Vinyl and Angel

Preface: If you take any of this seriously, you're a dumb honky.

BEGIN:

We begin in the laboratory of the Utility Muffin Research Kitchen.

The Muffin Man was seated at the table, gathering an intimate quantity of dried muffin remnants, in an effort to create the perfect muffin. Enter Tommy Mars, clawing the ants off of his flesh.

"I found them! They're beautiful in their arrogance! Look at how they bicker amongst each other over the most inane horse garbage! It delights me to observe their childish behavior; look, now, to the West! See them wasting away, oblivious to the world around them! I speak, of course, of those princes of daft absurdities, the honkies!"

FLASHBACK (WRITTEN IN PRESENT TENSE BECAUSE FUCK YOU):

"Ugh! What a rough day!" exclaimed Vinyl Scratchy, after a long day at school. Stepping over her passed out alcoholic mother, she enters her room, excited to avoid playing some Team Fortress 2 with her friends (because they only play on Jailbreak servers).

"Let's just see who's online," she mutters to herself. "There's Clawnoob, PhaseBlaze, Rainbow Dash, DarkGuru, Rainbow Dash, and Rainbow Dash. But. . . where's AngelPanda?"

Suddenly, a knock is heard at the door.

"Can somebody get that?"

No reply.

"Hello?"

Nothing.

"Ugh."

Vinyl rises from her chair and answers the door. A young female stands on the porch.

"Vinny!" the stranger exclaims jubilantly.

"Do I know you?"

"It's me!"

"That's. . . not helping."

"AngelPanda!"

Vinyl slams the door in the stranger's face.

"Vinny? Hello?"

"Go away! I don't know you!"

"No, really! It's me! Remember? We were playing Jailbreak yesterday, and I accidentally freekilled the entire red team?"

Vinyl cracks the door open slightly.

"A-Angel?"

"That's right!"

"B-but what are you-what are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd stop by and give you a late birthday present!"

"Wh-what?"

"Come with me!"

Before she can say anything, Angel grabs Vinyl by the wrist and drags her outside.

"Put this on," Angel mandates, handing Vinyl a blindfold. Vinyl complies.

"Where are we going?" Vinyl inquires.

"You'll see."

PRESENT DAY:

Tommy Mars turns to the audience and proclaims "This be a warnin' to inny uhv our y'unger readers: the following scenes be depictin' graphical sexual content, which may not be suitable for all ages."

The Muffin Man turns to him and speaks: "Would you quit talking like Thing-Fish?"

"I got your Thing-Fish hangin', boy!"

FLASHBACK:

After walking for nearly half an hour, the girls arrive at their destination.

"Okay," Angel says, "you can remove the blindfold now."

Vinyl removes the blindfold. Around her she sees lumber, axes, and saws of various shapes and sizes.

"The abandoned Sawmill?" Vinyl asks "Why are we he-"

Before she can finish, Angel grabs her by the face and kisses her passionately.

Vinyl, stunned by this sudden turn of events, pushes Angel away.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" she screams.

"Shh..." Angel responds, "just go with it, Vinny."

"Angel! I-"

Angel puts her hand over Vinyl's mouth.

"Stay still" she whispers sensually into her ear. Angel tears off Vinyl's shirt, exposing her pert nipples to the brisk Autumn air. Angel begins to grope them.

"MMM! MM-MMM!" Vinyl tries to scream for help, but to no avail.

Angel, getting further aroused every second, removes Vinyl's pants and undergarments.

Vinyl, now completely naked, falls to the ground crying.

"Don't be such a baby, Vinny," Angel teases. "We're only warming up!"

Angel begins rubbing Vinyl's cunny in an attempt to moisten it. Vinyl moaned sensually, one hand nervously reaching towards her pink nipples. She couldn't resist the sexual temptation. Oddly enough, she found herself beginning to enjoy her present situation.

Angel, observing Vinyl's newfound pleasure, begins to finger her honey pot, before leaning down and tongueing her navel.

"Oh!" Vinyl groaned. "Oh, oh! Yes! Angel, yes! Do me! Do me harder!"

"I knew I'd turn you around," Angel says confidently. "Now turn around. We're going to brown town."

Vinyl complies. She gets on her hands and knees, presenting her lush anus to Angel. Extending her tounge, Angel proceeds to lick Vinyl's brown starfish. After a few minutes of brutal annilingus, Angel withdraws.

"Now here's the fun part!"

Angel prepares her fist for a good time. Just as she's about to enter the rectum, however, she retracts it.

"What's the matter?" Vinyl asks.

"Nothing," Angel replies, "but I have an idea."

PRESENT DAY:

"Now this story dun taken a massive improve'lence!" Tommy Mars vociferates.

"I'm not sure 'vociferates' is the adjective I would have used there," says the Muffin Man, picking his teeth.

"Now, now!" Mars ejaculates. "We ain't s'posed to be breakin' that wall 'til later in the story!"

FLASHBACK:

"What are you doing?" Vinyl questions.

Without answering, Angel walks over to a circular saw and powers it up.

"What the fuck are you doing?!"

Ever silent, Angel lays her left arm down in way of the blade's trajectory.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Angel screams as the blade cuts through and severs her arm.

"OH MY GOD!" exclaimed Vinyl.

Angel, suddenly resolute, picks up her stump and walks back over to Vinyl.

"Resume your position," Angel implores.

"B-but your-your arm is-"

"RESUME YOUR POSITION!"

Reluctantly, Vinyl gets back on her hands and knees. Suddenly, she feels a sharp pain as Angel inserts her severed arm into Vinyl's rectum. Blood gushing from her anus made Vinyl vomit beautifully. Meanwhile, Angel suckles the end of her severed arm.

After a few minutes of this, Angel removes the arm from Vinyl's anus.

"Now it's your turn, Vinny!"

"Uhm, what?"

Grinning, Angel grabs Vinyl and forces her onto the circular saw table.

"NO! I DON'T WANT TO!"

"Too bad."

Vinyl pees herself in fear.

"Ooh, golden showers. Good idea!" says Angel. She powers up the circular saw.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!"

The saw cuts through Vinyl's left arm. Vinyl, in excruciating pain, falls to the floor. Excited, Angel runs up to her and pees on her face.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!" Vinyl shouts.

"That wasn't so bad, was it Vinny?"

"NOT SO BAD?! YOU CUT OFF MY ARM, YOU PSYCHO! THIS IS THE MOST PAIN I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED! I...I...I actually kind of enjoyed it."

Angel smiles.

"In fact, I loved it!"

"I thought you would."

"Do my other arm!"

"What? Really?"

Vinyl runs over to the saw and lays her other arm on it. She powers up the saw.

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

Both arms amputated, Vinyl collapses. Angel, smirking, gets another idea.

PRESENT DAY:

"Well, well, well, now!" Mars adjectives. "This be where what we call the climax be comin' in. Pay attention, now!"

"I'm legitimately curious as to how this stupidity will resolve itself" says the Muffin Man.

"Good! Then pay attention, now!"

FLASHBACK:

Angel takes Vinyl's severed arms and, using her sewing prowess that she had been practicing for years on cats, she sews the arms together, so a fist lies at each end.

"Ever try ass-to-ass?" Angel asks. Vinyl just smiles and once again assumes the position, now on her face and knees.

Angel takes the double-ended arm dildo and inserts it into both her and Vinyl's ass. They rock back and forth, their anuses becoming lubricated with blood.

Following this, Angel attempts to fist Vinyl vaginally. She manages to get elbow-deep, but not to Vinyl's ultimate satisfaction.

"IT'S NOT ENOUGH!" Vinyl screams. "ANGEL! ANGEL! TAKE MY LEGS!"

"With pleasure, Vinny!"

Once again powering up the circular saw, Vinyl sacrifices her legs for further sexual pleasure.

"FUUUUUUUUUUCK YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!"

Her every appendage now removed, Vinyl lay on the floor. With more room to maneuver, Angel fits her entire head up Vinyl's tight pussy.

Vinyl can't hold it in anymore. She orgasms in a blaze of urine, sweat, blood, and cum.

Angel exits the fish taco. "I still can't cum!" she yells. In a rushed effort to maximize her sexual arousal, she powers the circular saw and lays her other arm on it.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH-"

Angel begins to scream, but stops.

"Angel?"

Vinyl rotates her stump-body to see what has happened. Angel's decapitated head rolls into her view.

"OH MY GOD!" Vinyl shrieks. "ANGEL, YOU FOOL! YOU MISJUDGED THE TRAJECTORY!"

Vinyl, unable to move, screams for help.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!! SOMEBODY!!! PLEASE, HELP ME!!!!"

There is no answer.

After laying in her own blood, sweat, cum, and tears for over 46 hours, Vinyl hears footsteps approaching.

"HEY!" she yells. "I'M IN HERE!!"

Enter Tommy Mars.

"Well, well, well, now!" Mars yammers. "What have we here? A helpless rubber bitch wid no appendages?"

"PLEASE, CALL FOR HELP!"

"Shut up! You need a vacation!"

Exit Tommy Mars.

Two more days pass. Vinyl, exhausted and dehydrated, can no longer hang on. She dies, alone and terrified.

Enter Tommy Mars.

"Well, well, well, now!" Mars yammers. "What have we here? A dead rubber bitch wid no appendages?"

Mars approaches the carcass. A gleam in his eye, he unzips his pants, retrieves his phallus, and then pees on her.

PRESENT DAY:

"Now wudn't that a good bedtime story?" Mars asks nobody in particular.

"No!" says the Muffin Man. "That was terrible! How do you even know any of this happened?"

"Well, as y'all are inclined to know, I used to work ova dere at de ole' sawmill. When I heard it was bein' put up for sale, I had to do something. So I disguised myself as an evil prince-ghost and haunted the cocksuckers that tried to come 'n purchase it! One night while on patrol, I happened across dese two crazy rubber bitches taking part in perverted sexual acts like my eyes have never beheld before. I was naturally inclined to stick around and watch de whole damn thing! After duh ugly one bit the big 'un, I went home 'n ate some string beans. I came back couple'a days later to see how de other bitch was hangin' on, then went home again to eat some Hawaiian lunch. Came back once again to find de bitch dun bit the big 'un, so I gave 'er one last golden shower 'n left her dere to rot. Maybe if her mother weren't an alcoholic, she woulda realized her bitch been missin' for four days 'n called the police!"

"Okay. But what about the part before they arrive at the sawmill? Where they were at Vinyl's house? How do you know about what happened there?"

"Dat dere id perhaps de questium most frequently posed by members of yo' species! I'll jes' gets de MAMMYS t'hep me relucidate dis bafflin' concept wit another thrillin' numbuh!"

"Get the fuck out of my laboratory."

"Wave goodbye to the white folks!"

NO NOT NOW plays, exeunt all.