Used

I was in my junior year of college and living in my first apartment with 2 roommates. I loved college but my social life was only interesting when I let myself go and in retrospect, used. In retrospect, my self esteem was not too high. I was a big girl, 5'8 about 145, and although attractive, I "defined" myself, as did others, by my weight. I also realize now, I was "needy," and therefore, when anyone paid any attention to me I would go out of my way, overboard actually, to please them. Hence my allowing myself to get used.

I hated myself the next day but still wanted the attention and the illusion of being loved.

I saw a guy off and on, who I really liked but who was nice only when he wanted something. I was always satisfied the night we were together but then I wouldn't hear from him for weeks. If I saw him he barely spoke. But when he wanted something, he was a charmer, and I the snake.

This went on for many months with Dave. My room mates and I talked about it. They could not understand why I put up with it. They bullied me into trying something, that clearly was out of character for me. There was a group of us that had been friends since freshman year. We would get together regularly. This year I think, my roommates, because of my circumstances convinced the others to have a masquerade party. Every girl was to get their date to dress as a girl and every girl was to rent a tux and come as a guy. The best looking couple would win the prize which was the pot of about $1200 ($100 from each girl.) They wanted to give him a lesson; and they thought the experience would then teach me a lesson - but only if he'd come.

I called Dave and asked him and of course his first answer was "no." I pleaded and then said "I promise I'll do anything, anywhere, just don't make me go alone and look like a loser."

I was concerned what my friends would think of me if he didn't show up.

He asked: "Do you really mean anything,anywhere?"

I responded:"Yes, absolutely." "Are you sure?" he replied.

"The fraternity has a dungeon in the basement and I would want you to go there and have you be the subject of my kinky fantasies," he said.

I wavered for a minute ... "You wouldn't hurt me - I'd be able to quit if it got too much," I shakily replied.

"Sure, you might even like it," he said

Friday afternoon Dave called and said that we should go have a few drinks and then go over to the Frat house and look around the basement. I knew what he wanted and I really wanted to be with him so of course it was okay.

We went out and had a few drinks and then headed back to the Frat. He took me by the hand and led me down into the basement where their big party room was. We walked all the way across, to a door in the far corner. He opened it and we walked into a dimly lit corridor that had storage areas on both sides. They were divided mostly into 5' by 5' cubicles. We kept walking, past some larger cubicles and then through another doorway where the furnace and water heaters were. It was totally unfinished. Concrete floors with old brick walls. It was dimly lit - by several bulbs spaced evenly throughout the unfinished ceiling. It was clean. There were bolts and rings in the walls and the exposed ceiling beams had ropes on hooks hanging. It was eerie, a little scary but somehow very exciting. I felt my heart beat a mile a minute.

"Take off you blouse and bra," he commanded

I did and then he grabbed me firmly and attached a rope which had soft cushioned bracelets. First to one hand, then the other. I was mesmerized - next thing I know he started tugging on the rope pulleys and I was rising until I was just on my tiptoes. He looked at me lustily and started pulling off my pants and underwear until I was naked below the waist. He walked away and came back with a long thin rod. It looked like a tree branch without the bark. It whistled through the air and landed on my behind.

"Ow, that hurts," I yelled

"I know" he said, "it's supposed to."

He told me that we'd start a game and that the rules were this: " you are going to get 10 smacks with this rod, each time you yell, I add 2 more swats and we'll see how long it takes for you to stop yelling."

"What do I get outta this," I complained

"we'll see'" he smirked

He then swung the rod once, twice and whoa did it smart! I kept me mouth shut but by the sixth one i was jerking and jumping, trying to evade him to no avail and then I yelled.

"That's 2 more!" he said as he smiled. He also stopped and caressed my badly bruised rear.

After tenderly caressing my behind, he wailed away in staccato fashion. I jumped, jerked and when I heard "12," I pleaded: "MERCY"

He then caressed me again. It was electric -I felt like every nerve ending was sending waves of feelings: pain...pleasure...and then a jumble of both so intertwined that you could not discern which was which. Except that the feeling seemed addictive. I had not noticed until I opened my eyes that several other people were now in the room. Dave leaned over and whispered in my ear: "don't embarass me - just do what I say without complaint....or else..." I did nor reply, he grabbed a nipple and squeezed hard - I whimpered but shook my head ackowledging his remarks.

I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I could see me at his beck and call and I was enraptured; I could feel the pain but it hurt in a good way that I had never felt before and was trying to sort out the feelings. I also knew that I was hypnotized by what was happening and that I would do whatever he said.

He release the ropes and I quickly slumped to the floor. He barked: "On your knees slut!!" I pulled my self up and he told me "suck...slowly- I want my friends to see how well trained you are." I did as I was told. I also felt that I was where I belonged. I liked being told what to do, owned and only having to do what the man I loved wanted. Everything was jumbled and garbled but right.

I was brought back to the moment when he abruptly pulled out, and shot wads of spunk all over my face while his friends laughed loudly.

I was humiliated - I sunk to the floor. I heard them leave. All I heard was my heart beating - what seemed like a mile a minute.

Suddenly Dave spoke: "Here are your clothes - I will leave now. There is basement door around the corner where no one will see you leave, if you want. I will be back in 15 minutes. You decide"

I did - stayed there. Waiting for my adventure to continue.