Unqualifiedly Datable Ch. 05byArisan_Maru©
Hope you guys enjoy! Sorry it took so long but at least it wasn't another year before i posted.
My phone went off again, and I stared at the damned thing. The first few times that it went off I thought it was Chris calling. It wasn't. It was just Danny, Adam or my brother or sister. No one but Danny knew what had happened. My sister and brother were supposed to come down to visit me soon... What joy! Don't get me wrong I love them but it's just that I was so depressed. I haven't eaten in two days and haven't gotten out of bed for going on three.
I looked at the phone... it was coach, as much as I hated to I had to answer it.
"Hey Coach," I didn't even bother sitting up, I didn't want to move.
"Jason I need to see you in my office today,"
"What's wrong, Coach?"
"Is around one ok?" If he didn't want to talk about it over the phone I knew what it was about. Ryan.
"Yeah I will be down there," I sighed I was reluctant to go anywhere for anything.
I hung up and looked up at the ceiling, where was he? I missed the simple bliss of waking up next to him in the morning. Why did I screw things up? My stupid mouth. Why did I try to be romantic? If I would have just told him I loved him when I realized it I would still have him, he would still be with me.
I got up and scratched my face... I was getting scruffy. I looked at the date on my phone... It's just been a week?! God it felt like it had been a month. What was I going to do?
I went to the master bathroom and looked around... the candles were still all in place, the towels, the oils, and even the dim light bulb was still in. I grabbed my things and I walked out quickly. I was still raw from the break up, and the sight of what should have been dug in deep. Hell I couldn't even sleep in my own room anymore... I was always sleeping in the guest room. I quickly got cleaned up and headed to Coach's office. I didn't bother shaving my face, there was no point anyways, chris was gone so there wasn't a reason for me to try to look good.
I hopped up in my truck and started it up. I looked over and saw a pair of his damned flip flops, he always had to take them off in the car for some reason. I don't know how long I sat there looking at those damned things before I straightened and then pulled the truck out of the parking spot.
"Jason, come on in," Coach led me into his office and asked me to sit down. "You look like shit,"
"What happened, son?" He folded his hands on top of his stomach and reclined in his chair.
"Because of some stupid people and my stupid mouth I lost the best thing that ever happened to me,"
I noticed his face pale in color, "I see," He knew that I was gay.
"Why am I here?" I asked... I figured why... I just wanted it over.
"Jason, I hate to do this but there are some players on the team that feel uncomfortable with your...situation... I'm going to have to cut you,"
"That all coach?" I stood up.
"I'm sorry Jason, I honestly don't care what you do on your own time but by our contract I am supposed to make sure that the team members feel safe and comfortable"
"I understand, Coach, Have a nice day," As I walked out I felt a little bit of more of me crumble apart.
I heard Coach holler after me and I stopped I didn't turn towards him I just stood there. "Hey you aren't getting beaten up or picked on for this are you?" He said it kind of softly.
I busted up laughing then turned towards him. "Coach you know my record, if any one gave me shit about it, it would be their ass that's getting beaten,"
"I'm not supposed to condone violence but, that's good to hear," He patted my shoulder and gave me a sad smile.
"Thanks coach, that's the first time I laughed since..." I stopped myself. I didn't need to think about it here.
"Glad I could help in some small way," He scratched his jaw a minute thinking on something. "Well without you on the team there goes the championship, we still have Adam though,"
"...It would be hard but you could pull it off," I muttered.
"I want your help Jason, I don't feel right having to cut you and I think the team still needs you, I want you to help with some strategies maybe improve on the players skills, it would be behind the scenes kind of thing,"
"Thanks coach but I can't do that right now I'm just..."
"Give it some time Jason, you still have my number though, call me when you are ready," I nodded as he turned back around to go back to his office. I walked back to the truck felling slightly better, but reluctant to go back home too.
When I reached my truck I pulled out my phone, and dialed Danny's number. I asked him if he could help me with something, I knew he would heartily agree. After all I have done to help him. I think he always felt like he had to repay me in some way.
He was over at my house in no time, when I opened the door he stood there shocked at my appearance.
"Sorry I look so bad," I tried to smile but I don't think it worked well. "I got cut today,"
"I shouldn't have stared. I'm just not used to you being upset,"
"I understand, Could you just sweep up those petals?" I asked looking down at the floor where the reddish-brown dried up petals laid.
"This is the favor?" He looked at me like I was crazy. I guess my recent behavior was all over the place. First with dating Chris, then with sticking to it, trying to be romantic, the breakup, then this little thing getting me all worked up.
"I can't do it Danny. I break down every time I try, I just start feeling like shit and end up going to bed or drinking," I blushed but he nodded understanding.
"Why are there petals everywhere?" He asked as he went into the kitchen for the broom and started to sweep.
I sat down on a couch. "I was going to tell Chris I love him, I had petals as a path way to the island, where there is a present a rose and a card, then I ordered his favorite dish, to have a romantic meal. From there the petals lead to the bedroom and bathroom,"
"What happened then?! If you did that for me I would fall for you right there," He stopped his task and stood up quickly.
"He heard me in the locker rooms, I got pissed off at this guy when he asked if I was a fag, I told him I just kept Chris around so he could be popular, I was being sarcastic, Chris thought it was real I guess,"
"Have you tried to call him?" He said as he took the dust pan into the kitchen and emptied it in the trash. He stayed back there a minute probably looking at the presents I bought Chris that still sat on the island.
I took a deep breath, good the petals were gone now, "He wouldn't pick up my calls," I sighed and sunk into the couch, "Why would he anyways?"
"Jay," He came over and hugged me I hugged him back tightly, as my eyes started to sting. Good god what was happening to me?
"Why did you let him go? Why didn't you go after him?"
"Nothing I could've done nor could've said would have stopped him, he didn't want to forgive me Danny, I basically said that I wasn't gay and he was nothing to me... at least that's what he heard me say," We were silent for a minute before I continued. "Can you imagine hearing the guy you are in a relationship with say that you don't mean anything to him and that he isn't gay?!"
"He will come back around, Jay,"
"I doubt it, I would have done the same thing, Danny, I would have done the same thing he did grab my shit and leave from embarrassment, and betrayal. He had feelings for me and I crushed them with that one stupid sentence,"
"My sister and brother are coming to stay for a while, so I needed to clean up a bit," I interrupted him but I really didn't want any false hopes, I had screwed around too much. Number 78 on the list: Insensitive.
"Are you sure that this is good timing?" Danny asked as he headed for the hallway.
"No, I'm hoping that they can get me out of this rut though," I looked up at the ceiling thinking back to how I had been before Chris. A complete jock, womanizer-poser, and I didn't care about anyone nor anything.
"Do you want me to talk to Chris for you?"
"Don't Danny he won't believe you, he will think I put you up to it,"
"I can't stand seeing you down like this... that's an understatement, Jason you're depressed,"
"Gee thanks," I rolled my eyes and laid down on the couch.
"Want the candles gone too?"
"Candles, towels, the soaps the oils, if you can replace the light bulb too... I got a box you can put everything in in the closet," I sighed and laid down on the couch "I'm going to let my brother or sis sleep in there and the other in the guest room... I'm going to sleep here..."
Danny popped into the living room "Do you need to go to a bar?"
"No I'm bringing the bar to me tonight, Adam is supposed to be over with some beer later, you're welcomed to join us..."
"I don't know Jay,"
"You can come so you can make sure I don't call Chris and make a fool of myself,"
"Me play the adult role? HA, that's a day I never thought I would see,"
"Me neither, Please sweet cheeks?" It made me smile, Danny playing the adult role.
"Since you asked so nicely," Danny batted his lashes at me before turning back to the room "Rest for now Jay you need it,"
I closed my eyes but getting any rest was useless.
I woke up on the floor, apparently I fell off the bed. I looked around the room. I was in the guest bedroom. Someone had to drag me in here I don't remember coming in.
I don't remember much of last night Adam came over we played the PlayStation and bullshitted... I do remember Adam trying to go home but Danny wouldn't let him. I stood on shaky legs, ready to hit the liquor store again.
"Yo' ADAM! I need more liquor!" It was quiet, "Adam? Danny?"
I stumbled into the living room and found my phone, I called Adam and got no answer, nor did I hear his phone going off. I called Danny three times before getting an answer.
"Heeeeeey Danno! You know Adam right?" I smiled as I slumped down on the couch, I was feeling pretty good.
"Yes, I was there last night,"
"Oh good well I need Adam, I need more beer but can find 'im," Im sure I sounded like an alky.
"Jay you are still wasted,"
"You bet princess," I burst into laughter. "So Adam, where is he, he went home with you?"
"He uh..." Danny seemed distracted.
"Daanny...." I groaned before I heard a groan through the phone, defiantly gruffer than any sound Danny could make... and definitely a voice I knew well. "Well I'm glad you two can take advantage of the moment,"
"Jay wait-" I hung up not ready to hear it.
What the hell is going on? Everything is so ass backwards now. I trudged back into the guest room and flopped on the bed. I closed my eyes... when was the last time I was this fucking drunk?
"Jay come on the movie is starting," Tyler tugged on my arm pulling me towards the couch.
"Alright I'm coming what are we watching?" I grabbed the bag of popcorn and walked into the living room
"Renee said it was a chick flick, it was her turn to pick," Tyler was my 14 year old brother. He looked like a smaller copy of me only his hair was almost black. Renee, 17, looked like mom black hair and skinny delicate features with green eyes.
"I see, Renee what are we watching?" I sat down and Tyler sat down next to me.
"The Wedding Singer," She reached over the couch and grabbing a hand full of popcorn and sat back down.
"Great," I muttered under my breath, "Can't we watch some other non-romance-related movie?"
"Just cause you can't get over your lost love doesn't mean we all have to suffer, especially when it was your fault in the first place," She said flipping her hair over her shoulder and turning back to the tv.
"You know you aren't making me feel any better and that's one of your main purposes for being here," I stared at her while she popped popcorn into her mouth.
She shrugged. "You know you could go apologize."
"No I can't," I grumbled.
"Well then find another way to,"
"There isn't another way,"
"There is always another way," She stated simply.
"And how many relationships have you had?"
"Not the point, just sit down and watch or go sink further into a pit of despair,"
"You know for a 17 year old girl you are awfully pushy...and dramatic,"
It had been 3 full weeks now. I hadn't heard from Chris, not once, I had talked to my teachers and somehow managed to get them to agree to send me my homework and notes and any materials. Well that was for the classes I had with Chris the others I still went to but I couldn't face him ever again. Tyler and Renee had kept me preoccupied so I wasn't drinking to the point of drunkenness. Still drinking just not enough, I just got buzzed a little, it dulled the constant pain and helped me sleep.
Danny? I hadn't really gone out of my way to talk to him after what happened. He left me a few voice mails but I still felt a bit betrayed. He is coming by sometime soon so he said but I told him not to take too much time away from his new beau. I was being harsh I know but Danny was supposed to be there for me not getting tail out of the circumstances.
Adam I hadn't seen nor heard from since that night.
Tyler had already gone to bed Renee sat on the couch with me while I sipped a beer. She watched me from the corner of her eye.
"Was it another girl?" She asked while I was taking a drink, knowing otherwise.
I glared at her the bottle still at my lips, I put it down and gave her a curt "No," I sighed waited a moment before I tipped back the beer again, "It was a guy this time,"
"Yeah he means everything to me, I was hoping you guys could help me get over him, but I think that's useless." I started to scratch off the label on my beer while I mindlessly started at the TV.
"What was he like," She asked quietly.
"Shy, quiet, you really had to get to know him to really see his true personality, he was a smartass, he was cute, long blonde hair, just hung into his grey eyes, he would scrunch up his nose every now and then, not very social"
"You loved him?"
"Yeah, I was going to tell him... the night he left me," I sighed and took another drink, "I was excited I just wanted to leave that damned locker room, but Ryan wanted to know if I was fucking Chris. I was sarcastic basically saying no I wasn't he was just hanging around, He overheard, thought it was all the truth, he was so upset he didn't see any of the special things I did for him," I tipped back my beer again but nothing came out, I sighed and stood heading to the fridge. This topic needed beer, lots and lots of beer.
Renee followed, "He just left?"
"Yeah grabbed his stuff and left," I popped open another bottle and chugged a third of it. I stood at the island as she walked up and stood beside me.
"But there is a box in your closet with his name on it," She pointed to the closet.
I was quiet for a long time, "He didn't get everything, and I don't think he will come back for it," I looked at the closet door. "In fact, that's where his presents are..."
"His, not yours." I huffed.
"So presents are presents..." She was standing in front of me, "What happened to Danny?"
I grunted. "What makes you think something happened to him?"
"He isn't around as much. He used to be here every day and hangout with you,"
"You just miss having the company of another girl,"
"Jason Levi! That is positively rude," She smacked my knee and sat down next to me.
"Don't call me Levi,"
"So how are you going to try to get him back?"
"I'm not going to try," That was a lie, I didn't want my sister to get her hopes up, I didn't want mine up either.
"It's time for bed. I have errands to do tomorrow so you and Tyler are going to have to stay here for a bit,"
"What kinda things?"
"Talk to my coach, I decided I would help the team out," I said as I walked towards the bathroom. "Get in bed I need the couch to sleep on once I get out,"
I got undressed and took a piss and turned to look at myself in the mirror. I still looked like hell. I kept up on shaving, and my hair looked ok, seemed stiff and wiry, I had big bags under my eyes from lack of restful sleep, my eyes weren't bloodshot, I didn't look as bad as when he first left but I was nowhere near normal. I sighed, all I really had before where my looks what would Chris do If I did see him tomorrow?!
I had finally decided I would try even before my sister talked to me. I really was going to talk to Coach, about the team but that wasn't going to be my main purpose. I needed to see Chris, I wanted to apologize.
"What am I going to do?" I grabbed my clothes and walked back into the living room, Renee must have gone to bed because the bedroom door was now shut tightly with a light off. I threw my clothes into the arm chair and grabbed my pillow and blanket. I didn't even feel like pulling out the fold away, I flopped down and tried to fall asleep.
I woke up and heard something shifting and moving. "Come back to bed, babe," I said half asleep. It immediately became quiet, I propped myself up and looked around. I realized I was in the living room, duh! Chris is gone. I sat up on the couch and looked around. I sighed, god I missed him, I got up and headed to the kitchen to grab a snack, I stopped when I heard something move in the living room. I walked slowly over and glanced around.
I didn't see anything but I stood silently in the middle of the room.
There it was again, I saw a shadow by the arm chair. I silently padded over and quickly pulled the arm chair out. Renee yelped as I grabbed ahold of her.
"What the hell are you doing?!"
"For what?!" This is ridiculous she looked like she was spying on me!
She looked down at her hands then lifted them. "My phone, see I found it,"
"Ok I heard you wake up and... what you said, I didn't thing that you wanted me to hear that so I was hiding, I thought you would go back to sleep,"
I grunted and stared down at her. She had her hands on her hips glaring back at me. "If you are done now go back to bed,"
She scurried off to the bedroom door, but didn't go in she watched me as I stood there my back to her. "You miss him a lot don't you?"
"Yes, now go-"
"He will forgive you Jay, he has to! Once you tell him what happened he will be here with you. I know he is going through the same hurt you are." She was quiet as she finished. "He needs you Jason, just as much as you need him,"
I stood there with my back still to her, she didn't see my eyes tear up. I didn't know what to say, what could I say to something like that? I didn't want to say anything. "Go to sleep Renee," I waited until I heard the door close before I turned back to the kitchen. I knew what I wanted. I wanted comfort food, Ben and Jerry's. I grabbed one of the small tubs and sat down at the island.
As I was eating it I sat there and thought of that night Chris sat between my legs and watched Pirates of the Caribbean and we shared a whole little tub. Laughing as Jack tricked the British army.
God I missed his laugh. His smile.
I looked down at the tub of ice cream surprised to see it gone. I threw it away and once again tried to sleep.
I got up early, my brother and sister were both still asleep. I wanted to go and discreetly watch the team play. So I grabbed my pants off the arm chair and pulled them on I did the same with my shirt I checked my pocket for my phone and my keys. I quietly grabbed a jacket from my room and then left.
When I got there I sat down in the bleachers I noticed Adam right away, only for the fact he seemed ruthless now, he seemed pissed off and not caring the consequences, Gray and Luke were there also, they seem good if a little lazy on the ice. One person I didn't see was Ryan. As soon as the game was over and the team was in the locker I walked up to my coach.