Trish's Wedding Day

So I went to Vince and I asked him I begged him I pleaded with him to bring somebody from OVW up to RAW and put me in a storyline with them. I made it clear that she had to have wrestling ability as well as be able to talk on the mic and Vince did and that person was Mickie James.

Now I had never heard of Mickie before Vince told me that she was coming to RAW and me and her where going to be in a storyline together so I was excited he promised me that she could talk on the mic and that she could wrestle so I was excited about seeing if he was right as well.

So Mickie came and we hit it of right away which is always a good thing when your working with somebody and she told me all about the ups and downs of the independent circuit which I had never been on so that was interesting for me.

They say that first impressions are the most important and I can honestly say with my hand on my heart that that Mickie defiantly impressed me with her dedication and how much she loved wrestling. I had spoken to so many of the "Diva Search" winners and looses who had still managed to get a job here who talked about wrestling like it was this silly little thing they did between scenes. Mickie however talked about wrestling and her eyes would light up and she would get this smile on her face.

I remember watching "The Stone Cold Truth" DVD and Mick Foley talk about the first time he saw Steve Austin and knew or rather thought that he would make it. Well up until the day I met Mickie I had never experienced that however sitting in the cafeteria with her that day I truly believed that just like Mick with Steve I truly believed that Mickie would or rather could make it.

I can remember Mickie telling me how much she wanted to be like me and have as great a career as I had which was nothing new to me I mean some if not all of the "Diva Search" winners and losers had some either the same thing or something similar and half of them where now gone if not from the business from the WWE however with Mickie instead of simply just being nice and bullshitting her I decided to tell her the truth and so I told her that she would because I really believed it I wasn't just saying it I really believed it and it was a thrill for me to think that I would be helping this potential female superstar begin the climb towards the level that I was at.

I don't know why exacterly why but for some reason I spent all of my time with Mickie not just when we where onscreen or at house shows but I am talking about practically 7 days a week 24 hours a day and it wasn't because Vince or one of the backstage guys had said

"Hey look can you look after this girl for us."

Or because she would follow me around like a lost puppy.

If anything I dare say it was because I wanted her to follow me around I would call her up and ask

her or text her and ask her what she was doing and when she told me nothing I would always take advantage of that and ask her if she wanted to spend the day with me.

An she always jumped at the chance.

I'm sure some of the other divas backstage who saw us together a lot of the time figured that Mickie was following me around like I said like a lost puppy and thought that the only reason she was doing it was to further her career however I can say with a fair amount of certainty that that was now it at all.

The reason she spent so much time with me I believe or rather I like to think was because she enjoyed spending time with me.

An I think it is also safe to say that me and Mickie quickly became best friends I would be willing to go out on a limb and say that Mickie became a better friend to me than Lita ever was especially at that time because after the whole Edge/Lita/Matt story blew over she spent all of her free time with Edge and she hardly ever changed with me or any of the other girls let alone spent any time with us outside of work.

Life for me at this point in time was pretty sweet I was no longer wrestling talent less nobodies who had either been given a job in the company out of pity because they had been voted off of the "diva search" or because they had degraded themselves on TV enough to win the "diva search"

I was once again working with somebody who had the same passion and desire guts determination to excel at what she had chosen to do with her life not only that but I also had a great friend that I could tell anything to and visa versa I guess you could say that I had a lot of good things going on in my life. An what is that old saying about how all good things must come to an end.

Well the good things in my life started to come to an end when Vince decided that he wanted mine and Mickie's storyline to take on a "lesbian" twist and he had us kiss on TV and that was it my life would never nor has it been the same since that kiss.

I remember how both she and I tried to talk to one and other after the scene was over and we both acted like nothing had happened but as much as we both tried to hide it our friendship had been irreversibly altered.

Eventually the tension between us got so bad that I purposely avoided her for a while I thought that if I stayed away from her then my life would go back to normal but something happened which had never happened to me before up until that moment and that is that I started to think about her I started to wonder what she was doing when I wasn't around and I missed her I missed talking to her I missed spending time with her I missed having a laugh with her basically I missed my friend.

However despite how much I missed her I didn't want there to be tension between us so I decided that we needed to talk about the kiss get everything out into the open and clear the air it was the most obvious thing to do and yet for some reason neither one of us had been willing or able to do it.

An now I know why she couldn't do it because when we talked me that kissing me had changed her and the way she felt about me and that now she saw me as more than just a friend an that she had started to think about me and to dream about me in a sexual way.

Obviously when I heard this I was shocked and surprised and I expected to be horrified because I'd never thought about any of the other divas in a sexual way and I didn't think of her in that way neither.

She went on to tell me that she had never felt like this before and that if I didn't feel the same way that was cool she just wanted to be honest with me and hoped if I didn't feel the same way we could still be friends because she really valued my friendship and didn't want to lose me as a friend.

It took me a little while to get my head around what she had just told me I don't know why I was shocked but I was I was looking back on it now thought I realise why there was tension between us I mean if she hadn't felt the way she did after that kiss there wouldn't have been any tension between us we would have both simply chalked it up as us trying to prove to Vince that we're both willing to do anything for the company.

Well maybe not so much me trying to prove that I am willing to do anything for the company because I personally feel I have done that on more than one occasion maybe Vince was testing Mickie to see if she would be willing to do it.

Once I eventually got my head around what she'd told me I had intend on telling her what I had planned on telling her from the start but for some reason and to this day I don't know why I did this but for some reason instead of telling her the truth I told her that I felt the same way about her as she did about me.

So basically I lied to her and I don't know why I did but I did.

Mickie then asked me where we went from there and as if what I had already told her wasn't bad enough I then went on to ask her if she wanted to kiss me and when she said yes I let her.

The really funny thing about that is that I have never wondered why said what I did about feeling the same as she did and why I asked her if she wanted to kiss me and when she said yes why I let her. I have never wondered about that until right now.

An I still don't know why I did it but I did and from that day on me and Mickie started to have I guess you could call it "fun"

It wasn't sex because I don't like to think of myself as having sex with a person and it wasn't love because I'm not gay and at that time I didn't think she was gay and although Mickie is an attractive woman I have never really looked at her in that way. So I guess you could call it two women experimenting with one and other just to see what it is like.

An I made it very clear right from the start that just because we where having fun it didn't mean anything had to change and she agreed and I didn't think anything would change but had I known then what I know now I would never have gotten involved in having "fun" or experimenting with her because I would have known that what happened next was going to happen.

An what happened next was Mickie told me that she was gay that she was a lesbian and that she preferred women and that she valued our friendship but that she didn't want to lie to me or herself any more and she told me that the truth was she wanted me and that she loved me.

Now I wasn't disgusted that she had come out to me that she had told me she was a lesbian sure I was surprised I mean here's my best friend who I've known for months who I thought liked men and we shared a kiss which I thought made her curious about being with another woman and maybe that was why I said what I said and agreed for us to start experimenting with one and other in order to help her satisfy her curiosity However the next thing I know instead of her telling me that her curiosity has been satisfied which if I'm honest I never expected her to say she tells me that she really prefers women and that she wants me and that she loves me.

I didn't want to hear that.

I was happy.

I was happier than I ever remember being in my life.

I had a man who was waiting for me whenever I came off the road who loved me who was sweet and caring and compassionate and that Mickie knew about and I had a friend on the road who like I said I could once again confide in and have all sorts of wonderful carefree fun with and who knew that that was all it, was carefree fun. An my life could still be the way it was if my so called friend hadn't opened her mouth and ruined everything.

An the worst part is I should've seen it coming whenever we were having fun or experimenting with one and other or whatever you want to call it Mickie would always be the one to go above and beyond to make sure I enjoyed myself. In fact the only thing I ever did for Mickie was kiss her but she said that was ok, that she just enjoyed making me happy. An the things she did to me..........as Steve Austin would say the bottom line is that Mickie had lied to me.

An that is what hurt is the fact that we had been friends for months and that we had been experimenting with one and other for months and never once did she ever say anything or do anything which made me think or believe or even wonder weather or not she was or could have been a lesbian.

I mean ok she never said she was straight but she never confessed to being gay until three months after we had started to experiment and we had had all sorts of conversations in which she could have at the very least hinted to the possibility that she could have been gay but she never did she always made me think or rather believe that she was straight.

Like that time we were talking about the kiss and she said that "she'd never felt like this before"

I thought she meant that she had never been attracted to another woman before not that she had never felt like she actually had a shot of getting into my pants before.

Hell I think I would be justified to say that Mickie actually tricked me into bed with her or that she got me into bed under false pretences.

Even after hearing it even after having heard her say the words I thought she was joking but when I looked into her eyes as she had taught me I knew she was not lying and that she was telling the truth.

She told me about a month after we became friends that you can always tell when a person is lying to you by looking them in the eye and she was right she also said you can also tell when a person is telling you the truth by looking them in the eye.

An I looked her in the eye and she was telling the truth.

Once she had finished saying what she had to say I yelled at her and I screamed at her and I basically told her what I had tired to tell her in the beginning when we first started experimenting and that was that I didn't want her I added by saying that I wasn't gay once I had said my piece I picked up my stuff and storming out.

Now I understand that when we first met Mickie could come out and say.

"Oh just so you know I'm gay or I'm a lesbian"

But before the kiss onscreen we had been friends for three months surely in that time I had earned her trust enough to the point where she could tell me that she was a lesbian or gay but she didn't she lied to me everything she ever told me was a lie. I mean we were supposed to be friends. Why didn't she tell me she was gay? I don't have a problem with gay people. I'm not gay myself but I don't have a problem with anyone who is.

Once I had had enough time to think things over I decided that we once again needed to talk and so once again I met with her on neutral ground and I was told her I could appreciate how she felt but it didn't change the fact that I was not gay and that I didn't have the same feelings for her as she did for me.

An then I said that if she could accept that we could still have fun together but that's all it would be fun and it would never mean anything more to me than that.

Why did I say that?

Truthfully.

I don't know.

But she agreed and once again I thought that that was gonna be the end of it that my life would go back to the way it was but it didn't.

Every time we were having fun together I would always catch her looking at me in a certain way which unnerved me. She looked at me like that all the time before but now I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what it meant. It meant she was in love with me.

However she wasn't in love with me she was in love with my body not the real me.

An it wasn't just the looks.

The things she did to me seemed different. I enjoyed them but every time she would touch me I couldn't stop wondering what she was thinking if she thought maybe she could turn me make me a lesbian make me fall in love with her make me have feelings for her that I didn't have that I would never have because no matter what she did or said I would never love her and I would never be what she was and is.

An then my boyfriend Ron asked me to marry him.

He had asked before. He had been asking for years. He wanted to marry me, to take me away from my stressful life but I had always declined because I didn't want to leave it. But things had changed I did want to leave the company and the business not because of the reasons I gave which where because my body was sore and tired from travelling all over the world for 6 years.

I mean that was true but it wasn't the real truth or reason I wanted out and I accepted his marriage proposal the real reason I wanted out and I accepted his marriage proposal was I would no longer have to see or be anywhere near her.

I just couldn't stand it any more the looks she would give me the thoughts I would have when we done stuff together and even when we didn't do stuff together I still had the same thoughts.

My last night in the company me and Mickie got together for what I had intended to be the last time however when she asked me if that night was our last night together I told her no.

I told her that we could still have fun when she was in town and the reason why I told her this was because I thought maybe given time and taking into consideration how rarely the WWE would be in Toronto her feelings for me would eventually die.

Up until a few days ago I thought that however it was during the dress rehearsal that I knew that Mickie's feelings for me would never die.

An so here I am.

Standing in front of her hotel room trying to get up the courage to knock on the door and basically tell her that our fun is over and that unless she can accept us just being friends so is our friendship.

Ok.

Here goes nothing.

I reach up and knock on the hotel room door.

After what seems like an eternity the door opens to reveal Mickie standing the other side of the door wearing a white bathrobe.

"Trish."

She says sounding surprised to see me.

"Mickie."

I say giving her a nod.

"What are you doing here?"

Mickie asks.

"Why aren't you in your hotel room getting ready for you big day?"

She adds.

I simply look at her and feel like telling her the truth however I manage to hold my tongue and instead of telling her the truth I say.

"I wanted to talk to you for a second Can I come in?"

"Sure,"

Mickie says in response stepping out of the way and allowing me to walk in.

Which I do once I am inside I turn around and watch as Mickie closes the door causing me to feel trapped alone in this hotel room with her.

I swallow hard pushing my fear to the back of my mind.

"Mickie..........I've really liked having you as a friend and I've enjoyed..........having fun with you..........however I can't have fun with you any more."

I say swallowing hard again as I keep my eyes locked on Mickie.

For a moment I see a hint of emotion however that quickly disappears and is replaced by an emotionless look.

"I mean we can see a movie have a drink together or something when you're in town but we can't have fun any more."

I add after a moment of neither of us saying anything.

"Oh."

Mickie says sounding as though she doesn't care.

"Do you understand what I have just told you?"

I ask her not wanting her to think that she can do or say something that will or is going to make me change my mind.

Mickie stares back at me

"I understand."

She says her voice cracking slightly causing me to swallow hard again.

"Good."

I say feeling confident that she won't try anything and that she isn't going to say anything to try and get me to change my mind.

"In that case the wedding starts at 2. I would like for everybody to be at the church an hour before that"

I add.

"No problem."

Mickie says softly.

"You got your bridesmaids dress ok?"

I say keeping our conversation focused on the wedding and nothing else due to that having been dealt with as far as I am concerned and Mickie doesn't seem to be interested in arguing I'm happy to say.

"Yes."

Mickie says with a with a small obviously forced smile.

"It was waiting for me in here when I first arrived."

She adds.

"Thanks."

She then says.

"No problem."

I say.

"The dress is all paid for as is the room."

I then say.

"So feel free to raid the mini bar."

I add.

"Thank you."

Mickie says sounding as though she wants me to get out of her hotel room and I decide that it is probably best that I leave especially since I have a wedding to get ready for.

"Well I'll just be going then. Big day. I don't want to keep Ron waiting."

I say as I head for the door keeping my eyes on Mickie just in case she tries to stop me from leaving for some reason however she doesn't she simply watches me as I walk up to the door and put my handle on the door knob.

I am just about to turn it when Mickie suddenly says.

"I don't mean to keep you on your big day and all Trish but can I ask you something?"

I stop and slowly turn and face her.

"Go ahead."

"What was this to you?"

She asks me.

"I mean, part of me believes you when you say it was just a bit of fun and yet another part of me......... I don't know..........I guess I need to know for sure exactly what this was."