are talking about me and try to breath normally but the pain in my wrist overrides all. I sink in and out of semi lucidness only occasionally aware of voices around me and gentle hands stroking my hair or resting on my shoulder. I cry out as someone moves my wrist and pain radiates from my fingertips to my shoulder.

"Can't you give her something for the pain?" I should know the voice but I can't place it.

"With the drugs already in her system it might kill her!"

And would that be such a bad thing? My own thought runs through my mind.

I drift in and out of consciousness several more times before I can understand the words being spoken.

"Come on, keep this lot down sweetheart," The voice touches a familiar cord but I loose all thoughts of it as my stomach twists painfully and I am aware of my entire body convulsing as I vomit.

"Doc! Do something! Rosy can't take much more of this!" I recognise Mitchell's distressed voice as my stomach tries to empty it's already emptiness.

"Help me prop her up a bit so I can try to get some fluids into her,"The movement jostles my wrist and I cry out as I try to cradle my wrist to my chest.

"She moved Doc! She tried to hold her injured wrist!"

"I saw,"

It is dark and quiet when I finally surface and manage to open my eyes. My head aches badly, my throat is sore and my mouth tastes terrible. I try to move my head so I can look around but everything feels detached and floaty. I close my eyes and drift in and out of sleep for a while before the faint sounds of someone moving around in the room quietly wakes me. I open my mouth and try to ask for a drink of water but all that emerges is the faintest of squeaks.Footsteps sound faintly and a faint light comes on above my head but not where it glares into my face.

"Rosy, can you hear me Rosy?" Doc asks, his tone suggesting he doubts I can. I manage a slight nod and Doc hurries to hold a glass with a straw to my lips, I manage two swallows before he pulls it away.

"That's all for now I'm sorry," Doc tells me gently "You can have more in a little while."

I drift in and out of sleep and Doc is there every time I open my eyes, he holds the straw to my lips and I get to drink a little more. I wake in the predawn half-light and Doc is asleep in a chair by the bed, I try to speak but my voice is only a hoarse croak that is barely audible but Doc wakes and holds the glass and straw to my lips once again.

"Don't try to speak. You've lost your voice from screaming just give your throat time to heal. Are you hungry? Nod if you want something to eat," Doc tells me gently. I give a slight nod and it's the best I can manage as I still feel weirdly detached from my body

"I'll be back as soon as I can," Doc tries to reassure me. I close my eyes weakly and wait for Doc to return with something for me to eat.

* * * * *

I look towards the door when I hear it open and then look away trying to hide my disappointment when I see it is Doc. I had come around the night before last and had been sipping water and eating tiny amounts of soft-boiled egg yesterday but this morning I woke feeling much stronger. As much as I wanted to be left alone I was disappointed that none of the tomcats other than Doc had been in to see me. Doc had explained to me that probably due to my pregnancy my body had metabolised a normally harmless sedative in such a way that it had caused severe side effects that had come close to killing me and the others wanted me to rest so that I would get well. I didn't buy his explanations. They knew the truth about me, the entire horrible truth and no longer wanted to associate with me. I couldn't blame them - I hated me too.

"You're looking a lot better this afternoon," Doc said sounding pleased as he came and sat in the chair by my bed. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah," My voice was still hoarse but it was slowly returning.

"We definitely won't be using that drug again; it came very close to killing you." Doc tells me gently.

"You say that like it would be a bad thing," I rasp quietly.

"You don't mean that Rosy," Doc scolds gently. I give a disbelieving snort and glance at Doc.

"You don't know how many times that has been exactly what I wanted," I tell him dryly.

"While you were out of your mind from the drug you kept begging to be allowed to die. You kept saying you wanted to be dead. Several times you asked what would be so bad about being dead," Doc tells me gently. I don't respond and after several minutes he resumes talking to me.

"I know your depressed and having a hard time adjusting to becoming a werecat. The first change bringing back your memories of the assault when you were a child but you can get past it with some help," Doc tells me gently. "But that's not why I came in to talk to you."

He goes quiet for a few minutes and I wait uneasily for him to say whatever is on his mind, finally he continues. "What I am about to offer goes against my beliefs but I think I understand you better now and if this is what it takes to help you be able to cope with the reality of becoming a werecat then I'll do an abortion for you. I don't believe it is right but I acknowledge you need to be able to mentally handle your circumstances,"

I'm silent while I try to absorb his words. Yesterday I had been desperate to know if I had lost the babies but had been too scared to ask for fear I was still pregnant, this morning when I had found the courage to ask I had been shocked at how relieved I had been to hear I hadn't that I had broken into tears.

"What if ..." My voice trails off and I swallow several times as tears threaten to escape, "What if I've decided to have the babies?"

"Then I'll look after you through your pregnancy. I'll be there to deliver them," Doc tells me and I can hear the faint thread of hope in his voice.

"I'm not sure if I want to keep them ... I just know I ... I don't want to get rid of them. I'll have them," I say and send him a scared glance.

"Ok just so you know what you'll be getting yourself into, the guys will be wanting to pet you and stroke you a lot. They'll want to touch your stomach, feel the babies move. Toms love being around a pregnant female, they get very paternal even when they aren't the father." Doc said with a note of warning in his voice.

"As long as they know they have to back off when I warn them to," I mutter.

Doc gives a soft laugh, "Maybe they'll even learn to ask permission before touching. May I?"

I look at him startled and after a moments hesitation I give a reluctant nod. He leans forward in the chair and slips one hand beneath the covers slowly all the while watching my face. I move uneasily when his hand touches my hip before coming to rest low on my stomach beneath my navel. I can feel the warmth of his hand even through the material of the t-shirt I am wearing as a nightie and I glance down at the blankets covering his hand and my stomach before glancing back at his face.

"I can just barely feel the fullness here beneath my hand, probably only because I know what to look for. If anyone puts their hand on your belly and it gets heavy or uncomfortable tell them, they won't mean to do any thing like that but they can't feel how it feels for you. And you haven't got a mate to make them back off when you're tired so you'll need to tell them." Doc explains as he moves his hand off my stomach reluctantly.

"I'd like to do an ultra sound and get some measurements so I can calculate a due date, I can do that now or ... if your felling generous towards the guys I can do it this evening after supper and let them see the images on the screen. I'm even letting you have supper in the lounge room with us. Marissa is upset with her sons and the other warriors because they refused to let you be taken up to the main house to be looked after, they all wanted you here where they can listen to you through the walls when they're here. At the moment they're off hunting because I had no intention of fighting with them when ... if you had wanted the abortion." Doc tells me with a smile.

"They're not angry with me?" I ask uncertainly.

"They're upset because you freaked out ... or should I say they're upset that they accidentally upset you," Doc explains gently. I nod slightly; I can remember the concern in the different voices when I had been in the grip of the drug.

"Maybe Marissa would like to come and see too?" I venture uncertainly.

"Marissa would love that, so would Wade if you can handle him being here. And maybe Justin, Donovan and Jasmine." Doc tells me.

"Wade won't ..." I start fearfully.

"Wade is upset you ran away. He was hoping you would stay here and let them protect you," Doc tells me gently.

"If I ... can I just say stop if I get real scared?" I ask uneasily.

"Definitely, or even if you just change your mind, and don't want a lot of were cats around when it's done." Doc assures me.

"Later?" I ask and give a slightly nervous smile.

"Certainly. And I am going to let them all know about the choice I gave you, it'll probably get me told off at the least but I think they need to know you're okay with the baby thing. They know that when you ran away I was worried you were going to do something that could do you a lot of harm," Doc explains gently. "Now how do you feel about being allowed to lay on the lounge for the rest of the afternoon as long as you have a nap before supper?"

"Can I?" I ask in surprised delight.

"Yes, getting out of bed will do you good." Doc grins at me. Out in the lounge room Doc gets me settled comfortably on the lounge and gives me a plate with a sandwich on it, it brings back my memory of Mitchell and Sam sheltering me between as they made me a sandwich. I cradle my injured wrist against my chest as I eat and when I am finished Doc is waiting with a glass of fresh juice and helps me get comfortable with a pillow beneath my injured arm as I stretch out on the lounge.

"You ready for the descent of the masses?" Doc asks. We have been watching a movie on TV for nearly two hours and I look at him not sure what to make of his remark.

"I can see the warriors coming out of the forest. All of them are in human form and most of them have some form of clothing on," Doc tells me. I glance at him with a worried frown and look towards the doorway nervously.

"Everyone's there. Steven, Pete, Sam and Mitchell, Edwin, Alex, Micah and Dwayne," Doc tells me as he looks out the window. "Pete refused to go home until you were out of danger, then he wanted to see you for himself before he left."

"All of them?" I ask uneasily suddenly unsure of the wisdom of being out in the lounge room.

"They're going to be real happy when they realise you're out here. If it gets too much for you with all of them around just tell them to back off a bit, steady on or stop crowding you," Doc encourages me.

"But they're warriors, clan cats ..." I tell him uneasily.

"And someone's told you to be scared of warriors and clan cats?" Doc asks softly. I glance away from him for a few moments before I glance back nervously and give a slight nod of my head.

"Let me guess who told you that ... the stray that attacked you, bought your first change on and got you pregnant?" Doc asks gently.

"He wasn't the one who attacked me," I say and glance at Doc uneasily.

"He's one of the strays who locked you up in the cage and hurt you," Doc guesses. I shake my head and look down at my badly shattered wrist; it is encased in elastic bandages with the support of a plaster backboard.

"I don't wanta talk about it," I protest softly as I hunch my shoulders and slightly cower against the back of the lounge. I hear Doc exhale angrily and wait tensely for him to start demanding answers.

"Well when you feel up to talking about him, about anything that has occurred just come and tell me you want to talk." Doc tells me, his voice slightly flat and emotionless. I start uneasily as my sharp ears catch the sound of male laughter and I glance towards the door expectantly.

"Your hearing is excellent," Doc remarks.

I glance his way surprised and give a shy smile as I shrug. "I always have had good hearing."

"It looks like you're looking forward to seeing the guys," Doc says with a smile.

"I've kind of got used to them harassing me," I say with an uncomfortable shrug.

"Well I guess you'd better brace yourself cause they'll probably try to outdo each other 'harassing' you," Doc tells me with a smile and a conspiratorial wink. I spare another glance for the doorway before struggling to sit up without using my injured wrist.

"You alright?" Doc asks with sudden concern as I struggle against being found laying flat on the lounge.

"I wanta sit up," I say fretfully as I hear voices just outside the building. Doc hurries over to help me sit up and I am getting myself settled comfortably when the door slams and footsteps move lightly through the building. I glance over the back of the lounge towards the sounds nervously and Doc catches me by my chin forcing me to look at him.

"It'll be fine. Calm down," Doc says gently.

"Got any coffee on?" Alex asks.

"How's Rosy doing?" Pete asks. I hear them walk into the room and know that for the moment I am hidden from view by the back of the lounge.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" Doc answers Pete.

"Off to do that now," Pete says eagerly and I listen to footsteps recede down towards the bedrooms. A few moments later I hear Pete swear worriedly and he rushes back out towards the others.

"Rosy's gone!" Pete announces his voice thick with worry.

"You sure she's g ... " Sam's worried tones stop suddenly as he walks into the lounge room to glance around. He smiles widely when he spots me and I fidget under his gaze after nearly a minute.

"She in there?" Mitchell demands and leans over the back of the lounge. I lean to the side and look back over my shoulder at him uneasily.

"Hey there Rosy!" Mitchell greets me happily.

"Mitchell," I say eagerly and smile shyly as he moves around to stand in front of the lounge. Suddenly the room is full of large strongly smelling male bodies and I look from one face to another as I take in the fact that they are all here. Everyone starts talking at once and I dart quick glances between faces as I try to follow what everyone is saying.

"All right, all right. Everyone calm down Rosy can stay out here until after supper and if she gets tired she can lie down on the lounge and nap," Doc says firmly.

"I've got the shower first," Micah announces before heading off.

"Wait a moment Micah," Doc says firmly and glances my way.

I look away from his direct eye contact and glance uneasily towards Micah where he has stopped in the doorway and turned around to face the room. I pull my legs up onto the lounge tucking them up under myself as I huddle into a small nervous heap.

"Rosy is not to change. Her wrist needs to heal before she does and at this stage she won't be able to bear any weight on it ... on her front leg if she was to change. I've been going over what I know about the times she has changed and I realised one thing connects all the changes. Rosy has been terrified into cat form each time," Doc says firmly and glances around at the silent toms.

"Each time one or more of us have inadvertently scared Rosy so badly she has changed. Just before you guys got here I managed to get it out of Rosy that some stray has warned her that she needs to be scared of warriors and clan cats ..." Doc explains. An angry hiss comes from someone out of my sight and I gasp and flinch into the comfort of the lounge.

"It's all right Rosy, no-one's angry with you." Doc tells me gently before turning his attention back to the others. "If we become angry or threatening in anyway Rosy panics and changes like she did when Pete got her talking about being attacked by a werecat in cat form,"

"What did the bastard tell you about clan cats and warriors Rosy?" Mitchell asks gently as he watches me from where he is squatting in front of the lounge. I look at him and see pain in his eyes as he looks at me and I suddenly want him to deny what I have learnt and been told over the years.

"Clan cats chase Strays to keep them out of their territories and Warriors kill strays ... all strays," My voice dropped away to a whisper on the last two words and I watch Mitchell fearfully.

"For a start," Edwin snarls and I turn eyes wide with fear towards where his voice is coming from, "Our territory is our home similar to the way a house is a human's home and as for killing all strays that is a load of crap!"

"Edwin!" Micah snaps his voice full of authority.

"We only kill strays who threaten the safety or security of werecats as a species! And we certainly don't kill She-kitts! There aren't many of yous and if we kill a she-kitt how will the next generation of werecats be born?" Edwin demands angrily.

"Edwin ..." Menace is thick in Micah's voice as he growls at his brother.

"What! So it's all right for her to accuse us of that shit! Hell she as good as said she believes we'll kill her!" Edwin yells at his brother.

"Out now!" Micah roars at the top of his voice and I whimper in fright as I look towards Mitchell for protection.

"Enough!" Doc snaps angrily "Of course Rosy is real scared and cautious about everyone! She is badly injured and has no way of escape if things suddenly go pear-shaped for her! You know I am actually starting to regret letting Rosy come out here but I saw how miserable she has been when none of you guys checked in to see how she has been the last two days. When she could hear you guys coming back from your hunt she kept looking towards the door waiting for yous to come in! As scared as she is of being defenceless around cats that smell like clan cats she wants to be around yous!"

"Well then why did she accuse us of that shit?!" Edwin demands angrily.

"Because Rosy was looking right at me begging me with her eyes to tell her that we won't hurt her!" Mitchell yells as he stands to face Edwin, "Rosy wanted our reassurance and you started yelling at her!"

Mitchell is standing over me as he yells at Edwin and I can't help noticing that his hands are clenching and unclenching as he stands there, I cower down onto the lounge until I am lying flat and I wait for the lounge to be tipped over as the two toms start fighting.

"Mitchell! Edwin! Both of you, back off now!" Sam orders forcefully.

"Mitchell! Edwin!" Micah's voice doesn't rise above normal but it is so full of authority it has me trembling as I turn my face into the cushion beneath my head.

"Mitchell, shower now!" Sam orders harshly.

"Edwin get outside!" Micah orders and I feel him moving rather then hear him as he heads for his brother. I am completely motionless as I hear Mitchell move uncertainly.

"Leave her, shower now. I'm here with her," Sam says softly. I listen to movement around me recede before I turn my head to glance around cautiously. Sam is sitting on the floor about four feet from where I am and I look at him and find him watching me calmly.

"Hey," he says gently.I don't answer him as I lay my head down on the lounge to watch him, after a few moments he moves over to sit with his back against the lounge level with my shoulders. I hesitate a few seconds before reaching out to lay my good hand on the top of his shoulder, one of his hands is lifted to cover my hand and I give a soft sigh. I roll my eyes in their sockets as I try to see who belongs to the faint footsteps that move around to the front of the lounge and move up near Sam.

"Sit up a moment," Micah tells me as he reaches down and slides an arm beneath my upper ribs to sit me up. I am tense as I allow him to sit me up, he moves to sit where my head and shoulders had been and then he is settling me on a pillow he has laid across his lap. "Comfortable?" he asks quietly.