What the Hell?

What the Hell?

This is a short reminisce from about 1961.

I lived in an Old Pre-Cromwell town in the west midlands. The town had a rudimentary bypass, as the main road into the main street was very narrow with houses, pubs and shops pressing up against the pedestrian walkways, which were barely two people wide.

The road had no drainage and was prone to flooding so the council had excavated the road it self, making the footpaths quite high. There was of course no parking along the 200-yard length of road, which ended in Stop signs on both carriageways. The buildings were heritage listed almost without exception.

On market days and at weekend, locals avoided the traffic down this narrow congested road, but people who were strangers to the area were often trapped in the gridlock.

It was a typical English summer's day about 72 Fahrenheit, that is about 20 in the new Centigrade scale. Sunny with lots of white fluffy clouds and a nice southwesterly breeze. I was in town to do the weekly shopping. Money was tight, so I always did a round of the shops that sold what I needed and compared prices and quality. There was a good butchers shop at the bypass end of this old main road, I usually went there last on my round of the town shops, and the market stalls.

To gain access to this narrow street was almost an art, as crossing it was to run the gauntlet of frustrated bumper-to-bumper motorists. The clue was to cross the main wide high street at the North Gate, then travel back south and turn left into the old main road. This involved in effect a detour of about 100 yards so if traffic conditions were right a quick crossing of the main street at the junction on to the right side of the main road, cut the distance and time to get to the butchers.

On this day, I was fortunate and made the short cut, but I almost came to grief!

There was a car, a flash car; one with the very new metallic finishes waiting to exit the old main road and in the front passenger seat was what appeared to be a naked young woman!

I had clocked the car as I began my transit of the broad high street. There was a couple in front of me, perhaps ten yards in front. I saw the passenger raise a broad map book and only her face was visible through the windscreen. As the couple in front drew level and then passed, the passenger lowered the map book and I could only see flesh!

I was hurrying, trying not to get run over by the traffic traversing the wide main road, so had but the merest glimpse of the passenger. There were no clothes in view, but I had not seen anywhere near enough!

I gained the refuge of the footpath and turned to look at the flash car, which had at last gained access to the main road turning left towards the North Gate. I saw a smiling face looking at me. The occupants knew I had seen the flash of flesh!

I was rather shocked, but very happy. I continued down the narrow footpath shaking my head in disbelief, towards the butchers shop. I met a few people I knew and we ducked into a shop doorway to pass the time of day, so it was several minutes, perhaps ten before I had gone half way down the old main access road.

I had just got to the raised footpath section when I saw the sliver metallic car again. Going very slow, a long gap in front of it, a long tail back behind it. It was obvious that the passenger was covering up with the map book.

I stopped and took a quick look behind me; there was a mass of backs of people going in to town. I was confronted with a mass of people, two abreast coming towards me. I had a choice, I could exert my right of passage and force the on comers to the left to allow me passage, or I could stand and wait until someone let me pass. With the oncoming car, my decision was instantaneous. I just stood passively waiting to proceed along the narrow footpath. I saw the map book lower and the car crawled past. I had a good look from the elevated footpath. The young woman was naked, totally naked!

She knew I had looked at her displayed charms as the car slowly passed by.

I was aware that the people facing me had gone into single file and my way forward was no longer unimpeded, so I gained access to the butchers. There was a long queue. I had to push to get into the shop. I was able to see the advertised prices and as he had the best price for the meat I wanted and the quality looked right I stayed in the queue. I purchased my meager meat ration paid and exited the shop. A quick glance showed me that there was a gap in the traffic in both directions so began to cross this congested road. As I looked left after gaining the middle of the road, I saw that car, yes that silver car. The map book lowered. The driver stopped and waved me across. I gained the other side of the road and the car moved past very, very slowly. I had a good view into the passenger compartment. The naked woman had a hand at her crotch. She was frigging herself!

I watched in amazement as the car moved forward.

I pinched myself. Yes, I had seen what I had seen. The images were burned on my retinas. I took a backward stare as the car turned left into the bypass road and tried to dismiss the event from my mind.

The foot traffic on this side of the road was very bad; most people were going out of town. I was going in towards town, so it took quite a while to traverse the hundred and fifty yards. I was about 50 yards from the junction and again there was no one in front going my way, so I had to fight to gain a yard, and then wait for people to move to let me move, when I saw the silver car again. It turned the corner and I saw the map book and the smiling face above it. Eyes locked on to mine. I froze watching its slow progress in the gridlocked road. It was perhaps a whole minute before the car drew level. The map book went down. The passenger turned and smiled at me. She took a quick glance at the rear seat!

A hand was on the locked door catch and pulling on it. The back door was unlocked, a clear invitation!

The car stopped and the naked passenger looked straight into my eyes and beamed a broad smile.

For me time froze. I stood like a tailor's dummy.

An irate driver to the rear blasted his horn and the silver car moved off.

I will never forgive myself for not getting into that car!