Welcome to My World

So. I visited the story discussion forum and stumbled on a thread asking why there weren't more mother/daughter stories. That got me thinking...and this is the result.

This is much more a love story than an erotic story, and therefore the "preliminaries" are likely too long for some people's tastes. I do, though, think there has to be some plausible rationale for the characters to do what they do, especially in incest stories. In any case, it doesn't really matter. I couldn't have written this any other way.

Writing this story was difficult. I cried as I wrote a couple of the scenes. But, thanks to a couple of martinis and some hugs from a very special person, I got it done.

I hope you like it. If nothing else, know that it's an honest attempt at putting some thoughts and feelings down on paper. Or electrons.

Kate

*

Danielle hesitated, frustrated with her inability to express herself.

"Why am I such a wimp?" she asked herself for the umpteenth time. Mackenzie, oblivious to her friend's turmoil, chattered on aimlessly.

"Jeez, Dannie," she was saying, "isn't this a gorgeous view?" As she spoke she gestured out over the gorge, glowing in the amber light of the sunset.

"Yeah...it's pretty amazing," Danielle responded softly. She looked down at the ground, then she rested her hand on her friend's arm. "Mac," she said even more softly, "there's something I need to tell you."

Mackenzie reached up and took Danielle's hand and smiled, even though she knew what was coming. She was a true blue friend and nothing would ever change that...even what she feared was about to be an awkward conversation. She just looked at Danielle and let her speak her piece.

"Mac," Dannie began, "I...I...you know that I will always be your friend." She knew that was lame, but it was a start. Mackenzie just smiled and nodded.

"Dannie," she interrupted, "I will always be your friend, too. No matter what." She saw Danielle smile. "That's right. No matter how perverted you are. I'll always be your friend." That broke the tension and both girls laughed.

"So, like, you know what I'm trying to say?" Danielle asked.

"Well, if you're trying to say that you want to get in my pants, yeah. I got that idea a while back," Mac giggled. Then she got serious. "And it doesn't matter, Dannie. I'm not inclined in that direction, and I'm really sorry about that, but it doesn't mean that I'm not your best friend."

Danielle looked down sadly. "I know," she said glumly, "I'm so...I don't know...I can't fit in with anyone...especially girls that I..." she broke off, shook her head, then plunged in again.

"Oh goddammit Mac, can't you just kiss me?" she finally blurted out.

Mackenzie looked at her friend silhouetted against the beautiful sunset. The light seemed to radiate from her, and for some reason she just looked so...

"Oh what the hell," Mackenzie said, turning to face Danielle, "Do it." Danielle just gaped at her. "I mean it," Mac said firmly, "Go for it. Kiss me. We'd better get this out of our systems before we're roommates, don't you think?"

"Yes, I do," Danielle said, taking Mac in her arms. The first kiss was tentative, more like a quick peck. But the hug was deep, full and warm. The second kiss had more staying power, and the ones that followed definitely picked up steam. Eventually, Mac got into French kissing and surprised herself at how much she enjoyed it. Finally, they paused to come up for air.

"See," Danielle said triumphantly, "you do like it."

"Yes I do," Mac said, smiling. "The problem is that I like boys. A lot. Like really a lot."

Dannie giggled. "You're just one of those kind of girls, Mac. Boys are icky. You know they only want one thing."

Mac laughed. "Yeah," she replied. "And I want that too. It's pretty awesome, Dannie, you need to try it. You might be a convert."

"No fucking way," Danielle said with disgust. "The male animal is not made for me. I'll just wait until you see the light, Mac."

They hugged and headed back to campus. It had been a wonderful weekend for the girls. Mackenzie and Danielle had been the two stars of their high school hockey team and Mac had graduated last year. She was recruited to the college's women's hockey team and Danielle was set to follow her.

A knee injury in Danielle's senior season had led to a year off, and she decided to stay at home to work and rehab in familiar surroundings. She had fully recovered, though, and everything was set for her to start in the fall, so she came up to see a game and visit the campus.

All too soon, it was time for Danielle to head home. When they parted, the girls kissed again. "I love you," Danielle whispered in Mackenzie's ear. Mac just ruffled her hair gently.

"Take care, Dannie," she said. "Say hi to coach Ellen and your mom for me."

===========================================

"Thanks for everything, Ellen," Janice said. "You've been so...understanding and helpful with Dannie."

The coach smiled and took another sip of her wine. "Janice, it's not unheard-of that women athletes are attracted to other women. I understand that very well," she said simply.

"I never really thought about it in that way," Janice said. "I mean that's the stereotype, but..." her voice trailed off as she recalled sitting in the stands at one of the high school games and overhearing one young man referring to Danielle's team as the FLAs—Future Lesbians of America—to the uproarious laughter of his buddies. Knowing that Dannie was attracted to other girls more than boys had made that remark seem particularly cruel and hurtful.

Looking a bit sad, Janice continued, "...but I assumed that Dannie was just going through a phase. I mean, we all went through the phase of having crushes on our girlfriends...we just outgrow them eventually."

"Janice," Ellen said evenly, "most girls don't go through that phase." She looked directly at Janice before continuing, "and some of us never outgrow it."

"You mean that you..." Janice began.

"Yes. Of course," Ellen said simply. "I assumed that you knew."

"Well, um...I guess...I mean I've never seen you with...well, anyone, I guess," Janice responded.

"Janice, I'm not 'with' anyone at the moment," Ellen replied, "but that's not the point. I understand what Danielle is trying to cope with—and it can be very difficult for an 18-year old. It doesn't make it any easier that her closest friends are all involved with boys—she's always been the oddball socially. I just want you to know that I'll support her in any way that I can."

Janice reached out and squeezed Ellen's hand. "Thank you for that," she said sincerely, "It means a lot." Ellen turned her hand over and interlocked her fingers with Janice's. The contact was electric for both of them.

Janice couldn't understand what she was feeling. Yes, of course she was very grateful for the coach's support of her daughter. But there was more. The strong, even gaze—the lean, powerful body. Overall, a very commanding person...but still...a woman.

Janice felt as though she were under a spell. They were simply holding hands, but feelings that she had rarely experienced were surging through her. Her mind drifted back as she struggled to make sense of what she was feeling.

She had been divorced for several years. The marriage to Carl had been a mistake for both of them. She had loved him, but had never been "in love" with him. She didn't know if he had ever been in love with her, but he had been so nice and respectful that she could hardly say no when he proposed. Besides, everyone told her what a perfect man he was. She felt like she would have been making a huge mistake not to say yes...it would have been like passing up a once-in-a-lifetime deal.

In the marriage, he continued to be very nice and respectful. And boring. In every way. He was hardly a sex fiend, but their married life had got to the point that she dreaded the twice-a-week mating ritual. She could still remember how it always ended with him grunting like a rutting animal and her feeling violated. She wondered why some women seemed to enjoy it. In any case, she gravitated to a circle of friends who shared strategies for managing the problem of their husbands' desire for sex.

Once Danielle had got into high school, he had moved out and that was that. Her friends kept trying to set her up with dates, but she hadn't been interested. The guys were all depressingly the same. Besides, she had many friends, and enjoyed being around them. And she had learned that romance just wasn't for her...

...except now, her head was swimming and she felt like a school girl again.

"Earth to Janice, Earth to Janice, come in please," she heard Ellen's voice as if from a distance, calling her back to reality. Her voice had a magical lilt to it.

"I'm sorry...I think I was daydreaming," Janice said, blushing.

"That's ok," Ellen chuckled. "It's been a long day, and I think we're both tired. Shall we call it a night?"

As they stopped outside the restaurant to say goodbye, Ellen extended her hand. Janice grasped it, but then, impulsively, reached out to hug her. She caught herself in mid-hug, though, and stopped.

Ellen laughed again. "It's ok," she said lightly, "I don't bite." Seeing Janice still hesitating she continued, laughing, "and lesbianism isn't contagious, Janice. You won't catch any dyke cooties if you hug me."

Realizing how ridiculous she seemed, Janice gave in and wrapped her arms around Ellen. "Thanks again for everything," she said, squeezing the slender woman tightly.

Driving home, Janice couldn't get the memory of the physical contact with Ellen out of her mind. It haunted her even in her dreams.

===========================================

"So it sounds like it was a great trip," Janice said after hearing Dannie's excited account of her exploits. "You're still sure that's where you want to go."

"Oh yeah, mom. It's a beautiful campus and the team is amazing," her daughter replied excitedly, "and you know it's a great school...we couldn't afford it if I went on my own...and they've given me a scholarship."

Janice nodded. "I just want to be sure that you're not just going there because of...because of that girl." In spite of her best intentions, she almost spat out "that girl."

"What do you mean?" Danielle asked, hurt. "Mackenzie? Mom, that's not even fair." She felt tears welling in her eyes. "I...I...you don't even understand..." she turned away, again unable to find the right words to explain how she felt.

Janice knew that her comment was unfair and hurtful as soon as she spoke. When she saw the pain in her daughter's face, she wanted to die.

"I'm sorry, honey, I really am. It's just that..." she paused, searching for words, and she also felt tears begin to run down her cheeks. "It's just...I don't want you to be unhappy...with...you know..." She began crying, and covered her face with her hands.

Danielle was confused. She was hurt, but she loved her mother and hated to see her cry. She reached out and hugged her. "It's ok mom. I'm really happy. Honest I am."

"I know you are, honey. It's just hard to know that... that... Oh Dannie, I can't even talk about it," she said, sniffling. "I can't understand how you can choose..." her voice trailed off and she began crying again.

Finally, something clicked in Danielle's brain: for the first time she felt like it was time to stop crying and apologizing for who she was. She sat up, wiped the tears from her face and looked at her mother.

"Ok mom. Look," she said. "I don't know how to put this delicately, so I'll just say it. You know how girls think boys are icky...and then you get to be a certain age and you think they're cute?" She paused and looked down, taking a deep breath.

"Well, I never got to that stage," she continued, "Boys are still pretty icky to me—just like when I was a little girl. But girls—well, when I'm around certain girls I feel...I can't explain it...I feel like all the lyrics of all the love songs I've ever heard." She saw her mother scowl.

"So you're telling me what?" Janice asked bitterly, "that you're gay?" Danielle didn't back down.

"If a label helps you to understand me, then color me gay—pink, I guess. But honestly mom, I just want to follow my heart...I NEED to follow my heart. If I have wonderful, loving feelings for a woman, well, that's where I want to be. If someday I would have those feelings for a guy, well, I guess that's where I'd be just as well."

She paused, and her mother could see the frustration and anguish she felt. In spite of her prejudices, Janice felt her heart soften at the sight of her little girl being in such pain.

"Mom, It's not like choosing a college," Danielle continued, "Can you understand? Please? I'm just trying to listen to my heart and to respect what I feel. This isn't about what I've chosen. It's about who I am."

Janice was torn. She wanted her little Dannie to be happy. And she was so proud of her for having the courage to be true to herself. "But", Janice thought, "this attraction for other women is surely just a passing phase."

Then she remembered holding hands and hugging with Ellen. Apparently the coach had had a point—it did take a long time to grow out of that phase. Perhaps a whole lifetime...

"Oh my God," Janice thought, "what if it's a case of 'like mother, like daughter?' Or more accurately, 'like daughter, like mother...'" she chuckled mirthlessly.

"What's so funny?" Danielle asked.

"Nothing's funny," her mother replied, once again crying.

===========================================

The Christmas holiday was filled with the usual hustle and bustle, along with a tournament for the club team that Danielle was playing on during her "off year." Mackenzie was home and came to the first game, and Coach Ellen came along as well. Mac and Ellen chattered away like professional scouts, discussing the game and Danielle's play. Disappointingly, Dannie's team lost in the closing seconds, but Janice gathered that both Mac and the coach were impressed with her play.

She invited them over for some pizza after the game and they both eagerly accepted—it would be the first time they had all been together in almost a year. They ordered a pizza and the girls skittered around like a pair of puppies—so happy to see each other that they could hardly contain themselves.

Ellen and Janice sat on the sofa and talked quietly, amused at the antics of the girls. Janice was again amazed at how she felt drawn to Ellen—she was so easy to talk with that the time seemed to fly by.

After dinner, the girls cleaned up and did the dishes. As Ellen talked, Janice glanced into the kitchen—just in time to see her daughter wrap her arms around Mackenzie from behind. Mackenzie pretended to struggle for a second, then turned and gave Danielle a kiss—on the mouth.

"Janice, what's wrong," Ellen asked in a concerned voice.

"Nnn...nothing...what do you mean?" Janice replied, crossly.

"Your face. You look like something upset you," Ellen said carefully.

"No. Nothing happened," Janice said firmly. "Nothing at all." She stood up. "Excuse me just a second, Ellen, I'm going to get some more wine." Picking up her glass, she headed into the kitchen.

"Dannie, can I talk to you for a minute," she said.

"Sure mom, what's up?" asked Danielle, still giggling with Mackenzie.

"Mackenzie, I need to talk with Danielle alone for a bit, would you excuse us?" Janice said. Her tone of voice stopped the giggling instantly.

"Of course," Mackenzie said quickly. "I'll just go in the living room." As she left, Danielle could see her and Ellen exchanging puzzled glances.

"Ok, mom, now that we've made a scene, what's the problem?" Danielle asked.

"Don't take that tone with me, young lady," her mother replied fiercely. "If you think that you're going to turn this house into a...a playpen for...for you and your little playmate you've got another thing coming. You may not have any more self-respect that to carry on like that in front of other people, but I'm not going to sit still for it," she paused, but anger was still visible in her eyes.

Danielle was mild-mannered by nature, but, as many opponents had learned to their sorrow, she had a hard core. And she was not one to back down from a fight.

"A what?" she retorted, "A playpen? For me and Mackenzie? What the hell have you been drinking?" As she spoke, her voice got louder until it attracted the attention of Ellen and Mackenzie in the living room.

"I actually have a lot of self-respect, and, incidentally, respect for our guests, too—which you seem to lack. Where do you get off sending Mackenzie into the living room so you can lay some homophobic rant on me? You're not the only one who won't 'sit still for it,' mother darling," she shouted. Janice had never seen her this furious.

The two women faced each other, eyes blazing. By now, Ellen and Mackenzie had come into the kitchen, afraid they would come to blows.

"Hi everyone," Danielle said lightly, "We were just discussing why queer people aren't going to be welcome in our house. Right, mom?"

Mackenzie sniggered. Ellen had the self-control to simply smile and say, "Maybe we've had enough for one evening. I think we all could probably use some rest."

Janice, coming to her senses, stood, mortified. "No. Please. Don't go," she said softly.

"Janice, it's been a long day, and I think everyone is just a little frazzled," Ellen said gently, laying her hand on Janice's arm. Janice grasped her hand and held it tightly.

"Ellen, please. Please don't go...I don't know...Oh, I'm so sorry Dannie," she said, just before dissolving in tears.

Ellen gently put her arm around Janice, saying, "Let's go sit on the sofa, shall we?" Then turning to the girls she added, "Maybe you guys can just hang out here. I think Janice is going to need some quiet time."

"Yeah. Sure thing," Mac said softly, adding, "Dannie, it's ok. Really. It's ok."

"I wish I could apologize for my mom," Danielle said grimly, "She acted like a dick." The girls sat at the breakfast bar.

"Yeah. She did. What did she call me...your 'little playmate?' That's rich," Mac quipped.

"Really. It would be ok if you actually would fucking PLAY with me...but no," Danielle said glumly, "Nothing doing. So we get one fucking hug, and I'm all of a sudden the Dyke Whore of the Century. Go figure."

"Don't complain, you got a kiss, too," quipped Mac. They both giggled. "Hey," she added, "dwok. It sort of has a ring to it. Dannie Dwok."

"What the fuck are you blathering about? What's a dwok?" asked Dannie, still a bit angry.

"Dyke Whore of the Century. You know, it's an acronym like NASA or something. D...W...O...C. Dwok," Mac explained. "Dannie Dwok."

"Great," sighed Danielle, resting her chin on her hand glumly.

===========================================

An hour later, the girls were yawning with fatigue, but the hum of voices continued unabated in the living room.

"Mac, I think I need to go to bed," yawned Danielle, "I can't stay awake any more."

"I know. Me too," said Mackenzie sleepily. "I hope I can stay awake long enough to get home."

"Why don't you just stay here?" Danielle said. "You can stay in the guest room." Then she got an evil gleam in her eye, "Or, you could sleep with me. I've got a double bed. I'd keep you nice and warm."

"Go to hell," said Mackenzie, playfully slapping Dannie's arm. "You only have one thing on YOUR mind, too. You're worse than a boy."

"Fuck you," giggled Danielle. "My mother calls me a whore, and now my best friend thinks I'm a lech. Jesus. I'm going to bed for sure. C'mon. I'll get you a towel and some clean sheets." She led the way as the girls headed upstairs.

As they passed through the living room, Danielle saw that her mom was in better shape. "Mom, Mackenzie is really tired—so am I—so I said she could stay in the guest room. Ok?"