As I sit here fuming, the clouds have the nerve to look fluffy and float by with out a care in the world. Who do they think they are, being all full of life when I feel like I have been shot dead in the heart? I start my car and start to drive. I need to see that fucker face-to-face for myself.
An hour a go I found out that not only is my husband of 15 years cheating on me, but he has been cheating the whole time. The dirty bastard! Seems he prefers to have a submissive at his beck and call. I guess I was just the cover story.
I started my day innocent enough. I had a presentation with a potential client and I needed to map quest the address that was given to me by their secretary. Since my husband had left his account up and open on the computer, I thought it was no big deal if I used his id.
I was sending the directions to my PDA when his instant messenger pinged. I would have thought nothing about it, if it hadn't been for the message itself:
whiteslutNeedsBLKCK:"May I remove the anal plug now, Master?"
WHAT THE FUCK? May I remove the...WHAT? I thought well, this has to be a mistake. I will just let them know so that they don't embarrass themselves further with more details. I thought of something tactful to respond to the message.
BLK_ZEUS:"I am sorry but you must have the wrong person. Sounds like fun, though. Enjoy your day."
I thought that would be the end of it but the person wrote back.
whiteslutNeedsBLKCK:"LOL. Will, you are such a joker! But really, I feel like I need to have some time on the potty and I can't do it with this huge plug up my ass. I promise that I will put it back in before you get back over here."
Will? WILL? AS IN MY FUCKING HUSBAND, WILL? That dirty muthafuckin' bastard! I can't believe this shit. I almost went out and spent a couple of grand on a new pair of golf clubs for Father's Day.
I had to get my composure together. This person obviously knew my husband and had been with him at least one time. I didn't know how to proceed but I knew I wanted to know what the hell was going on.
BLK_ZEUS:"Yeah. LOL. You know I like a good joke. Go ahead and take it out if it is that bad." I was scrounging, trying to figure out what to say to find out a little more about their situation. "What time did I say I was coming back?
whiteslutNeedsBLKCK: "You are always so forgetful, Will. You said you would be back over after you went to see your dad and drop off your Father's Day gift. Don't forget you are bringing the wine for dinner. My dad loved the one you brought to the cookout at their house last weekend. My parents are looking forward to seeing you again."
I start to hyperventilate. I think an artery in my eye wants to pop. My gosh, I think hives are starting on my chest! I can't take this. But, if I really wanna know, I have to finish this out.
BLK_ZEUS: "Hey, I forgot all about the wine. Text your address to this number and let them know I told you to get them to send over a bottle of my favorite wine. The wine will probably beat me there."
Of course I put my cell number in. Sure enough, there was a text from a number I didn't recognize coming though to my cell phone in less than a minute. I couldn't believe she gave me her information so fast. I called to reschedule with my potential client, citing family illness. There was no way I was not going over to this woman's home.
The message, along with her address, includes her name and number along with directions if I got lost. Bitch, you are around the fucking corner. You don't even know how lost I am not getting.
Taking a deep breathe, I remind myself: OK. She is not a bitch. She probably doesn't even know about you. Don't make this about her. It is about that bitch-made muthafucker that you are married to, at the moment. At the moment..? My heart skips a beat. Then I think about it. Yeah, at the moment.
Ten minutes later I pull up to her home, bottle in hand. From her message, I know that my husband is supposed to be there around the same time. I make sure that I park my car in front of someone else's home so that he wouldn't notice it.
Janelle, that is the bitch's, uh...I mean 'chick's' name. Her home looks normal enough. Pink awnings that make me wanna throw up all over her ugly pink flamingos. But, this isn't about me and her. So, I man up and ring the doorbell.
When the door is answered, it is not Janelle. It is a tall, white guy. He kinda reminds me of the tall guy that was on Northern Exposure when it was still on TV. John Corbett was that actor's name. He didn't even ask my name as he welcomed me in. "Hey, please bring that on out back. We have been waiting on you."
Taken aback, I let him lead me though Janelle's pink house, past all the soft pink walls and dark pink furniture onto the patio. I have never been so happy to see green grass before in my life. As my eyes are adjusting to color, folks start coming up to me and smiling and introducing themselves.
The last person to come up was Janelle. "Hey, Crystal. It is so nice to finally meet you." She envelopes me in a big hug. How can someone smell pink? I take a moment to look at her. Why is he cheating on me with this big white woman who is so damn pink? I just can't get this one.
I can't believe the whole clan of them know me. How in the hell do they know me? Is that muthafucker Will so kinky that he has been planning to introduce me to a life of swinging and swapping? Nasty bastard!
"Uh...Hi. But, I have to know, how do you all know me?" I try not to look if I am completely on the defensive.
Janelle comes up to put her arms around me for another tight, pink squeeze. "When Will finally popped the question, he showed me pictures of all his family. He told me that since you were his favorite sister, you guys had a lot of pictures together." She is just smiling and hugging. Hugging and smiling.
I think I am going to be sick. "When do you expect Will?" As soon as the words are coming out of my mouth, who is coming through the back door but Will. That dirty rotten rat bastard, Will.
Through all the "hi's" and "hey Will's", I move toward him in a daze. He sees me and his whole face goes slack. I turn to the crowd of Janelle's family. I don't want him to be able to pull me away before I let them know the real deal.
"Everyone, I am not Will's sister. I am his wife. I have been his wife for 15 years." The crowd falls silent in various states of shock. "Will and I have four children together. He does not have any sisters and only one brother who is in prison for raping boys." I see Will heading for me with eyes furious. Fuck him. I am getting this out. "I just found out today when I was in our home on our computer that he is putting butt plugs up Janelle's ass." I turned to Janelle. "It was me you talked to on the computer. It was my phone that you sent your address to."
Will tries to yank me into the house, but the sexy John Corbett look-alike stops him. "Hey Will, man, is this true? Is this your wife? Have you been lying to our family all this time?"
Before Will can deny anything, I pull out my wallet, showing my name and pictures of our lives together over the past 15 years. "See here. My name is Crystal King-Darnell on my driver's license. My name wouldn't be hyphenated if I were his sister. These are pictures of our children." I start to break down and cry. "This is a picture from my wedding day that I carry with me all the time." I start to crumple over with sobs.
As the John Corbett look alike tries to comfort me and help me gather up my pictures of my family, Janelle comes over to me. "I am sorry. I really thought you were his sister. I didn't know." She looks at Will, who looks as if he stuck in a bad version of the Twilight Zone. "I can't believe he looked into my face and lied to me like that." She looks back at me. "I am hurt and I know you are too. But, I must warn you. Although he hurt me, I can't leave him." I hear her father start to shout expletives about how she is not going to stay with Will far off in the background. "He has been my master for almost 15 years. I can't live without him. I know you don't understand. Just know that I am sorry."
Will finally decides it is time to say something. Anything. "Look Crystal, I am sorry. But, don't think you can throw this in my face the next time we fight. White girls are a dime a dozen. I will drop this one and be more discreet next time. That is no reason to throw away our marriage"
I don't really know how it happened or when I went from sitting and sobbing to standing and jabbing. But, the next thing I can remember is standing over Will with my fist balled and him on the ground. Seems I knocked his ass out cold.
Three months later, divorced and feeling a little bit beat up, I still smile when I think of how I hit that piece of shit ex-husband of mine with everything I had.
I am having that flashback and smiling in the middle of Borders bookstore when someone called out my name. I look up and found myself staring into the eyes of the John Corbett look-alike from Janelle's party.
I feel so embarrassed on about a gazillion levels. "Uh, hi," is all I manage to mumble and try to pass him without holding a conversation.
He makes a move to stop me "Wait,". My skin is crawling thinking how much I don't want to wait. "I need to apologize for the circumstances under which we met."
I look at him incredulously. "No, no. It is me who needs to apologize. I need to apologize to your whole family for making a scene during a family get together. What happened had nothing to do with you all. I didn't have the right to disrupt your day like that." There, I said it. I apologized to someone in Janelle's family. I smile up at him ruefully. "And, after all, you all did cover for me when the cops came."
We laugh at that. Will got so mad about being cold cocked by me that he tried to press charges against me. Every single person at Janelle's home, including Janelle, told the officers that Will ran into a low tree branch.
"That was the right thing to do. My mom said she woulda kneed him in the groin while he was down if she were you. You are a heroine in my family's eyes." He gestures to the counter serving up hot pastries and yummy coffees. "May I buy you a coffee or a bagel?"
I try to gently extricate myself from the situation. "Thank you for the offer but I just came in to grab a quick book and head back home. I am not dressed for public really." I glance down at my attire. In my yoga pants and "Just Did It" tee-shirt, along with my pony tail, I look more like one of my teen-aged daughters. "Besides, I don't even know your name." I smile what I hoped would be a nice goodbye smile.
"Greg." He held out his hand to me. It was huge. "My name is Greg Saunders."
At 5'5, I am not exactly a midget. But, I felt like it as his big paw engulfs my little hand. Add that to looking up a foot or more into his eyes and I feel like a Lilliputian. "It is nice to know your name, Greg. But, I still can't stay." No matter how sexy I think you are. "Thank you very much for the offer though."
I smile and head to the counter to pay for my books. Too bad his is Janelle's brother. I laugh to myself. Heck, if he wasn't, he would be completely doable. Yeah, baby!
I am thinking about what to unthaw for dinner tonight as I walk to the car. Since my older girls, Tiffany and Diane, discovered boys, dinner has become an iffy affair. Always about what they won't eat and what it will do to their waistlines. Pul-lease! At least my two younger ones haven't fallen into that tr...
"Hey Crystal!" I turn around and there is Greg, holding my purse. "You might wanna take this home with you. I picked it up and thought it matched your eyes." He smiled at his own joke.
I am mortified yet again. How in the heck could I get so air-brained that I forgot my purse. At least Greg was nice enough to bring it out to me. After being blown off, I don't know that I would have done that. "Oh Greg! You are a life saver! I don't know what I would have done if I had lost my purse!" I reach out for my purse and give him a little hug. "Thank you."
Greg smiles down at me. "In some cultures, when someone saves your life, you are indebted to them until you save theirs, Pretty Brown Eyes." He still has his arm slightly around me. I can feel sexy coming off of him. Yum! But I know I can't play with this particular fire.
"Tempting. Quite tempting." I run through all my excuses that I usually use for not going out with a guy. I know instinctively that none of those will work this time, though. "Honestly Greg, I think you are sexy guy. But, I don't think I can get past how you and I met." There. I said it.
"That is too bad. You are a sexy woman. Very sexy. Just because you used to be married to a jerk and I have a sex addict for a sister shouldn't keep us from getting to know each other." He pulls out his card. "Tell you what. Why don't we email or become pen pals or phone buddies? I have a brilliant personality." He smiles with all his teeth showing and waggles his eyebrows outrageously.
I know that if I don't agree, I am going to be here talking to him for another half an hour. So, I take the card and agree to think about it. I know I am not going to call him. Heck, reader, even you know that I am not going to call him.
OK. Before you think I just gave in and called him, let me tell you my side. This is what had happened.
I was at home, minding my own business and cooking dinner when Will The Bastard (that is his official name now, as far as I am concerned) called the house for the children.
It seems that the company that he works for got tickets for a concert that all the kids had been bugging me to take them to. Had I answered the phone and the kids didn't know who it was, I would have cursed him out and played crazy when the kids checked the caller id. (Yes, reader, my ass is still a tad bit bitter.) But, they were there being their nosy selves. So, I had to let them talk to him. And, as much as I hated it, I had to let my girls go with their dad for the night. I mean, I can be a bitch to him, easy. But, I can't tell my girls no.
That is why I was at home on a Friday evening all by myself with nothing to do. Then, the girls called to say they were doing a sleep over at their dad's that night. That really is what had happened.
So, I thought, what the hell? I haven't been to the spa in a few weeks. Let me mosey on down and do a spa hour or two for myself.
After being at the spa from six in the evening until they closed at ten, I was all milky soft and pampered from head to toe. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where I went wrong.
I went home and through on some Miles Davis. I sat on the bed, naked as a jaybird. Take out was sounding good. I had a menu from the Chinese take out place from work in my purse. I had to dump my purse on my bed to find it. Seems my purse was collecting quite a bit of paper these days.
I never found that menu. But, I did run across Greg's number. Tall, sexy, with the big hands, Greg. Yum! I mean...uhh...
Anyways, so I was sitting there, sipping on some Chablis and trying not to look at Greg's card. Well, mostly pretending to sip and fooling myself about not looking at Greg's card. I already had the number memorized.
Around 11:30, I thought, OK, Crystal, this is ridiculous. Just call the guy. He sounded lonely. Maybe he just wants to talk.
Yeah. Mr. Yum wants to talk. OK Crystal...keep lying to yourself.
After having this silly conversation with myself, I called him. I had planned how I was going to leave a message on his answering service. I was going to be so clever. I was going to ....
"Hello," Greg sounded so sexy over the phone. Yum-my! I could hear the gravel in his voice even over the phone lines. "Hello? Anyone there?"
"Oh, yeah. Hello," I tried to make a graceful recovering. "Sorry about that. I didn't hear you say hello." Or just be a goof...whatever. "I just thought I would call the guy who saved my life by returning my purse." A pregnant pause. "This is, uh, Crystal, by the way."
I heard Greg laugh into the phone. "I know who it is. I am just surprised you called." I heard him rustling around on the other end. "I was hoping that you would call."
My palms were sweaty and I was becoming a little queasy. Too much Chablis. "You know, why don't I call you in the morning. This was too late for me to call." I suddenly felt awkward and wanted to just sleep this feeling off.
Before I could gracefully distract myself from this ill placed phone call, Greg made a suggestion. "Look, I know you still feel weird about how we met. But, why don't we just go for a drive and talk about it and clear the air. That way, we can be friends and not feel weird. I want to be your friend."
The way he said friend, I knew he didn't want to be girlfriends. It had been a long time since a guy wanted to be my friend. Too long. Suddenly I was feeling old and lonely and divorced and unwanted. It was nice to feel wanted again.
Before I knew it, I had agreed to a drive. "But just one drive," I told him. I didn't want him to think this was going to be an all the time thing.
Sitting here in his convertible Porsche, I don't know why I am here. Surely because a guy gets your motor running a little bit doesn't mean you should go driving with him. Not in the middle of the night to a lake with a full moon shining and the crickets singing.
Stormin' Norman Brown is crooning to me softly, along with the crickets. I thought Greg would be talking my head off. Instead, he is drawing light circles on the inside of my palm and being quiet.
I break the silence. I can't just sit there. "Greg..."
"Shh..." He moves my head over to his chest. "Just listen to the music and feel the breeze."
And I do.
And it is so seductive how the wind caresses my skin. It sound be against the law how the wind mingles my perfume and Greg's cologne to make a new scent of its own. Greg's heart is beating so strong and true, I find myself preferring that beat over the sound of Stormin' Norman. I drift off, lulled by the thump-thump.
I feel like I am on a deserted island when I wake up. The sky, inky black, twinkles all her stars, just for me. I can feel the cool breeze coming off the lake, makes my skin goosebump. I can feel Greg's...Whoa, hold up. Wait a minute! I shouldn't feel anything of Greg's because I am at home.
Then I look up and Greg is holding me and looking down at me with a tender smile. When he knows that I am fully awake, he kisses me. I don't know if even that is the word for what he is doing. It is so soft, I almost can't feel his lips. It is like his breath is caressing mine. I slowly slide my tongue out to barely caress his lip. His tongue comes out to barely caress me back.
I pull back a little to look up at him. He looks down at me and grins that sexy half-grin that he has. I reach my hands up slowly and pull his face back to mine. His lips and mine meet firmly this time. Both giving. Both taking.
I can feel his arms encircling me, making me feel warm inside. His body, heated in contrast to the cool night air, feels so solid beneath me. As I move my hands up to his silky brown hair, I enjoy feeling the softness run through my fingers.. So different than what I am used to but feeling so right.
Greg starts to work his way down my neck, finding all of my spots to suck and gently nibble. My eyes roll to the back of my head as he finds a particularly erotic spot. I moan softly against his hair.
My silk tank top, perfect for a summer's night drive, seems to be in the way. Greg is trying to go lower to kiss and lick my skin, but the silk is not moving. I start to take off my shirt. But before I can get a good grip on it, Greg starts to suck my nipples through my shirt and my bra. I can feel him nibbling on them and it feels marvelous. My vaginal lips are swelling and I can feel moisture forming from the excitement. My fingers forgot what they were going to do, but Greg's didn't.