Tormented Soul Ch. 03

Emma had recovered from her shock and started to go after Charley but Paul grabbed her.

"Where are you going" he asked.

She pulled away tears starting to form. "I need to go to him, we hurt him and I need to make it right"

"And say what to him? That we were only kidding, we didn't mean it? It was only the alcohol talking?" Paul pulled into a hug "We screwed up big time and we need to think this through. Let's get some coffee and see if we can fix this."

Keeping one arm around her he grabbed their glasses and led her into the kitchen. He had her sit down at the table while he put the glasses in the sink and started the coffee. He missed the old stove top percolator they had, sure the drip coffee makers made good coffee but they lacked character.

While he made coffee he spoke. "I don't think we can make this right." His wife just sat listening, the tears going down her cheeks. "What could we say that we make him feel better?" He then took a seat next to her and stared off at the kitchen wall. "Put yourself in his place, what if you had heard your parents say the same things about you? What if you heard me telling somebody that you were a lousy lover, wife and mother? What if I said you were stupid? You might with effort forgive them as drunken ranting but would you be able to forget?"

"Then what do we do? My son is in his room hurting; we caused it and we need to fix it. We cannot just ignore it and hope it goes away."

"We apologize anyway, and try to make it up to him. I don't mean spoil him or buy him everything but make sure we treat him as we do the other kids. You and I can't fix it but we have to hope that time can."

They spent some time discussing how and when to approach Charley while drinking their coffee. They decided on the sooner the better. They went Charley's room and noticed no light was coming from underneath the door. Emma knocked and turned the handled finding it locked. Emma knocked lightly "Charley, can we come in?"

Charley did not want to talk to his mom right now but he knew he could not keep her locked out. He got up from the bed, dried his eyes on his shirt turned and the light and unlocked the door. Emma and Paul were in anguish when they saw their son. Charley's eyes were red from crying and if ever a person looked emotionally beaten it was him.

Emma was unable to contain herself and grabbed him in a hug, crying and muttering how sorry she and her dad were that they did not mean it that they had drunk too much. She started stroking his hair. She did not seem to notice that Charley did not return her hugs.

Paul started to speak "Look Charley, I know you heard your mom and I said saying things we should of no have said. We had been drinking but that is no excuse. You are our son and we have always been proud of you."

Charley extracted himself from his mom and sat on his bed, fighting back the tears his voice was raspy when he spoke, his head was down "Some of what you guys said was not anything I have not already heard at school." His voice started to break then he looked up at his father "Why are you proud of me?"

Paul was brought up short for a moment but was able to respond. "You are a good kid, you have never caused me or your mother any grief, and you stay out of trouble." He paused and pulled up the chair from Charley's desk to sit in front his son while Emma sat on the bed next to him taking his hand in hers.

"So your grades are not as good as your sisters and yes, we would like for you to do better but I remember I really did not start to make really good grades until my junior year in college when your mom lit a fire under me when we were dating. She said she was not going to keep dating an underachiever." At his he paused and smiled at his wife.

"I have no doubt you will come into your own and do quite well and make us proud. You are Roberts after all. You are not in competition with your sisters or on a time schedule. I only hope you can forgive me and your mom for our own moment of stupidity." He stood up and then moved the chair back to the desk. Paul then bent over his son and kissed him on the forehead. "Your mom and I love you please do not doubt that." He held his handout to his wife. She kissed Charley on the cheek and gave him another hug. "Goodnight son, I love you." they left the room closing the door. As they walked down the hall they heard the lock click they turned and saw the light no longer coming from under the door.

They started back down the hall, Emma sighed "We tried; but I feel so stupid."

Paul hugged her. "There are no perfect parents. We made a big mistake but we can only do so much to try a fix it. We cannot let it govern everything we do. Right now I am exhausted. Let's go to bed."

The weekend was a quite one, like Friday it was free of extracurricular activities, which was unusual. Charley kept to his room surfing the net and playing games, only coming out to eat. He didn't say much at meal time only responding to question which were few. As he was normally the quite one his sisters seemed not to notice. His parents had decided to give him some space and left him to himself.

Monday morning was the first sign of real change. Charley got up early as he normally did but did not go out to the kitchen to share the morning with his parents. Instead he stayed in his room. Paul and Emma only exchanged glances neither wanting to talk about it. Emma was close to tears. His sisters arrived in the kitchen before he did and they noticed Charley's absence, at least Kathleen did as they normally sat next to each other. "Where's the freak?"

Emma slammed the spatula down on the stove "Would you kids please quit picking at each for at least one morning!" The girl's and Paul all looked at her with a bit of shock. Emma's back remained to them her shoulder hunched over the stove. Kathleen's comment was not out of the ordinary as the kids picked on each other as all siblings do. Everybody was silent for a moment then Paul stated "Your mother is right; you kids need to quit sniping at each other. Diana, go tell you brother he needs to get out here for breakfast."

Diana shouted "Charley, breakfast!"

Paul sternly stated "I said to go get him. How many times have I talked to you about shouting? Now get to it."

Diana gave a frustrated sigh and went after her brother. Emma had not said anything else but started putting breakfast at the table.

Diana and Charley joined them shortly and everybody dug in for breakfast. Breakfast was quieter than normal. The girls were subdued given their parent's seeming bad moods and Charley never said much anyway. Conversation centered on the activities for the coming week, who needed rides and what events need to be attended by the parents.

In the past Patrice and Kathleen would have brought up, once again, how much easier things would be if they had their own car. The general mood this morning was such that they kept quiet about it. Their parents had already decided they would each get a car when they went to college not before.

Paul studied his children from over his coffee cup. There was not much chatter now, the clink of utensils on plates was the predominate sound. Sadly, he thought, Patrice and Kathleen were no longer children. They are young women and, in his opinion, acted very mature for their age. He still made sure to meet their boyfriends and prayed every night that they were not sexually active. Who really knew anymore? Soon they would be going off to college and that made him feel old. The twins were also growing up way too fast He still kept them under a tight leash but even his wife was beginning to try to get him to lighten up with things like makeup and clothing. Thinking to himself "When did it become acceptable for young girls to dress like sluts? Thankfully their school required uniforms. God help me when they start dating. It is surprising the older girls have not given me any gray hairs yet."

Paul then looked at Charley. "Poor kid, so tall and skinny nothing fits him right. He must have hollow leg because as much as we feed him he never seems to gain weight. I sure wish there was something I could do to make things right. No child should have to be so miserable."

Emma was doing her own thinking. She felt terrible about the harm she had done to her son. It was tearing her up inside and she had no idea how to make it better. She watched her son eat his breakfast. Other than not being the first one in the kitchen he did not act any different except he seemed to avoid looking at either of his parents. She thought to herself "How did I get to be such a horrible mother? No mother should think much less say such things about her own children."

She took her seat at the table glancing at Charley. "Despite what Paul says there has to be some way of making this up to him; making everything all right." Charley did not look different this morning than any other morning except the sadness in his eyes. She realized that there was always some sadness there and it hurt her to know she had increased it.

Charley had finished eating and cleared his place at the table, before disappearing back into his room. He had not said a word to anybody. He returned a short time later with his book bag. Looking toward his mom but not at her he asks. "Is it OK if I walk to school?"

Emma was shocked and heartbroken at the same time. She had always driven the kids as their schools were her way to work, or at least not to far out of the way. She took Charley's request to walk was a statement he did not want to be around her. She was close to tears and about to tell him no when Paul spoke up looking at Emma. "That will be fine son, have a good today at school."

Charley mumbled a goodbye and left. Emma moved to window, partly to watch him leave and partly so the other kids could not see her tears. Paul got up and stood behind her with both arms around her.

They watched as Charley left with his book bag over one shoulder, his clothing hanging from his tall skinny frame as he walked down the sidewalk. No he didn't walk; with his shoulders drooped and head down he trudged off toward a place he did not want to go to from a place, it seemed, he no longer wanted to be.