To Love a Stray Ch. 08

and couldn't eat from the land, how to trap animals," I take a deep breath and sigh without looking at either of my brothers.

"It never mattered what I'd done, what I said when I was angry, I knew I might get in trouble for it but I also knew he'd still love me. And he was the most gentle, compassionate non-violent man. Heck he was a vegetarian but he trapped animals for me. Killed them, prepared them and cooked them. He taught me to only kill what I needed for food - never take more than I need and never ever kill for the sake of killing. He let most of the animals we trapped go without any cruelty," I turn my head and look at my two brothers before I continue speaking.

"The day I was attacked by the werecat he came home early because he felt I needed him - he said he felt my need as any parent would. He wrapped me up and we were headed to his uncle's place to get a more comfortable vehicle for the two-hour trip to the hospital ... we came around a corner and there were two big black cats on the road. Harry swerved and we ended up in a ditch, the Ute tipped over onto the passenger side. I can remember I started screaming when they started turning into men."

I take a deep breath and look away as I push my remembered horror from my mind. "Harry grabbed me and shook me and told me I had to listen to him. He said that they would kill him because he knew what they were, what I was. He told me to always remember that he had loved me like I was his own flesh and blood and that there was not an ounce of bad in me. He had loved my mother and me and he wanted me to remember that. He said ... he said to remember everything he had taught me. That he could only give me a few moments at the most but he knew I would only need the little time he could buy me before they killed him. And then he climbed out his window blew me a kiss and walked towards them carrying a tyre iron while I climbed out the broken back window and ran from the cat ..."

I give a tight little laugh, "I'd changed when I saw the cats on the road and didn't realise it until later - much much later. I didn't realise the shadow I ran from was my own." I look at my brothers and take a deep breath to prevent the tears that always threatened when I remember how I had lost my father. "So don't ever say he was not my father and don't ever call him names. I have done my best ever since to be the kind of person he would be proud of."

"I can understand why you call Harry your father, and you're right. He was a father to you in every way that mattered to both of you," Mitchell tells me quietly.

"Can I ask what our mother named you? Pete often calls you Tawny and you call yourself Rosy," Sam asks levelly.

"Tawny Rosalind," I say quietly, "I often feel like there's two different halves of me, the human half and the cat half."

"And that's why you use the two different names," Mitchell guesses.

"But Rosy you are a werecat, not a human," Mitchell points out gently. "You need to learn to be a werecat. Make peace with your inner cat."

"Don't you see I'm neither? I'm not a werecat, not truly, not totally. But I'm not a human either. I don't belong in either world," I say painfully.

"When you are having trouble coping with a situation, or you don't understand something, tell one of us. We will help you in whatever way we can," Mitchell tells me earnestly.

"We will have to teach you how to be a werecat," Sam says simply, "Help you make friends with your inner cat."

After several minutes, Sam finally asks, "Back to the two werecats that were on the road that day with Harry - were either of the cats the one who attacked you?"

"Yeah, he was the smaller one. His father said 'I lost the bitch twice but my son will have the whelp'," I remember bitterly.

"Did you ever find out who either of the cats were?" Sam asks after a long silence.

"Vaygar and Kendal Darnel. They have hounded me ever since," I snarl and hear the low angry growls that come from both toms.

"And can you please not growl around me. I inherited a non-violent nature from Harry and aggression scares me. And I hate the way you, Mitchell, expect me to run away all the time. It upsets me when you're upset. I only run away because I'm scared or because I can't cope with what's happening," I say and look at the ground unhappily. "My inner cat comes out and when I'm a cat, human emotion and troubles are very distant for me. It gives me time to be able to cope with things."

"Ok here's a question you might not like, but remember I am your big brother and I am only trying to look out for you. Are you letting Chris mount you and are you using protection," Sam asks.

"Are all brothers this nosy," I demand as I look away from them in embarrassment.

"In werecat society it is generally the brothers of a she-kitt who deal with their sisters' relationships and stuff, believe it or not," Sam tells me levelly. "There are some occasions a mother will step in ... but you're stuck with us."

"All of the warriors at the quarters have at least had the Tom and She-kitt talk with their sisters. I know Steven and his brothers have told a couple of toms to move on that their sister didn't want around," Mitchell says evenly.

I groan and shake my head before glancing at them. "There's been a lot of kissing and touching but the one time he tried to ... I started to freak out because I suddenly remembered the pain ... He backed off immediately. We've done some things that feel really good since then but he hasn't tried to ... mount me again," I say embarrassed.

"Do you want him to?" Sam asks straight to the point.

"I know theoretically it won't hurt if I want him. But also I'm scared it will. And yeah I'm very curious about what it'll feel like," I mutter and turn away.

"Ok, here's just an idea for you to think about. Carlotta, Lotty, the she-kitt I visit and get the invitations from, had her first time outside of her heat. A lot of she-kitts do. Lotty is Malcolm and Chris's sister by the way."

"Anyway I was at their compound and we were all sprawled out like last night only Lotty ended up cuddling up between me and another tom that wasn't her brother, and that is an invitation. She started kissing him and I got to get real friendly from behind and next thing I knew she was on her hands and knees presenting and I mounted her. She squealed and cried all the way through it because she had been a virgin but she didn't say stop," Sam tells me.

"Did you notice Micah had his mattress right next to Chris'," Mitchell asks.

"No I didn't. I only knew where you and Sam were because of all the agro that suddenly started up," I turn my head to look at Mitchell suspiciously then at Sam. "Is there any reason why you mentioned where Micah was?"

"You were paying a lot of attention to him last night. Apparently you, him and Steven have been getting quite friendly," Sam remarks.

"I don't understand," I say confused.

"Micah has been openly interested in you, has made sure you knew what he was thinking. He reckons you haven't been telling him to back off or leave you alone. The most you do is retreat for a while before joining back in with the group," Sam explains.

"Have you been talking about me?" I demand.

"Micah did mention he intends to see if he can get you to stop sleeping in Chris's bed and move into his bed," Mitchell supplies.

"Doesn't he respect the fact I like Chris?" I ask angrily.

"It's not uncommon for a warrior to ... shall we say satisfy a she-kitt's needs when she isn't seeing someone. And Micah says all he has smelt is your ... pleasure and the fact you haven't done the same kind of service for Chris," Mitchell says quietly.

I think about this remark for a few minutes and realise that while I like Chris I am more interested in the sensations he stirs in my body than I am in Chris.

"Can I ask, what did you mean when you said Lotty 'presented'," I say with an embarrassed glance Sam's way.

"Humans call it the doggy position, but us cats use it as a very non confrontational position when the she-kitt is scared for some reason or feels threatened by the tom,"

Sam explains. "If Chris had been serious about wanting to mount you he'd have tried it that way."

"Are you saying that Chris isn't really interested, that he's just filling my 'needs'," I ask uncertainly.

"Actually yeah, pretty sure that's it," Sam tells me gently, "But it gives you someone you trust if you want to experiment with one of the toms that are interested - Micah, Steven and Edwin."

I look away surprised to find that I am not at all upset that Chris might not be that 'into' me. This surprises me. So does the fact that I am interested in 'experimenting' with either Steven or Micah.

"You know the way werecats do things are totally different to the way humans do. If you were human I'd be telling you to mind your own business which would not be your sister's sex life, or the lack there of," I say levelly.

"Are you telling us to back off?" Sam asks.

"I'm saying ..." my voice trails off and I look down at my hands. " I'm saying I'm touched you care enough to try to look out for me even if I don't like the idea of you talking about me with the others 'that' way."

"How long are you planning to stay around," Mitchell wants to know.

"I honestly don't know. All I know is I can't stay away. I keep wanting to see you guys," I mumble.

"That's the blood bond. It's an instinct to stay together and look after the younger siblings or the she-kitt. About the only thing that over rides it is if one of the toms is lucky enough to get married to a she-kitt. Then he moves to her parents' territory," Sam explains.

"Where do I stand considering I don't ... considering I was virtually a stray," I ask curiously.

"Wade and Marissa are hoping you'll stay. Jazzy has always been very sickly and she wasn't expected to live to ten let alone fifteen or to nearly full adulthood like she has," Sam tells me quietly.

"Is that why Micah, Edwin and Steven are interested? To try to force me to stay," I jump to my feet and begin to pace agitatedly.

"When we believed you were a stray Micah was glad you had been found. Oh he was sorry for what you had been through but he apparently took a real liking to you when he met you at Pete's," Mitchell's voice is soft and calm but I turn around to glare at him.

"That was only because I was coming into heat," I snap.

"Think what you want to because I know you will, but we know all of the others a lot better than you do and it's the truth when we tell you that it is you they are interested in, not a replacement for Jazzy. It's a shame you can't see yourself from a tom's point of view. Pretty, spirited and pleasant company when you're not looking to argue about everything," Sam states and crosses his arms across his chest in a 'so there' attitude.

I am just about to snap that I know exactly why toms like me when I realise I am basing all my beliefs on the way strays have treated me and disregarding the way the toms here have treated me.

"I got nearly nine years of experience of how stray toms treat she-kitts, and if you stop and work it out, I've only experienced how I get treated here by the clan toms. And believe it or not, for me it is a lot better to be safe than sorry."

"You got a good point there, I must admit," Sam looks at Mitchell who nods his agreement.

"That's why I ended up trying to talk to both of you and make you understand why I get upset when you disrespected my Dad. I'm learning how to relate to you but it's hard because you didn't understand how you were hurting me. And I didn't want to end up running away because I'd only end up coming back again."

"Well take it from someone who cares about you, I would tell the guys to keep away from you if they didn't care about you as you. And I don't care that Micah could pound the daylights out of me for it. If I thought it was in your best interests I would do it," Sam tells me earnestly.

"I type of understand the dominance thing I think, but exactly how does it work and who is where," I ask curiously.

"Wade is Alpha of the clan, number one. Marissa as his mate is due all the respect due to him. Micah is the dominant tom - he's biggest, strongest and smartest. I'm next, Edwin; and Malcolm are bigger but I'm meaner," Sam smiles at me and I have to laugh.

"Steven, Edwin and Malcolm are about even followed by Mitchell here. Dwayne, then Chris and Timny. Mikkarl, then Robby and lastly Justin because he's youngest and untried in the field. Donny is still a kid but you and Jazzy have 'status' as She-kitts. Toms that are a part of the clan but don't live here are either outliers or simply non-dominant members of the clan."

"But I have no place here; I'm not a member of the clan. I never have been," I deny quickly.

"You're a member of the clan because you're our sister and us warriors as a group chose to take care of you when you were injured when we believed you were a stray," Sam explains. "We've all seen the way you recognise the more dominant members and display submission. You just need time to learn."

"So I'm a good little she-kitt because I pretend like I respect my betters," I ask dryly.

"Not at all," Sam says. "Now as much as I am enjoying getting to know you, Mitchell and I need to get back because we'll be working today and you need to finish your breakfast."

I get to my feet and go to follow them back to the compound and the quarters, but Sam motions me forward and when I am level with him he puts an arm across the top of my shoulders as we walk. Mitchell catches my hand on his side and Sam lets his arm drop to catch my other hand. I am content to walk along like this and I am still holding their hands when we walk up to the back door of the quarters.

"Good, you're back," Micah comments when Sam and Mitchell join the toms in the lounge room and I head to the kitchen to eat. "Sam, Mitchell you can come out to the pasture. We're checking the fence line and we'll try to do a head count and work out what is in the pasture. We need to know if there are any more bulls. Anything with horns, in calf or with calves at foot. Chris, Timny, Robby, Mikkarl and Justin you're to stay here at the compound and do the chores. Rosy do you want to come out to the pasture? You'll need a good feed now in case you have to shift and you are to keep well away from the livestock and do exactly as you're told when you're told."

"Yeah, I can check out the cattle if you have got binoculars," I offer around a mouthful of food.

"Good idea. Binoculars will give us a better view from a distance," Micah comments. "But you'll stay where we know where you are at all times."

"Bikes or jeeps?" Sam asks.

"A jeep for fencing equipment and emergency transport, bikes for the rest of us," Micah decides. "You can ride a motorbike can't you Rosy?"

"Never learnt to," I say with a shrug.

"Well you're not learning today. You can drive the jeep. Dwayne you go with her," Micah decides. I listen as Micah outlines exactly what he wants done today while I eat my food; I grab a bottle of juice and drink it before heading off to put on my new sneakers. The jeep is a fairly new model and it is already packed with all that should be needed to repair any damaged fencing. I get behind the wheel and we follow the motorbikes across the clearing.

Micah, Steven and Sam have big racing four-wheel bikes while the others are on big powerful dirt bikes. I follow the tracks of where vehicles have been driven before and we soon lose sight of the bikes, but I know Dwayne has a two-way radio as do the others. When we do come to the fence, Dwayne directs me which way to go and we start to travel along the fence line checking for any signs of damage. It is well around the back of the pasture that we find a large tree down across a post. I stop the jeep and we get out surveying the damage. I study the marks on the ground and squat down at the downed fence and eye the marks there.

"See that hoof mark," I say pointing to a big print that has pressed deep into the ground. "That would have been the bull. See the brindle hairs on the wire here as well," I pluck a few hairs out of the wire and hold it to my nose.

"Can you tell much from the tracks here?" Dwayne asks.

"There was the bull and see there - several smaller beasts probably not full grown yet. At least one big full grown beast ... no, make that three or four." I stop and pick up a small piece of white almost rubber like substance caught in a strand of barbed wire and sniff it and pass it to Dwayne. "A calf only a few hours old, two days at the most. Still smells slightly of amniotic fluid, this soft stuff coats the hooves for protection for the cow. It's in there."

"I'm going to tell Micah what you reckon. They'll be coming from there," Dwayne points to the fence line the other side of the tree. "I'll start on cutting the tree off the fence."

I look at the trees on the inside of the pasture and spot one I am sure I can climb up into easily. I get the binoculars from the jeep and stop beside Dwayne where he is studying the branches on the fallen tree.

"I'm going to go climb up that big tree there, sit on one of the bigger branches and have a look with these to see if I can see any cattle nearby. Chances are they won't have gone far with the fresh feed," I tell him.

"I'm coming to the tree with you to make sure you don't run into that cow and calf," Dwayne tells me firmly and I don't protest as we walk towards the trees. When we reach the tree I indicated, I look up into the branches from below, pick my place and start climbing.

"You're pretty good at that aren't you," Dwayne comments.

"Plenty of practice," I say with a laugh as I easily reach the branch I want. I settle myself and wave down at Dwayne who heads back to the fence. I take a notebook and pencil from my pocket before lifting the binoculars to my eyes. I soon find two groups of cattle and note where they are and what is in each group.

"Find anything?" The question startles me and I look down to see Micah.

"Yeah, there's a group of six beasts well past weaning. Two appear to be 'Micky' bulls, older uncut bull calves. One is a black polley which is not horned the other is a Hereford with horns about five or six inches long. The other four appear to be females. In another group are two big bullocks with horns and a cow is feeding near them. I'm sure she has a young calf nearby. Still got a bit of ground to look over though," I reply.

"Come back to the jeep when you're finished," he orders and heads back to the fence line.

I turn my attention back to surveying the pastureland; I frown when I see a beast off by itself and watch it for a few minutes before getting down from the tree and heading off towards it. I travel quickly and when I get close I slow down and approach the cow cautiously. She swings her head to look at me and attempts to get to her feet but is unable to do more than stand and brace herself spay legged. Two large feet protrude from her vulva and I inch forward as I croon to her.

Finally I am close enough to grasp the protruding legs just above the ankles and when the cow heaves I brace myself and pull hard. The calf moves out a bit and I keep the pressure on as she stands for a few moments before heaving a second time. This time the calf slides free to just behind its front shoulders and I allow the head and neck to hang down and I watch as mucus runs from the mouth as it opens and closes. The next heave allows me to pull the calf until only its hips and hind legs are still hidden. I release my hold and step back wiping my hands on the rough bark of a tree then on damp grass. I watch the cow heave again and the calf slips free and I edge away as she turns her attention to her baby.