Warts & All Ch. 02

Nearly unconscious, with blood streaming from my scalp wounds and into my eyes, I found myself straddling his chest as he struggled to push me off and get at me with the machete. With one final effort I grabbed him by the throat with my left hand and raised the knife above my head with my right and plunged it into his left eye all the way up to the hilt. He screamed, convulsed once and was still. I just sat there, gasping for breath, holding his throat and the knife feeling the warm blood gush over my hands.

I don't how long I sat there. With the flickering light from the flares floating down and the noise of mortar shells exploding; the tracers going by close overhead and the howitzers banging away; and with the smell of cordite, blood and burning debris in my nostrils, I felt like I was lost in hell.

Suddenly Eric, my platoon sergeant was pulling me by one arm, and Lieutenant Dixon, our FDC officer was pulling the other. I hung onto the knife like my life depended on it as they started dragging me backwards as Dixon was screaming at me to get back to the bunker, that the 'fast movers' were coming in to napalm our perimeter and we were too close to the wire."

I paused in my narration and took a sip of my beer and pushed around the three Purple Heart medals lying on the table with the tip of the knife. Idly I would arrange them in one sequence than another. Jack and Sally were silent, barely breathing. I couldn't look at either of them.

Finally I continued, "About that time I passed out. I woke up in the Medical bunker hooked up to an IV and the battalion surgeon and one of the medics working on me. The doc told me I would probably live and that they would medavac me out as soon as they could get choppers in, come daylight.

They finally got me out around noon which was a miracle. Every chopper coming in was taking heavy fire. Two had already been shot down. The chopper I was on took several rounds including one that took down the crew chief. But that morning before I left, the decision had been made to evacuate Ripcord. I found out later they got everyone out on the 21st then bombed the hell out of it."

I shrugged, "Not that it mattered to me anymore. I was on a plane to a hospital in Japan within twenty-four hours.

I spent a week there. Then I was transferred to Walter Reed for another month. While I was there some Colonel who probably had never heard of Ripcord came around passing out medals. They gave me this for killing my enemies."

I reached into the box and pulled out a piece of red, white and blue silk with a silver star attached and dropped it on the table next to the purple hearts. It was identical to the one that was in the shadow box on Jack's mantle.

"The doctors fixed me up pretty good and I was told that after a couple of months of rehab I would be fine."

I shook my head, "But I wasn't fine. Not mentally at least. I had nightmares every night and would wake up screaming. I couldn't get the sounds of incoming, or the smells, or the look of the faces of the dead and wounded out of my head.

I had missed Jase's funeral but made it home on leave before being sent on to Ft. Sill. The first thing I did was to go see Jase's Mom and Dad. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. They wanted to know all about Vietnam and what we were doing there and how Jase had died. But the one question they didn't ask was 'why had I survived and he hadn't?'"

I paused and said quietly, "It was the same question I asked myself nearly every day."

I stared off into space, thinking about this dark time in my life. "I was in therapy but still I felt myself retreating from the world. I didn't want to see anyone or speak to anyone. I did the minimum I needed to do at Ft. Sill to keep everyone happy.

I lost myself in some college drafting classes so I wouldn't have to socialize with any of the other guys after hours. When the time came to get out of the Army I moved back in with my parents and continued going to school. Not because I really cared about it but because I didn't know what else to do."

I looked up and into Sally's eyes and all the pain, the hurt and the anguish from the previous night nearly blinded me. "And then I met Sally." I whispered.

She stifled a sob, dropped her gaze to the table and refused to look at me.

"You brought me back to the real world. You were happy and totally interested in everyone and the world around you, and you were beautiful, inside and out. Everything I felt I wasn't. And you made me want to know you. You made me want to really live again and gave me a vision of what my life could be like. And I fell in love with you. You saved me. And you gave me three wonderful kids. For that I will always be grateful." I said wistfully.

We sat there unmoving for several minutes. Jack finally cleared his throat and said quietly, "What now, Phil?"

Wearily I turned my head and looked at him. "Jack, I have been betrayed twice in my life. Both times I lost my best friend." I stated simply.

Sally dropped her face into her hands and started weeping, whispering, "No, no, no."

The three of us sat there quietly, Sally sobbing, both Jack and I with tears in our eyes. Jack said quietly, "Are you sure Phil? Do you want to throw everything away on a single mistake?"

Sally looked up with a glimmer of desperate hope in her eyes.

I knew what I had to say would put a stake through our marriage, but I couldn't let the lie stand.

I shook my head and looked at him, "A single mistake Jack? It wasn't a single mistake. I found out last night that Sally has been cheating on me for nearly two years. And it was with more than one man."

Sally gasped, closed her eyes, shook her head in despair and slumped back into her chair even paler than she was before.

I looked at her curiously, "John didn't tell you Sally? That he confessed to everything?"

I turned to Jack, "Does that answer your question?" I said.

Jack slowly stood up, and looked at Sally sadly, "You are my daughter and I have to love you. But I have lost all respect for you. Your behavior is ..." Jack stopped at a loss for words and just shook his head. Sally reached toward him with one hand wanting to touch him but he pulled away.

He turned to me and said firmly, "Phil, you didn't deserve this. You do what you have to do. But please don't hurt her. I couldn't sit still for that."

"No Jack, I'm pretty much past that." I said sadly.

"But if it makes you feel better, take this with you." And I slipped the knife back into its sheath and handed it to him.

Silently Jack accepted it and turned towards the door; shoulders slumped, no doubt wondering how he was going to tell Emily.

As the door closed behind him, the phone rang but neither one of us even looked at it. We just sat there, not moving, not speaking and not looking at each other. The ringing finally stopped making the silence even more deafening.

Finally, I said staring off into space, "I expected the cops to show up this morning with you, not your father."

Sally winced at that and said stumblingly. "We, uh Debbie and I convinced them to make up a story about being assaulted outside a bar. We hoped if they kept it quiet you wouldn't call their wives."

I thought about that for a moment and realized I was home free. No way they could change their story now and be believed. For a second I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders until I remembered that everything else was crashing all around me.

I just grunted, and said, "So where are they now?"

Sally cleared her throat and fidgeted in her chair. "They are still in the hospital for observation. You hurt them, hurt them bad. John has a broken nose, cheekbone and ribs. Craig has a dislocated jaw, a couple of broken teeth and a concussion."

I said bluntly, "Don't forget their balls Sally."

Sally looked up at me some fear and trepidation in her eyes, "No, no, you did them some serious damage down there."

She hesitated for a moment, "I never knew you to be violent, Phil. Did you have to do that?"

I looked at her in disbelief. "Are you defending those assholes?" I said sarcastically.

Before she could answer the phone rang again. "You should answer that, it's probably for you." I said and got up and walked to the bathroom.

I washed my face and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and swollen. I looked like I felt, old and haggard, older than my age anyway. It had been a mostly sleepless night.

I wandered back into the kitchen. Sally was just standing there looking at the phone in her hand. Slowly she hung it up and collapsed back into one of the kitchen chairs. As I sat back down she said without looking at me, "Did you have too? Did you have to tell Debbie's husband?

I shrugged and said, "Why shouldn't I share the pain?"

"He, he already called John and Craig's wives. And he kicked Debbie out of the house. She is going to have to hire a lawyer just to see her own daughter."

She started crying again and mumbling, "Shit, shit, shit ..."

She looked up at me and said with tears streaming down her face, "And she fired me. She said everything was my fault ..."

I laughed bitterly, "Oh that's just great. Tell me Sally, just who introduced you to John and Craig anyway? It was Debbie wasn't it?"

In between sniffling, Sally said, "How, how did you know?"

"You know when I told Josh this morning what you and Debbie were up to last night; he didn't want to believe me. Called me a 'liar' and accused me of trying to break up his marriage. But as soon as I said John Harrison's name he changed his tune. He turned pale as a ghost and started swearing like a sailor. I think it was probably the first time he ever got mad in his life."

"You told me years ago that this was Debbie's second marriage and she was estranged from her parents. It seems that Debbie has a sister who lives upstate that she never sees either. About a year ago Josh was doing an audit of a company up there and one of the people he worked with turned out to be Sarah, Debbie's sister. Sarah had known Debbie had married again and Josh knew Debbie had a sister but they had never met. Anyway they hit it off and one night before he finished the audit Sarah invited him to have dinner with her and Dave, her husband.

She had quite a story to tell. It seems that her husband Dave had been Debbie's first husband. Dave and Debbie started dating in college. They dated for two years until Debbie graduated and then they got married. About on their one year anniversary Dave found out Debbie was having an affair. He also found out that Debbie had been cheating on him for their entire relationship.

He threw her out and filed for divorce. Debbie and her parents had a falling out over it too. Then Dave and Sarah became an item and they ended up getting married. They have a couple of kids now and seem very happy. Of course Debbie had never told Josh about any of this. And guess who Debbie was having an affair with during her first marriage? Surprise! It was John Harrison!"

I stopped and Sally just stared at me in shock.

"Oh yeah, so when I mentioned John's name Josh started putting together bits and pieces of things and realized Debbie had been doing to him what you did to me for their entire marriage. No wonder he kicked her to the street!"

"And like Josh, I wonder just how long you have been screwing around on me." I said vehemently.

Sally started crying again and said, "Oh god, Phil, it was just John and Craig, and only on our shopping trips! Please believe me! I never, ever even thought about someone else until Debbie started talking about it before our first shopping trip."

She sat there, twisting a handkerchief in her fingers, alternating crying and pleading. "Please Phil; I don't know how I got where I am now. I felt like I woke up from a dream or maybe a nightmare when I opened that bathroom door and saw you standing there."

I didn't say anything just looked at her grimly.

Encouraged she started talking fast, almost babbling.

"I ... I knew Debbie liked to play around back before we even started our shopping trips. She talked about it like it was the most fun she ever had during her marriage.

But I didn't expect her to hook up with anyone on our trip. I was totally surprised when John showed up at the restaurant and Debbie introduced him to me. She explained that she knew John from back in high school and he just happened to be in the area. I suspected that wasn't true but didn't say anything."

She paused, bit her lip and looked away. "John...John was at his charming best that night. Flirting, dancing with both of us, complimenting me a lot. I had a couple of more drinks than I was used to and when his hands wandered a little out on the dance floor I pretended not to notice.

Later when we returned to the hotel, Debbie went with John. He had booked the room next to ours. I knew then that Debbie had set this up. The hotel we were in was an older one with thin walls. I could hear them having sex most of the night. Debbie was quite vocal. Listening to them really got me going."

"I guess that explains why you were so horny when you got home that Sunday doesn't it." I said disgustedly.

Sally hung her head and nodded. She wiped her eyes and continued. "John was gone the next morning. We went to breakfast and Debbie gave me a blow by blow account of their night together. She raved about him all the way home.

Over the next few months, as usual Debbie and I had lunch together a couple of times a week at work. She would often mention John and how much fun she had being with him and how great the sex was. That was when I first heard about his wart. Debbie laughingly told me I had to try it out once because she couldn't explain it.

At first I just laughed her off. But the more she talked about it the more the idea stuck in my mind. A few months later when the next opportunity to go shopping came around, Debbie confided that John was really interested in being with me and she wouldn't mind if I wanted to be with him. I kind of laughed it off but I asked her what she would do if I did that. She said that John had a friend, Craig who would come along and keep her company. I didn't say no and I don't know why. I told her I would think about it but I didn't think I could do it."

Sally looked at me and I just stared back at her without expression. "I ...I knew it was wrong Phil, but the idea got into my head that I could do this and no one would know."

Sally looked away again and said, "That Saturday night John and Craig showed up at the restaurant. We had dinner and a few drinks then went to a nightclub. We kind of paired off and I was with John. By that time I had had enough to drink and had convinced myself that nothing bad would come of it. Everyone was having a great time. Later when we went back to the motel John and I just naturally went to our room and Debbie and Craig went to theirs."

Sally's stopped talking and just stared at her hands.

Finally I said with contempt, "So, was it everything you thought it would be?"

Sally looked at me with tears in her eyes, "It, it was okay. It wasn't any better than what you and I have. What made it so hot was that it was so wrong, and it was with someone new and I could pretend to be someone else."

"What you are saying it was better than okay, he got you off so much you forgot about your husband waiting at home. Your husband who was taking care of your kids out of love for you so you could have that time alone!" I said bitterly.

Sally choked back a sob and looked away again, "Yes." She whispered.

"And how do you explain Craig, wife of mine?" I said sarcastically.

Without looking at me, she said "After a couple of trips sleeping with John, Debbie joked she was starting to miss him. I didn't think too much about it but the next trip when we paired off I ended up dancing most of the night with Craig. Later at the motel Craig came to my room and he and I spent the night together. It...it didn't seem like a big deal.

Then, a couple of trips later, John and Craig switched in the middle of the night. I didn't realize it at first until late at night I woke up and realized the man making love to me wasn't the man who I started with."

Sally looked at me with sadness, "It seemed like I was two different people living in two different worlds. I love our life together, you, me and the kids. But I was hooked on those weekends away. I thought I could have both and you would never find out. How stupid could I be?"

"Damn stupid I think." I said in agreement.

"Then after you saw me in the motel, I looked at myself in the mirror and I realized what I had become." She whispered almost to herself.

I stood up and looked down at her, "Interesting story, Sally. Too bad it doesn't have a happy ending. Or maybe it does -- for you. I am going after the kids.

Tonight after Allie goes to sleep you and I will sit down with Jason and Jessie and tell them their parents are going to live apart. I think Allie is too young to understand yet. We won't tell them the real reason why. And I will do everything in my power to minimize the trauma to them. I will sleep on the couch in the basement until I can make other arrangements."

Sally screamed at me as I started to walk away, "Phil, my god! It was a mistake! I love you. Don't do this, please!"

I turned and said "And why shouldn't I?"

Sally weeping uncontrollably said, "It was only three, four nights a year. I never saw John and Craig or anyone outside of those weekends. Please Phil, I'm begging you, can't you forgive me and let me make it right?"

"Forgive you Sally? Forgive you for three or four nights a year becoming a slut for other men? For giving away what I cherished most in the world, yourself? Forgive you for destroying my trust in you? Forgive you for destroying my belief that you and I belonged to each other and no one else?" I said with sadness.

"And how would you make it right? Can you go back in time and start over? This time can you not fuck John? And not fuck Craig? Because that is what it would take to make it right." I said tiredly.

I stood there silently, looking around the kitchen, family photos on the wall, the kid's pictures and papers stuck on the refrigerator, Allie's booster seat in the corner, all the things that made this house a home. I shook my head trying to clear it.

"I spent most of last night awake asking myself how I would feel about you in six months, in a year or in five years. I'm sure someday I will be able to forgive you. What I can't do is ever forget.

Not in a year, nor five years or even ten. Every time I see you I will think of last night, every time I hear your voice I will think of last night and every time I hear your name mentioned I will remember last night." I said with a catch in my voice.

With tears in my eyes I said, "That, Sally, is what I can't live with."

I stood there not moving, thinking sadly about the future, barely aware of Sally, rocking back and forth in her chair, alternately sobbing and crying, 'no, please god no'.

After a few minutes I said softly, "Can you answer me one question Sally?"

She looked up at me with empty eyes, like a condemned prisoner who knew there would be no commutation.

"You lost the man who loved you most in the world.

You lost the respect of your parents, the respect of my parents and the respect of your husband.

You lost your job.

And someday you will have to explain to our children why you broke up our family."

"Was it worth it?"

After a minute of silence broken only by Sally's muted sobs, I turned and slowly walked out the door.

*

The End