Two Lonely People

"You are up shit creek, David. And I don't mean without a paddle. I mean without a canoe."

Mike had been David's accountant for years and was extremely concerned for his friend. As they studied the numbers from David's car audio business, all the trends were down.

"Its the Internet. All these low margin fly-by-nighters. And new cars come out with such good hi-fi systems that the owners don't need to upgrade them."

Mike looked at his friend and was even more worried. The David he had known two years ago wouldn't have complained about his problems, he would have done something about them. David's appearance also concerned him. He had put on a lot of weight, his clothes were old and increasingly disheveled. Mike knew that David lived by himself in a rundown room above his car audio business. He had stopped inviting David for meals after his wife complained that he was half drunk when he arrived.

"David, we've got to get your sales on the up. I know a marketing consultant who would do a great job."

"Mike, you know I can't afford the fees those people will hit me for."

Mike nodded. "There is an alternative. At the college the graduate students in marketing have to put in three months practical experience part-time. I know they are looking for positions for students right now."

David and Mike interviewed three applicants. The first was a confident young man who took one look around David's premises and said that he was looking for a position with a multi-national. The second was another young man who sent and received text messages throughout the interview.

The third was Gabrielle. After the first two interviews David wasn't confident. Gabrielle was tall with orange-red hair tied in a tight unflattering bun. She had a gaunt look.

She was thin and gawky, had prominent cheekbones and large green eyes which were accentuated by her white skin. She wore an ankle length loose dress. It seemed to David that she was all skin and bones with no figure at all.

Gabrielle was extremely nervous and didn't smile during the interview. Her lips were tight and narrow. At times she looked almost haunted. She spoke in a very measured, restrained way.

"It'll have to be Gabrielle," said Mike afterwards. "She likes music, she's bright and is recommended by her professor."

"Mike, she's so nervous she can hardly talk. And what the hell can a kid like that teach me about this business?"

Mike was fed-up with David's negativity.

"Someone's going to have to teach you about this business. And Gabrielle is the only one you can afford."

Mike's irritation was aroused. "And lay off the booze David. It's killing you."

David didn't know what a marketing student would do, but gave her a desk and computer in his office. Each had politely said good morning to each other and David had shown Gabrielle his very basic facilities. Gabrielle wore a another long, loose skirt and a shapeless jersey. He did notice two slim ankles.

Gabrielle settled down to work at her computer. Her golden-red hair was drawn into an untidy bun so tightly that her hair seemed more like a skull cap.

She asked David about his computer file structures. He started to go into a detailed description but quickly she interrupted.

"I can see how it works," she said and turned her back to him.

He noticed how she tried to avoid looking him in the face.

David was busy tidying his showroom. When Gabrielle arrived he had been embarrassed at how untidy everything was. When he returned to the office, Gabrielle was gone.

"What the hell has she done for all that money I'll be paying her?" wondered David.

Later in the afternoon Gabrielle's professor came to David's workshop.

"I just wanted to talk a bit about Gabrielle.

"Gabrielle is one of the best students I have taught for years. She will be a great asset for your business.

"But David," the professor looked at him sadly. "Gabrielle is a troubled young lady. It's none of my business, nor any of yours, to know what has happened to her. Just please understand that she is very fragile."

"Holy hell," thought David. "Two emotional cripples in the same place. And it has to be my place."

GABRIELLE'S STORY

Gabrielle couldn't remember her father. He had left when she was two and had soon remarried and moved to the other side of the country. Her mother was a withdrawn woman, who always seemed to feel she was suffering life's worst misfortunes and blamed other people for it, usually Gabrielle.

She had a constantly harassed expression which made Gabrielle feel guilty, as though her mother's unhappiness was her fault. Her mother reinforced this, often moaning at her, saying that Gabrielle should do more to help, how she should understand how difficult her life was.

Gabrielle had a lonely childhood. Her mother's miserable demeanour meant that other children didn't like to come to her house. Whenever Gabrielle said she wanted to visit friends, her mother said she didn't approve.

When Gabrielle was 12 her mother gave her some very explicit sex advice.

She showed Gabrielle a life sized picture of an erect penis.

"This what every man will want to stick inside you Gabrielle. However nice you might think he is, whatever he says, rest assured. All he wants to you is stick his disgusting thing inside you. Then dump you when he's had his way. Just like your father did to me."

Gabrielle was horrified by the picture. The vein covered lump of flesh revolted her.

She agreed willingly to her mother's demands that she did not go out with boys, let alone be touched by one.

But in her last year at school a change occurred. Gabrielle's girl friends were interested in boys. When Gabrielle met them in a group at cafes she enjoyed the company. She started to mistrust her mother.

These boys were nice and good fun to be with. She went to the movies with a group, telling her mother it was just with girls.

Her best friend was Maxie a a vivacious girl who always wore shorter skirts than the others. Maxie was in a steady relationship with Bob and Gabrielle felt envious when she saw them holding hands.

She was surprised when Maxie told her how she had been on holiday with with Bob's family, how she and Bob shared a bedroom with Bob's parents' encouragement and how Bob had "done his best to fuck my ass off for two weeks."

"Gay, it was so great," breathed Maxie. "I had orgasms every day."

"Didn't Bob's parents mind?"

"God no. From the groans coming from their bedroom his mother must have come as many times as I did."

Gabrielle pondered. It all seemed so different to what her mother had told her. And Bob's parents had encouraged it.

"Gay, we've got to get you a boyfriend. You know Brad thinks you are really hot, don't you?"

Brad was in the school football team and drop-dead goodlooking. He was always talking and laughing at the cafe and all the girls seemed to like him.

"Really?" said Gabrielle.

"He does, he's crazy about you. Let's go to the movies on Saturday, just the four of us."

Gabrielle had a moment's indecision. But all her girlfriends had boyfriends. And most had said how they wished they could go out with Brad.

"Gay, just unwind. Forget all what your frigid mother has told you. Get a life."

Maxie had found Gabrielle's weak spot. Her mother. All her life her mother had stopped her from having fun. She agreed.

"Now don't give it to him on the first night. We don't want it to get around that you are an easy lay."

Gabrielle was shocked. Surely she wasn't expected to have sex.

It was a good movie and all four enjoyed it. Brad was good company and Gabrielle didn't mind when he held her hand. Afterwards, he dropped her home. He kissed her in the car outside and Gabrielle panicked. All her mother's words came back.

She remained motionless as Brad kissed and put his hand on her breast. But before she could react Brad stopped.

"It's been great Gay. Let's do it again."

"Maxie, he put his hand on my tits!" exclaimed Gabrielle the next day.

"Lucky you. Half the girls in our class would do anything for Brad to touch their tits and everywhere else. What's the matter Gay, you two seemed to get along just fine?"

"He's nice. But I'm scared about the sex."

Maxie put her hands on Gabrielle's shoulders and looked her steadily in the eye.

"Gay, all your life your mother has repressed you. You haven't enjoyed life at all. Do your own thing. Sex is so great. Just do it. Give your cherry to the best looking guy in the football team."

After the movie Brad drove to a deserted park. He kissed her. Again, Gabrielle didn't relax, but she didn't resist.

Brad leaned over and kissed her some more and his hand moved to her breasts. Gabrielle felt a mixture of fear and resolution. She must break away from her mother.

Nervously she passed Brad a condom.

Brad couldn't believe his luck. When she hadn't responded he had thought that night would result in him jacking off when he got home.

Gabrielle lost her virginity in the back seat. She still didn't respond but let Brad do whatever he wanted. Brad was puzzled but Gabrielle didn't seem to mind when he took off her panties he rolled on the condom.

It was painful for Gabrielle. She wasn't lubricating and the condom was harsh against her vagina, she had cramp from the awkward position. And when her hymen was broken she gave a gasp of pain. Brad mistook this for passion and pounded away until he came in half a minute.

"Of course it hurts a bit the first time," explained Maxie.

But the next two times were no better. All her mother's talks about men were in Gabrielle's mind as Brad thrust painfully into her non-lubricating vagina. He didn't bother about foreplay as Gabrielle didn't seem interested.

After the third time he didn't call for a week. Gabrielle plucked up all her courage and called him.

"Gay, it's been great but it's time to move on."

"But I've given you all you wanted."

"Honey, you're frigid."

It was even worse when she next went to the cafe and saw Brad holding hands with another girl. Gabrielle felt everyone was staring at her. She never went to the cafe again and always went straight home for the rest of her school days. Her confidence was shattered. She knew that boys were saying she was an easy lay.

Her first year at college continued her lonely life. Her mother praised her for not going out with boys but continuously criticized her for just about everything else. Gabrielle concentrated on her studies and became an A student.

At the start of her second year Gabrielle met Jamie. In many ways he was similar to her. Shy, a bookworm and with few friends. They met at the college library and spent most evenings studying at the same table and not saying much. Sometimes they went to the student cafe together and talked.

After a month Jamie tried to hold Gabrielle's hand and she didn't mind. After another two weeks he kissed her on the lips when he dropped her home. Gabrielle found his softness nicer than Brad's. It seemed quite pleasant but she wasn't really excited. She didn't really like or dislike Jamie, he was just some company for her.

Two weeks later Jamie progressed to stroking her blouse over her breasts. Afterwards she reflected that it did feel quite nice. Her problem was that she didn't feel that Jamie was the right boy to do it with. But loneliness and curiosity kept her with him.

"Above the waist only," she resolved. The twin memories of her mother's picture of a penis and the pain from Brad were firmly fixed in her mind.

At Jamie's flat next time he was surprised and pleased when Gabrielle let him put his hand inside her top and undo her bra. Gabrielle felt his inexpert hands on her nipples and wondered what the big deal was.

His hand moved to the top of her jeans but she immediately put her hand on top.

"No please Jamie, not there." She pushed his hand back to her breast.

"Whatever you say Gay."

They returned to kissing and fondling.

Later Gabrielle thought some more.

"What a pity it's with Jamie. He's OK to study with but he is so boring. Still, at least he stopped when I asked him to." She decided that was the finish with Jamie.

But Jamie told her that they had been invited to a party being held by a member of his basketball team. Gabrielle relented. She could see how important it was for him and he hadn't done anything wrong. And it would be nice to mix with other people a bit more.

The front room was filled with young people all having fun. Both Jamie and Gabrielle felt a bit intimidated at first, but Jamie's teammates were pleased to see him come and made an effort to help them feel at home. Some of their girlfriends came to talk to Gabrielle and she started to enjoy herself. Someone passed her an orange drink. It was nice but seemed to have a slightly different taste.

"That's vodka you can taste," said a girl who saw her looking at the glass.

Apart from an occasional glass of wine with her mother she had never drunk alcohol before. She hesitated then sipped some more.

"It's quite nice and everyone else seems to be drinking. One glass won't hurt," she thought.

She enjoyed herself more and more with her new friends. She looked at Jamie and saw he was drinking too. He was more relaxed and confident than she had seen him and was laughing a lot with his friends. When he came to talk to her she found herself liking him more. He could be quite funny and he was saying some nice compliments to her.

"Another vodka and orange, Gay?"

She held out her empty glass without thinking.

The music was turned up louder and the laughter and voices became louder. Gabrielle and Jamie started dancing. The room was crowded and they danced close together and their bodies sometimes touched. Gabrielle was carried away by the atmosphere, she had never enjoyed herself so much and the next time she and Jamie's bodies touched she spontaneously put her arms around him and kissed him.

Jamie's arms came around her waist and pulled her hips into his. She clung to him and their hips ground into each others. She didn't object when Jamie put his hand on her breast. Two boys nearby wolf-whistled in appreciation.

Gabrielle's glass was filled again but after a couple of sips she started to feel giddy. She clung to Jamie for support. She giggled into his ear.

"Jamie, I think I've drunk too much, I'm feeling dizzy."

"You had better lie down for a bit."

They left the main room, walked down a hallway and Jamie guided Gabrielle into a bedroom. Gratefully she collapsed onto the bed. Jamie closed the door and joined her on the bed. Her head was whirling and she was giddy. He put his arms around her.

"No Jamie I just want to go to shleep," she drawled and closed her eyes.

She woke with a terrible headache. She realized with horror she had no clothes on.

"What had happened?"

She quickly dressed and staggered to the toilet and threw up. Somehow she returned to the party room where the lights were off and a few couples were lying on the floor. Jamie was nowhere to be seen.

She walked home, tears streaming down her cheeks. Tears from a growing sense of humiliation. But most of all, tears from her loneliness.

When she undressed she noticed semen in her panties. She stared in horror. What had happened?

The next morning she phoned Jamie.

"Jamie, what happened last night? I woke up with no clothes on and your semen inside me."

"What do you think happened? We fucked."

"I was drunk. That was rape."

"Now you're being stupid. I didn't give you a single drink. You were all over me when we were dancing. You came to the bedroom with me. And you didn't mind at the time."

"But I didn't agree."

"Yes you did. It's not my fault you got yourself so pissed you can't remember."

Gabrielle slammed down the phone.

She thought about going to the police. But she and Jamie had been going out for months. And it was other people who gave her drinks, not him. She had pushed her body into him and kissed him when they were dancing and other people had noticed that. She had gone willingly to the bedroom. And she couldn't remember what had happened. She had no bruises or scratches at all. None of her clothes were damaged in any way.

She went to a student counsellor. She was sympathetic but confirmed Gabrielle's opinion.

"The police will investigate. But all the evidence supports Jamie. Other people will confirm how you danced with him and went to the bedroom with him. Could you swear on a bible that he forced you. That you didn't agree?"

Gabrielle felt digusted with herself. Why had she let him kiss her breasts in his flat? Why had she danced like that? Letting him grope her in public. She still felt that what Jamie had done was wrong, very wrong. She that felt her body was dirty and defiled from whatever he had done.

But why had she been so stupid? Why had she brought this on herself?

Six weeks later Gabrielle discovered that she was pregnant. The only person she could turn to was her mother who quickly organized an abortion.

"You little whore, you got exactly what you deserved," said her mother after she had forced Gabrielle to tell her everything.

Gabrielle couldn't stand her mother's incessant and strident abuse. She rented a room from an aged widow who was deaf. They couldn't talk which suited Gabrielle perfectly. Apart from her studies she lived the life of a recluse.

But she took with her, her mother's utter distrust of men and a total lack of confidence in her own sexuality.

A year later Gabrielle came to David's office.

DAVID'S STORY

David's first two years of marriage to Lucy were bliss. They were hopelessly in love and their sex was uninhibited and frequent. The change was gradual. Lucy was a property lawyer, extremely successful and motivated. She was soon offered a partnership and developed a wealthy client base and her income grew rapidly.

David had 40% ownership of a car audio business. His partner died suddenly and he realized he had to buy out the other 60%. He was already in debt from the 40% and could only get finance on expensive terms.

He and Lucy had an agreement that they shared joint expenses but each kept the rest of their income for themselves. They had bought a rundown old house in a top suburb and much of David's spare time and spare cash went into renovating it. After their daughter was born Lucy decided to hire a full-time nanny so that she could return to work. Her career and income continued to flourish. Interest rates went up and that, together with the house and nanny costs, put David into a cash bind.

When their daughter went to school Lucy insisted on an expensive private establishment. Her tastes had changed. She now only drank expensive wines and chose upmarket restaurants. Instead of camping at local beaches for their holidays, she her taste now turned to international resorts.

Her clients were high-flying property developers and banks. Her beauty and her sharp legal brain made her sought after. They started to have quarrels about money. Lucy often worked late and became "too tired" for sex. She wondered why David didn't have the same drive her clients had.

After eight years she had her first affair when she was away at a legal conference. It was an exciting fling but on the flight back she was filled with guilt. She didn't tell David but made a real effort for the marriage.

But the difficulties didn't go away. David found Lucy's new high-flying acquaintances boring. Lucy felt she had "outgrown" their friends from early days. She bought a new BMW and David kept his 6 year old Toyota. She devoted herself even more to her career and frequently travelled out of town on business.

Her next affair lasted longer. It was easy to say she was on a business trip when she was staying with her new lover. David spent lonely evenings and after their daughter had gone to bed, started to develop a relationship with the whiskey bottle. He learned of Lucy's affair when a friend had told him he had seen her at a beach when she had told him she was at a conference in the next state.