tagHumor & SatireViews On Sex, and Shopping

Views On Sex, and Shopping

byPenanceS©

Have you ever noticed that while most women say that they are uncomfortable with the whole fact of having sex and male voyeurism, it is often the women who instigate this?

An example of this is when a man and a woman are first going to make love/see each other naked. For a man, the way that his brain works is it goes on external stimuli, what he can see, hear, taste, so on and so forth. The woman can dress up which way that she wants, and parade in front of the man, as if to say, “look at me, I am beautiful!” Of course the men see it that way, the women ARE beautiful!

Which is why he gets so turned on by the erotic movies and pornographic magazines.

Men want it constantly, or at least they think they do. The problem is that more often than not, men are in tight fitting clothes from work. The fabric will rub across the head of the penis, of course making them hard, and very uncomfortable, as the blood will not have had a chance to dissipate, and lessen the pressure.

For a woman this doesn’t happen. Yes, she gets stimulated and perhaps even a little wet, but the outwards showing of the arousal is not that apparent.

Yet, for us poor guys we will have the biggest tenting that you will ever see, and for the man that is going out with his girlfriend or wife, woe is he, if she ever sees it.

The woman herself is slightly insecure after having to try to compare herself to Christy Turlington, Anna Kournakova, so on and so fourth. Yet, the common media practice is to have these women plastered everywhere and anywhere for the common consumer to buy these products.

So the poor male will unassumedly walk down the street with his sweetie in his arms, and be assaulted with visuals of models for Victoria Secret. The companies WANT men to buy these products to dress up their wives in, yet if we do TRY to look at the said models, our wife/girlfriend will assume that we are being unfaithful.

“WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT HER? WHAT DOES SHE HAVE THAT I DON’T HAVE? DOES SHE MAKE YOU HOT? WHY ARE YOU OGGLING HER?”

I mean for us poor guys what are we supposed to say, “Yes, I do have a fantasy of bonking Rebecka Romaijn Stamos, and I get a hard on over the fact that she is naked and covered in blue house paint?”

If we try to make it up with something sweet, like say, chocolate. The wife/girlfriend will not see the fact that us poor guys were just trying to give them something good to eat, instead its:

“OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING HERE? AM I FAT, IS THAT IT, OR MAYBE YOU WANT ME TO BE FAT, IT’S THAT I’M TOO SKINNY?”

Instead we should have just gone shopping for our woman, but yet again that brings up a whole other mess.

It appears that no matter what we get our lover/wife, there is something wrong with it.

Lets say that we pick out a negligee or even a sweater. If we were to go with the sweater route, it wouldn’t matter that you are living in Vermont and that it’s cold for six months out of the year. The problem will be that

IT’S NOT THE RIGHT COLOR. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, ARE YOU ASHAMED OF MY BODY, DO YOU WANT ME TO HIDE MY BODY UNDER LAYERS OF WOOL? ANGORA, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? THOSE POOR RABBITS!

So, instead we go for the negligee route. YOU THINK THAT I’D LOOK GOOD IN THAT? THAT WILL NEVER SUIT ME, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT YOU WANT ME TO LOOK LIKE A WHORE, AM I WHORISH TO YOU? IT’S WINTER I’LL FREEZE IF I PUT THAT ON!

In a moment of flash judgment, we decide not to go for the clothing. And instead opt for a card or something of that sort.

WHAT! NO GIFT? WERE YOU NOT THINKING ABOUT ME ON OUR SPECIAL DAY? A CARD IS SOMETHING THAT YOU GET AT THE $1.00 DEPOT; THERE ARE MILLIONS OF THEM!

If it’s flowers:

LOVELY, WE HAVE TO GET THESE IN WATER, OTHERWISE THEY’LL DIE. DID YOU REALLY WANT TO GET ME SOMETHING THAT WILL DIE? IS THAT WHAT OUR LOVE MEANS TO YOU, SOMETHING THAT WILL WITHER AWAY AND DIE?”

So, fed up with everything, we decide to go the coward’s way out and do nothing:

WHAT AM I UNIMPORTANT TO YOU? DO YOU NOT CARE ENOUGH ABOUT ME TO DO ONE SIMPLE THING? I CAN SEE WHERE I STAND ON THIS RELATIONSHIP!

In all likelihood this is when the relationship will end, and the two of you part ways. So then; we poor, lonely, dejected men will go drown ourselves in whatever libation that we prefer, and try to meet someone special.

When we do, we then have to go through the whole mess again…

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