What Would You Do To Save A Life

The worst part of it all was the loneliness of being out there by myself. After analyzing the last two years of my life I realized I truly was a self-centered asshole. I only helped others when I absolutely had to, but expected everyone to drop what they were doing just to help me. I made a mental note to call Carol when I got back; maybe I could get her to at least talk to me.

At two and a half weeks Fran told me that she'd collected two thousand dollars for my brother.

"I don't understand? I thought all your funds were spoken for."

"I let the local news media know what you were doing and now they're giving updates on where you are and how you're doing. How are you doing Steve?"

"In two words, sore and tired but I guess I can't quit now even if I wanted to," I said with a laugh. "I'm pushing for June 12th, I only hope my feet and legs can hold out that long."

"Well keep up the good work and remember it's for your brother."

She didn't have to say that, I already knew it. I just hoped I could make it without dying in the process. Why didn't I just say two hundred and fifty or five hundred miles, which would have made a lot more sense.

I wrote in my log every day on how I was doing and if anything exciting happened. On day seventeen, a car stopped and the guy gave me a hundred dollar bill. On day nineteen, a little old lady was waiting for me along the road and gave me a bag of cookies and a ten dollar bill. God bless, was all she said. On day twenty-nine it rained all fucking day. I was soaked from eight in the morning until six o'clock at night; I thought I was going to lose it before I made it to the hotel for a hot shower.

After my shower I iced my feet on and off for the better part of an hour before putting lotion and baby power on then. I logged my miles and for the first time since I began I started having doubts.

I slept with my feet propped up on two pillows to reduce the swelling and would take a hot bath every morning to get the blood flowing in my legs. The ultra-marathoner Dan Jansen had run thirty marathons in thirty days the previous year. I'd read his articles on what he ate and everything else to prepare for what he'd done but I soon realized I was no Dan Jansen. I could tell I'd lost weight but at the end of the day I was usually too tired to eat much. I was getting sick of eggs for breakfast but they were easy, fast and stayed down. Gatorade, granola bars and fruit were my lunch and I tried to have a pasta and hunk of meat every night. I hadn't counted on burning as many calories as I guess I currently was doing.

Jackie, from work, kept me updated on what was happening and she became my right arm as I told her I wasn't going to make it back to work by Friday and probably not to the following Monday. She still called me every morning to see where I was and to hit me with any problems. I think Jackie really did it to take my mind off the pain I was feeling every morning when my feet hit the floor.

Days thirty-one through thirty-five were awful. I was still slowing up and my feet just plain hurt all the time and the backs of my legs seemed to always knot up. The blister on my left heel was the size of a silver dollar and I had small ones on the balls of each foot. Both of my big toes were now getting black and my toes were looking like ten red piggies. Every night after icing my feet, I drained the blisters, smeared on a glob of Neosporin and a large bandage. I started limping to take the weight off my left foot and even tried to jog on the balls of my feet whenever I could.

Day thirty-seven was cold with a constant misty rain. I started off with a rain slicker and hat but added bottoms when I got chilled. At about six o'clock that night, I came up on two guys with a microphone and camera.

"Steve, can I talk to you for a couple minutes?" he asked. I was thankful for the break.

We talked as I told him why I was doing it and how disgusted I was with the insurance companies, the hospitals and even the government politicians.

"I'd love to have a couple of executives in the corporate ivory towers get really sick and have the insurance companies tell them that they aren't covered. I think you'll see changes done overnight instead of having to wait for years while everyone else gets screwed over. If they'd just stop arguing amongst themselves and think about the average Joe who pays taxes and can't afford to get sick maybe they would get something done. But it all comes down to money. Those that have it and those that want it; I'm just sick of it. So I walk to give my brother what he can't get on his own, it just isn't fair," I told them.

"Steve, do you think you'll finish?"

"I don't have a choice. I'm not a doctor who can treat him, I don't own a hospital and I sure as hell don't run an insurance company; because if I did I wouldn't have to do what I'm doing right now. My brother needs treatment and I'll do whatever is necessary to see that he gets it. So, if you'll excuse me, I need to keep moving before my legs tighten up or I'll never finish." I guess the cameraman panned out to catch me walking and limping away, that's how they ended the piece.

On day forty my dad called to tell me mom and Gary found out what I was doing. They were both pissed that no one had told them what I was up to. Someone had seen the news clip on me and called Gary who in turn called mom. I guess my dad had a little explaining to do. I didn't care at this point; I just wanted this nightmare to end.

It hurt to even breathe at this point. Forget running, I was struggling to just walk. I remember someone telling me that when all else fails just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving, and that's exactly what I was doing. Now at night after icing I would just call and have my dinner delivered; I didn't want to do anything but get off my feet. I was still slowing down and there wasn't anything I could do beside put in longer hours, which meant the pain lasted longer and longer everyday. I was popping about twelve ibuprofen a day and it was starting to tear up my stomach.

At day forty-seven I almost lost it. The hotel had to sent a car to pick me up at just after eleven o'clock because I had sat down and couldn't get back up; my legs just gave out. I just wanted to cry. I'd started wrapping my feet in elastic bandages to keep the swelling down and was now stopping midday to ice. My toes started bleeding and for the last three days I was putting gauze between my toes so they wouldn't rub together, my feet were one big blister. But, I was in Minnesota and could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I woke up on day forty-nine with three local news cameras outside my door. I was given coffee and donuts and spent twenty minutes going through it all again. Most of the fight was out of me by now, I just wanted to finish. I was told Fran had sent a check for nine thousand dollars to the Mayo clinic and when the reporters asked me if I'd raised enough money I told them I wasn't sure.

"I've done my best and that's all I can do. Over the last seven weeks I've learned a lot about the health care system and how it should be changed. It all comes down to helping people. What would you do to save the life of your sister, wife, daughter or brother?" I asked. "How far would you go? Then ask the insurance company that question and don't let them give you an answer in dollars and cents because that's not what it's all about; not for me anyways."

"Steve, have you always been a crusader for the rights of the underdogs?" one of the reporters asked me.

"I was told by a girl I foolishly let get away that I was a self-centered asshole who would never change. I thought she was right for a long time, but eventually realized that people can change if they really want to. So if I can change from an asshole to a person with a mission, can you imagine what a big insurance company can do?" I grabbed one more cup of coffee and thanked them for their time but told them I had two more days left and would answer all their questions after that.

I started the longest two days of my life. My dad said everyone was going to meet me at the Mayo Clinic and to give us a heads up when I got close. I thought I'd jog the last day and show everyone just how tough I was, but the pain was way too severe for such foolishness. It felt like needles were sticking me with every step and every muscle was paying me back for pushing them beyond their breaking point. My feet were a fucking mess and my legs weren't much better, but I was close and that was the only thing that kept me moving.

I didn't get much sleep the last couple of nights. My legs ached all the time and started to twitch before tightening up. I would lie in a hot bathtub until the water got cold, drain it and start again. I guess I slept a couple of hours on and off but with being on my feet fourteen to sixteen hours there weren't enough hours in the day.

Fifteen miles was all I had left on the last day. I started off at 8:00 in the morning figuring it would probably take me at least ten to twelve hours. I called Ruth to say it was almost over and had appreciated all her support. I called Tammy for the last time; I knew I had to keep my mind off the pain if I was to make it. I told her I would see her on Monday.

"I might be in a wheel chair but I'll be there." She laughed and told me to just shut up and finish because she was tired of carrying my ass at work. I would have laughed but I was just too tired, my tank was empty and I was going on fumes.

At five mile left I saw my brother waiting for me.

"You look like shit, couldn't you at least shaved this morning?" he said with a forced smile.

"Been a little busy if you haven't noticed," I replied.

"Yeah, yeah, you always were a whiner. Come on pick up your God damn feet and lets get moving, mom said we're having dinner at her house tonight and not to be late." I was even too tired to smile.

At three miles I started to tear up. I stumbled once on a curb because I couldn't raise my foot high enough and almost fell. I just wanted the pain to go away at this point. Gary wanted me to stop or at least let him help me, but I told him I had to finish.

"For once in my life I'm going to finish what I started," I told him but mostly myself.

At one mile I was shuffling. My body knew I was almost there and started shutting down. If Gary hadn't been by my side I don't think I would have made it. I was shuffling like a ninety year old man and had tears in my eyes from the pain, I had nothing left.

When I saw the hospital I did lose it for a couple of minutes and stopped to cry. I'd left the cart at the motel this morning or I would have jumped in it and had my brother pull me to the entrance. There was a thirty-degree incline on the driveway up to the front door. I kept asking myself who in the hell would put a hospital on a fucking hill; then I heard it.

It wasn't loud at first but got louder with every step I took. With my head down fighting for every step I looked up and saw about fifty people standing at the entrance cheering for me. I stopped, took a deep breath, straightened up and walked the last quarter mile with my head held high right into the arms of my dad.

Thank God they had a gurney waiting. I was eased on it and as everyone congratulated me, I was whisked into the emergency room where two doctors were waiting.

They cut off my shoes; the elastic bandages and surveyed the damage. I was right, my feet were a mess. Cleaned and bandaged, I was told I'd be off them for at least two to three weeks. I guess I was right about the wheel chair. With a needle in my arm and my family around my bedside it was finally over.

I got a complimentary ride to my parent's house in an ambulance and was even given a wheelchair to use for a couple of days.

I'd asked that they not make a fuss but I guess no one was listening to me at this point anymore. All my old friends and family were there as everyone told me how proud they were with me. I ate a lot, and thanked everyone but by 8:00 I was falling asleep.

Everyone left and my mom told them that she'd keep them updated. A bath and shave brought me somewhat back to life but I needed sleep and lots of it. Two pain pills and I was out like a light sleeping in my old room on my old shitty bed.

Even though the room was dark I knew it had to be at least mid-day when I opened my eyes. My body had been waking me up automatically at five o'clock for so long, this morning I knew something was different. I felt numb and a little fuzzy in the head as I tried to sit up and get out of bed.

"This was not going to be fun," I thought as I looked down at two wrapped up stumps. "Shit," I said as I tried to put my weight down on one foot before climbing back into bed. The pain was back with a vengeance. Using a crutch I got the wheelchair over to the side of the bed and hopped in. I threw on a sweatshirt and wheeled myself out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Everyone was sitting around drinking coffee, I guess, waiting for me to get up.

"Any coffee left?" I asked, as the kitchen came back to life. "Before you ask, yes, I slept good, my head feels like shit and no, I can't walk; besides that I'm doing pretty well."

"Well I'm glad you're up, your cell phone has been ringing non-stop, I finally had to turn it off; I was afraid it was going to wake you," my dad told me slipping a cup of coffee under my nose.

"Nothing on earth could have woken me last night after two of those pills. The only reason I'm up now, is for the fact that I had to pee so bad I couldn't stand it any longer."

"Well Steve, what are your plans for today?" my brother asked. "I thought we might go out and jog a few laps around the football field just to keep active. I wouldn't want you to get lazy and fat on me."

"Besides a few calls I need to make I want to do nothing. I've got to make arrangements to fly home tomorrow but today I just want to stay inside and do nothing for a change. My only problem is going to be maneuvering around for a couple of weeks. There is no way I can walk and I still have to work for a living. I guess I'll figure out something."

"Well you don't have to worry about that, at least for the time being. Someone volunteered to be your wet nurse and keep you in line," my brother told me. "Mom wanted to come down and do it but we felt that her dragging your ass on and off the toilet and into the shower might be a little embarrassing for her," my brother said trying not to laugh.

"For her? How about me?"

"You haven't got anything she hasn't seen before," he replied. "But mom got overruled."

"Who in the hell could overrule mom? Shit dad hasn't even said boo to her in the last ten years?" I questioned Gary as my dad gave me the look that I was skating on thin ice.

"I did," said a voice behind Brenda.

"I figured since I'd seen it all before and already lived in Florida, I was the logical choice," Carol told me."

"She showed up on our doorstep two days ago and has been waiting for your sorry ass," Brenda told me. "I told her you weren't worth a shit and even though she agreed with me she talked us into letting her stay."

All right my eyes lit up and my heart started pumping again as she walked up to me and gave me a kiss.

"I told you guys this would be just what the doctor ordered," a smiling Brenda told my parents. "Maybe we should let the two of them get reacquainted, Steve's probably still tired anyway," as they made their way out of the kitchen leaving the two of us alone.

"I don't understand?"

"Me either. Dan was the one who told us about your little stunt when he went looking for donations. We all thought it was one of your stupid tricks but when we checked it out, we realized that you were really trying to do this."

"Did do it," I corrected her.

"All right, did do it. When you gave that first and second interviews we kind of all felt like shits for what we said and put you through even though you know you'll really deserved it at the time. Steve, no one, I mean no one thought you would make it besides Fran and Tammy. Everyone at the Harley dealership lost and donated their bets to you. I flew out after your last interview and tracked down your parents and met your brother. He's really proud at what you did for him. He wanted to meet you at the Minnesota border along with everyone else but your dad told everyone to back off and to let you do it on your own," she told me. "I guess I was wrong, I guess even you can grow up if you put your mind to it."

I didn't hear everything she said as I was just eating her up with my eyes. She was really here; I wasn't dreaming it, as I had for so many nights before.

"Earth to Steve, have you heard one word I just said?" she asked.

"We can talk later," I said trying to stand up and grab her before I realized what the hell I was doing.

"This is going to be a lot harder than I thought," she said pushing me back into my wheelchair. "In order for this to work you're going to have to do everything I say, is that understood?" she told me standing there with her arms crossed in from of her.

"Understood, you're the boss."

"Ok. Now you still need some rest," she said wheeling back down the hall towards my old bedroom. Once inside she locked the door and pushed the wheelchair up next to the bed. I used my arms to lift myself up and slide onto the bed as she pushed it away.

" I want you to get some sleep. You still look a little green around the gills and we're flying home tomorrow night, so lay down." I did what she ordered me to.

"I need a kiss goodnight. I can't sleep without a kiss goodnight," I said smiling at her.

"Ok, but only one. You need to build your strength back up and sleep is what the doctor ordered."

I waited until she got close enough then reached for her, pulling Carol onto the bed.

"I know what the doctor ordered and it wasn't sleep," I told her.

"Steve, not yet. We are going to take this slow because I don't want to be hurt again, I can't do that to myself."

"Carol, I'll never do that again, I promise you. All I ask is for you to trust me enough to give me another chance. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but with you here to kick my ass when I get out of line. I think we can make it," I said kissing her.

She got her way, I went back to sleep, but not alone. We didn't fool around in my mom's house but waited until Monday night when we got back to my apartment. I never realized how much you use feet in making love. We ended up with Carol riding me to completion.

If reality hadn't all ready hit, I overheard Carol Sunday night on her cell phone when I was supposed to be asleep.

"No I can't see you anymore, I'm back with my old boyfriend. No, it wasn't anything you did; it's just that I want to give it another shot that's all. Ok, if it doesn't work out I'll give you a call," was the last thing I heard.

Did I dare bring it up to Carol? Not on your life. There was no way on this earth I was going to fuck up our relationship this time. Maybe down the road I might ask her if she was seeing anyone after we broke up and if so, how serious it was, but not now for Christ's sakes, everything was still too new. We were happy again and I wanted to keep it that way.

Tammy met me at the door Monday morning. There was a banner across my door that read Welcome Back. The company and employees presented me a check for thirty-nine hundred dollars and even had a cake for me at lunch that said, 'Florida to Minnesota or Bust."

I spent the better half of two weeks gathering up the donations. A couple of other vendors who saw the news clips also decided to contribute. Each of the Harley dealerships kicked in a couple thousand dollars and the corporate office in Milwaukee donate three thousand on their own. Fran said my publicity had generated a lot of donations and if I was available the regional manager would like to meet me, things were looking up.