When The Heartache is Over

I was so engrossed in trying to kiss him back and rub every square inch of skin I had against him that I didn't realize that he had pushed his dick into me. It was so wonderful. It didn't feel like what I'd thought sex was like. It didn't feel like Danny pushed his dick into me. It didn't rip me apart and force its way deeper and deeper inside of me.

It felt like his penis and my vagina simply melded together and became one. Nerve endings that I never knew I had fired and made me scream. He didn't slam me like a jackhammer, we moved together and I just lost track of time. I don't know if we fucked each other to sleep or if I just blacked out from pleasure and Danny stayed with me but when I woke up it was dark outside and we were still entwined.

I pulled the blankets around us and I must've made more noise than I thought because my roommate looked into the room.

"God damn it, you were having a good time," she said. "They were standing outside of the room listening to you when I got home. Who've you got in there with you?"

"My husband," I said. She closed the door still laughing.

Danny and I got married as soon as we graduated. We both got great jobs for a couple just out of college and we started down life's path hand in hand. That seems like it was so long ago now.

I smiled as I remembered that. I was so lost in my memories that I didn't remember my own rule. I never let myself think about the past because it always hurt me to think about what I'd lost. If I didn't stop myself, I'd start crying and then get depressed.

I focused on the things that were directly in front of me. I concentrated on the waves and focused on the surfers. One guy came out of the water as if he was heading straight for me. He rode his board all the way up to the beach and when the water got too shallow he just picked it up and waded in.

He picked up his board and something seemed off. With the sun almost fully up, he put on the sunglasses around his neck. He was not big but he was muscular. He wore those long board shorts and walked out of the water and turned before he got to me. His hair was cut so short I could smell his brains. But it was a good look for him. He was burned so brown by the sun that I'd almost thought he was a native Hawaiian. He went over to the guy who rented surf boards and jammed his board in the sand. The guy handed him a towel, a shirt and a pair of deck shoes. When he got done dressing, the guy threw him a soda and he walked off.

For some reason, I couldn't stop looking at the guy. I'd expected him to come over to try to talk to me. Though he was obviously younger than I am, very few men could really resist my girls. He had though. He hadn't even looked at me twice.

He headed for a car that I hadn't noticed there. It was a beast. The car was a Mustang. I knew that much because I saw them everywhere now. My husband has one but not like this one. His was much older. This was one of the newer ones. It had a custom paint job too. It started out a bright orange that morphed into a tribal motif near the back with a volcano and pineapples. I don't know anything about the car's mechanical systems because I'm not a car nut, but Danny would have known.

I'm sure he and that guy would have sat down and talked about Mustangs for hours. The interesting thing was that I'd been told just yesterday, that perhaps it was time for me to move on with my life. I wonder now what my husband would think of what I've become. Would he still love me? My biggest problem was that since I'd lost him, the love I felt for him simply refused to die. But now it was more and more difficult to remember what he looked like. I seemed like a crime to forget the face of the man you swore to spend eternity with. I couldn't believe that after only five years I could barely remember his face.

* * * * * *

Cal

I couldn't believe that after five fucking years I could still remember her face. She was standing there on the beach like some kind of large breasted fertility goddess as I came out of the surf. Out of reflex, I put my shades on. I was sure that they'd be enough of a disguise, although Grace always told me that no one from before would ever recognize me.

I'm the same height that I always was, you can't change that. But other than that I'm completely different. Over the past four years, after nearly starving for the first ten months, I've packed on about thirty pounds of muscle. I cut my hair because Grace wanted me to, but now that I've gotten used to it, I have to admit that it's a lot easier to deal with.

Of course, all of the added weight, even though it mostly muscle, also changed the contours of my face slightly. I traded in my glasses for contacts. And the sun here tends to bronze everything. My own mom didn't recognize me at first when she finally came out to visit me here last year. It was funny, but still a shock that my mom had stood right next to me and didn't know me.

On the other hand, I'd recognized Elvina the second I looked at her. There was simply no forgetting her. You could probably write songs about her tits alone. They have seemed to settle a little bit further down on her chest but that's probably just gravity working its magic more than anything else. Maybe there are a few more lines on her face and her expression doesn't seem to be as full of hope and happiness, but I knew it was her.

Most of the guys on the beach seemed to be unable to look away from her tits. If any of them had any idea how soft and yielding they were or just how heavy those orbs were, they'd defy decorum and attack her on sight just to get their hands on them.

Helen of Troy was said to have had the face that launched a thousand ships. Elvina's tits could probably launch two thousand. I hope that whoever was claiming them now was ready for all of the attention they brought her.

Even as I toweled off, I got a flash of pain at that thought. I'd seriously thought that all of that was behind me. In the back of my mind, there was a niggling thought that they should still be mine. Those tits and all the rest of her were supposed to be mine for the rest of my life. But that like everything else that came out of her mouth was simply a lie.

Elvina should be about 38 by now. I just turned 36. We met when she was 21 and I was 19. We were together for 13 God damned years and I never really knew her until I left her.

I was a fool and she was the one pulling my strings almost from the beginning. I smile a bit when I think about how thoroughly she played me. It was almost as if I was a two dollar fiddle and she was a violin virtuoso...no take that back. I was a Stratocaster Guitar and that bitch was Jimi Hendrix. She played the shit out of me and got sounds out of me that didn't seem humanly possible. She had her entire audience in on it and enjoying the music then she slammed me down on the God damned stage and set my ass on fire.

I guess that she thought that after her performance was over, not only would she never play me again, but after the flames, no one else would ever be able to either.

Was I bitter? Hell yes. Was I angry? Maybe. Was I jealous of whoever was fucking her now? I want to say no, but I'm just not sure I can. Did I miss her? Fuck no.

I guess those of you in psychological trades would say that I need closure or one of those dumb assed concepts that don't hold water in the real world. But I don't. What I need is to have that bitch and the trouble she brings, off of my island.

To tell the truth, most of my anger revolved around my building materials. For four of the past five years, Elvina has resided in a wooden box in the farthest reaches of the back of my mind. She's back there with my third grade English teacher who tried to force me to learn about using commas and that guy who used to take my lunch money in elementary school.

I have people now that I pay to write my reports for me, and if that bully showed up looking for some money, I'd hand him his ass. I'm a different person now in more than just appearance. But somehow, Elvina managing to get out of that fucking box has me afraid. All I need to do is wait for her vacation or whatever she's doing here to end and I'll build her a new box. This time, I'll make the fucker out of concrete and steel though.

I get into my Mustang and drive off without a backwards glance. Okay, I'm lying. I did check the rear view mirror once and saw her still standing there staring at me as I drove off. I wonder if she has the same sense of Deja vu about it that I have? It's different this time though, because this time I'm not crying.

I take the coast road towards my building and during the twenty minutes my focus is split. One part of me watches the road and the other spins the clock back to the events just before we did this the last time.

I think that had to be the worst two weeks of my life. Vina and I had been married for about twelve years then. We were settled in and comfortable. We had a nice house, savings, friends, the whole nine yards. Vina had started to make noise about having babies or so she claimed. I really believe she'd said it because her mom was going fast and maybe she thought that having a grandchild or two to spoil might bring her out of it. Or if that wasn't it, maybe she just wanted her mom to see her grandkids before she passed. I don't know but I do know that we never had any kids.

Anyway, my old company screwed me. After working there for over ten years, they decided that I was becoming too expensive. I didn't find out until after I was gone. They may as well have had me dig my own grave. They had me spend two weeks training my own replacement. I'd trained people before who ended up working along with me or even doing jobs similar to mine in other departments so I never gave it a thought.

This time, the person I had to train was a woman. Actually she was more of a girl. I had never seen anything like her before. I didn't realize it then but it was like looking at raw diamonds. Before they're treated and cut, raw diamonds sometimes look like just another rock.

And that's what she looked like; just a gawky awkward girl trying to grow into her body. She was cute enough in her own way. She was exotic as hell, with her inky jet black hair and gray eyes. That cinnamon skin tone of hers made her look unreal. Her eyes were almond shaped so I knew that she was Asian in some way shape or form. After a few conversations to pass the time, I discovered that she was half Asian and half Brazilian. It looked like she had the best features of both.

For two weeks, she followed me around like a puppy. She was a very quick study and after the first week, she didn't need me anymore. But for some reason, she stuck with me. She constantly asked me questions and I noticed her staring at the large framed picture of Vina on my desk. I was sure that some of the guys around work who were already trying to get into her pants had mentioned seeing Vina with me at some of the company affairs.

I was sure she'd been talking to someone when she started covering up her upper body more and wearing shorter skirts. I thought at the time that it was cute but pointless. I loved Vina so much that there was simply no way anyone could ever take me away from her.

The next thing I remember or at least the next thing that stood out more than anything else was the day they fired me. I remember Grace bawling her eyes out while people I'd worked with for over ten years just stood there in shocked silence. I didn't even get a fucking going away party so some of the guys I worked with and Grace, of course, took me out to lunch.

I had no idea how I was going to tell Vina. It wasn't that big a deal, I could get another job, but it was kind of a shock.

I called her to give her the bad news. Vina made most of the decisions in our marriage. We talked about things but if we couldn't agree on things, she just flashed those big old titties at me and things went her way. Somehow I never got around to telling her that I loved her eyes far more than I did her tits. But they were her pride and joy and I loved her so I let her keep the fantasy. After all, I had my fantasy. I came home to her every day. On paper, there was simply no way that a nerd like me should have had a woman like that. I thanked my lucky stars every day that she loved me as much as I loved her.

I called her cell and it went straight to voice mail. I knew that Vina would be getting off in a few minutes so I decided to go by her office. When I got there it was a bit later than I expected. Most of the cars were already gone from the parking lot. I even saw some of Vina's co-workers wave at me as they drove off. They were nice people. We'd had a few of them over for barbecues. I was sure they were as perplexed about Vina and me as I was.

I grabbed the door just as one of the last guys left. I walked through the darkened hallways until I got to their office. There was only a crack of light showing through the barely open doorway.

"Wait a minute," she said. "I have to call Danny and let him know I'm going to be late again."

I thought about just opening the door and telling her that I already knew. I'd even reached out and put my hand on the door until I noticed that her blouse was completely open and her bra was pulled down.

Her boss, Lou, was behind her with his pants around his ankles. Even as she called me and waited for my phone to ring, he was squeezing her breasts roughly.

"Stop it Lou," she said. I had barely the presence of mind to turn off the ringer on my phone.

She left me a message telling me that she'd be late and that she loved me. How's that for irony?

"You're lucky I let you call him at all," he said. "Shit, you're really lucky that I haven't stopped you from fucking him."

"He doesn't deserve you at all," he said. "You're mine." Then he slapped her on her ass and yanked her head down by her hair. "You like that don't you bitch?" he said and she nodded.

"Suck my dick," he hissed. He jammed it into her mouth so hard and so fast that I thought he'd hurt her but she just started bobbing her head up and down on it like she loved it. Then he roughly pulled her up spread her legs and jammed it into her from behind. .

He fucked her hard and fast and kept slapping her on her ass the whole time. "Stop it Lou, if you leave any marks on me, we'll have problems," she said.

"Shit, you already have problems," he snapped. "Did the little punk find out yet that he's losing his job?"

"Not yet," she said. "At least he hasn't told me yet."

He was fucking her so hard I was sure he had to be hurting her. I guess that explained why we didn't have sex when she worked late. The next night she was always all over me. I guess it was rough having to cover up the bruises from what she really liked and then put up with giving me guilt sex the next night.

He flipped her over and she jumped up onto the desk and spread her legs. He plunged right into her burying his dick in her in one thrust. After a couple of strokes she was eagerly fucking him back. "Come on baby. Fill me up," she moaned. I was sick. I almost vomited.

"When are you going to leave that loser anyway," he asked while grunting away at her.

"As soon as you leave Mary so we can be together," she said calmly.

I guess what I probably should have done was to burst in there and beat the shit out of both of them or at least die trying. But I was shattered. If I'd thought that losing my first girlfriend back in college had been rough; this almost killed me. The first time I'd gone through it in college was nothing compared to this. I'd only been with Belinda for about 8 months. Vina and I had been married for 12 years. The funny thing about it was that it had taken me the first five years of our marriage to get over the thought that she'd probably leave me.

Even funnier was the fact that it was Vina who'd helped me to get over Belinda. This time I'd have to pull on my big boy pants and get over her myself. I think that deep down inside

I'd always known that something like this would happen. I'd fought for Belinda and gotten my ass kicked badly. I'd already heard Vina call me a loser and say that as soon as Lou left his wife they'd be together so what was the point? The best thing for all concerned would be for me to just disappear.

I left the building as quietly as I could and got into my aging Mustang. I drove home as quickly as I could and grabbed as much as I could. Then I set up the stereo and wrote my note.

The weirdest thing about it was that in over twelve years of marriage I never ran out of things to say to Elvina. We often talked for hours. But at that very moment, perhaps the most critical moment of our time together I couldn't think of a single thing to say to her. I settled for, "press play."

Then I got into my car to wait. Once I got the car where I wanted it, I pulled out my phone. I dialed the office number and tried very hard not to let my voice break. Ironically Elvina answered the phone.

"Lou Grant please," I said quickly. More out of reflex than anything else Elvina just handed the phone to him.

"Hello, this is Lou," he said.

"Hi Lou, this is the loser," I said. And he took a deep breath. I think he was in shock.

"What do you mean buddy," he said. "We're almost done. The little woman will be home all safe and sound in a few more minutes."

I heard the click and I was sure he put me on the speaker phone.

"There's no need for her to rush home. I'll probably be gone already by the time she gets here. I was there earlier and I saw the two of you. I heard the things you said about me. I guess the thing that hurt me the most was that Elvina agreed with you."

"No, Danny, you don't understand," she screamed.

"I'll be gone in a few minutes so she won't be burdened with me anymore. I loved her with everything I had. I'm just sorry that it wasn't enough. I have no intention of trying to tell your wife about this. In exchange for my keeping your secret. I only want one thing. Just be good to her, Lou. Tell her she can have everything. I'm just taking some cash. She can do the divorce however she wants."

When I hung up the phone, I was sure that Lou was there alone because I didn't hear Elvina in the background anymore. She must have broken every speed limit in town because she made the ten minute trip from her office in under six minutes. She drove her car right up onto the lawn and got out of it completely naked.

She opened the door to the house and went inside. I heard her scream loudly and keep wailing. A few moments later, I heard the sound of the stereo come on and Tina's soulful voice oozing through the walls.

I thought about the sound I'd heard coming from the open door of the house. It was the sound of a tortured soul or perhaps just a really good actress. Lights on the porches of the surrounding houses came on. I started my engine and the exhaust system that I loved so much betrayed me. My MagnaFlow exhaust system has a deep thrum that is both easy to identify and hard to miss at the same time.

Within a second of me starting the car, I noticed the light on the dash board telling me the trunk wasn't completely closed. With all I owned and could grab in the back seat and the trunk, I had to get out, to close it.

It took me less than four seconds to reach the trunk and another to close it. In those five seconds, she was out of the house with only a jacket, one of mine, to cover her nakedness. As I heard her bare feet beating on the grass and then the pavement, I was stunned for a second. Why the hell was she going through all of this anguish for a loser? She should just let me go.

"Danny," she screamed. She must've put every ounce of breath she could spare into the yell. It started out loud and demanding but ended up sounding like a mournful whelp. It was amazing that she could put so much emotion into one, short, two syllabled name.