Watching

I sit there watching in time and space; I am so lonely I have not seen my kind for thousands of millions of years. The sense of time means nothing to me, because I am "when" when ever I want to be.

Unlike other beings I am continuous through space and time .I am then, I am now, I am the future but that does not help me. I long for my kind. But I am doomed. To find another there is no hope. I know, I see, I have seen.

My very existence means that I know I will never find another of my kind. I know only loneliness. What can I do to occupy my mind? To me nothing is unknown I see it all, past, present and future. I am it all.

I see the formation of everything from nothingness. I see the galaxies come into existence; the suns form and the planets form around the suns. I watch them solidify, I watch the seas and oceans form, I see mountains on tiny planets form. I see the tiniest forms of life evolve into more complex forms as the structure of life tries to evolve into something that can exist for eternity.

Life tries to become as I: to exist for eternity, but to no avail, I alone have that, and the loneliness that goes with it. Oh! For the company of my own kind, my heart yearns for this, but it is not to be.

Galaxies come and go. Time is nothing. Space and time are nothing, but existence is everything. To exist is to "be". I exist and I am! Life forms through out eternity try to become as I, to exist through out time and space. They are doomed to nothingness. Just as I am doomed; I am doomed to be alone with my loneliness.

I watch the creatures come and go, some big, some small, some good, some bad all trying to survive. Life knows that to survive is the truth of its existence. Survival is the hardest of all for it to do. To survive for a short time is hard enough, a thousand years, a hundred thousand years the creatures think they are all but invincible.

Then it strikes! A comet hits the planet; there is almost total extinction of all large life only a few fish and very small animals survive. To survive is difficult; to exist for a very long time is so hard to do. To have the courage to plan and to have the resources and the intelligence to implement it is so difficult. Most think only for the present time, they cannot see the future as I can, they do not know the errors of their ways. Some think they have found the way, only to be exterminated by the events beyond their control.

I watch! Should I become involved with these things? That I do not know, can I really help? For a time I can; that I know, but through their lives I know they cannot escape the fate that awaits them, I see them born, struggle to survive, and die.

Through out eternity it is the same. The quest for survival is there, that need to "be". I alone know I will survive, because I "am". I am then, I am now, and I am the future. I am not doomed in the sense of survival, of existence, only I am doomed to be eternally lonely.

Is that worse then? To me it is; just because! Because of my existence I know what can and cannot be. To some I would have no problems at all; but I have loneliness above all other things: I can never escape that.

If I befriend some creatures, they can keep me company for a time, I can play with their lives, I can become of one with them, but I know the truth, of what is to be.

I cannot tell them because they will not, and do not listen to me; they all think they know best. I know the future, they do not, but they think that they know best. Their little minds cannot see beyond now, they spend their time trying to better their kind. To out do one and other, these are but short term gains. These gains so far out weighed by what I know. They will not listen to me, I can love them but to what point? If I love them they turn their backs on me, I know. I see. I have done.

I try to get them to know me. To understand that I know the past, the present the future and that I can help. If they would only follow me they could nearly have what they strive for, but never quite all that they strive for; that is the one thing .The only unattainable thing that they can never have. If they could have that, I would not be alone for eternity but that they can never have.

They are doomed, this I cannot change, would I change it if I could? Would I? Did I?