Two Christmases

I wondered when she'd started fucking John. I wondered what they did together and how often they did it. And more than anything else, I wondered why. What did John have that I didn't? In my mind, probably spurred on by the liquor, I saw them fucking in all kinds of bizarre positions like circus acrobats. I saw her sucking his dick like it was an ice cream cone and him spurting gallons of sperm all over her face and body that she willingly and joyfully licked off and begged for more. In a way, I was sure that she was glad that I'd finally found out. After all, her mom called me and her dad called me, but Elizabeth hadn't called me even once. Everything was working out in her favor.

Paula was divorcing John. If I divorced Liz that would leave them free to be together so she'd get everything she wanted. I needed to get the whole thing over so I could breathe. I decided to go to the office and look through my contacts. I knew quite a few lawyers and had a bunch of lawyers as clients. There had to be a divorce specialist among them.

I pulled into the parking structure that provided parking for my office and two of the surrounding buildings. I got out of the car and as the echo of my stereo and my exhaust system died, I swear I heard bells jingling. I left the parking structure and walked over to my building. I knocked on the glass door and one of the security guards came over to the door. I knew the guy, he'd let me in several times when I got to work before we were open. He shook his head this time.

"I just need to get something out of my desk," I yelled through the glass door.

"I can't let you in," he said. "The orders came down from up top. They want everyone to forget about work until the holidays are over. Go home and be with your family; Merry Christmas. No hard feelings, I hope."

I trudged back to my car and felt a crisper, cooler wind blow. The sound of those fucking bells was even closer now. It was almost as if they were following me. I stepped in a puddle of mud and got some of it on the bottom of my shoe. When I smelled it, I realized that it wasn't mud. There was a huge glob of shit on the grass adjacent to the sidewalk. I had never seen turd this big. I scraped my feet off on the grass, making sure that every trace of the manure was off of my shoes. I really didn't need that smell in my car.

As I finished cleaning my shoe and started back towards the parking lot, an older man fell into step with me. "Sorry about that," he said. His voice radiated so much joy that even when he was apologizing for something he just sounded happy.

"If I were you, I'd use some of those wet wipes that you keep in your trunk to clean your shoe a bit more," he said. "I keep telling them about that but they never seem to learn."

"What are you talking about?" I asked. I took a look at the guy for the first time. His cheeks were rosy and he smiled a lot. His hair was all white including an impressive beard. He had on a light jacket in a bright shade of red. His pants were also red and he wore a white sweater under the jacket.

"The reindeer of course," he said smiling.

"Reindeer," I echoed. "Right." I knew then that the guy was probably one of those department-store Santas who'd been smoking too much weed before lying to the kids. He probably believed that he WAS Santa.

"I don't smoke weed," he said. "And it doesn't grow at the pole. If it did, there'd be a hell of a lot of happy teenagers who ask for it every year."

Then he pointed to the rooftop of the parking structure. I almost fell over. There on top of the roof I saw it. I slapped the side of my head.

"I know that I drank too much, now," I said. "I'm as drunk as a skunk."

"Probably," he said. "But your eyes are fine. I told you already that I was sorry about the reindeer shit, right?" I just nodded my head and kept walking as he steered me towards the parking structure and my car.

As we walked, I couldn't help looking up towards the roof and those reindeer. They were some big assed deer. And they didn't look nearly as friendly as they looked in the story-books and on TV. First off, if that first reindeer was supposed to be Rudolph, my kids, whenever I had some would not be watching that God damned cartoon. The only thing that glowed on that fucking reindeer was his eyes. They glowed as red as if he'd been drinking electric gin. To tell you the truth, Rudolph looked pissed and the other reindeer looked like they just didn't give a damn. Even as I watched, one of the other reindeer dropped an enormous turd on the top of the building. He turned his head as if he hadn't done it. I couldn't remember the names of all of the reindeer, but that one had to be called Shitter.

"I know that Christmas doesn't seem to be going well for you this year," said Santa. "But this is all going to work out. You're one of the guys on the "Nice," list. You didn't get to open any of your presents and you never really cared about what you got. All you wanted was to spread some joy around. You just wanted to make the person who is the most important to you happy. Unfortunately, while you were trying to spread joy, she was spreading her ass, so she's on my shit list. I know it's too late for right now but I promise you by next year, you'll be looking at this like it was a good thing, I promise."

"Yeah, but if you really know everything that's going on, why didn't you say something, or do something or at least warn me before it happened?" I asked, as we got close to my car.

"Uhm, who are you talking to?" asked a voice right beside me. I whipped my head around and started to say, "I'm talking to Santa," but my sanity returned. I didn't say that as I looked at the woman next to me. She had on a hoodie and some jeans and she was bouncing from foot to foot as if she had to pee.

"Do you remember what you told me about a week ago?" she asked.

I decided then and there to never drink again. I didn't drink very much or very often in the first place. And I'd only had two drinks tonight, but they had me seeing Santa Claus and women that I didn't know were claiming I'd spoken to them.

"I'm sorry but who are you?" I asked. She pushed back the hood and the bluest eyes I'd ever seen leaped out at me. A face that with just the tiniest bit of make-up would be really pretty followed the eyes. Right now that face had no make-up and her skin appeared washed out. The worry lines that crossed the face were very deep.

"About a week or two ago, you and your super model girlfriend ate lunch in the café that I wait tables at. You guys come in about twice a month or so. Sometimes you sit in my section, sometimes you don't. Any way, if you remember, she got pissed off because she hadn't told me that she wanted the sauce on the side of her steak and not on top of it. If she'd asked for it on the side, I'd have written it down. She went ballistic when the steak came out and you reminded her that she hadn't ordered it that way. She left in a huff and you apologized for her."

I nodded my head. "I remember," I said.

"Well, you told me that if I ever needed a favor...and I need one now," she said.

"How much do you need?" I asked.

"I don't need any money," she said as if I'd insulted her.

"I'm sorry again," I said. "Now I owe you two favors."

"I had to work today," she said. "Yep, I actually had to work on Christmas. My cheapskate boss also gave us our checks today to make sure that everyone would show up. Anyway, I had to go in today to get my check and to work, which also meant that I had to find someone to watch my kids. I got a friend who's into that whole church thing to take them to the Christmas celebration that her church has. I figured I'd kill two rats with one rock. The kids got a good Christmas dinner and it gave me someplace safe to leave them while I worked."

"She called me back a few moments ago and told me that her Christmas wish is coming true. Her boyfriend is taking her out tonight, so I have to go to the church and pick them up as soon as possible. I don't have a car. I was going to get a ride from another friend but she has to stay at the restaurant until closing. I really need to get the kids before that church closes in fifteen minutes. You're my last hope."

"Okay," I said. "A promise is a promise." I opened the door for her and she sat down. I quickly went to the trunk and wiped my shoe down thoroughly.

"No funny business," she said. "Or I'll tell your super model girlfriend next time she comes in."

"That's not an issue," I said.

"Man, this leather is soft and cushy," she said as we took off.

"Do you remember the address of the church?" I asked. She told me the street the church was on but not the exact address. I punched it into my GPS and off we went. We got to the church with a few moments to spare and I felt like a hero again, despite how shitty my day had been.

The church was in a bad neighborhood and it was already dark out. "Thank you so much," she said. She looked a lot prettier with the worry lines gone from her face. As she tried to get out of the car, her hoodie had risen up and I noticed how rounded her ass was even in her jeans. She turned and nodded at me and smiled. As she walked up to the doorway of the church, it swung open. Two bundles of energy leaped at her. "Aunt Cassie," the bigger bundle screamed. That one was obviously a girl. Like her aunt, she had jet black hair. But where the older version had short hair that formed an angular curtain across her face, the tiny one had her hair in two pony-tails. She looked back to see where her brother was before she walked down the steps.

I estimated their ages at around six for the girl and three or four for the boy. I'd also paid attention to the fact that even though she'd told me that they were her kids, the little girl had called her Aunt Cassie.

She quickly ran up the stairs and grabbed them both in a hug. She pulled the little girl's hood over her head and put a hat that she pulled out of her own pocket on the little boy. She looked around and spotted a bus stop near the end of the block. They started walking that way. I blew the horn. She turned around and looked at the car and then started walking again. I backed up until I was near them.

"I already told you thanks," she said.

"Get in," I said. "I owe you two favors remember."

She looked at me warily and then nodded her head. "I'm not usually out this late or in this area. Our area is a little rough but it's a war zone around here. Thanks," she said and a little bit more of that smile came out.

"It's Christmas," I said. And for the first time that day, I really did feel it.

"Isn't she going to be upset if you return to the castle later than normal?" she asked.

"Who?" I asked.

"Your super..." she began.

"She's not a super model and she WAS, my wife," I said.

"So what happened?" she asked. "You guys looked pretty happy two weeks ago."

"We all have our secrets, Aunt Cassie," I said.

"Touché," she smiled.

"Where do you live?" I asked. "We don't know each other. So you don't have to give me your address, just give me the nearest cross streets to the Bat Cave and I'll drop you off there."

She laughed and doing so made her face even more pretty. I seemed to be constantly upgrading my opinion of her.

"Actually, if you don't mind, there's somewhere I'd like to go first," she said. She started giving me directions and before I knew it we were in front of a ValuMart superstore.

"Give me your driver's license," she said smiling. I looked at her as if she was crazy. "Yeah, you'd better make it the car keys too."

"Look this way you won't be able to drive off with my kids," she said. "I trust you, but I'm really not a good judge of character. If you try to steal my babies, not only will I know who to send the FBI after; you won't be able to drive off." I just looked at her again.

"Please," she said. I handed her my driver's license and the keys.

"You'll need to hurry," I said.

"Got a hot date?" she smirked.

"Actually no," I said. "But this is a really small car. It'll only take about twenty minutes with the heat off for it to start cooling off in here. Then they'll wake up and wonder where Aunt Cassie is." I pointed at the two sleeping kids in the back seat.

"Look, I just need to cash my check and grab a couple of toys for the kids so they have a Christmas too," she said. "I promise I won't be long. I don't have very much money to spend."

I watched her as she walked towards the store. She seemed so happy, though she had so little.

I looked back at the two tiny sleeping forms in the back seat and smiled. Someday Liz and I would have kids of our own. The thought passed as swiftly as it had entered my mind. I remembered suddenly that Liz and I wouldn't have anything. Not now and at no time in the future. My life as I knew it was over. The only thing I had to look forward to was starting all over and hoping that someday the pain of her betrayal would fade.

I looked up as someone tapped on the window. I reached over and opened the door for her.

"Why didn't you just open the door? You have the keys," I asked.

"Just drive," she grumbled. I thought I saw tears. I started the car and felt it begin to warm up as the heat came back on.

"Where are your packages?" I asked.

"They closed the customer service desk an hour ago," she said. "They wouldn't cash my check in the checkout lane. All I wanted was a couple of toys. The bitch behind the counter made me leave them there. She wouldn't even put them aside so I could go back and get them tomorrow."

I got out of the car. "Where are you going?" she asked. "I need to get home."

"I'm just going in to get some smokes," I said. She closed the door to keep the heat inside of the car.

I ran into the store and walked over to the checkout lanes. I looked at the women who ran all of the lanes and looked at the bins near each one to see which of them had returns. At one line near the end, a woman who did look bitchy was ringing up customers. In a bin near her line, I noticed a huge yellow dump truck and a Baby Alive doll.

I walked up to the checkout and got in line. I smiled at the woman ahead of me as she looked around to see what I was buying. When I got up to the register, I pointed out the items in the return bin. The woman looked at me as if I'd fucked up her plans for world domination. "You can't have these," she said angrily. "They have to go back on the shelf."

"Listen Junie Anna," I said reading her name tag. "There are two ways that we can go here. One, you can ring me up for these toys and I can go and make a couple of nice little kids happy. Or we can call the manager over and I can find out why you don't want to sell them to me."

"Cash or charge sir," she said.

I walked out of the store and put the packages in the trunk. Cassie was sulking.

"Can you take us home now?" she said quietly.

I drove in silence with an inner glow growing inside of me. My Christmas joy was short lived as we drove down the street that Cassie lived on. "What an asshole," she spat. "One of these cheap assed slumlords actually evicted someone on Christmas. What a world," she said.

As we got closer to the address she gave me, I too could make out the pile of belongings in front of one of the buildings. "Hey, that's my building," she said. "I probably know the people who got put out. I feel bad for them."

I pulled in front of the building and tried to figure out a way to break it to her that I'd bought the presents she wanted.

"What the fuck is going on here," she screamed. "This is my shit piled in front of the building." Her scream caused a homeless woman who'd been looking through the pile to take off running, carrying a dress with her.

Even as Cassie started looking around, a disheveled looking man came out side carrying a box full of clothing that belonged to the kids.

I snatched the box and dropped it in the trunk along with the toys. "What the hell are you doing?" Cassie screamed at the guy who was moving her stuff.

"I evicted your ass, baby," he smirked. "I warned ya that the next time you were late with the rent, you were gone. Ya shoulda been nicer ta me."

"But I have the money," she said.

"It was due yesterday, Sweetie. Ya shoulda been nicer," he said.

"But it's Christmas," she said.

"So!" he said.

"What am I going to do now?" she asked. I walked over and spoke to the grimy little guy. I tore a hundred dollar bill in half and stuffed one half in his hand. He looked up at me instantly.

"If you want the other half, make sure all of her stuff is still here tomorrow when we come back with a bigger car. On the other hand, if anything is missing when we come back, I'll have my lawyer so far up your ass that you won't be able to breathe."

I pushed Cassie back into the car.

Cassie was quietly crying in the passenger seat as I got back in the car. As I closed the door, she looked at me through her tears. "It's not supposed to be like this on Christmas," she said. "I have no idea what I'm going to do."

"You're going to come home with me," I said. "And tomorrow we're going to go back with my jeep and get the rest of your stuff. I put a couple boxes worth of the kid's clothes and some of your stuff in the trunk. Sorry, I had to leave the boxes and just stuff the clothes back there. My trunk is pretty small and with the toys back there it didn't leave much room."

"I can't just go home with you," she said. "What's your..."

"Please don't say my super model girlfriend again," I said. "She isn't close to being a super model and she was my wife. She also won't be there because we broke things off."

"So when did that happen?" she asked, looking at me strangely.

"Today," I said. "And if you don't mind, I'd rather not talk about it."

"So she just walked out on you on Christmas day?" she asked.

"I walked out on her," I said. "But I thought that we weren't talking about this."

"If you walked out on her, then where are we going?" she asked.

"My parents' house," I said. "They're in their other house in Florida. They won't be home until April or May."

"So you guys just have houses all over the place?" she asked, looking at me as if I had three legs.

"It's really not a big deal," I said. "We just tend to work our asses off, save our money and then buy things when we retire."

"There's got to be more to it than that," she said. "I work my ass off six days a week and still have nothing to show for it. The check in my pocket is the sum of my earthly fortune."

"I can't tell," I mumbled.

"What?" she asked. "I do work hard. Do you know how hard a waitress works and what we have to put up with?"

"I'm sorry that came out the wrong way," I said. "It was a joke."

"I didn't hear a joke in there," she said. "It sounded like you didn't believe I work hard. Explain it to me."

"You said that you work your ass off," I said. "I just meant..."

"Oh it was some kind of fat joke," she spat and I started laughing. "All of us are built differently," she said. "Not every woman is tall and thin like your super..." She stopped talking for a second and folded her arms across her chest.

"There are a lot of guys who like the way I'm built," she huffed.

"And I'm one of them," I said. "It was stupid and I apologize for saying it. I actually meant it as a compliment."

We rode in silence for a few minutes and then she started talking again. "Where are we? These houses are big and they're nice. What do you do for a living?"

I got out of the car and opened the door. I told Cassie to wait in the car with the kids until I got the door open, so she'd stay warm. She looked at me as if I was crazy.

Once I got the door open, I went back to the car and she got out. I pulled the seat forward and each of us grabbed a sleeping child. She followed me into the house, looking around us as we went. She followed me up the stairs and looked at me then.