We Could Be Heroes

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So she had a bad childhood, who hadn't?
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This is a re-edited version as there were sooo many mistakes that I hadn't caught. I would again like to thanks honeywildcat, who edited this for me :) feel free to leave comments and/ or vote! ~ I hope you enjoy MB

* * * * *

"...The Prince could not bear to part from his little love again, so he carried her back to the palace in his grand coach, and they were married that very day. Cinderella's stepsisters were present at the feast, but in the place of honor sat the fairy Godmother.

So the poor little cinder-maid married the Prince and in time they came to be King and Queen, and lived happily ever after. The end," Keri said to her daughter, who was sitting in her lap. She was almost three years old now, with her lovely blonde hair and bright blue eyes, she was the cutest child anywhere.

"Do you think I could marry a prince someday, Momma?" she asked excitedly.

"Anything could happen, dear. Just remember me when you get big and famous, ok?" she answered with a smile.

"I will, Momma, I will."

~*~*~

Nineteen years later, Mari stood behind the curtain waiting for the speaker to finish her speech and announce her. She wore a dress that draped over her curves and fell from her hips to just above the black floor. It was a sparkling gold that shimmered like it had a life of its own and it complimented her lush red hair. She had died it a couple months ago.

She was thinking about her mom and how that was the last time she had really ever seen her happy. Being almost three at the time did not deter the memories that were forever scarred into memories.

She was brought back to the present by her name being said.

"Here tonight, we have the renounced Mari Lydia!" the man said as she started onto stage.

"Hello everybody, how's it going? Is everyone ready to party because I know I am!" she said with a grin.

Her talent for singing and writing songs had been found when she was eighteen. She had moved out of her foster home by then and was singing for money at the local club that Decan Beckham, a talent scout, was at. He asked her the very next day if she wanted to be famous. Her reply had been, "Ever since I was little."

After that, the years seemed to fly by and almost before she knew what was going on she was so rich she could roll in it. By the time she was 21, she had had nine top ten hits.

The crowd waited with baited breath as she began and let out a gasp at the loveliness of her new single that was going to set the bar on the top ten lists for weeks.

"...and now the tide of love, that brought you to me, is ripping us apart! Oh why, oh why, oh why me? Why me? Why not them? Why not her and him?"

She had wrote the song soon after she had first gained her stardom and she met him. He was everything she had wanted in a man. He was handsome, and thoughtful. He listened when she spoke and was there when she needed him. When the press found out about her dad and posted it on the front of newspapers and magazines all across the world, he was there for her.

He was everything to her. Until the night she found him bragging to his friends that he was dating a star and she was really good in the sack and one of his friends should try her after he was done with her. Not in those exact words, but to that effect. That was the end of their relationship.

It had taken years to get over him, not that she would let him know that, since she went on many dates, many of which her manager arranged for her. She finally decided it was time to get over him and sing the song as a last fair-the-well to what she thought they had.

She was right, it was a hit.

After the show she felt better than she had in years. It was finally over. Now she could get on with her life and really get back into the dating scene. She even had a couple ideas for who she should ask out.

"I love you, Momma, and I miss you very much. I wish you could see me now. You would be so proud of me," she thought while looking in the mirror at her face, so much like her mother's. She grabbed her purse and went for the door when it suddenly opened before she had her hand on the handle.

She took one look at who it was and fainted. There, standing in the door way was the man she had just gotten over.

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AnonymousAnonymousalmost 14 years ago

I love the start. I hope there is more to come. Yes, an editor would be nice but I love the story!

renaissancequeenrenaissancequeenalmost 14 years ago
good start but needs work

Not only were there spelling errors but there were some significant grammar errors as well. The story has promise but needs more substance. Are we to guess there was some big scandal with her father? Since she had been raised in foster homes after her mother died (again a guess regarding the mother), I had already assumed that she had no father so that part of the story makes little sense. Then there is the guy who broke her heart ... why should the reader be interested in him? Is he a prince and then that part of the story ties back to the prologue? Did she misunderstand what he said to his friends? Also, how is the story related to its name and why do I want to read the next chapter?

DalainDalainalmost 14 years ago
*Please* get an editor

I'm sorry, but I did not get more than two paragraphs past the prologue before I was put off by the total lack of any checking of your writing. Just three quick examples: I'm pretty sure the dress was draped, not "raped", over her form, "to die" is not something you can do to anything, however, "to dye" is. Oh, and memories having been forever scarred into memories seems... extremely redundant, to say the least. Sorry to be so harsh, but please get your work checked, or at least read over it. The basic premise seemed interesting though, so you may just want to get your most obvious mistakes fixed, since they really take the attention away from the story you're trying to tell, and repost this.

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