Twelve Years and a Wake up

"You told Ken and his wife I've been cheating on you and that we're getting a divorce? Are you out of your ever-loving mind?" She screamed.

"Probably for staying this long, but what's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that everyone in our neighborhood now thinks I'm some kind of tramp that's what the big deal is," she said screaming back at me.

"At least two of the neighborhood's wives already know you're a cheating slut, what's the big deal if everyone else knows?" This wasn't going like Heather thought it would go tonight.

"We're not selling the house and we're not getting a fucking divorce and that's final."

"So that means you want me to stop the divorce papers from being served on you at your office tomorrow?" One by one the bricks of our marriage were falling.

"Steve, what the hell is wrong with you? Are you sick or something? Haven't you listened to a word I've said? I am not having an affair!"

"Heather, you see that's not even the issue anymore even though I have proof that you did." I didn't but she didn't know that. "Maybe you don't understand, I don't care; I don't want to be married to you anymore. Look, I'm not claiming adultery because in this state it doesn't make any difference anyway. I'm just listing the reason as irreconcilable differences. Just sign the papers and we can both get on with our lives. I'm giving you fifty percent of everything and paying child support, what more do you want?"

"I don't want a damn divorce!" she just wasn't letting up.

"Okay, I'll bite. You want to stay married? Well then I want you to write down a list of reasons why you want to stay married to me and I'll look at them. If I see two legitimate reasons I'll stop the divorce and we can try again but with a few modifications. But if I don't see at least two you sign the papers, agreed?" She nodded.

She went off upstairs leaving me to fend for myself on what we were all going to eat tonight for dinner.

A guy can't go wrong with hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill. Throw in a tossed salad, a kettle of macaroni and cheese and dinner was ready in less than forty-five minutes.

"Dinner's ready," I yelled to everyone in earshot. Heather walked down the stairs carrying an envelope and placed it the counter.

"We'll talk about this after the kids go to bed." This should be interesting.

Everything we now talked about always seemed to revolve around our kids. Work, politics and news worthy items hadn't been brought up in ages. I was going to bring up the sale of the house but figured that would be another issue after the kids were down for the count.

By eight thirty they were upstairs, getting cleaned up and ready for bed. I wanted to open that envelope and see what she'd written but figured it would be the same bullshit I'd heard over and over again. At just before nine o'clock she walked down the stairs and got a diet coke from the refrigerator. Me, I grabbed the half bottle of wine I'd started a couple of days earlier, figuring it was going to get a little testy. She handed me the envelope and sat across from me at the kitchen table playing with her soda.

"Read them all before you say anything," was her only request. I tore open the envelope and read the list.

"You've got to be shitting me?"

"Nope," was her quick reply.

I had skimmed the first four points, they were about what I expected. The kids would be devastated, we would both be in financial ruin, I would not get custody and point four was that she still loved me. "Like a fucking dog or cat," I thought to myself. Point five sucked the breath from my lungs and made me see red. 'I'm pregnant' was all it said.

"Does the father know?"

"He does now. You're the father stupid."

"No fucking way! I haven't seen what's between your legs in so long I probably wouldn't be able to recognize it in a damn police line up."

"Even if you don't believe it, it is yours. I didn't believe it myself at first but after three test kits there wasn't much doubt. I don't get morning sickness so when I missed my first period I figured it was the stress of you and I arguing again. But when I was late with my second period I decided to test myself. I've got an appointment with my obstetrician to get it confirmed, but that's just a formality and I need to see him now anyway."

"Sorry, you're not going to try and pawn someone else's kid off on me as mine, I'm not that stupid."

"I figured you'd say that but whether you believe it or not, it is yours."

"Okay, let's just say for argument sake it could be mine. My first two questions are how and when?"

"The how is my own stupid fault. Since we hadn't been doing it much lately."

"How about not at all!" I interjected to which she gave me an ugly look. She started again.

"Since we haven't been together lately I stopped taking my birth control pills because they always made me sick anyways. If we weren't doing it I couldn't get pregnant and if we did, there were always condoms."

"How about all your other lovers? Or did they all wear condoms?" She skipped over that question.

The when was when you ambushed me coming out of the shower and wouldn't take no for an answer, remember? You were in one of your moods and we were doing it before my brain caught up."

After not getting it in forever, I remembered every time we did it and what it was like.

"That was one of our more memorable sessions, you even moved a little," I said, getting in another dig. She shot me another ugly look.

"So now you know the how and why. Satisfied?"

"Just for kicks, when were you planning on telling me anyway? On the way to the hospital?"

"I was going to have to soon, because in a short while I'm not going to be able to hide it from anybody. Besides, I knew we'd have to start making plans but I also knew you were going to be pissed ---that's why I waited. You do believe me don't you?"

"Not a chance because I still don't believe it's mine. I think what happened is that someone dumped a load in you and you're trying to cover your tracks. I think a little DNA test is in order so we can get this sham of a marriage over with."

"I thought you said if the list contained two legitimate reasons you'd stop the divorce."

"And I meant it, but I only see one, and that's the one that says our kids will be devastated."

"How about the one that says I still love you?"

"Please... you and I both know that's a crock of shit. Someone who loves another wouldn't have put me through what you've put me through the last year or so. And not to mention fucking around on me."

"Steve, maybe I went a little nuts going out with Sue and the group." She looked over at me. "Okay, I went a lot nuts and maybe stepped over the line a couple of times but I didn't screw anyone," she said tossing me the three pack of condoms I'd thrown at her weeks ago.

"This proves nothing. They could have had their own or you could have ridden them bareback and gotten yourself in this condition."

"Steve, how many times do I have to tell you, it's your baby?"

"Heather, how many times do I have to say it, I don't believe a single word that comes out of your mouth anymore? There has to be a test to prove I'm not the father."

"There is, but it's only one hundred percent accurate when given after the baby is born and no judge in the world is going to grant a final divorce decree until he's sure of the baby's parentage." She'd done her homework. "Why don't we just wait until after our baby is born?"

"You mean your baby don't you?"

"No, I mean OUR baby." The next couple of minutes were quiet in our kitchen.

"How about if I do this. I don't serve you at work like I had planned but I just hand you the paperwork so you can look it over with the lawyer of your choice?"

"How many time to I have to say it, I don't want a damn divorce. What we should be talking about is what we're going to do about our baby and where it's going to sleep."

I was going to make the suggestion of ending her pregnancy but I knew neither one of us would go for that option.

"There is always the basement for the two of you. I'll put a bed down there and the two of you will be more than comfortable."

"I'm not leaving my bedroom!"

"Well I'm not either," I replied.

"I guess that means we'll just have to suck it up and share it."

"Shouldn't be a problem, I've been living with a room mate for the last couple of years anyway, what's a few more months." I needed to throw in another dig. However, we both knew it wasn't going to go as smoothly as we were letting on. What's the phrase? Talk's cheap.

When I stopped wearing my wedding ring she stopped wearing hers. She no longer was going out on Friday nights anymore, something about not being able to drink, but now her friends were coming over to the house. I tried to be nice and not say anything but when they all started giving me their condescending looks, it made me want to puke. So what did I do? I started dating.

"You're going on a fucking date?" Heather yelled at me while I got dressed.

"Not really a date, more like just dinner."

"If you forgotten, you're still married to me, remember?"

"How can I forget? You remind me every day by your continual presence here. But what do we have? Five months until you pop?" Her eyes were filled with tears and she ran out of the bedroom. Did I feel bad? Yes and no. If it was my kid she was carrying I'd feel a little bad for the way I was treating her, but after the way she had treated me all these months, a little payback was in order.

I'd been having lunch on and off with Nancy for a couple of months. I was up front with her about my situation. I told her I was married but in name only. I said that I was probably getting a divorce but had to wait until after the baby was born. She asked how far I wanted to take it between us and I said I'd leave it up to her.

Dinner was good but dessert was fantastic. We fucked like minks the first night back at her place. She was vocal, oral and liked to do it with the lights on, unlike Heather. Did I feel bad? Maybe a little but I was tired of living the life of a celibate monk.

I walked into my house at just after one o'clock in the morning. I got undressed, brushed my teeth, swished around a little mouthwash and slipped into bed without showering. I wanted to make damn sure Heather knew what I'd done.

Her eyes said it all the next morning, following me around the kitchen as I made breakfast for everyone. At least she waited for the kids to leave the room.

"How could you? You could have at least had the decency to shower off her stink before coming to bed last night. Now I'm going to have to strip the bed and sterilize the sheets."

"Don't worry, I used a condom so at least she won't end up pregnant." If looks could kill I'd already been dead.

"Well it looks like we now have an open marriage so I guess you won't have any problem with me getting a little for a change?" Heather said trying to stare me down.

"Go for it. You started it and I guess you're going to finish it."

"I didn't start it, you did."

"Heather, I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but I'm not stupid either. I saw the look on your face that first night and don't try and tell me it was nothing more than a girl's night out. And let's not forget that Thursday night when you came home smiling ear to ear. Like I said, you hadn't looked that satisfied with me in a hell of a long time. So don't get high and mighty on me or like some blushing young bride. You tore the fucking heart out of this marriage a long time ago and your actions of late just put the final nails in the coffin. So go out and spread your fucking legs for whomever you want, I don't care any longer. That is if you can find anyone who wants to fuck a knocked up bitch." My words were filled with anger and as much sarcasm as I could muster. Tears came as Heather ran to our bedroom and slammed the door. Looks like the kids and I were on our own for the rest of the day.

We went grocery shopping and picked up a few items at Home Depot. I stayed away as long as I could but I guess not long enough, as Sue was over when we got home. I put everything away, and was installing a new spark plug in my lawn mower and was getting ready to do the lawn when Sue came out.

"You ought to be ashamed of yourself the way you're treating Heather. Damn it, she's your wife and pregnant with your child."

"Sue that remains to be seen and besides, if you, Pam, and Carol hadn't taken her out and got her laid, we wouldn't be in this mess now would we."

"Steve, she didn't go out and get laid as you so eloquently put it."

"Then what do you want to call it? Did the big nasty, fucked, or maybe found someone to make love to. It had to be someone good because she kept going back. I hope he likes doing it over a hump, because Heather's going to look like she's got a basket ball in there in a couple of months." I had no sympathy for her or anyone else right now.

"Steve, you don't know shit but you are going to ruin your marriage."

"Sue it's already ruined, I'm just covering it up with dirt so to speak." She shook her head, gave me an ugly look and left me to my lawn.

Dinner was quiet except for the kids talking about the movie we had for after dinner. It was the third episode of the Harry Potter series and although we'd seen it in the movie theatre they never got tired of it. Heather was nowhere to be found and after it was over I got both of them ready for bed, read them each a short story and with a kiss it was lights out.

Heather was in bed reading when I walked in.

"The kids are expecting a good night kiss," was all I said heading for the bathroom. A much needed shower and the rest took me all of twenty minutes. I can remember a time when I'd shave at night so I wouldn't give my bride whisker burns as we tore up our bed. It had been a long time since that had happened but it did bring back fond memories of days gone by.

Heather was waiting for me because she put her book down when I walked back into the bedroom. I was still naked and was reaching for a pair of night shorts when she asked if we could talk.

"About what? I think we both know where we stand with each other and it's just a matter of time before we find out whose baby you are actually carrying." She wasn't happy about how the conversation was starting.

"I know I haven't been the most loving and caring wife to you for a while but it wasn't intentional. It's just that everything got so crazy and I never seemed to catch up with everyone pulling me in a million different directions. And for that I'm sorry."

"Bull shit! You shut me out a long time ago. I was there for you but you had your own agenda whatever it was. I tried, God knows I tried, but I just finally gave up on you and what was left of our marriage. So now all we're doing is marking time and going from week to week until this nightmare is over."

"Well, what are you going to do when you find out that it truly is your baby?"

"Well I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it." I was done talking.

What do they say, 'life goes on?' Well it had to because the bills needed to be paid and the kids needed both of us to raise them right now. Heather tried her best to make our life normal but there was nothing normal in our lives anymore.

I did shock the shit out of her when I said that I'd go with her to the next neighborhood party.

"You're not going to embarrass me and the kids are you?"

"Don't you trust me anymore?"

"About as much as you trust me darling." Nothing had changed.

The kids played in the yard, the women congregated in the kitchen talking about Heather's baby. And the guys? Well we were tipping a few on the back deck.

"Steve, I can't believe you have the balls to go out on a damn date. Carol would cut my nuts off before I even left the house."

"Pam would have let me go but then would probably have told me that I had to sleep sometime. Just the thought of what she might do then makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end," the group said laughing but it was a controlled laugh as they kept their eyes on the open kitchen door.

"I just got tired of begging for it and since I wasn't getting it at home any longer, I decided that I wasn't going to do without any longer."

"Sue said that Heather is going to divorce your ass, you know that don't you?" her husband said with a condescending look on his face.

"So? How is that going to be worse? If you were told that you could never have sex with your wife again, would you stay with her? Or would you find someone else? Me, I'm still looking and enjoying every minute of it. Heather can take half of everything I have, which is mostly debt, and I am going to have to pay child support but I basically do that now, so what's the difference? I just want someone loving, non-controlling who still enjoys sex a couple times a week ---not once or twice every other month." I sloshed down the rest of my beer.

"Okay shithead," Sue's husband said, moving closer to me. "What are you going to do if she is carrying your kid?"

"Well my friend, I'll make that decision if and when I get the test results. But, if your wife and her good friends hadn't taken her out and got her laid, I wouldn't have to be worrying about that would I?" I went nose to nose with him. "And since your wife was with Heather all those times I guess I don't have the only tramp in the neighborhood."

The fight didn't last that long. A few punches were thrown and I did get the better of the exchange as they hauled him off with a split nose while Carol's husband kept me away from him.

"Jesus Christ, can't I leave you alone for even a few minutes without you making an ass out of yourself?" Heather said running out of the kitchen with the rest of the wives.

"I was just defending your honor. Sue's husband said you were a tramp and I told him if you were, so was his wife because she was with you all those nights."

"Come on, we're going home."

I'd been looking foreword to the taste of Ken's ribs but I guess that wasn't going to happen now. We ended up ordering in pizza and the kids had no problem with that even though Heather did.

Things got even more strained with Heather if that was at all possible. I guess me dating every couple of weeks might have had something to do with it, but I was getting some great sex for a change.

"I don't want you dating anymore," Heather said one night as we were in bed. "It's degrading to me especially when you're seen by people we know, which you have been."

"I thought you were the one that said we now have an open marriage and were okay with it?"

"I never said that, you did. All I said is that since you were out getting laid I would also but you'll notice I haven't."

"I guess that's your problem not mine."

"Steve, look, if you need a little sexual relief I'm here for you and besides, I could use a little something myself once in a while."

"Be still my heart. You're actually asking me to have sex with you? Maybe we should call the Pope and tell him I've just witnessed a true miracle?"

"You don't have to be so sarcastic. I was just saying that since we're both here together, we could you know, satisfy each other."

"Well you used to be able to give a mean blowjob a million years ago and it might be fun to see what you've learned since then."

"Well how about me?"

"Sure your boyfriend won't get mad? You know me messing with his stuff?"

"Steve, there is no boyfriend and never has been."

"You say that now, but I've got proof," I said patting her stomach.

"You're an asshole you know that?"

"And you're a cheap whore," I shot back.

"Well if I'm a cheap whore what does that make you? A married man going out and screwing around on his wife?"

"Satisfied?" The tears came and I'd probably said too much but there was no taking it back. She rolled over and went to sleep, or at least tried to. Me, I laid on my back wondering what I was going to do if the baby did turn out to be mine. That was one scenario I was not looking forward to becoming true.