Topsy Turvy Ch. 04

"Ava, did I tell you we have a dog?"

And so Mike had found himself an hour later, showered and dressed and in the back of this woman's car stuck between his children who were way more excited about the dog they were about to meet than they had been about going away with their mother.

He pulled out his phone to call Greg and Tori and to let them know that he would see them there but found that it was out of battery. He sighed loudly. He didn't understand how his life had come to this. Two months ago he had been a happily married man, with two beautiful kids, a great career and enough money in the bank to get by. Now he was a single dad, prone to episodes of exposing himself in public, broken hearted and being bullied by his best friend's PA, while having sexy dreams about her best friend, the rude baker, who was obsessed with Disney.

What had happened to his life?

***********

"And so she's had me cleaning, fetching, carrying, roasting and all sorts of things since we got here. That's why I was taking the time to have a bit of a sleep before the evening started. To be honest, I'm ready to go home but the kids are having so much fun with the dog and it's so cosy here – I don't think they'll let me leave."

Tori sat back and huffed loudly, "Jeez Louise that's a story and a half. Did you ever find out where Roni and Luke went?"

Mike shook his head but was interrupted by Greg saying,

"No, but apparently my mum reckons that she's updated a photo of herself on Facebook on a yacht or something."

All eyes turned to Greg who was still snaffling the peanuts.

"A boat-" Tori gasped

"Facebook?" Isabella enquired.

Isabella got there first,

"What the fuck is your mum doing on Facebook?"

Greg grinned, "I think that's how she keeps in touch with her peeps."

Tori rolled her eyes and kicked Greg, causing him to choke on a peanut.

"What have I told you about watching too much MTV? You're too old for it. And anyway, I don't think anyone uses the word peeps anymore. I think the more important question is what is she doing on a boat and where is the boat going?"

Mike could feel the hubbub growing in the room as he could feel everyone's interest pique at what escapade his wife was performing now. He lay back down on the sofa hugging his daughter and closed his eyes hoping to cocoon himself from the wave of pity which he knew was going to reach him. He could feel himself becoming the topic of conversation for the next hour or so. He counted down; three, two, one.

Isabella started, "Well I don't understand what kind of woman-" but she was stopped by Tamara,

"Ssshhh – kids, why don't you take Dandelion out for a run in the garden?"

The room fell silent while the children made their way out of the room and once the adults could hear the playful barking they took up the subject once again

"As I was saying, what kind of woman does that – she's a bitch – sorry Tori. You see, I told you – relationships just aren't viable. We should live like the animals I tell you – they never have to worry about low self esteem. You ever see an elephant with low self esteem?"

Tamara rolled her eyes,

"Jesus, she's drunk already. Brad! Come and take the bottle from Bella – last time I tried she bit me. But seriously, getting back to Mike and Roni, what's going to happen? Tori what do you think?"

"What do you mean what do I think? My sister slept with my boyfriend for the duration of our relationship. Now she's left her husband and kids to cavort around God knows where with him. I think she's a bitch but she is still my sister."

"And poor Mike." Tamara sympathised

Mike squeezed his eyes shut in the hope that perhaps they would forget about him.

"Sister, Pah! She doesn't know the meaning of sister, I don't know why you're protecting her like that." Isabella scoffed.

"I'm not protecting her, I simply would prefer not to talk about her."

And so the conversation went on. Back and forth about what a bitch Veronica was, and those poor children, and wasn't Mike a saint for coping.

Mike could feel himself losing his rag and sat up in a bid to tell everyone, particularly little Medusa with the big mouth to shut the fuck up when,

Ding Dong

Praising Jesus for his divine intervention, Mike was positively looking forward to who was at the door as he knew that this would mean a distraction from the sorry topic that was his life and frankly, he didn't think it could get much worse.

He sat up, fixing to change the subject and welcome the new arrivals until he heard,

"Oh how lovely, did you bring a cake – oh, this is lovely – a Mickey mouse baby gro. He's going to look gorgeous in this. Bubby, look what Aunty Alanna bought for you."

"Fuck!" Mike whispered under his breath while sinking back onto the sofa.

Alanna had arrived.