Used Ch. 04

"That's nice," he replied. He wasn't going to give her any details about his plans. The less she knew, the better.

Jamie stared at him. She knew she deserved the cold treatment, but it still hurt like hell. "Um, well I wanted to come by before I left to give you this," she said, holding out a folded piece of paper.

Nate stared at the sheet in her hand for a minute before taking it softly.

"Don't open until I leave, okay?" she whispered. She turned to leave and then whipped back around. Before he could step back, she stepped up on tiptoes and pressed her lips against his.

It was the softest of kisses that had him groaning for more. Before anything further happened, Jamie pulled herself away from him.

He looked slightly stunned, but at least the irritation was gone from his eyes.

Stepping back, Jamie looked at him once more. "Nate, I just wanted to let you know...I'm so sorry. For everything." And with that, she turned to leave.

Jamie didn't dare look back for fear she'd listen to what her body screamed for her to do: to stay and be with him.

It's not meant to be, she kept repeating over in her head. She quickly got into her car, slamming the door. Her shaky hands started up the car, putting into drive and pulling away.

It's not meant to be.

I shouldn't have kissed him.

I wanted to kiss him.

It's not meant to be.

She wiped an errant tear from her face.

It's not meant to be.

Keep repeating it. Maybe one day you'll believe it.

It's not meant to be.

So why did you keep his shirt?

She glanced down tearfully at the blue shirt lying on the passenger seat.

"It's not meant to be," she said shakily.

For now at least.

********

His fingers moved to touch the spot where her lips had rested. Damn her, he thought.

You're not foolin' anyone Harlow.

Nate sighed. He had been doing that a lot lately. Ambling into his truck, he closed the door before he opened her letter to read:

Nate,

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to accomplish by writing this. I knew I wouldn't have the guts to say all these things to your face.

God, Nate I'm so sorry. For everything. I shouldn't have treated you so cruelly. I did the one thing I was expecting you to do. You poured your heart out and I just walked right over it. And for that I apologize.

However, I do stand by my decision. We couldn't have worked out, Nate. Not at this juncture in our lives. Maybe you don't see it now, but you will someday when things aren't so heavy.

You can blame me; hate me if it makes you feel better. But you know I'm right. I can't give you what you want right now and I don't think I deserve what you're offering.

College is supposed to be this big time of self-discovery. Well, I figured out I disliked myself when it came to you. It was so easy before; not to care about boys and relationships. Don't get too involved because people will always leave in the end. But you didn't. You wanted to be around, and that scared me.

This whole ordeal has nothing to do with you, as selfish as that sounds. I just have a hard time admitting I need someone.

I can't need you, Nate. At least for now. Maybe one day I'll walk down some street in Nashville and bump into you. We'll have coffee and chat about our lives, then find a bathroom and reconnect (smile).

But until then, not a day will pass where I won't think of you. How for the first time in my life I felt something other than lust while being in someone else's arms.

So thank you, Nate Harlow, for giving me that gift. You made me feel special and beautiful. You made me feel loved.

We spent some time
together crying
Spent some time just trying
to let each other go
I held your hand so
very tightly
And told you what I would be
dreaming of
There's nothing like you and I
So why do I even try?
There's nothing like you and I...

Jamie.

********

Nate sniffed loudly, his fingers brushing absently at tears he never knew he cried.

He didn't know what to say. Things felt more muddled than before.

Nate realized he needed that road trip, now more than ever.

Starting up his car, one thought played in his mind. Driving away from Colson University to a destination unknown, Nate Harlow smiled through his tears.

"Our story ain't over yet, Jamie Kincaid."

********

You know what they say. "It's not over 'til it's over. I'm taking a short break from Nate and Jamie's story, to work on some new ones, but their tale is far from finished. n4m.