Todd & Marty's New Beginning Ch. 07

AUTHOR'S NOTE ::: This is the love story of Marty and Todd starting from the very beginning when they first met in college. It also includes several other characters as well as their storylines. This story is based off the hit soap One Life to Live, yet the "history" has been changed somewhat to suit the purposes of this story. Not all the parts of this story will contain erotic sex scenes as there is a plot. First and foremost, this story is a romance/drama, not a sex story. This story also deals with the topic of nonconsensual sex as well as other disturbing material, so if you are bothered by that please do not read any further.

Also, I'd like to note that I do not own ABC's One Life to Live or the characters and I will NOT be receiving any payment whatsoever for writing this story. It is intended for entertainment purposes only.

*~Chapter Nine : Todd and Marty Meet on the Pier~*

Todd had been staring out at the water, reflecting on his life when he heard footsteps on the pier. He looked up and to his shock, there was Marty. He really couldn't believe she had actually come. "Marty," he said in a gasp. "You came."

He didn't get up. He didn't even move a muscle. He didn't want to scare her. As much as he longed to hold and kiss her, he held back. If he frightened her now, he might never have the chance to see or speak to her.

He looked into those blue eyes of hers and said, "Thank you for coming..."

Marty kept a good distance between herself and Todd. "Give me one good reason I shouldn't just turn you in for contacting me?" she asked as she stared at him. "I shouldn't even be here talking to you... What could you possibly have to say to me, Manning?"

Todd looked at her as he struggled to form the words. All of it was foreign on his lips. Never before, not since he was a little boy, had he ever admitted caring for another human being. "Marty, please don't go," he said softly. "I know you hate me after what I did... but I just need to talk to you."

"I need to tell you how I feel. I need to say a lot of things, so please just hear me out," Todd spoke. "Don't worry, I won't touch you. I'll never touch you again, Marty... not unless you want me to..."

"And also, I will never hurt you again... nor will I ever allow anyone else to hurt you. I wanted to say I'm sorry. I hurt you so badly... I was a monster," he said regretfully. "I'm going to have to live with that the rest of my life; what I did to you. I- I've been having nightmares."

"I'm so, SO sorry. But I realize I can't take it back. That's the hardest part. I don't know how to make things right again," Todd said sadly. "If I could, I would. I'd hit the rewind button, and I'd make everything alright. I had the power to stop everything that happened. But I didn't. I didn't and I hate myself for it."

"So, I'm just supposed to believe you came to this conclusion all of a sudden?" Marty demanded. "You're telling me you realized you hurt another living human being and now you're regretful for it? Am I supposed to be so happy that you saw what you've done, Todd? Do you know what I have to live with? The nightmares, the pain...this baby that I'm carrying."

"I know our baby is probably the last thing you want right now... a constant reminder of me and what I did. But it is a child... OUR child. I wish I hadn't have hurt you. I wish I didn't have to spend time in prison, so I could be there for you... and for our baby. But I DID hurt you, and I have to live with the repercussions of it... just as you do. The only thing good that has come out of this nightmare for me, is coming to terms with myself and some things that happened to me a long time ago," Todd spoke as he looked at Marty and willed her to understand his words.

"When I was a little boy, my mother left. She got tired of my dad beating her all the time, I suppose. But I never understood why she left me behind with a child abuser. We were so close, my mother and me. She was a very good mom," Todd said as he struggled to keep his emotions in check. "When she left, my father blamed me. Never once in my stinking, miserable life did he ever have a kind word for me, his son. He told me he wished I had never been born... and I came to wish that, too."

"My father hurt me, Marty. In so many ways. I had so much rage trapped inside, so much heartache. When I got here to Llanview, Zach and a few of the others were heavily into drugs. They offered me some and for the first time, I found an escape from all those painful memories. I started using drugs as though my life depended on it. Kind of like you... and your partying and drinking..." Todd stated. "You kind of go into your own little world, where nothing can hurt you and you don't have to think about your feelings. Drugs were my escape... and it cost me everything."

"Despite the drugs, I realize now, I hurt you for other reasons. Remember what I told in in hospital? I told you I have fallen in love with you. It's true... and it's so freakin scary. Always before, when I loved someone, they would leave me. They would disappear, so I didn't want to love anyone. I didn't want to FEEL because when you FEEL you lose. I know it sounds crazy, but I was furious with you for making me feel. I didn't know how to handle what it was I felt for you. Instead I wanted to hate you. I wanted to hurt you for making me care," Todd said in a pain-filled voice. "The drugs just made it worse. I wasn't able to think. I could only react. And I'm sorry you were hurt."

"I'm so sorry, Marty," he said with deep sincerity. "If you hate me... if you want me dead, I understand."

Marty had her arms crossed over her chest as she listened to him speak. "You don't know me Todd, you don't know why I party or why I drink. I'm sorry that you were hurt...that your father is such a monster, but that's not an excuse for what you did," she said.

"I do hate you, I hate you so much," she said. But even as she said the words, at the same time there was part of her that cared for him for some reason, a part that longed for him to be a better man. Why, ohhhh why, did she care so much? There was no reason to care.

"I don't expect more than your hatred. It's all I deserve," Todd said, feeling as though the very breath had been sucked out his chest when he heard Marty's bitter words. "And you're right, I don't know why you drink... and you didn't know why I was using drugs. But I'm teling you now... and I am making a solemn promise to you..."

"NEVER AGAIN. Never again will I use drugs... Never again will I hurt you. I'd die first," Todd spoke. He meant every word. He'd kill himself before he allowed anyone or anything to hurt Marty again. He had learned his lesson in such a painful way.

"After the trial, you won't have to look at me anymore. I'll be behind bars, where all rapists and monsters belong. I just hope you know, I'll be thinking of you every minute... and our baby, too. Damn, I really wish things had been different. If I could go back in time, I swear to you, I'd make things entirely different. I would make it where you would smile again," he said as a tear slowly rushed down his face.

Marty didn't know what to say, she had never met anyone like Todd before and he was so complicated and now things were even more complicated. "I wish things were different too," Marty said with no emotion in her voice. "But we all make choices that effect our lives...maybe from now on both of us know to make better choices with our lives. I won't be drinking anymore, and I can't speak for you but I would love to cut this chapter from my life but I am going to have to live with it."

"You're right. We can't go back now, Marty. We both have to live with what happened. And I'm sure it's going to be a scar on both of our hearts forever," Todd spoke. "I always believed what my father said, that I was worthless, a monster, that I was bad. So I acted the part... and it's the reason I hurt you."

"I'm glad you've decided to give up drinking. It can't be good for your Lupus, nor could it be good for the baby. If we cut out that chapter in our lives, we wouldn't have the baby, would we? As much as what happened sucked, the baby is a good thing. I can't even imagine what it would be like to see our baby... or hold him or her. Knowing I am going to be in prison, it's not something I'll ever experience... but I think about it all the time," Todd admitted, pain etched upon his face.

"I just want you to make me one promise, okay, Marty?" Todd spoke. "Promise me you will keep our baby. Whatever you do, I wouldn't be able to bear it if you gave our child up for adoption."

"You might not be sorry about the baby, Todd, but it's not what I wanted and not this way. I've already decided to keep it but it's not because of you; I want to make that perfectly clear," she said firmly. "I made the decision because this baby is a part of me, too, and I didn't want it to grow up and feel abandoned."

Todd nodded. "I wouldn't want that either. You see, I just found out I am adopted. Vicki Buchanun and Tina Roberts are my sisters. You are living with my biological family," said Todd. "It's all so ironic. I wish I could get to know them all, too. I do feel relief, knowing they will look out for you while I am locked up."

"When I get out... do you think you would... do you think you could consider possibly letting me see our baby?" he asked, knowing she would probably slap him and tell him no way, but he had to ask. It was his baby, too.

"I don't know," Marty said honestly. "I really like Vicki; she's a wonderful person. You're beyond lucky; keep that in mind, Todd. She's a nice woman, and she wants to help you."

"I haven't decided yet if I will let you see our child," she admitted. "I need some time to process all of this."

"Fair enough," said Todd, knowing he was really asking a lot. But he had been hopeful. He wanted to something to live for all those months and maybe years he would be locked up behind bars. He'd never see his baby, his own child. That thought suffocated him.

"I guess that's all I have to say then, Marty. Thank you for coming." He turned his attention back out on the water, trying not to turn his gaze back onto Marty. Looking at her hurt his heart. He so longed to hold her again... kiss her... and touch her. Never again. He had lost everything.

"Then I should be going, I don't want Vicki to worry," Marty said as she turned and walked away from the pier. Ohhh, why was it so hard for her to walk away from him? Were his words getting to her? Pushing that thought out of her mind, she rushed home and up to her room, hoping she didn't wake Jessi since she was right next door.

Todd went back to his motel room and fixed himself another sandwich. He thought about everything he and Marty had discussed tonight. He was so glad she had decided to keep their child. He knew the baby would be well-cared-for by both Marty as well as Vicki. His child was going to grow up happy which was his greatest hope. He then got to thinking, maybe his baby was better off without him, just as he would have been better off never knowing Peter Manning. As Todd crawled into bed that night, he couldn't get Marty's image out of his head. Dear God, how he missed her.

Marty lay in her bed, tossing and turning, unable to get Todd's words out of her head. It was driving her crazy. As she lay there, staring up at the ceiling, she wished she could just fall asleep already. Sadly, she didn't trust Todd; not at all.