We Won't Let Go

Authors note: Hey guys. It's been a while, so I'm sorry about that. This is a short story that I wrote a month or so ago and it has just been sitting on my laptop since, so I thought I might as well post it here and share it with you guys. It's not very long (sorry about that -- I know how people love their long romance stories on here, myself included) but I wrote it when I was really stressed during my final exams at Uni and needed a creative outlet to calm my nerves. The story has also not had a second set of eyes on it before posting, so I apologise in advance for any horrific grammatical errors that I may have missed in my own editing process.

This is not a porn story. It's a short 'n' sweet romance. If that's not what you're looking for, I suggest you read no further. I'm a sucker for all that emotional drama, so you have been warned ;) Anyway, I hope you like it. Feel free to drop me a message, feedback is always welcome. Thanks for reading!

xoxo

*****

I stumbled out through the hospital doors feeling dizzy and nauseous. My head was pounding and I could barely see straight. I felt cold despite the gorgeous summer's day. Nothing seemed real right now. I couldn't bare the thought that I might be losing my father. He was lying unconscious in that hospital and there was absolutely nothing I could do to help him. Nothing. I started to panic. I needed to do something, damn it. I needed to get out of here, just for a little while. I'd been pacing the hospital corridors for days now. But I couldn't leave. I hated myself for even thinking it. Perhaps a walk around the grounds would help me clear my head.

I started moving forward without any particular destination in mind. I wasn't paying much attention to my surroundings and was completely lost in my own thoughts when suddenly a man's body cut across my path, blocking me from moving any further. It wasn't just any man, either. It was him. Chris was here.

Oh God.

My first instinct was to collapse on the floor, bury my face in my arms and cry my heart out. I looked up at his face, and my heart flopped in my chest. Chris looked exactly as I remembered him, almost as if no time had passed. I wanted to fall into his arms and hold on tight, but I knew that as soon as I did I'd lose the battle to hold back my pain and I'd start to unravel.

"W- What are you doing here?" I mumbled. Chris should have been on the other side of the country, where he'd been living and working for the past two years.

"I came as soon as I heard. Jennifer called me." Fuck, that voice. I had missed his deep baritone. I'd always thought it sounded so sexy, it fitted him perfectly. It was just one more thing about him that I loved. I closed my eyes for a moment, revelling in the sound of his voice after so long without it.

I should have guessed that my older sister would have called Chris, although I hadn't even realised she had his number. I felt bad for letting Jennifer worry about me so much. I'd not taken the news of my Dad's decline in health well at all, and the latest developments that led me to be standing outside the hospital doors had almost crippled me with fear. The doctors had seemed hopeful about his recovery this morning, but the last few days had been terrifying. My Dad and I had always been incredibly close and the thought of losing him was just too much to handle, especially when he was still only 52 years old. It didn't seem fair for this to be happening to him. Life wasn't always fair though, I supposed.

Jennifer seemed to be coping much better than myself but perhaps it was all a front. Either way, she seemed to be the rock in our little family at the moment. She really was taking her role as big sister very seriously. It only made sense that she'd call Chris for help. She knew how much Chris meant to me, but she also knew how cut up I had been when he'd left. I'd been so in love with him, and he'd left before I had the chance to say anything. I wasn't sure I could deal with him being back here right now. It was like an emotional overload. I was puzzled, though. Although we'd initially kept in touch via text and email for the first couple of months after he'd left, we had completely fallen out of touch after that. I didn't even know his new address.

Chris just looked at me for a few moments, his stunningly beautiful blue eyes gazing into my plain brown ones. Then he moved forward to wrap his arms around me. I was so confused and didn't respond at first. When my brain caught up a little, my arms lifted to wrap themselves around his broad shoulders and held on tight. He squeezed me a little tighter in response and I could feel his warm breath against my neck. I buried my face in his shoulder and inhaled his scent. God, I've missed this smell, I thought. I'm so glad that he's here.

"Baby, everything's going to be okay. Shh, I'm here, I've got you. I'm going to look after you," Chris spoke softly into my ear. I hadn't even realised I was crying until Chris pulled back to wipe away my tears and brushed a strand of my messy brown hair out of my eyes.

Had he just called me baby? Oh God, I thought, please don't say I imagined that. Please don't say I'm going crazy. I tried to pull myself out of his arms to take a step back but he wouldn't let me go. Chris had a firm but gentle grip on my arm and looked down at me in a way that I'd never seen him look at me before. I liked it, but I didn't say so out loud. That would have been weird.

"I can't believe I've been away for so long. I've missed you, Alex. I've missed you so much."

Before I'd even processed his words, Chris was leaning down to kiss me. I didn't know what to do, and the shock of the sudden action meant that I just did nothing. I stood there, letting myself be kissed and held and cared for. Chris wrapped me up in his arms again, his body pressed firmly against mine. It felt so good. And then my brain kicked in, and I started to kiss him back. I opened my mouth to allow his tongue entry. A desperate moan escaped my lips when his tongue slid against my own, and then I made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a sob. Chris pulled back slowly before letting me go.

"I'm sorry, it's just ... well, I've wanted to do that for so long. Years, even. Shit. This is really bad timing, I know. I'm so sorry." Chris was tripping over his own words and he seemed flustered. I'd never heard Chris sound so unsure of himself before. Not once in the whole time that I'd known him. He'd always been the confident one.

"It's okay," I whispered. I leant up to give him a tentative kiss on his lips, and then rested my head against his chest. He smelled so good, like aftershave and lavender laundry detergent and something completely... him. How had I lived these past two years without that smell? How had I managed to keep on breathing without him here by my side? Chris brought a hand up to run his fingers through my hair and cradled my head to his body. It felt amazing. Perfect.

"I'm so glad you're here."

"How is he?" Chris asked.

The past few days played over in my mind again and I couldn't help but start crying into Chris's shirt. I was pretty sure I was getting tears and snot everywhere but Chris kept on holding me. It was unbelievably embarrassing but I still couldn't stop the tears, no matter how much I tried. A lot of it was because I was just so exhausted, mentally and physically. I hadn't slept much in the last four days and I hadn't been eating properly either. In fact, I couldn't remember when I'd last eaten anything that hadn't come from a vending machine.

"It's not good, Chris. I can't -- I'm not ready to say goodbye just yet."

Chris gently pulled me away and steered me towards a wooden bench off to the left of the hospital doors. We sat next to each other and he rested his hand on my thigh, giving it a comforting squeeze. I noticed that my tears had left a damp spot on Chris's shirt. He didn't seem to mind. "I don't think anyone is ever ready for that, but I know that your Dad is a fighter. If anyone can pull through this, it's him."

I nodded in agreement. My Dad was not one to give up or admit defeat. He was definitely a fighter. It was a trait that I admired and something I constantly wished I could have inherited from him. He'd been fighting for my sister and I our whole lives.

"I know that, really, and the doctors say that his condition is improving every day. I'm just scared, you know? He's the best Dad in the world. He's always been there for me, doing everything he can to help me, but I feel like I can't do anything now to help him. It's so frustrating."

He'd been a struggling single father working every hour he could to feed his two children, and I couldn't remember him ever complaining even once. I thought back to when I was a teenager, when he severed all ties with his parents after they'd called me a 'dirty queer'. It was the first time I'd seen him really angry, and he hugged me close afterwards and told me that he loved me and that he was so proud to have me as his son. It made me want to cry some more.

"He never turned his back on me. I know people who lost their parents when they came out, but that wasn't even an option for him. He accepts me for who I am and says he wouldn't change me for the world. He even stopped talking to his parents when they disowned me for being gay."

"I know. He told me."

"He did?" I looked at Chris in surprise. He never mentioned his parents anymore, and I was surprised to learn that he'd told the story to Chris.

"Yeah." Chris sighed. "When I first met your Dad he told me a lot of things. That was one of them. He talked about his parents and the way they had treated you. He said that he wouldn't tolerate anyone treating his son like that, no matter who they were. Your Dad also warned me of what he'd do to me if I didn't treat you right. He knew that your feelings for me were stronger than just friendship and I think he was worried that I'd break your heart or something. And then I left. God, I was such a prick."

"Hey, don't. You had to leave. That work placement was an amazing opportunity." Even if watching him leave had broken my heart into a million tiny pieces.

"I suppose. I shouldn't have left you, though. I shouldn't have let you fall out of my life like that. Not when I knew how you felt about me. You know the worst part? I was totally in love with you too. I still... Well, anyway... I was scared, I guess. But I've missed you so much."

"When do you have to go back?" God, I didn't want him to ever leave me again. But I had to ask. I needed to be prepared. It might kill me to watch him leave for a second time.

"Umm... I was thinking that I might not go back. That's if you'll have me here, anyway." Chris looked away, blushing slightly. "I just don't want to leave you again. I don't even think I can. It was painful enough the first time and I won't make that mistake twice."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing but I didn't want to get my hopes up. What's more, I didn't want him to give up his life because of me. "I can't expect you to give up your job and your home for me. It's not fair."

"I don't care about that job, Alex. I care about you. Besides, that place was never home. I slept there, yeah. But it just wasn't home to me."

"It wasn't?"

"Not even close."

"Then why..." I paused. It wouldn't be fair to ask him that, so I stopped and shook my head. "Never mind."

"Why what, Alex?" Chris reached for my hand and squeezed it gently.

I looked away. "Why... why didn't you come back to me sooner?"

My voice was barely above a whisper, but Chris had heard me. The last two years had been so difficult. We had stopped talking but I had never stopped missing him. I spent hours upon hours thinking about him, wishing that he'd come back, praying that he'd not forgotten about me completely. I had even considered travelling to him a few times but I hadn't known his address, only the name of his neighbourhood. I'd wanted to call but after a few months had gone by I thought that my call would probably be unwelcome. I hadn't been able to date anyone either because after the first few failed attempts I realised that no-one would ever compare to Chris. No-one even came close, and I was so lonely.

Chris closed his eyes for a moment and took a shaky breath before reopening them. A tear rolled down his cheek. "I don't know why I didn't come back. I wanted to. I was such an idiot. I have no excuse." His voice broke, and he wiped away the few tears that had fallen with the back of his hand. "I'm so sorry, I wasted all this time that we could have been togeth-"

I cut him off with a kiss. I didn't want to see him cry, not over this. He moaned against my mouth and I cupped his face in my hands before pulling away. "It's okay. You're here now and that's what matters. If you're serious about moving back, then you're staying with me. I'm not letting you go again."

"I'm not going anywhere, babe. You're stuck with me." He ran his hand over his face to wipe away the remaining tears and then smiled. That smile took my breath away.

Jennifer chose that moment to come running out of the hospital doors. My heart nearly stopped in fear when I saw her anxious expression. Her dark brown hair was up in a ponytail but a lot of it had fallen out around her face. She looked slightly flushed, as if she had run down here all the way from our father's bedside. She stopped abruptly to take in her surroundings, looking around frantically. I immediately expected the worst. She finally noticed me and Chris on our bench and ran over, resting her hand on Chris's shoulder whilst she panted and tried to catch her breath. Chris glanced at me then back at Jennifer. He seemed worried but he didn't say a word.

I couldn't wait. I needed to know what was going on. "What is it, Jen? Is...is everything alright? Is he okay?"

My older sister was still slightly out of breath but she must have sensed my fear because she smiled and flapped her arms around in front of her. She looked about ready to take off. It probably would have been funny if the situation had been any different. "He's awake, Alex. Dad's awake."

I jumped up from the bench and Chris stood with me, instantly taking my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. I felt dizzy from the sudden movement but Chris reached out to steady me.

"Oh my God, he's... he's awake?" I didn't wait for her to say anything else. I was already moving back towards the building with Chris following along beside me. His presence was comforting and kept me calm. As we made our way to the elevator, Jennifer filled me in on what had been happening while I had been outside reuniting with Chris. She told me that he'd woken up several minutes ago and that doctors were currently with him and running a few tests, and that he seemed responsive.

"This is good, right?"

"It's definitely not a bad thing," she responded. "Give him a few hours and he'll be back to his stubborn self. Hell, he might not even need that long." She was trying to lighten the situation and comfort me, and I appreciated it. I reached out and took her hand. I knew she needed comfort and a hand to hold too, she was just too proud to ask for it.

We got to the room to find my Dad sitting up in his bed. He looked pale and thin and there were wires everywhere, but his eyes were open. It was a glorious sight. There was a doctor checking him over and writing something down on a clipboard and a young nurse was fussing around him and sorting out his pillows, trying to make him more comfortable. She took her leave when she was satisfied that her job was done, and squeezed past us in the doorway. When Dad noticed the three of us standing there, he smiled.

"Daddy," I almost sobbed. I sounded like a child rather than a 25 year old man, but I didn't even care. I was just so happy to see him awake and smiling at me.

"I'm fine, kids. I really don't know what all the fuss is about," he joked. His voice was hoarse, but he seemed encouragingly alert to his surroundings. Jennifer walked to the side of his bed and I joined her. Chris stood in the doorway, clearly unsure of whether he should come in too or wait outside the room.

"It's nice to see you again Chris," my Dad croaked out.

"It's good to see you too Mr. Robertson," Chris said from his spot in the doorway.

"I hope you're back for good?" That was my Dad, always straight to the heart of the matter. He had never been one to beat around the bush.

"Yes sir." Chris said, walking into the room to stand next to me and wrapping his arm around my waist. He pulled me flush against his side and placed a soft kiss on my temple. My Dad nodded and closed his eyes with a smile.

"Good. I'm glad you've finally come to your senses, young man."

Chris blushed at that but nodded his head in agreement. Chris stood beside me throughout the doctor's debrief and explanation on everything concerning my Dad's health. We were filled in on his condition and told that he would no longer be able to work in construction. He would need to be on medication for the rest of his life but at least it would help him. He would also need someone to take care of him for the next several months whilst he recovered, and he'd have to make a few lifestyle changes. Most importantly, he was to start taking it easy -- which meant no more overdoing it with work -- and he would have to stop smoking. He huffed a little at that, but accepted that he had to do what the doctor was recommending if he hoped to make any sort of recovery. Jennifer offered to move back home to take care of him and although he didn't argue while the doctor was present, we all knew that there would be a fight on our hands later. Once the doctor had left to see to his other patients, Chris let me go.

"I'm just going to go grab a coffee and I'll let you and Jen have some alone time with your Dad. I'll wait outside for you."

I didn't want him to leave. I'd only just got him back and I suddenly felt scared that I might lose him again. He must have seen the worry on my face because he lightly placed his hands on my shoulders and rested his forehead against mine.

"I'll be just outside the room. I promise I'm not going anywhere."

I nodded my head. It was stupid of me to worry. I knew that. "Okay, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Alex. Just trust me when I say that I'll never leave you again. Not ever."

"I do trust you."

Chris looked into my eyes for a long moment before nodding his head and pulling away. He leaned down to give me a quick peck on my lips before he left the room. I turned back to my Dad. Jennifer had perched herself on the bed by his side, so I sat down on the cold metal chair on the right. Dad seemed to be drifting off to sleep but he slowly reached out to hold onto Jennifer's left hand and then reached out for mine.

"Jen, sweetheart." His voice was quiet and slow. "You don't need to move back in with me. It's not fair to expect so much of you."

"Don't be ridiculous, Dad. I want to and it won't be any trouble. I'll cut back on my own shifts at the shop and hire someone to do the extra work. I can rent out the flat for now. Really, it's no problem. I want to be there for you, Dad."

It came as a surprise to the both of us when he didn't argue any further. He just smiled up at us. "I'm so proud of you two, you know that?"

"We know," I said with a shaky voice.

"I love you both more than anything in the world, I hope you know that too." He was falling asleep. I knew that it was probably time for us to leave so that he could get some rest.

"We do, Dad. We love you too."

"Good. Now you go home and give Chris another reason to stay," he mumbled.

"What do you... Oh GOD! Dad!" I blushed and laughed when I realised that he was talking about sex. There were just some things I did not want to talk to him about. Ever. I leaned over and kissed his forehead, then did the same for Jennifer. She was still laughing at my embarrassment and pulled me down for a hug before reluctantly letting me go.