tagReviews & EssaysTrolling For Sexy Talkers

Trolling For Sexy Talkers

byCaptain Midnight©

This is my first effort at doing a story. I have some sexual-fiction stories in the pipeline, but the story " Ramblings of a Mad Porno Surfer" by NaughtyMike really sparked my interest in a review/essay (thank you SO much, NaughtyMike!), and I decided to write about something with which I have considerable acquaintance (alas!).

I was something of a latecomer to Internet adult sites (as they are euphemistically known). I found basically that there were two types: a woman's personal site, where she puts up nude-or-beyond pictures of herself, and the chat rooms, sponsored by some company or another, where a woman sits in a studio bedroom and talks back and forth on a webcam with various visitors. There are good and bad aspects to both.

Women's personal sites vary astonishingly in quality. Yes, I found Tawnee Stone's site and yes, I lived to regret it. But sometimes the bad or indifferent sites have links that take you to the good sites.

So what constitutes a good site? Putting the technical aspects aside for a later paragraph, I'd say the good sites have women who like people. I am NOT interested in women just for sex, thank you very much. If a woman puts up her other interests, that is a major plus.

A lot of women seem to work for the same group, so the homepages look all too similar. That means their interests are going to be pretty much the same. I like it when women show some diversity. If they travel, I like to hear about it, if they like to cook or read books, I like that, if they have kids and don't mind talking about them, that's also good. If I can write them and get a good chat conversation going, that is the best of all.

I still mourn the loss of one Canadian flight attendant whom I considered a close friend, who closed down her site after the blackout of September 2003 messed up her schedule. Besides being a good talker and a good listener, she had lots of travel pictures and stories about the men and women she had met. In short, she was a human being who enjoyed sex, not some show tune played over and over. (See if you can decipher that!)

That leads to the technical part. I have a dial-up server, the horse and buggy of the computer age. I have a very old computer with tons of stuff on it. So I'm rather likely to grow a beard while waiting for a lot of the more elaborate stuff to load – and that's if I'm lucky. If I'm unlucky, the whole computer locks down and I have to turn off the power and turn it back on. Yes, that is as bad as it sounds. There was one site that promised lots of good content – poetry, short stories, pictures, downloaded clips – but it froze my computer whenever I tried to access it.

The same occurs when one of the women does a live show (usually an hour long) on one of two cam sites associated with the personal sites. Great fun, but what I get -- again, if I'm lucky -- is a lot of frozen video before the next picture loads. It's like watching a bad Saturday-morning cartoon with two-thirds of the remaining frames of film cut out. And as for downloaded video, it strangles my computer. I'd love to see a good sex show between a man and a woman, or two women, or a woman solo, but can't do it.

That segues into the next topic – the sites which run women posing on camera and "going private" with a guy if he buys time with them. Each token is $1.19 and is good for 12 seconds. Surprisingly, a lot of men do buy those tokens! Since this is the regular job of each woman, it stands to reason that she won't make any money – and disappear from the site – if she doesn't go private.

Needless to say, the site is getting "a bird's nest on the ground" because it pockets most of the money and pays the women so much per minute they are in private, and nothing for the time they are in public (sound familiar?). The only reason to tolerate this sort of stuff is that sometimes you CAN find a good woman in chat (or I can, anyway), genuinely like her, and feel generous toward her.

Chat rooms are public when the women aren't in private session, so that means every Tom, Dick, Harry and Jackass can come in. The Jackasses are the ones who haven't become members of the site. They are identified by the code numbers on their computers, so they are called "numbers".

You would not believe some of the things the numbers say. "Show ass plz, show tits plz, show pussy plz, finger yrslf plz, do yu like anal (frequently!), put finger in ass, spread legs plz, use dildo plz", or just nothing at all – they lean on their ENTER key so their number comes up a dozen times in succession.

And yes, the spelling and capitalization in that quote is deliberate, because that's how poorly they type (not counting computerspeak abbreviations). Sometimes they like to write in ALL CAPS so they will get noticed. And they will repeat the "requests" dozens of times.

They want all this for free, mind you. We members consider the former begging and the latter shouting. Some of the beggars and shouters can get downright vicious if they don't get freebies. It can drive away some good women. By "good," I mean women who smile a lot, who talk to the men on a one-to-one basis, and – yes – perform astonishing physical feats in private.

Sometimes the anatomical feats are contortional, but sometimes the women really love to caress and touch themselves. Those women are keepers. Some of them will give out their private E-mail addresses and will write back and forth to you. (Respect their private lives in those cases, very important!) The ladies may also use poor spelling and grammar and capitalization too (often all in the same sentence), but when you're trying to write 37 people at once, it's more understandable.

I need to mildly chide NaughtyMike for one thing. The site where I go has quite a number of Czech, Russian and Polish ladies. Those ladies are not "skanks" by any stretch of the imagination. They can be very pretty at times. Most of them learn English as a second or third language, and sometimes they are very friendly and caring. Please keep your derisive snorts to yourselves.

The upshot of it is – if you like women, you have a fair chance at meeting some nice ones for looking and talking – and nothing more – on these sites. They may be very difficult to access, and you had better hold back your money until you find the person or people you like. But it can be worth it.

(Special thanks to Laurie, to patricia51 and to Paul G for checking out this story. They weren't familiar with Webcam sites, and Laurie joked that if she could make $1.19 for 12 seconds, she ought to get into a new profession! Actually, most women's sites sell memberships (and pay massive expenses), and most cam sites keep almost all the money, so I wouldn't recommend Laurie quitting her day job. But I really appreciated the comments. I hope you enjoy this as much as they did, and I hope I've struck a blow for the cam girls.)

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byCaptain Midnight© 2 comments/ 14410 views/ 2 favorites

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