Tom and Luke Get Their Degrees

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Tom and Luke pass their exams and become Civil Partners.
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[Tom and Luke's Final Year Pt. 01 should be read first]

Chapter Twenty-four

Guilt and regret

About 4 pm, my cellphone rang. It was Francis Eglantine. "Tom, I can see you for a maximum of 25 minutes just before Evening Prayer in Chapel. Come to my rooms at 6 prompt."

"Thank you, Francis, I'll be there." I said.

When I arrived at Francis's rooms, I knocked on the door and was immediately admitted. One look at my face prompted Francis without asking me to pour a glass of Madeira. I gulped down half of it and said, "I have done something extremely foolish, which I now bitterly regret. Luke refuses to speak to me. I have hurt him severely." And I went on to tell him what had happened and how Luke had reacted. I told him how sorry I felt for dishonouring our relationship and how I wanted to seek God's forgiveness for my selfish weakness. I said that I was more confident that God would forgive me than that Luke would.

"Don't fall into the trap of trying to get God on your side!" Francis said.

"I owe everything in my life in Camford to that boy!" I said, "I've disgraced myself in the eyes of the one person in the world whose opinion and love I value more than life itself. I would do anything to get his love back. I hate myself!"

"Tom, you must let him know how you feel. I'm very reluctant to get involved with the two of you, but if you can't sort things out before Sunday Evensong, I will have word with Luke. In the meantime, do you want to make a formal confession? God will help you to make the necessary decisions and take the right action."

I made my confession, and Francis absolved and blessed me, and I went with him to Evening Prayer, where I was able to admit publicly that I had 'done those things that I ought not to have done' and really felt myself to be a 'miserable offender.' I did not go into dinner. I did not feel like talking to Steve and Alex, and I sat down and made another attempt to write a letter to Luke.

Chapter Twenty-five

A letter from Tom to Luke

Darling Luke

I am SO sorry. Please read this letter. Surely you can't hate me. I love you more than anyone in the world, and by offending you I have put myself into an abyss of misery and regret by a moment of stupid self-indulgent sensuousness, with a boy for whom I feel no love or physical attraction. What's even worse, I did it on your birthday! Luke, I miss you so much, I have lost your respect through my own stupidity. I just hope that I haven't lost your love, although I admit that I don't deserve it. Can you forgive me? I mustn't upset you. Your exams are coming up within six months and I would kill myself if I felt that I had ruined your academic performance. I will give anything and everything that I have to regain your respect, though I don't really deserve it. I've been to see Francis and made my confession. For gross weakness and selfishness, I feel I don't deserve the name of Christian.

I long to be in your arms, I ache to feel your loving presence beside me. Please don't give up all the happiness that we might enjoy together if you forgive me. I can't stay and work in Camford without you. You are more to me than anyone or anything.

Please, please talk to me and forgive me. I will do anything that you ask.

I will love you for EVER, even if you don't forgive me. I regard myself as yours for the rest of my life.

With all my deepest love.

Tom

Chapter Twenty-six

Reconciliation

The evening went by. I felt slightly hungry and went out and bought a pizza, which I ate in our room with a cup of coffee made on my darling boy's espresso machine. By 11 pm, it did not look as if he was coming back, so I rang Jon at the Fountain Street flat. He confirmed that Luke was there and was going to spend the night there. "I've not spoken to him about the two of you, and he hasn't said much to me except that he didn't want to go back to college tonight. He seems very unhappy."

I put my letter in an envelope and pushed it under his bedroom door. I then went to bed. I did not sleep well. I found myself thinking of all the good times that we had had together, and how we had seemed to be destined to be partners for life. The thought of never feeling his delicious lips again was heart-wrenching. Eventually about 3 am, I fell into an uneasy sleep.

Around 8 am, I was awakened by the unexpected feeling of being kissed. I opened my eyes to see the brown eyes of my darling Luke filled with tears a few inches from my face. I reached out my arms and grabbed him and pulled him down on top of me. "Luke, my sweet love, I am SO sorry for what I did. I ruined your birthday. Please forgive me, I'm desolate without you. Please come back to me!"

"My darling Tom, I've just read your letter. I couldn't believe that I could have upset you as much as you did me, I thought that you would just plod on being your own stoical self. I certainly forgive you, and I want my birthday present NOW!" Luke disengaged himself from my grasp, stood up, and began to tear his clothes off. "I came back in time to make my bed look as if it had been slept in and to get the breakfast that I've paid for! Then I found your letter. I couldn't believe that you would take so much trouble for me! But fuck breakfast, let's have a shag!" Now naked, he climbed into my bed and started to nibble my nipples. I could feel my cock steadily stiffening. I ran my hands over his delicious arse, and the feeling of his smooth hairless skin nearly sent me crazy. I could feel his hard dick pressed against my belly, and the sensation of his warm, pulsing, living body enwrapped in my arms nearly made me faint with love and desire.

"Would you like to ride me?" I asked.

"Oooh, yes, please!" he replied. He reached out to the bedside drawer and pulled out the lube tube and the condom box. After the necessary preparation, he squatted down facing me and slowly lowered his rear end until his delicious hole engaged with my rock-hard tool. I entered him without much resistance and began to push myself up and down and he did the same. I gazed in admiration at the sweet face that I feared I had lost for ever. Luke's look of concentration told me that he was doing his best to give me pleasure and I tried my best to make sure that I hit his prostate with my upward movements. After a glorious few minutes, I came violently with a shuddering gasp. As the blood slowly ebbed out of my shrinking tool, Luke lay down beside me.

I put my arm round him and said "Please stay with me, wonder-boy. After a rest, it'll be your turn to shag me. We've got till about 11 before the bedder comes in, so we've plenty of time for more, and then we can go out and have breakfast. Then I've got to go to the lab, and we can't have you missing any more lectures!" After ten minutes of cosy kissing and cuddling, I opened my legs and Luke got to work with the lube. When he gently pushed his monster man-stick into my hole, I relaxed in delight, and he got to work with great energy. I think that it was the best fucking that he had ever given me. His huge dick hit my prostate with nearly every thrust that he made. I was in gay heaven! Looking into his sweet brown eyes, I could never be in any doubt that he still loved me even after what I had done. After he had shot his load of man-seed deep within my gut, and we were lying side by side gently embracing, I said to him, "Luke, I feel like the woman who was a sinner in Luke's gospel. The worse the sin that is forgiven, the greater is the sinner's love for the forgiver. I think that stupid moment when I stuck my tongue into Alex's mouth may have been the worst thing I have ever done. But you have forgiven me, and I love you more than ever! I don't deserve your love!"

"Tom, no-one deserves God's love, but He offers it freely to all, whether they ask for it or not! But although you hurt me momentarily, I love you more than I did before. You have proved your love (not that I ever doubted it) by your sweet apology. I would be a pretty poor servant of God if I couldn't follow His example of forgiving you! I think it was a bit womanish and hysterical to behave the way I did. If I had been as drunk as you, I might well have done the same thing as you did. But it's over now, let's get shaved and go out and find some breakfast!"

We went to a fancy new eating place in the the High Street called with typical Camford whimsy 'The Stainless Steel Kettle: Traditional food with a modern face' and I ate a huge breakfast of bacon, eggs, sausage, mushrooms and hash browns and drank three cups of coffee, holding Luke's hand under the table. Luke did not eat as much, but then he had had dinner cooked for him by Jon the night before, and all I had eaten all day was a sandwich and a miserable takeaway pizza. We then parted company, Luke heading for the Language Institute, I walking with a joyful spring in my step along Laboratory Road to the University science area. My mood was a total contrast to the misery that I had felt on that walk the day before, although the January day was just as cold. I silently thanked God for the strength of human love. Luke told me that night that his tutorial session with Dr Cagliari had gone extremely well. The whole hour had been exclusively in Italian, and he had joined in the discussion with amazing fluency. Obviously he was just as happy as I was.

That evening was the chapel choir practice, and I smiled proudly at Dr Eglantine when he popped in briefly to hear our final rendering of Purcell's 'Rejoice in Lord, alway' and he gave me a grin of relief. I expect he thought 'at least I'm off the hook from needing to sort out that incoherent Northerner!' The following night, I was at a concert with Margaret, and I gave her a very abbreviated account of my foolish behaviour and its consequences. She was not surprised, she said that she and Sarah had a bust-up at least once a term. "Do you intend to become life-partners?" I asked her.

"I'm not yet sure," she said. The only thing I do know for sure is that I will never marry a man!"

"This is a bit cheeky of me to ask, you know that I would never make a pass at you, even though I think you are very sweet. Could you have sex with a man?"

"I don't know. The thought of a man lying between my legs and sticking his big fat dick into me doesn't appeal, but maybe I haven't yet met a man that appealed to me in that way. All men want it, so it would have to be someone very special for me to let them have it! I'm not very keen on the smell of men, even when they use a fragrance like you do."

"That fragrance is not designed to attract women, it's designed to appeal to men! But I'm not keen on the scent of women, either. Maybe that's what marks us out as gay."

Chapter Twenty-seven

The Candlemas term

Early in the Candlemas term, Luke decided that he should be looking at possible future jobs. As our futures were closely bound to one another, we had to keep our career planning in step. He went to see Marcello Fabioni and asked him how he should go about getting a job in Italy. Luke loved Marcello and Caterina. They had been like second grandparents to him, and Caterina was his godmother. Marcello said "I know just the type of job that you need. Something that involves music, people and your linguistic skills, and something typically Italian that you would scarcely get in this country: opera house management. There are practically no training courses in that area, certainly not in England, it's something that you learn on the job. I have contacts in opera houses all over Italy: I'll see what I can do. When would you be able to start?"

"Not before January next year," Luke said. He had to allow time for me to get my Master's degree completed.

"OK," said Marcello, "that's a good timescale for looking now. Everything in the international musical world is set up years in advance. I'll see what I can do!"

Our life continued that term in its usual fashion. Sometimes I had to spend long hours in the lab. Although we were not encouraged as juniors to stay in the lab beyond 5-30 pm, the work I was engaged in sometimes demanded a few hours in the evening, supervised for safety purposes by one of Dr Mills's postdocs, of whom he had a team of three, and four Ph.D. students. I knew that he would have liked me to stay on and join his team, but he knew my commitment to Luke meant my departure for Italy. If I had to spend the odd evening in the lab, Luke would come and eat with me at the Whale and Wheelbarrow, a pub in Laboratory Road, quite close to the chemistry lab. Occasionally too, he would come and have lunch with me in the chemistry canteen. I was making good progress with my project, already my name was on a paper in press as co-author. There's nothing like being a published author to stimulate hard work and creativity!

Prior to partial retirement from artistic work, Luke's father David was doing a tour of the United Kingdom, which involved recitals in Reading, Bristol, Plymouth, Cardiff, Swansea, Birmingham, Camford, Oxbridge, and eight other places. He was due to perform in Camford on Wednesday of the fifth week of the Candlemas term. We obtained three tickets, for Luke, Margaret and myself. The Camford recital consisted of two parts, the first half various Schubert songs, the second half arias by Mozart and Händel. I got very excited about this and in conversation with Jon, discovered that David would be three days in Camford, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, before leaving for Birmingham. As Thursday was the undergraduate Guest Night in hall, I invited him to dine with me on Guest Table. Students using Guest Table could only invite one guest, so poor old Luke would have to eat with Alex and Steve in Poof's Corner! I further arranged for the members of the Chapel Choir and one guest each to join David and myself after the meal for coffee and Prosecco in the college function room, at my expense. Luke nearly collapsed when he heard what I had done. "You're really splashing out with your new-found wealth!" he exclaimed.

"It's worth every penny to honour your wonderful Dad," I replied. "What's the cost of a few bottles of fizzy wine to enable people to meet a great artist? We might even be able to get him to sing for us!"

The recital was a great success. The Town Hall was full with 700 people. The Schubert songs were from various of his song cycles, the Händel arias were familiar ones for the tenor voice, including of course 'Every valley shall be exalted' from 'Messiah'. The Mozart ones included some of my favourites,'Un' aur' amorosa,' 'Dalla sua pace,' 'Ah, se fosse intorno al trono,' 'Wenn der Freude Tränen fliesßen' and one I had not heard before, 'Dies Bildnis is bezaubend schön' from 'Die Zauberflöte.' At the end, I nearly went mad, clapping and stamping and shouting, with many others in the audience demonstrating similar enthusiasm. As encore, David sang, not my expected 'Pretty, pretty youth,' but César Franck's 'Panis angelicus.' After the hall had finally emptied, we took Luke's Dad and Brian his accompanist back to Fountain Street for a drink. Dad and Brian were going to spend the night there, and then Brian would go back to Fitchey for a couple of nights before they resumed the concert tour.

It was great fun entertaining my future father-in-law on Guest Table. The college was a bit prejudiced against Italian wines, so the two of us shared a bottle of Chablis. The kitchen always supplied special food for the one-day-a-week guest table, limited to ten undergraduates and their ten guests, and they gave us an excellent meal of roast pheasant.

Afterwards we went to the function room where the chapel choir and their friends were gathered, and we had coffee and Prosecco, and David gave us a fascinating half-hour talk about his singing career and the many amusing experiences he had had on tour. Most of the choir were amazed to hear that he had a Ph.D. in chemistry, obtained before he became a professional singer. The rest of the evening David circulated and chatted with the choir members, and answered questions from one or two, who were considering a career in singing. The evening ended with David singing 'Amazing grace' for us.

Chapter Twenty-eight

Tom's baptism

The weeks went by in the usual round of lab work for me, lectures and tutorials for Luke, and swimming, shagging, cinema trips, walks along Camford's waterway network and trips to the pub for the pair of us. Before long, the last week of term and my baptism and confirmation arrived. We had some debate about my baptism service. We had arranged for it to take place in the afternoon, as the Confirmation by the Bishop of Fitchey and first Communion were to take place in the evening at a public ceremony. The college was not geared up for adult baptisms. The large seventeenth century punchbowl that was used to baptize the children of fellows of the college was quite unsuitable. I felt that a small quantity of water sprinkled on me was not suitable for a serious rite symbolizing our death to sin and rising to new life in Christ. Total immersion was also impractical in a consecrated building. After consultation with our family theological authority (Professor Edward Bairstow), we finally hit on a method that we all found suitable. We would use the antechapel.

On the seventeenth century tiled marble floor we placed a child's paddling pool, filled to a depth of 15 cm with water. The persons present were Francis, who presided, assisted by Prof Bairstow who was Luke's godfather. The witnesses were Luke, his two cofathers, Alex and Steve and the organ scholar. My sponsors were David, Jon and Edward Bairstow. David had scheduled his national recital tour to leave a gap for my big event. It might have looked startling to an outsider that everyone present at my profession of faith except the organ scholar was gay or, in the case of the two clergy, gay-friendly, but it is a strength of the Church of England that it welcomes gay people, even if it is unhappy about ordaining them if they are in a relationship.

We used the modern baptismal rite, I would not be a party to the use of the rite of 1662, which seems to use the word 'carnal' as a synonym for 'sinful.' I came into Chapel wearing a white towelling bathrobe, which I kept on during the promises and the signing with the cross. After the blessing of the water, I took it off. Underneath, I was naked except for a pair of white cycling shorts. I knelt in the water and Francis filled a large seventeenth-century silver ewer with the holy water and poured water three times over my head, shoulders and belly. After the baptismal words had been said, I stood up and put the bathrobe back on and put my wet feet into a pair of disposable slippers for the remainder of the service. Luke dried my hair with a small white towel. As he did so, Francis said to me the liturgical words, "'You have been clothed with Christ. As many as are baptized into Christ have put on Christ.'" Then we sang a hymn, accompanied by the organ scholar and the rite ended with me receiving a lighted candle.

After the baptism, we all adjourned to our room, where I dried myself off, combed my hair and put on dry underpants, a white silk shirt and my Armani suit. We drank coffee and ate cakes. At 4-30, Francis left to meet the Bishop, and I put on my scholar's surplice, as did Luke, and we all returned to Chapel for the Confirmation and first Communion, presided over by the Bishop. During the service, my baptismal candle stood lighted beside my choir stall. There was a reasonable attendance of college members for the service, including most of our friends in the choir. The other two boys who were confirmed were second-year students, and had shared some of my catechumen classes. Edward read the Epistle, and Francis led the intercessions and the prayer for the college's founder and benefactors.