tagHumor & SatireUnwashed Shorts

Unwashed Shorts

byGratefulFred©

(C) - GratefulFred

The Swallower

She had a rep as a swallower and not a spitter. Ages ago she had mastered the gag reflex by instinct and could take a guy like me down whole and she’d never spit up a drop. She craved the taste I could give to her and has been known to do a series of guys one at a time. Doing us would get her so wet I bet. She even did girls so the legend tells.

We were a group of guys and gals just going with the flow doing our thing when she came into the room. I saw her sexy form from behind the glass window. Her breasts were large as was the rest of her. She looked down and without saying a word she went for one of us. I saw her grab Frankie first. In front of us all she swallowed him. It was truly erotic. Jane went second and Steve went third. God, I longed to be deep throated by her like the others. Next it came my turn and I was excited. I felt grand as she took me and told me that she was saving the biggest for last. She brought me to heaven as she took me inside her lovely mouth.

My last thoughts were it sure is a short life for a goldfish.

**************************

Double Penetration

I am a submissive kind of guy by nature. Perhaps that’s why she liked me so much. Our story goes that we met at a super market, and no not in the vegetable section (so cliché’). Anyways, I knew from the beginning how much she wanted me, and that tonight she just had to have me.

She was a romantic no doubt, as I still remember the candles illuminating the room and the wax slowly seductively dripping down its surface. I decided to play indifferent which simply drove her wild. Without speaking she reached down and pulled out my long slender poll. She took control as she shoved me deep inside her hallowed tunnel. I moved from side to side as I went deeper into her sacred sanctuary whispering sweet nothings in her ear as we played our love games. I hammered away inside her, and as I came out she had another unexpected treat in store. She inserted me in her other darkened hole and I felt myself totally absorbed in the experience. I was exactly what she needed as she looked down and smiled at me, a smile of intense satisfaction. I really didn’t mind her using me. In fact life isn’t really so bad, even for a Q-tip like me.

*********************

A Fishy Tale

After plunging out my brains on the slot machines aboard a casino cruise, and having barfed up a poorly cooked fish diner, I decided to walk outside to get a nice ocean breeze. At least here I wasn't going to get taken...or so I thought. It was about 3am under a full moon and I was alone just listening to the waves crash against the ship. I became fixated on the vastness of the ocean as the ship hugged the international water line.

Suddenly, a swift breeze hit me and I lost my balance and toppled overboard. The surreal had become the real as I made myself to the surface in a dreadfully cold ocean. I screamed to no avail as the ship moved on out of sight. The waves were real and frightening. Panic overtook me. I thought about swimming in the direction of the ship but the waves coming from the propeller were knocking me underwater. Just stay afloat was my soul purpose in life.

Perhaps I should just give up. Not in my nature I rationalized. Better to staying aboard 'til the crack of day to see that blistering sun. No one could possibly find my little spec in the great ocean but I'll just try to catch one amazing sunrise. Just tread water as best as I could, for as long as I could.

Seeing, or perhaps not seeing a splash nearby, gave me a new reason for fright. A shark would have no problem snagging me as I kicked for my very existence. Something was circling around me. I'd rather drown then be eaten alive. A pull at 1 foot and then a second and soon I was underwater.

When I awoke I was on some blue gravel. I was in a large glass structure but could breath. Water surrounded the glass structure on all 4 sides above and bellow me. I could see several strange looking fishes looking in. Oxygen was being fed in through a tube. I was alive - thank God but where was I?

It was then that I discovered that I was not alone. There were a few dozen other people with me all nude all quite depressed. Some were eating what appeared to be cardboard. A group of them were bending over the body of someone who appeared to be sick or dead.

"He's sick"...one of the girls told me. I wanted to know more but was pulled away as a giant net on a post reached down to scoop the body out rather haphazardly as the sick man screamed. We all watched as these shark-like fish tore his bodies to shreds. What type of hell have I been put in?

"Will somebody for God's sake please give me some answers?" I screamed.

One of the kids grabbed my hand and took me to a sign on the glass.

Fresh Human Breeding Tank - 10-Ton Air Capacity

***************************

The Boy with Two Cocks

I was born with two sets of sexual organs as you can tell from my title. My mom would've kept it all hush hush, as we were living in the farm belt at the time, but word spread quite quickly when you are bored shitless in rural America waiting for that tornado to blow you away since your wife was to prissy to do you. Anyways, since word got out I had to endure lots of ridicule and abuse in my early days. Guys were always beating me up and pulling down my pants.

It was a depressing time of my life but that all started to change when I hit puberty. Girls wanted to have a piece of me. They knew I was equipped or rather overly equipped and doing me was like the "In" thing to do at the time. None of them cared to be my girlfriend and all since I was still the deformed geek, but what I had was something taboo and it made them feel oh so good. And even after I had boned most of the girls in my class, the girls never stood up for me, as guys would throw insult after insult upon me.

That was until one day, when she spoke up in my defense. Christy. Yes Christy. She was a new girl out here who didn't like the abuse I was taking - someone who I had never had. In fact, I don't think anyone ever had her. She was a shy geek similar to me. I had to thank her for the courage she showed in class that day that I'll never forget. Turns out that we had a lot in common. As we sat there on break or at the cafeteria, all we just did was talk and talk and talk. Here was a girl that liked me even though she knew of my deformity. The world could go to hell for all I cared so long as I could stay with my Christy.

That night, Jennie, one of the girls from my class, kind of the girl leader, told me she wants to see me out at the abandoned barn. There I met a whole string of girls and 1 by 1, I fucked their brains out exploding my hot cum in both their hot asses and pussies. I don't know about other guys but I always seemed to be able to recover quite quickly.

During the next day in class, I was with Christy each moment I could spare. Devon, a.k.a Mr. Popular, told me that he wanted me to hang with him. Christy said, they are probably trying to trick me. I had told her that they've probably got too tired of kicking my butt - people got to grow up sometimes.

That night Devon and his buddies jumped me and brought me to the farm. There I saw Jennie and the other girls who had apparently told of me having sex with them all. All I ever wanted before was to fit in, and now all I wanted to do was to escape. I fought with all the strength I had but it was to no avail as they pulled out the large pair of scissors. The pain I felt was beyond comprehension.

Months later I was coming back from the hospital. Christy had been to see me but it was hard to speak to her, my mom, or anyone again. From once I had two cocks, all that I had now was a two stumps coming out from the skin.

In time, I realized that Christy loved me as I did her. It didn't matter about my new deformity any more then my old one. I learned to be a masterful lover with the little bit I had and made up for my deficiencies in other ways.

One night while making love, Christy told me she felt something different about me. We both looked down and sure enough there were 2 penises growing out of each of my stumps. Christy told me that never every girl gets to have 4 dicks inside her at the same time.

I told her I wouldn't tell a soul.

****************************

Two Chics and a Guy Doing You

You were lying on your back nude and exposed. You shut your eyes and knew that he'd be coming in any second now after he cleaned himself up. You had hoped that he would be gentle with you but you knew that he had that reputation with girls. Even though you were no virgin, you still felt that his experience would make everything all right.

What if he felt uncomfortable you thought. Maybe he'd hurt you. At any rate you decided to shut your eyes and listen intently as someone had walked into the room. You couldn't take the suspense any longer and had to open your eyes. You saw him looking right into your eyes and smile that reassuring smile of his. He then looked past the bed and you saw to your horror that he had brought along another person and that "she" was there with her hand upon your knee. That wasn't right you felt, as you knew that woman would touch you.

You felt the pain as she inserted two fingers inside of you. She wasn't gentle in the least. You held his hand and told him that it hurt. He told you to just relax. So this is how he treats the girls you thought.

Another girl had entered the room. You felt claustrophobic. Soon other hands were grappling you. You were in pain. You felt like getting out but felt the strength leave as one of the girls had shot you up with some drug. So this was their game plan you reckoned. With girls to either side of you, he got between your legs. The girls were staring down at your soaking pussy as he went to work. You felt his fingers insert themselves inside of you. You were too drugged up at this point to think. Your mind drifted to the time that you and your lover had made love the first time. You imagined him entering inside of you, pushing his essence deep inside of you.

Soon it was all over, the pain subsided and you had a beautiful healthy baby on your hands.

************************

Ah...Choo

I have seasonal allergies, which is something I’ve learned to deal with. Things in life just simply set me off. I remember an episode I had the other night at my girlfriend’s house. It was a miserable day out and I was feeling pretty much under the weather, as my girlfriend had tried to comfort me since she knew how sensitive I really am. The sky was rainy and I had gotten wet. Things really sucked I thought as I felt a cool breeze blowing on me and I knew that in no time I’d be feeling the side effects. I couldn’t reach for the tissue paper in time as I let loose. My girlfriend simply smiled and rubbed the cum stains around her sweet and lovely face.

***************************

One Night Stand

It was about 3am and I was restless. I reached over to fondle my sleeping wife's breasts and "Waaap" she slapped me back. Figuring I'd go another sex less night I looked away from her and thought about making a change. "One night stand" I whispered to myself, thinking that this was exactly what I needed. Tomorrow I'd make it so. Leaving the bed, I grabbed the phone book and wrote down a number in the dark. I thought I heard something, but it was just my imagination or perhaps my guilt playing tricks on me. I knew it would cost me plenty, but my impulses where taking over. I wouldn't tell my wife of my plans.

The next day, I got directions and leaving work early I made my way to the sleazier part of town. I met with a sexy looking girl who showed me various models for me to choose from. I picked out a classic looking piece that I knew would be just what I needed. I plopped down my hard earned cash and now I knew now that my one night stand would be a reality. Knowing that my wife was at work, I decided that my bedroom was to be the place. I didn't speak much since speech was not needed. In no time at all, we were together in the bedroom.

Somehow, the alarm went off and turning around I saw my wife looking at me. I knew I was done for. She knocked over a lamp and the light that shined upon my eyes couldn't hide the guilty look I felt. Her scream pierced my heart as she asked me "Why the hell I bought the nightstand".

*****************************

The Ultimate Blowjob

So here I was blindfolded, stark naked, hands and feet tied to the bedpost, just waiting fully erect for my time of pleasure. As the shower trickled off I counted off the seconds listening intently as my girl walked near the bed.

"I think I'm gonna try something different tonight" she whispered in my ear.

"Different?" I thought about that as I heard the door open. I intently heard some whispering going on as some new body or bodies had come into the room.

"Yes sweetie. I brought a few friends along to help me with a fantasy I've been having. I think you'll enjoy it as well,” she said as I could tell bodies were moving close to me.

Suddenly I felt myself being blown. Deep throated by one then another. 2 babes giving me a blowjob at the same time. I'd have to thank my girl later. This was really my fantasy.

I felt a soft leg come over my head as two legs crossed over my arms. I was waiting for the feeling of a pussy to meet my waiting mouth but all I got was ass. Well if it was a tease, it was doing its job.

"Honey, eat my girl friend's ass a little. I'm sure she'll give you something more afterwards" was my girl's offer and who was I to refuse. It tasted ass like. After a bit of that the babe got off of me.

During this time, I felt my moment of truth was near at hand.

The sucking of my cock intensified and I was not intending to hold back. I shot my load deep down a throat. Sucked to the end by both girls it was a wonderful experience.

"You two were great" my girl said as the door opened.

I heard a fart just before the door closed. My girl took off my blindfold and cuffs. It was just we two alone in the room.

"How was it sweetie?" she asked.

"It was great. Was it any of the girls at the office?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Well let's just say they work at the office" she responded, as my mind thought about that loud Fart heard seconds before.

Needless to say I dumped my girl, moved out of state, changed my name and did so just because I needed a change. And since I didn't see a thing, either did any of you.

***********************

Threesome

I felt two seductive hands from behind grabbing me towards their voluptuous bodies. In no time my body rubbed up against several lovely breasts.

Soon I felt those lovely hands running up and down my legs as my belt got ripped off in one quick motion and my pants lowered a second later. I watched as the 2 seductresses crawled on hands and knees together in unison working their mouths up to my cock where they both took me in, licking me up, begging for my essence to catch them as they rolled their tongues over my glistened staff. There was no separating these two babes.

Though I could explode at any moment I knew that what they really wanted was for me to be inside of them to fill them up with my manhood. They were now on the bed watching as I lowered myself down upon them. Feeling me inside of them was the ultimate rush. Soon their feet were around my back as they pulled me in making deeper penetration possible. I pumped them over and over and reached the point of no return as I exploded deep into their hot box as we all reached climax together.

I lay their collapsed from the rush just thinking about the feeling of utopia. They both kissed me and smiled. Sex with twins is fabulous, especially Siamese twins.

****************************

Shrinkage

That one word cuts through me like a jagged blade. From this day onwards, I would start to see myself experiencing diminishing returns. How could I explain this to my lover? Perhaps I'd loose her. In fact I'm sure of it now.

Why couldn't it have been something else but not "Shrinkage"? Words cannot describe the feelings I am now experiencing. I have lost interest in so many things.

I remember us making love the other night. Everything seemed so right. The chemistry was there. But now as I return home from my appointment, and break the news to her, I'm sure this fact of life will be too much for her to handle.

Why do we live in such a world, where big is better and shrinkage dooms our lives to purgatory? I curse thee oh invisible God who knows nothing of the plight of man and the effects that shrinkage has upon one's psyche. To hell with you. To hell with you all.

Why did they have to lower the interest rates on my savings account?

************************

Tales from South Florida

Johnny and Susan were young teenagers just returning from a party. It was about 11pm on a hot humid Florida night and Johnny had pre-calculated based on driving distance to Susan's house, that he had a good chance to make the 11:59pm curfew imposed by Susan's militant father.

With that in mind they chose an out of the way spot somewhat hidden by dense foliage, which seemed at the time to be as good a make out place as any. Johnny had a condom in his wallet and felt prepared. Susan at her mother's insistence was on the pill so she had protection as well. Johnny rolled down the windows and started necking with Susan. A few minutes later they each felt the presence that they were not alone. "Do something Johnny!” screamed Susan as Johnny rolled up the windows as fast as he could and turned on the ignition. Though Johnny made a gallant effort, it proved to be too late as the unsuspecting couple discovered that not just one but a whole gang had slipped into their back seat and was showing no mercy as they went on the attack. They were ruthless, savage, even inhuman in the way they killed their prey. In a matter of minutes it was all over.

A police officer broke the news to both sets of parents the next day. Susan's father was beside himself in anguish, disbelieving what had happened. Johnny's parents came over to their house and the four parents attempted to make closure of the tragic events.

Susan's mother finally had to speak the truth no matter how painful it was. "If only they had applied mosquito repellant they'd still be alive today".

*************************

The Trick

I lay back in the chair. With legs spread I closed my eyes. Perpendicular stood my royal cock as two fine ladies made their way towards me. I had just put up some big bucks for this ultimate fantasy of being blown by two girls. They pocketed the money and came to me. God they smelled so hot. I just wanted to enjoy the show as they moved closer towards me dropping to their knees just before me.

One by one they took me in taking me nice and slow, Licking my staff and keeping that eye contact as they purred with pleasure and took me into a sexual wonderland. Licking my balls and teasing me proved to be so awesome a feeling. Not rushing, I wanted to savior the moment. Watching them kiss each other just added to my excitement. This was my fantasy and it was going so damn good.

A cell phone rang from one of their purses and they stopped. I didn't know what to say. Why did they both have to get it? My mother just died cried out one of them as the other hugged her. With tears in their eyes they both kissed me on the lips and said they were sorry. They left me their alone in my Vegas hotel room.

Later I went to grab a beer at the bar. The bartender studied my face and said, "Don't tell me their mother died".

A bunch of guys at the bar slowly looked at the bartender and looked at me.

Well at least I got half a fantasy.

*************************

Report Story

byGratefulFred© 5 comments/ 21552 views/ 0 favorites

Share the love

Report a Bug

Next
2 Pages:12

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar:

   Cancel