What Happened To Me

I don't really know where to start. It had all happened so fast. First of all, I had been sick for quite a long time, with depression and anxiety. I still wasn't better, but I attempted, bravely to go to school.

But that wasn't my first mistake. Oh no. The year before I had met a guy.. Jewish, into computers, cute, and he seemed nice. I suppose he was interested in me, as well as I was interested in him.

We would talk online often, about html, java, school, and just life in general. I had told him my problems, so he knew I had been sick. He knew what depression and anxiety were.

Obviously, since I had been out of school so much, I needed to make up a lot of work, and I was staying after school nearly every day. Too bad my teacher decided to meet with me during lunch that day, and I decided not to call my mom, but just to read in the library. That was mistake number three.

He came into the library and sat down next to me, and began to work on the computer. I would occassionlly watch him, but he would close any files when I looked. He then left the building for two minutes. I quietly read, minding my own business.

He came back inside, I guess he had been looking to see if anyone was out there. I grabbed my arm and told me to come with him. I refused, with a smile, telling him to cut it out. He didn't listen.

It was cold out there, but my fate was even colder and crueler. He pulled me into the woods, and I meekly followed, since he was a lot stronger than me.

I had a boyfriend at the time. A nice fellow. He had a strange name, but that didn't bother me. So when this guy began to kiss me, I pulled away and *told* him I had a boyfriend, even though he knew that. He looked at me with scorn and said "I don't care."

Those were the meanest words I had ever heard. Worse than being called any name ever. *I don't care" rolled around in my mind. I shut myself down, trying to block out whatever happened next, but I still remember it, every second of it.

He pulled off my shirt, and my bra, still kissing me, pushing me against a hard tree. My pants soon followed, along with my underwear. He looked at my panties with amusement and said "You really are a slut, wearing thongs!" I tried not to cry. It was my business what I wore and did with my body. He had no right to do this to me.

He pushed me to the ground and unzipped his pants. That must've been the noisiest zipper in the whole wide world, because that noise seemed to echo through the woods.

He made me open my mouth. I knew what was coming next. Unfortunately, literally for me. I don't remember how it tasted, because I tried so hard to forget.

He let me go. I put on my clothes, ashamed that I let this happen to me, wondering if being raped is cheating. I ran to the ladies room and puked my brains out, I'm not sure if I forced myself to, or whether my body was just expelling that vicious liquid from my body.

Now, years later, I can say I am over this, but sometimes I still have nightmares about it. I know self defense, and I am always very careful about who I trust.

Don't let this happen to you.

Love,

Miss Cotton Candy