What She Knows

She never looked so happy.

Ever since she arrived at the barbecue, she had this feigned sense of happiness. The kind only reserved for company you did not know. She'd grown to view this little event as the highlight of the year, and that made Neil very nervous.

But his body went through the motions anyway, and his throbbing penis reached out for the pretty girl in the pond like a dog that was finally seeing its owner after days of absence. He was ashamed of his lack of self-control, but what was he going to do? He could not disappoint his sister, because that would be worse than doing what he was about to do.

So he sat down with his legs dangling off of a rock into the water, and she swam over to him. She put her hands on his knees, and after shooting him a playful smile, she slid one of them up his thigh and gently grabbed his penis.

He'd come this far and he figured he might as well enjoy himself. She wanted this so much now, and he couldn't fully admit yet that he no longer wanted.

He remained still, and he let her rub him for a bit. But it wasn't long. She stopped, and then swam backwards to the other side. She slid out and lifted herself onto a rock opposite him.

She loved to make it a game, and it was probably the reason why he was never able to tell her that he didn't think they should be doing this anymore.

Last year was the first year he'd grown to have doubts. He was engaged to Zoe, but still fucking Katy. She wanted him to fuck her like he fucked Zoe, and he did.

And now, Katy was spreading her legs for him again. Her look was confident, as it always was. She knew that her brother would always be there, and didn't have to ask. It never crossed her mind that her brother would have doubts, and that there would come a day when she would not get to be fucked by him.

So she kept her legs apart and just waited. She was not so far away that he couldn't see the steamy water drip down her body, and he could see the stubble of lightly colored hair just above her vagina.

But her confidence began to wane when he did not move instantly. A slight sullenness began to creep in as she waited for him, and it was the sadness that spurred him into action.

He slipped into the water and swam over to her. She still looked a bit confused, but he took her legs into his hands and spread them even further, slowly but confidently. He brought his face between her legs and at once slipped his tongue into her. He ate her pussy feverishly but deliberately, just as he knew she liked it.

He knew what his sister liked so well at this point, that she was gritting her teeth and moaning in moments. He pleasured her as he'd done so many times before.

He had become so good at it, that the only joy it brought him was the satisfaction of knowing that he was making his sister happy.

In the past, he might have jerked himself off while doing this. Or take her into the water immediately after she came and start fucking her. He would take his sister as passionately as he now takes his own wife.

But as he went down on his sister and felt her responding, he found himself thinking of Zoe. For the first time, with his face buried between the legs of his Katy, he fantasized about doing the same to his wife.

And it was only for a moment. For in the next moment, Katy came and he tasted his sister completely.

She did not notice his expressionless face as he swam back to his side. There was more duty to this endeavor for him than anything else, he realized. A sense of having to protect his sister from the malaise of her own mind by stimulating her body. He was coming to discover just how desperately she had come to rely on this exchange.

She needed him to do this for her.

She made it fun and playful, but that was just for his sake. She knew about his doubts, and she'd chosen to live in denial about his marriage. Thought she'd lost him for good, in fact, the last time they fucked. She could see it in his eyes, that he was not going to do this for much longer.

But now she was living in denial, and she didn't care. So long as he came through.

He was watching her from across the small pond, and started to see more of Katy the sister and less of Katy the sexual being. He really cared about her, and really had grown to worry if he was helping her or hurting her.

Sure, their excursions started innocently enough and it really was fun in the beginning. There was no greater thrill than the first experience he'd ever had of having sex with Katy. He remembered her every sound and smell, and the look on her face with him inside her. She had a profound look of gratitude when he was inside her, and it's a look that is never hotter, he felt, than when it's a sister.

He remembered how she took a bath one day and dozed off, back before he knew about her desire for him, and how he walked in on her. She looked like she was having an erotic dream because she was touching herself, and like the pervert he always thought he was, he watched her. He studied every curve on her naked body as she touched herself. Only later did he find out that she knew he was in the room, and was never actually asleep. It was all for him.

He had come home to find her completely naked several times. Once with headphones on, so he couldn't get her attention. Once he even walked in while she was actually masturbating, and again, she pretended not to notice him.

She'd wanted him for a long time, and so she teased him. She once asked him to describe his fantasies with her, and then she asked him to jerk off and come for her. She wanted to watch, and when she did, she did the same for him. Then they fucked for hours.

Those were the days, when it was fun and playful, and no one has ever known about it. It was just his loving sister and he with a dirty little secret.

And now she was slipping back into the hot springs and swimming casually over to him again, her passion still in the past. She put her hands on him at once and caressed him all over. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him, then continued caressing his upper body. "I love you, Neil," she said.

When he didn't respond, her face darkened once more.

"What's wrong?" she finally asked him, knowing the answer.

He looked down to avoid her gaze, but found her breasts now mostly underwater and touching his torso. He could feel himself hardening a little more at the sight.

"Don't say it. I already know."

"Katy..."

She spoke evenly now, even sounding rational. "It's Zoe. I get it. You are in love with her now." She started caressing him again. "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to stop seeing me like this. I mean, we both knew this wasn't going to go on forever, right?"

She stopped with her hands on his shoulders, and she leaned her head up against his chest. "I just really miss you, Neil. I love you so much."

"Hey, it's ok. I'm always going to be there for you. You're still my sister."

"I know," she said with a sigh. "But no one has ever known me like you do."

"Someone will."

"I don't think that's possible."

He was shocked at his own inability to challenge her. She might have been right, in which case him ending his sexual relationship with Katy would have been devastating to her. And even worse, he might have been downplaying its affects on himself as well.

He suddenly had yet another spark of passion for his sister, who looked up into his eyes with desperation. With nothing left to say, and nothing coming from Neil, she pressed her body to him once more and kissed him. She kissed him like she'd never get the chance again.

Neil kissed her back, and found his hands drifting down her backside to her buttocks, which he'd always liked caressing. Still kissing him, she reached down and felt for his penis underwater. He reached around to put his hand between her legs, and slipped two fingers inside her.

His penis now ached for her, and he felt a resurgence of his old desire for her. It was like old times, enjoying foreplay with his sister. Only now the foreplay was not playful, it was passionate.

He was growing certain of one thing yet again: He once again was not leaving this pool without having sex with her.

They finally moved on the same wavelength, as they so often did. He decided that enough was enough, and she was ready. She already knew that with his length he could enter where he stood. She put the tip in knowing he would take it from there, as he always did. And after bending his knees slightly, that's exactly what he did.

As he went deeper, he lifted her left leg until her knee was off to the side, level with her breast. He angled her slightly, and that was it. All of this happened in mere moments, like clockwork. Like a solar eclipse -- two planetary bodies in sync.

They kissed and held each other close. They tasted every breath the other made, and never moved their noses an inch away from the other.

This was why she wanted him so badly. He knew every inch of her body so well, and she wanted him to have it all. She wanted to be his repository for ecstasy. Whenever he came for her and inside her, she felt complete. Only he could make her feel a sense of purpose in life that was impossible to extinguish.

She needed him to want her like he did back before she knew what really being desired felt like. He opened that door for her, and no other man has ever done it the same way since.

When it finally happened like this, nothing else mattered to Neil. That was worst of all, he would later regret.

It's not the love he had for Katy, or the success he had in making her smile like no man ever could or would. It's not even the pleasure it gave himself from getting to have sex with his own sister. None of that made him ashamed.

No, for him, it was how easily it took over all that he was. How easily he could dismiss the whole world and its machinations and judgments. And how he would forget even his own wife.

But he hadn't forgotten her. Not this time. He thought for once that it might be possible to actually maintain this sexual relationship with Katy without sacrificing anything he felt for Zoe. They were different beasts entirely, after all. Weren't they?

He knew the answer was no. He cared about Katy deeply. He always had.

Sooner or later, he would have to tell Zoe. If she really was the love of his life, she would have to know. Otherwise, she would never truly know him.

And that was the loudest thought he had after he and Katy finished. As she leaned her head into his chest lovingly and her intense breathing began to soften, it was all he could think about. He wanted Zoe to know, but he feared her rejection.

But little did he know, that was the least of his worries.

*

Afterwards, they lay in the grass, she with one arm and one leg draped over his body. The hour of their departure to escape the night had come and gone, and dusk was approaching. Neil didn't care, as he knew beforehand that he wouldn't.

Neither said much of anything for a while, until she asked him, "Do you ever think about me when you are with Zoe?"

He was surprised that he hadn't seen such a basic question coming. He replied, "I don't know, maybe once."

"Just once?" When he said nothing, she pressed further. "Tell me the truth. Do you think of me?"

"Well..." he started, not sure if he wanted to tell her the truth. He was hesitant, but he'd said enough for her to see that he was holding something back. And when she sat up to look him in the eyes, he knew it was a lost cause.

"I think I'm going to tell her about us."

"What?! You can't do that. No one can know about this! Are you crazy? I mean, you realize how this looks, right? How fucked up this looks?"

"Relax. There's something you should know." Her body became noticeably tense, as she stared back at him with anxious eyes. "She might already know."

"I don't understand. How? Did you tell her? I swear, if you told her..."

"Not exactly."

She said nothing, but her eyes didn't change.

"If I tell you something, do you promise not to repeat it? And I mean take it to your grave. It's VERY important."

"Okay?"

"Last night... Zoe and I fooled around. And afterward, we were in the bathtub just talking and she started talking about her dad. I thought she was teasing me, but she wasn't. She was just talking. Well, I started talking dirty to her, like I was her dad, and one thing lead to another. Well, it turned her on like I've never seen her before, and it kinda freaked her out."

"Are you serious? Oh my God."

"Then afterwards, I had to calm her down, because she thought that it might mean she was fucked up or something. Then she asked me if I've ever thought of you that way. And, well, I didn't have any clothes on at the time, so I couldn't exactly lie if you know what I mean."

Her eyes grew wide, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or cry. "So what did she say?"

"Well, she seemed relieved. Like it meant she was normal."

"And that's it?"

"No."

"No?"

"She told me to close my eyes, and she started talking dirty to me like she was you and she jacked me off. She had your voice down perfect, it was weird. I came like that."

She immediately started cracking up. "Oh now I see it. You're putting me on. There's no way that happened."

"I'm not kidding. You don't know what kind of freaky stuff we do sometimes. That was certainly the kinkiest so far, but yeah. We totally role-played and she totally played you. It was really hot, actually."

It hit her that he wasn't kidding. "Zoe? Seriously?"

"Now you know why I'm crazy for that girl. She rocks my world. I also think that if there was ever a woman on this earth who would be ok with what you and I have done, it's her."

"I don't believe it. You can't tell her, end of story."

"Well like I said, she might already know."

"How?"

"She knows I tried to get out of this hike. I kinda forgot to mention it to her. Before we left, she looked... suspicious, somehow."

"Dammit, Neil. You need to fix it. I don't want anyone to know about us, not even her! God! I mean, I'm your sister!"

"I know. But I trust her."

"Well I don't. No offense, but I wouldn't expect you to trust some random guy I'm sleeping with not to say anything."

"She's not some random girl, she's my wife. She loves me to death. I wish there was a way I could prove that to you."

Katy finally said nothing. She knew he was telling the truth, and she had nothing to worry about. Even if she found their affair horrifying, it would only be her judgment she would have to deal with.

"You're so lucky to have her," she finally said.

"I am."

"Look, I wouldn't hold it against you if you wanted to stop seeing me. I mean, I get it." There was a very somber tone to her speech now.

"Maybe for a little while, that would be good." He saw her sadden even more, then added, "Look, it's not for good. But I think it would do you some good too. I mean, I love being with you Katy. I probably care more about you than most brothers ever would for their sisters, you know that. But summer's almost over. You know what I mean? This was never going to go on forever, we knew that."

"I guess I never did. I always sort of imagined that even if I was to get married and have kids with the perfect guy, I could still look forward to this every year. I mean, look at you. You're married now, but you still see me."

"I know, and I've had my doubts about that. I mean, just because you're my sister doesn't change the fact that I'm sleeping with another woman."

"No, you're right. We should end this."

With that, she turned to stand up and walk to her clothes, but he stopped her. "Wait a minute. Come back here." She did, sitting back down next to him.

"Well if this is the last time, you don't want it to end like that, do you?"

She started to form a half-smile, but looked down to break eye contact. "Don't you just want to head back? It's pretty late."

He reached his hand to her thigh and slid it to her crotch. "There's time for one more, isn't there?" he asked, while rubbing her slowly. Her smile faded back into seriousness, as she moved to climb onto him. He could see in her face how difficult this was for her. She bent to kiss him, not quite anxious to have sex. She just wanted him close, and she remained on top of him, kissing him passionately, not reaching for his penis for several moments. She shed a tear, then brought the tip of his penis to her moistened lips. She went back to kissing him, then sat down, feeling every inch of him slip into her. Then, she was done kissing him, and just began to fuck him.

She took it all in, a mixture of pleasure and melancholy. A few more tears accompanied her last few thrusts, and she brought herself to an orgasm. Her eyes shot open once more and she looked deep into the eyes of her brother while she tried to keep thrusting. He held her in place above him and kept going. He did not stop until he himself was coming. It was another great moment, but with a tinge of sadness.

She immediately fell upon him, burying her face into the crook of his neck, and cried. "I love you so much, Neil. I don't want to miss you." He just caressed her back, and the two did not separate.

*

"We were really starting to worry about you two," Carol said at once. Everyone had already gone, and it was just Neil's parents to greet them. They both had cocktails and where sitting on the swinging bench by the back door.

"Yeah, we took a different path this time. Ended up taking longer. Guess we'll know for next time." Katy sounded back to her usual self again.

"Why don't you just stay the night, you two? No sense in driving down this mountain this late if you don't have to."

"Where's Zoe?" Neil asked.

"Oh she's taking a nap upstairs. There's fresh towels up there, too. I know you'll want to shower after that hike."

Neil looked to Katy to share a grin, but she either didn't hear their mother, or didn't care. She just walked inside, without saying anything else.

Neil followed her in and, before she started up the stairs, he stopped her. He stepped into her and spoke quietly, "Hey, I don't want this to change things between us. Don't be a stranger, ok?"

"It might not change anything for you, but it changes everything for me."

"Don't think that way. You will find someone that cares about you just like I found Zoe. I promise you."

"Don't make promises like that when you know you can't control the outcome."

"I just mean that I believe you will find someone. I know you will. I mean, you're beautiful, your smart, you're funny, and you're amazing in bed."

"There's plenty of fish in the sea, is that it? Is that the speech you're really giving me right now?"

"What ever happened to that secret admirer of yours?"

"Never heard from him again. So typical. Look, forget about me. It's over. You don't need to think about me anymore, I'll be fine. Right now I really just want to take a shower and pass out. Have a good night, Brother."

She turned and walked back upstairs. He followed her, but only to the top of the stairs. She went to her room, and he went to his. And with that, it was over.

*

Zoe was pretending to be asleep when Neil came into the room. She did not respond when he called her name, but just lay there facing away from him, eyes wide open. She did not jump up to greet him, because her mind was everywhere.

She was happy to hear his voice, but was mad at him for being gone so long. He'd left her to spend nearly the whole barbecue alone with his family. And she had to admit, she was jealous. She had no idea just how much there truly was to be jealous about, but she at least knew what she'd always known.

She was ready to accept the knowledge that she was not interesting to him unless she was someone other than herself.

In her mind, it was perfectly logical, because she didn't even like being alone with herself. She was a bore, and she knew it. She could make Neil light up like a Christmas tree by being any of a thousand different women, and Zoe Lane Russo was not one of them. She was the one that no one wanted.