Velma's Diary

byelphaba69©

Dear Diary,

How am I supposed to know if he really likes me? Is it only my body he is after or does he want to get to know what is inside of my heart?

Why do I fall so fast? Why can't I take life slow? Am I afraid that if I don't I will let the right person slip away?

Why can't I let my past be exactly that? It seems as if every time I think I can put my past in the past, it comes comes back to bite me in the ass.

Why does this have to be so confusing? My heart says go while my head says stop. Why is it every time I feel like I might be able to give my heart, my head seems to get in the way?

Velma

Dear Diary,

How is it that I can't stop thinking about this guy? It feels almost like an addiction. When I don't talk to him, it feels as if I am going through withdrawal symptoms.

Every time I see or hear from him, I can not stop smiling. Crazy part about it is how happy he is every time he sees me. It feels wonderful to have someone in my life who is as happy to see me as I am to see him. Each time we see each other, my eyes light up like a Christmas tree.

Everyone knew the moment that we first started seeing each other. I know I should care about the people I work with talking but the truth is that I don't really care who talks. All I have to say is let them talk. I really don't care what anyone else thinks of me any more. It is about time that I start making myself happy. Being around him is one of the things that makes me the happiest I've been in a long, long time.

Velma

Dear Diary,

What is about me that seems to scream here I am break my heart in two? Do I have a tattoo on me that is only visible to the male of the species? If I do, then I where the heck can I get it removed? It just feels as if all I do is invite heartache in. Do I doom my own relationships from the very beginning or is it just the guys I choose to get involved with?

Why is it that I just can not live in the moment instead of over analyzing every move I make? Am I crazy or what? So many people have told me to just enjoy the ride and stop thinking about the possibility of it ending. Damn it! Why can't I just do that?

Am I the reason that my relationships go south so quickly? Is it because I listen so much to my head instead of listening to my heart? This is just getting so frustrating I could seriously scream.

Velma

Dear Diary,

Just what is it about this world that makes me smile. What is it about this guy that puts a huge grin on my face? I have no idea. All I know is that every time I think about him, I feel this warm glow deep inside me. It is as if someone lit a fire deep within my soul. Oh god, I am talking like a fool . Yet every word I say is true. How is it that one person can turn your world upside down completely? How is that when are with a person it can feel like time just stops? How can one person make the world just seem to make the entire world disappear? I don't know but he does all of this and so much more. He makes me feel more aware than ever before . When he is around the sun seems a little bit brighter and the birds' song seems even cheerier.

Velma

Dear Diary,

Today I have decided it is time for me to live my life for me. Time to let the demons of my past go. While I know this change will not happen in a day I also realize that I need to do this in order to improve my life.

Change takes time everyone I talk to says. I am not a patient person though. I want them when I want and that is that. This slow process of trying to change my life starts to aggravate and frustrate the living hell out of me. They tell me good things come to those who wait but all I want to do is ask them why I can't have my good things right now.

I guess that I have to work on that too. I acknowledge that I have my faults. Now that I have acknowledged it, it is time to get to work.

Velma

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