To Serve and Protect

**

Martin arrived just as I got out of the exam room. They stitched up my arm and he rode with me up to the surgery wing, waiting for word. Martin gave me a run down on the asshole shooter. Apparently, he was the son of the dean at the college where Matthew taught. He seduced Matthew and blackmailed him to keep the affair going. He then talked him into dumping Zack and moving in with him. When Matthew made noise about leaving and going back to Zack, he came up with the bomb. Matthew told him he was leaving and in a rage, stabbed him. He left with the bomb and planted it in Zack's car. When he didn't die, he followed me to my house after we interviewed him and waited for us to be asleep.

Martin was a pal; he brought me a shirt and waited while I paced in the waiting room. He didn't ask, he didn't question: he was just my good friend. All the while I paced, I kept thinking of Zack's last words: "I love you." It kept going through my head. I kept remembering the wonderful evening we shared. I have never known such incredible connection before. I had only meant to say goodnight. I didn't mean to ask him to suck me off. I certainly didn't plan to return the favor. But at that moment, still shaking from the most amazing orgasm of my life, it just felt right to take him in my mouth. I had just planned to fuck him from behind. If I didn't see his face, I wouldn't be connected. But feeling him cum around me, I wanted to see him. That moment of connection, watching his face as I pushed into him was the best moment of my life. The truth is, in just a couple of days, what he said was true. I loved him. I was confused, I was scared, but I was also guilty. I didn't save him; he saved me. If he had shot me instead of Zack, I would be dead now. To protect and to serve is any cop's motto. Boy I sure failed there.

The surgeon came out and told us that he would stay in ICU for a few days, but should recover. I actually broke down right there. Martin got a hold of me and took me someplace private. He didn't ask, which I am grateful for. I pulled rank once I calmed down and sat down in his room. I got up to get a cup of coffee or answer nature's call. But I didn't leave him. Not for almost forty-eight hours. Then he opened his eyes. At that moment I was overwhelmed, so grateful he was awake. I was also never more ashamed. Ashamed of the way I had treated him and ashamed at how I had failed him. His eyes were open for just a minute, but he smiled at me. Then he drifted off to sleep. I left the hospital, looking for answers to the bombing, the murder, and everything else. Call me a coward, but I left.

**

I awoke in the hospital. I was expecting to see Jason. I had opened my eyes once and saw him. He looked tired. But I have never been so happy to see anyone in my entire life. But he wasn't in my room. I drifted in and out for a few hours. I awoke late in the afternoon to see Martin sitting by my bed. He told me everything. Who the man was, what he was doing, and why he tried so hard to kill me. It all made sense. It wouldn't have changed anything, but it was good to know why Matthew left. The last piece of my old life fell into place and I was ready to move on. I know I probably shocked him, but what I told Jason was the truth. I loved him.

Over the next couple of days, Martin came to see me often. It's funny, but we actually became rather good friends. But Jason wasn't there. Slowly I came to realize that all my worst fears were true. Jason could be curious, but not love me. He didn't stop by once. Eight days after I entered the hospital, they were ready to send me home. Martin actually came by and drove me. When I got home, Martin went to the trunk and got out my suitcase and laptop from Jason's house. I guess that answered that. I didn't realize how transparent my facial expression was until Martin cupped my shoulder after setting my bags down. He helped me get settled, lying down on my bed. He set the phone near and was getting ready to leave.

"I promised myself I wouldn't ask, Zack. But I can't seem to help myself."

"You want to know if Jason and I..."

"Yeah. I guess I do."

"Yes. The night of the shooting."

"I see."

"You disappointed? Upset?"

"You don't understand. I saw the way you looked at him when we showed up at your door. The thing is, he was just as sunk as you were. Reminds me of when my wife and I met."

I actually smiled. "What happened?"

"I was this anal, stuffy kid. I couldn't relax if you gave me ten Valium. I would enter a room and immediately rearrange the shelves. She just looked at me and me her. She understood me. She took my neuroses and loved me for them. We got married three days after we met. Just one look, that's all it takes."

I felt tears well in my eyes. He understood. Even though it was one sided, Martin understood. "I'm glad it worked out for you, Martin."

"Don't be so sure it won't for you. He's dealing with a little guilt right now."

"Why?"

"Now you would have to understand alpha cops. The psychology is macho and boring. He feels like he let you down. Like he couldn't protect you. He just needs time."

"There are a few more obstacles Martin."

"Don't doubt. Call me if you need anything."

With that he was gone. I rested the rest of the day. Then I took a shower and started working. I had eight days to catch up on. Work actually helped. I got through a whole pile of it. I did so much that I completed three projects two weeks early. It helped. All right, it didn't help, but it kept me from losing my mind. I had been out of the hospital for a week and he still hadn't even called. I got angry, really angry and mean. I cursed him six ways until Sunday. But it didn't help. I missed him. I would lie awake at night, hard with wanting him, dreaming about him when I could sleep. I kept myself from asking Martin about him when he would come by. But I still loved him.

After two weeks, I started to go back to work. One day when I got home, I spotted a familiar car in my driveway. Jason. I walked up to my door and he opened it and pulled me inside.

**

Oh God, I had missed him. I had listened daily to Martin's lectures. But it wasn't until I was sitting at home last night and I found myself chopping vegetables for a new recipe I found in a cookbook and how much I wanted Zack to watch and joke with me that I knew that I had to be with him. Nothing else mattered: not my failure, not my job, not the whole gay-straight thing, nothing.

I pulled him inside, hungry for the sight of him. I looked in his eyes and just melted. I loved him, that simple. He was smiling at me. I saw the love in his eyes and I knew how stupid I had been by staying away. Then he masked his emotions and I knew I had hurt him, deeply.

"Why are you here Jason?"

"I've missed you. God, I have. I want to fuck you so bad."

I watched as hurt clouded his eyes. Then he blinked it away and nodded. He held out his hand to me. Oh no, he thought I was just here for sex. And he loved me enough to swallow what he needed and give me what I asked for. If I hadn't loved him before, I would have fallen right then. I took his hand and he led me to his bedroom. He turned to unbutton my shirt and I took his hands. I pulled him close. I cupped both of his cheeks with my hands and ran my thumbs under his eyes. Then I lowered my lips to his and brushed them over his; just a simple kiss. Then I deepened the contact, open lips, closed mouth. Then I tentatively touched my tongue to his lip. I traced his lips with my tongue. Then I moved forward and completely claimed his mouth, brushing his tongue over and over with mine. It was one of the simplest but also the most erotic kiss of my life. I was so hard and I pulled his hips against mine, grinding myself into him. He was hard too and I felt him duel with me. Jeans and underwear separated us, confined us, but we were connecting. I pulled away from his mouth and pulled at his clothing until he stood before me naked. Then I dropped my clothes and stood before him hard and ready. But somehow the hurt hadn't quite left his eyes. I would give anything to get it to go away. And I knew just what to give.

I pushed Zack down on the bed and followed him. My chest pressed against his and our cocks dueled. Then I flipped us over so he rested on top of me. I started kissing him again. It was a strange turn of events, but I found my home. I was more satisfied with one kiss than I had been over the past four years with and without my wife. Maybe I wanted this all along, maybe I was gay from the beginning, but I don't think so. I think I just wanted Zack more than I wanted to spend my life with anyone else. I pulled away from the kiss and cupped his face again.

"I want you to fuck me. I want you inside me."

"You don't have to Jason. Really."

"Yes I do. I want you to. Please."

He nodded then got up and opened his drawer by the bed. He grabbed a bottle of something and told me that it would be necessary. Then he flipped me over on my stomach. He pulled me up on my hands and knees then started caressing my ass. I felt him kiss each cheek then lick along my crack. When he hit my hole I almost collapsed. I reached down to grab my cock. But he took my hands in one of his and kept me away from my dick. Then he started lapping away at me. I felt him lick and suck and nibble at my ring. I was in agony; the pleasure was too great. I kept squirming. I was biting the pillow below me. I kept feeling myself loosen. Each time I opened a bit more, he moved in deeper. My thighs were trembling and I collapsed against the bed. I was so hard and just wanted to hump against the mattress, just to relieve the pressure. But he pushed me down and kept me still. I was writhing on the bed. I have never felt anything so incredible. I was begging and pleading for Zack to end it. I was on edge and needed to trip.

Zack flipped me over. He grabbed the bottle and squeezed some of the liquid on his fingers. Then he applied them to me and rubbed around my sensitized hole. Then I felt him enter me. I squirmed at the blunt entry, but it didn't hurt. Then he coated his cock until it was dripping with lube before lowering between my legs. He lowered to my chest and guided his dripping tool to my hole. He kissed me lightly before pushing forward. He had worked me well, but this was brand new territory for me. I winced and then cried out as the head breached me.

"It's okay baby. I know. It'll be better in a minute."

He kissed me deeper and then rested his chest completely on me and grabbed my cock. He started stroking me fast, until I was hard again. I didn't realize it at first, but he was pushing forward as he stroked me. When he was seated, he let go of my mouth. He flexed his cock inside me and brushed something deeply inside. I cried out and squeezed him hard. He shuddered then started thrusting into me. I felt him move, accepting him. I was in awe at the new sensations. I had never known such fullness. He kept moving inside me, trying to remain gentle, but he was losing the battle. I decided then and there that it didn't matter how gentle he was with me; I would take it. I kissed him hard and told him not to hold back. It was all it took and he gripped my hips hard and started pounding into me. It was even better than before. He kept pushing into me, probably my prostate. But it was too much. I exploded against his belly. When he felt me squeeze him in release, he shuddered but somehow kept from tripping. He started pounding into me harder and faster. The hair on his belly, that wonderful silky trail was grazing against the head of my still hard cock. His movement forced my cock to be wedged between our bellies. My coarser hair was sending needles of pleasure through my penis while his soft ones sent a gentle caress. I was tripping again. It was less than two minutes later and I was shooting again, this time taking Zack with me.

When his spasms stopped, he collapsed on top of me. I wrapped my arms around him, cradling his head to my chest and savored being close to him. Zack didn't know it yet, but he was moving in with me. We were going to share my house and sleep in each other's arms each night. I loved him and he was going to stay with me. It wasn't going to be easy, but we would work on it. That's all that matters. When he had recovered a little, he nuzzled my chest with his nose.

"Zack?"

"Yes Jason?"

"I love you."

That's all that really needed to be said.