What Does That Make Me?

It was one of those nights, my head filled with erotic images and my mind with the kinds of thoughts that make my body react. The dreams were jumbled up really and I can't say it was a sequence of events but rather flashes of sexual hunger some acted upon, others desired.

I fell asleep horny and with no outlet therefore carried it to my dreams. Not usually stimulated by visuals like pictures or stories it kind of surprised me when I found myself wet and achy after reading a couple of BDSM stories. Always having been a fantasy of mine it got to me I guess.

The thought of a man taking control of me does not excite me. A man taking control of me sexually does. When I try to figure out the eager participants in such a lifestyle it only leaves me baffled.

To refer to a man as "Master" is not going to happen. However if he could make me say it then I guess that would change the story. Not feeling subservient to anyone kind of dampers that activity.

Slave/Master is out of the question, I think.

Pain is unacceptable, for the most part.

Degradation and humiliation, is out of the question for sure.

Which brings me back to reality and how it mixes it up with my dreams. I like my sex passionate, wild, eager, animalistic, and a bit on the rough side from time to time. A total turn on for me is begin fucked doggie style and feeling the sharp sting from a swat on the ass unexpectedly. Or having my shoulders held to the floor with is body weight and not being able to raise my arms while my ass is pointed north and my pussy is taking a pounding.

Pinch my nipples, or bite down on my throat just enough to make it hurt and I am hopelessly lost in the moment. Hold my hands down while I am on my back and fuck me hard and I will go crazy. Better yet, tie my hands to the bed and watch out! Include the ankles and that is even better!

Suspend me from restraints fastened to a bar which is fastened to the eyebolts in the ceiling touch me and lick me and there is nothing like it. Drip hot wax across my body and that is a treat.

There is a lovely red with black leather handled riding crop that stands in the corner beside my bed. There is a nice bag of wonderful toys in the stand next to the bed, some to be used with a partner some for solo gratification. All are great fun. However, more time is spent thinking about the bag of toys and the sting of the crop than actually playing with them.

In the dreamy flashes I saw (and felt) my head being pulled back by my hair, my throat fully exposed and vulnerable and the somewhat painful nips at the front of my throat by eager teeth. I saw (and felt) repeated swats on one side of my ass and then the other driving my arousal off the charts. I saw (and felt) my hair being pulled on both sides as my mouth was forced deeply on my partners far to large cock while he chanted, suck my cock baby"

I woke up WET and so slick and totally exhausted. Laying in bed for a while I tried to put it all together and the pieces didn't seem to fit to form any particular picture or pattern. I had been tied down, spanked, bitten, waxed and had various items inserted into various body cavities and I wanted more, go figure.

The thought of being humiliated or degraded in some way does not appeal to me at all. My best friend wears a collar she does nothing without her man's approval. He calls her names, refers to her as his slut, or a whore. She feels he is 'teaching her' or showing her how to be a worthy woman. She lives to please him. Totally confusing me.

She loves the sharp sting on the ass just like I do. She loves to be bound as I do. She enjoys the toys and play just like I do. She is a very out in the open flirt she loves to tease and arouse and her man enjoys it however there are these unseen boundaries. She wears a ball gag sometimes she says it is for training her jaw and to show her humiliation inspired by her man? You lost me there. She has been spanked for punishment I enjoy the swats for arousal. She has been tied up spread eagle and left to be gawked upon for a lesson or for humiliation. I like to be tied up because……….well…….because I like to be tied up!

Is it all a frame of mind? The same actions prompting different reactions, I think the inability to move or to touch back and have no control over what happens to you is stimulating and very erotic. I enjoy a bit of pain, not for compliance but because I like it. I will not be beaten or harmed however I do like some pain.

I guess I would not make a good pet. "Make me", said during sex is challenging and fun. Swat me, tie me up, pull my nipple rings, tease me be rough but don't hold me to a lower standard. Don't humiliate or degrade me.

My dreams were a little wild this night. Many unspoken desires came to play. I thought about my friend and how similar things meant totally different things. So, perhaps the BDSM stuff isn't for me but some of the intended lessons and punishments are. So what does that make me? Well, what does that make me besides awake and horny?