Unqualifiedly Datable Ch. 05

His back was turned and he couldn't see who I was, "Hey coach,"

"Yeah?"

"I want to take you up on your offer,"

"What offer is that?" he turned around and saw me, he smiled brightly.

"I'll help the team out," I smiled finally getting a feeling of normalcy. The cool air in the ice rink the sound of bodies and sticks crashing into the walls, I was starting to feel like I was back to my old self. I was in my zone. And I missed hockey.

"Well lets go down to my office shall we?" He patted me on the back and we walked down to the office. "So how goes it with you?"

"Um, not over it yet but I need to start to do something, I have too much time on my hands," I shrugged it was the truth, I was sitting at home doing nothing but thinking about Chris.

"I see, well the team is falling apart,"

"I saw that," I said quietly.

"You watched the practice?" He looked up at me shocked, I nodded and he continued. "It's absurd! I don't understand what the hell is going on,"

"They were all a little off," I said as he opened his office and sat down behind his desk.

"A little off? Ryan hasn't shown up for about 2 weeks now, Adam has something up his ass, and Gray and Luke are acting like its recess," Coach huffed out looking extremely annoyed, I sat down in the chair in front of his desk and kicked up my feet on the corner. He glared at me and I smiled back.

"Yeah I noticed Adam was..." I shrugged there was something really wrong with Adam, I just didn't know what.

"Glad to see you haven't lost your cockiness," Coach looked down at his schedule.

"Nah can't have that, that's what makes me such a good hockey player,"

The coach smirked and nodded his head.

"So how long has Adam had something stuck up his ass? You sure he hasn't been laid? He gets angry if he doesn't get any," I laughed.

"You would know?" Coach cocked his eyebrow at me.

I laughed and nodded no. "Last I heard Adam had a girl," It was kind of true.

"Anyways to answer your question, he has been like that for..." He flipped through his binder and found his notes on Adam's performance. "Two weeks ago, then a few days after Ryan quit showing up, and everything went downhill from there," He flipped through more pages.

There was a knock at the door. Coach motioned the person in with a wave of his hand. I didn't bother turning around.

"Hey Coach is- Jason?!" As I heard the voice I turned to glare up at Adam, who was gaping at me in shock.

"Jason is just paying me a visit, what can I help you with?"

Adam looked uneasy he looked between me and the coach a moment before he remembered what he was there for. "Is Ryan still on the team?"

"I haven't been able to find that out yet," He was aggravated at all this stuff going on I could tell.

"Alright," Adam looked back down at me but I didn't even feel like acknowledging him. He turned and left the office and then walked down the hallway.

"So what do you think we should have Adam work on?"

**********

I was sitting at a light waiting for it to turn green. The coach was very happy that I was going to be helping the team out anyway I could. I was going to start to come to practices more to find out what the team needed to work on.

The light turned and I went on through, I was now headed to his apartment. I was such a nervous wreck, and really wished that I had a cigarette to smoke.

I felt all over the place. I had already tried talking myself out of going to see him, but I put my foot down and wasn't going to sway in my decision.

I jumped when my phone rang, I didn't bother looking I just opened my phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Jason, are you almost done with your errands?" Renee asked happily over the phone.

"Almost give me another thirty minutes and I'll be back for you to play Dr. Phil on me..."

"Eww Dr. Phil is old," She said absolutely disgusted.

"Well you have been acting like my shrink lately,"

"Whatever, no I haven't. Anyways we will see you soon,"

"Alright, Renee, see you soon," Our little chat had calmed me down a little making the tension in my body ease.

I hung up and realized that I was already at his house. "Oh shit," I felt my stomach flip. So much for easing some of the tension. I shut my truck off and slowly walked to the front door.

What was I going to say to him what was i going to do? What if he slammed the door in my face? I stood there in front of that door thinking of everything that could go wrong.

I sighed giving up on "what if's".

I knocked on the door.

A kid about my age opened the door.

"Hey My name is Jason, is Chris here?"

The kid looked at me funny for a minute, "Nah, I kicked him out a few weeks ago,"

"What?! Why?!"

"Hell I figured for the same reasons you quit hanging out with him," The kid leaned against the doorway.

"Which were?"

"That kid was a fag, kept cryin' like crazy," The kid stood up straight, "Besides I didn't need him checking me out every other minute," The kid scoffed. "I told him to take his faggot ass and-"

I don't think he saw the punch coming but I know he felt it. He fell straight back and landed with a hard thud. I barely registered the pain in my knuckles as I stood over him and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. "I don't want to hear you say another thing about Chris. Now where did he go?"

**********

No wonder Chris never wanted me to go to his apartment; he probably figured that if I met that kid that I would have beaten the shit out of him. I didn't hurt him too bad I just ruffed him up a bit. He didn't need to disrespect Chris like that. Chris never hurt anyone.

I sighed as I parked my truck in front of my apartment. I guess I was back to the beginning. I didn't have anything that told me where Chris was or where he could be, how could I apologize if I had no clue to where he was? I trudged up the steps to my front door. I could probably ask the front desks? I doubt they would tell me though. I turned the door knob and found it unlocked, that's strange, I locked it before I left and Renee and Tyler know not to open that door when I'm not here. I shrugged and tried thinking of other ways to find Chris.

All thoughts vanished as soon as I pushed that door opened. Three of the four turned to look at me. Renee and Danny turned pale. Tyler smiled and hollered my name, and the fourth... Chris flinched as Tyler hollered my name.

Why was Chris here? I noticed Renee grab Tyler's wrist and pull him into the guest bedroom. Danny looked at me and the looked down at his feet. Chris still hadn't turned around.

He was holding something. He was holding the large satin gift box, his hands gripping onto it like it was the only life raft on a sinking ship.

I was awe struck, what was Chris doing here?! I couldn't look anywhere else, Chris was the only real thing, and yet I still didn't believe it was real.

"Chris?" My voice shook and I felt like I was on the verge of falling apart.

He slowly stood up and turned around to face me his hands still gripping that damned present.

He had lost weight, lots of weight. His grey eyes were surrounded by shadows and his left eye looked like it had been punched a while back ago. He looked like he was about to cry.

"What are you doing here?" I asked breathlessly.

He looked at me only for a moment and then down the hallway before looking to the ground. Renee. I looked back at him still holding that damned box. I didn't want him to figure out my feelings before I apologized... If I had it my way I really didn't want him to know my feelings with no promise of a future.

I walked up to him and held out my hands. "Please give me the box,"

Chris looked at me, I could see he didn't want to let go of that thing. He shook his head no. I sighed and looked down at the box. It was all about him; it always would be for me. I sighed. "Did you open it?"

He looked up at me for a minute and shook his head.

I looked over at Danny who was looking at his nails. "Danny take Renee and Tyler out to have some ice cream,"

He looked up at me shocked, but went to the guest room and grabbed the two and left. I didn't take my eyes off Chris, nor did I say anything until I heard Danny's car leave. It was quiet in my apartment, nothing but the sounds of our breathing broke the silence.

"You know I don't like it when you are quiet," I said softly trying to get him to say something. His hands only tightened on the box. I held out my hand and he flinched back away.

He was never this skittish around me, something happened. I didn't react, I stayed still, my hand still out to take his hand. He looked down at my hand a moment and then turned his body to hide the box. "I was just trying to help you to the sofa,"

He walked over to the sofa, and sat down. He looked down at his feet. He was driving me crazy not talking. I looked down at the box then back to his bowed head. "I will make you a deal, you can have that box, if you listen to what I have to say, but you cannot open it around me,"

He looked up at me "Why?" his voice was soft and raspy.

"I don't want to see what's in there," I said simply but smiled now that he was talking to me.

I leant over and touched the small black bruise around his eye, "What happened?"

He flinched away, "Nothing," He quickly looked back down at his feet.

I sat down next to him and lifted his chin so I could look into his eyes. "I'm sorry. In the locker room. I never should have said what I did. I went about the situation the wrong way and let my temper get ahold over my being. I will not make excuses over my behavior, and I will not try to justify myself, I know it was wrong now and I didn't mean to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you," I looked down at that present. "I really wish I could go back and reverse it and tell the guy to fuck off but I can't, and I will forever regret that,"

I was quiet a moment, "I just want to apologize for my behavior and that night, I will never be able to make it up to you, and you will always be able to call on me for any help you need. I will be there for you, if that's what you wish,"

I saw a tear roll down his cheek, I leaned in and kissed it away, "I'm sorry Chris," I whispered. I was about to break down, I felt like I was cutting the last few threads that held the two of us together. He grabbed my hand and held onto it. I stood up but he wouldn't let go. I looked at that box next to him. I wanted to burn it so badly. I didn't want to just bring him back to me. I wanted to earn Chris's love. I didn't want him to just forgive me I wanted to earn it.

I didn't want it to be easy I wanted to prove in my own way that I loved Chris just as much as he loved me.

I looked towards the hallway, "Danny will be back shortly, he will take you back... home," I let my hand slip from Chris's hand and I walked down the hallway. I stopped looked at my bedroom door then opened the guest room and walked in and closed the door.

I couldn't bear to be around him, not right now. I landed on the bed face down. Was I doing the right thing? I wanted to be with him but I didn't deserve him, not after what I did. I dialed Danny and told him to come back and take Chris home. He quietly complied.

Shortly after I heard Danny pull up and everyone come in. They were all quiet until I heard Danny, screaming my name.

"JASON! What the hell did you say to him?!"

I propped myself up on my elbow and looked up at Danny as he burst through the door, "I said I was sorry for my behavior, why?"

"He's in here bawling his eyes out," Danny said quietly.

I quickly got up and went into the front room. Chris was curled up, the opened box next to him and the stuffed giraffe in his arms, the note in his hand.

"Tyler, go cleanup my bed, please," Tyler and Renee hurried off and cleaned up my room of Tyler's things. I stood in front of Chris and tried to get him to release the giraffe, no such luck. I picked him up, one arm under his knees and the other supporting his back. As soon as I picked him up one arm looped around my neck the other held tightly to the stuffed animal.

I walked into my bedroom as Tyler and Renee were walking out I quickly sat down on my bed and held him close to me. "Shhh Chris, don't cry. Please don't cry, babe. Please I hate it when you cry. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset beautiful," I held him for a long time before I heard his cries die down. His breathing still hitched every now and then from the amount of crying but he was asleep now.

I quietly laid him down on the bed and covered him up he still wouldn't let go of that giraffe. I looked at my shirt that was stained with his tears. I pulled it off and threw it to the side.

I walked out and looked at the closet. "Chris's" box was still out, the towels the candles the oils everything was in there. I closed it and pushed it back into the closet, and noticed the rose on the ground beside the box. I picked it up and dropped it onto the coffee table. Renee, Tyler and Danny all looked up at me.

"I swear to god Renee I will get you for this one way or another," She shifted on the couch but looked back at me.

"You got him back-"

"NO I DON'T!" I shouted, "Renee I was the biggest asshole I could have been, he will not take me back,"

"But he came-,"

"Because you no doubt tricked him, I know how you work," I was pacing, from one end of the room to the other. I couldn't think straight. She looked guilty as all hell, I knew I was right.

"I suppose this isn't a good time for me to talk then?" Danny sadly smiled, he looked upset too. I sat down next to him and hugged him.

"I'm sorry I let my hurt fuel my anger and I took it out on you and Adam,"

"I forgive you, I'm Sor-"

"ITS ok I really don't want to know... what's done is done," I stood up and grabbed the air up bed, from my closet and rearranged the guest bedroom so the bed was on one wall and the air up was on the opposite. I walked back out into the living room, "You two can fight over the beds, and Danny you are welcomed to stay if you wish,"

I turned back around and walked into my bedroom. Chris was still asleep, I stood there and watched him a moment before I went over sat on my side of the bed and flipped on the TV which was programed to automatically turn onto the animal planet. I looked over at Chris curled up with that stuffed giraffe. "I hope this works out beautiful," I whispered.

**********

I woke awhile later I looked over. Chris was still sleeping, his nose scrunching up a little. It was the simple things I suppose. I watched TV for a while before a sniffle made me look back at him. His eyes fluttered open for a minute he looked at me before rubbing his eyes, which made him flinch when he touched his left eye. I grabbed his hand and pulled away from his eye.

"What happened?"

"I'm not going to tell you, you just want to go beat up the guy,"

"That a bad thing?" I laughed.

"Sometimes," He looked up at me with big eyes.

"Come on Chris,"

"Only if you promise not to hurt him,"

"I'm about to ask Danny," I grumbled. He was right I would probably beat the shit out of the guy.

"Jason," He laughed.

"Alright fine," I smiled I had gotten him to laugh.

"My old roommate,"

"Oh? Well that's fortunate," I smiled happily and relaxed against the pillows.

"Huh?" He looked up at me quickly.

"I already beat his ass,"

"Jason?!" He sat up and smacked my arm.

"What he was disrespectful," I shrugged and grabbed his hand, "Why were you crying so much? Did I hurt your feelings? I didn't mean to," I said softly feeling ashamed with each word.

"It wasn't that Jay, it was me," He sighed and looked at the giraffe. "I ruined everything," he looked like he was about to start crying again. He looked back at me then, "It started with Anna..."

Who the hell was Anna? He sighed. I guess my facial expression conveyed my confusion.

"She was the girl that I went dress shopping with, that day...." He looked up at me waiting for me to catch up.

"Oh, ok" I nodded and propped myself up against the head board.

"I told her all about you, from the days before you really... Noticed me-,"

"Beautiful, I always noticed you, as soon as I walked into that room and saw you that first day of class," I pushed the hair out of his eyes, and looked into his eyes.

"Oh?" He smiled and looked up at me. At my nod he continued his story, "Anna never liked you, and she didn't need to meet you she knew your name, after all it was on all girls' lips, and you went through girls," Chris looked at the ceiling. "Then you all the sudden end up at a gay bar and tell me you're gay and ask me out, she kept telling me that bi guys aren't for dating, a fling maybe nothing serious and that I was getting in way over my head..." He cleared his throat, "She told me that night that you were about at the time where you were going to toss me to the side, I ended up getting pissed off and left early. I worried about it all through your practice. I just wanted to go back here and fall asleep and forget it all,"

"But I asked you to stay," I interrupted "To wait for me," Chris nodded slowly, "Then you heard what I said..."

"Yes,"

We were both quiet for a few minutes.

"I kept thinking back to Anna, thinking she was right. I ran back to my apartment at the time to think then I went back to your house and grabbed my stuff, I saw the gifts on the table, there was confetti on the floor-,"

"Petals, red rose petals," I said softly,

"Sorry I was so worked up I didn't pay much attention, my only thought was in getting out," I shrugged slightly, at least he noticed I did something. "I went back to my apartment for a while then had to leave,"

"Oh,"

"After the second week, Adam found me, I was deathly afraid he was going to beat me up... he came up to me and told me what happened in the locker room... I thought that you had sent him, but he said you guys weren't on good talking terms, then Danny called me every other day to talk to me, he said he wasn't on good talking terms either, and I thought that didn't sound like you, then your sister called me she said that you would be out for a while and that there was some things I needed to come pick up, then when we got here she just pointed out that box in the closet..."He looked down at his fingers squeezing them and biting his lower lip.

"I had set up a special night for you, I was planning on telling you something very important," Chris looked around and found the envelope on the bedside table. He opened it up and showed me.

'Chris-

I know I'm not good a showing my emotions and that I lose my temper sometime. I'm not good with words and I'm not very sensitive, or romantic. I don't know how you put up with me, but I definitely know that I love you, and I don't want you to leave me.

-Jason,'

"Yeah, that's it," My voice was rough, my throat hurt, and my emotions raw.

"Do you forgive me Jason?"

"You did nothing wrong, you thought what any normal person would have thought,"

"Okay," He blushed, and laid his head against his my chest.

I looked down at him and threaded my fingers through his hair. "Do you forgive me?" I asked softly and slowly. I was afraid of his answer.

He was quiet for a long tense moment. "On one condition,"

I swallowed my fear I would do anything for Chris. He didn't say anything for another long moment.

He looked up at me with his large eyes. "If you say it to me," Chris teased me with a smile that tugged at the corners of his lips. I smiled and quickly tore open his shirt. A gasp left his mouth.

I pushed him onto his back and crawled on top of him on my hands and knees, "I," I kissed his forehead, "Love," I planted a kiss above his heart, "You," I kissed him on the lips. "And I am never letting you go this time," I wrapped my arms around him and kissed up and down his neck as he giggled hysterically.