When We Were Married Ch. 06D

"What is going on? I think I know, but please confirm my suspicions and tell me how great a threat my family is facing."

"Both of them were employes of the Cartel. They had been shadowing your son for three days."

"What – why were they watching him/"

"It was psychological warfare on the Cartel's part. They had no intention of doing anything. They were merely going to see that photographs of your son and wife made their way to the police along with some vague threats. Their goal was to make you so focused on the threat to your family that you would have no desire to become involved in their affairs."

"How can you be so sure?"

"My people spotted them and after – eliminating – one, they discussed matters with the other. After a – lengthy – discussion, they were convinced the remaining employee was completely honest and forthcoming in his answers. He was convinced this was strictly a psychological ploy."

"But..."

"Obviously, often low level employees are not kept informed of policy, but, following our termination of the two men some of my people contacted some Cartel representatives. Up until that point they were not aware of our interest in this matter. When our position was made clear, they indicated that this was merely a feint, a precautionary effort. Following our recent contact, the Cartel representatives have given their word that no one from their organization will in any way threaten or come anywhere near to anyone close to you."

"Do you believe them?"

There was a long silence and I wondered if he was taking the question as some affront to his own code of honor.

"My business – and that of the Cartel – is surrounded by many myths and stereotypes, but they are at bottom businesses. We employ violence because that is the nature of the world in which we live and work. If we did not employ violence we would be murdered, our women taken and our riches plundered. Regardless, when you strip away everything else, a business is a business. It exists to provide products and services, to make a profit - to make money.

"A war disrupts business, the supply of products to customers, frightens off customers, results in the destruction of product, brings down the disruptive force of government upon our organizations, results in the death of valued employees and, the bottom line, it costs everyone money – great amounts of money. The Cartel - any organization such as our own – tends to be cautious when it comes to attacking powerful government officials. The Mexican Cartel has become – arrogant – about such actions because of the situation in that country. This attitude has shaped their actions in your country because they – and we – operate outside the legal world. They tend not to fear retribution from official sources but, we are not a government.

"Our people were very clear, that any attack or hostile action against you or anyone close to you would bring forth an - unlimited - response. In other words, war, without regard for any damage that might result to either or both of our organizations. In other words, in language they would understand, no quarter. At this point, they know only that this is a personal matter to me, but they will investigate and will learn of the connection between us. It makes no difference, except that before this I stood in the shadows watching your back. Now it will be a secret no longer. This doesn't mean they will take no action against you, only that they will consider their next steps very carefully and weigh them against the threat of what they stand to lose. This means that, if the Mendoza trial comes to you, I have no idea what they will do. Until that time, I can guarantee you there will be no further threats to you or yours."

I considered what he had said, then asked, "Does this place me in your debt?"

"You did not ask me to take this action. Consider it what you would call - a freebie, I think the word is. However, if you were in my debt, would that be such a terrible position in which to be? There is very little that I would ask you directly to do, and you could become immeasurably wealthy and powerful with my backing. There are a number of politicians around the world who have made good lives being in my service."

"As I've said before, I have to decline your gracious offer."

"Ah well, that does not surprise me. You can sleep securely tonight. There is no immediate threat to your family."

Before he could hang up, I said, "Unfortunately, the local law enforcement will have no way of determining that the threat has passed, and I obviously can't tell them how I know. Could you...?"

"Within the next several days, we will ensure that information is received from sources within the Cartel about the nature of their attempts to spy on your son. Your intelligence agencies will receive confirmation of these reports."

"Thank you."

"Good night, Mr. Maitland."

I looked to see Debbie's eyes gleaming in the darkness, reflecting the light from the hallway. In the dim light I could see that she wore a robe, and apparently nothing else.

"Is that the man who called you in the hospital?"

'It's better that you don't know, Debbie."

"You know that I kept secrets from you, Bill, but I've always known you had secrets of your own. This involves us – me and Kelly and BJ. Don't you think I deserve to know your secret?"

I told her everything.

"You would have betrayed all you've ever believed in to keep us safe?"

"I would have sold my soul to the devil to keep you and Kelly and BJ safe. There was a time you would have known that."

She just stared at me for awhile, then turned without a word and left the den. I lay back on the couch which seemed to have the imprint of my body in it, and fell almost instantly asleep.

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October 19, 2005 – Wednesday - 2 p.m.

I stopped at the desk outside Debbie's office. I didn't know her secretary. She was an older woman, probably a holdover from an earlier regime. Johnny August was famous for never firing anyone. Because he was as close to blind as you could get without being technically stone cold blind, he was one of those rare bosses who actually judged people by the quality of work they did, rather than being affected by cup size or a pretty face.

"Mr. Maitland. I'm sorry. We didn't receive word that you were coming down. Is Ms. Bascomb expecting you?"

"No. I just had something I wanted to talk to her about. Could you buzz her and see if she could give me a few minutes?'

"Yes sir."

A moment later I heard Debbie's voice, then she was opening the door to her office and giving me a curious look.

"Mr. Maitland? Connie said you had something you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Could I come in?"

She pretended to look amazed but gave me a little smile.

"Of course, Please come in."

I walked in past her and stopped at one of the two comfortable plush chairs set in front of the wide, natural mahogany desk that held a name plate giving her name and title. I looked around and saw pictures of BJ and Kelly apparently recently taken in large frames on her desk, and a picture of the two of us from our Hawaiian cruise of ten years ago on the wall at head height behind her swivel chair.

I also noticed that the desk and her chair were raised so she'd look down on anyone sitting in front of her. I knew that was one of the tricks she had picked up working at the Hunt Bank. She might have sacrificed five years of her life, but she had learned a lot more than the mechanics of running a business.

She just nodded toward the picture and said, "Everybody knows our story, Bill. There's no point in trying to hide it so I just put it out for everybody to see when they walk in."

Then she looked at me and the manilla envelope I held in my right hand and said, "You realize this is the first time since I've arrived here that you've been in my office. Are you here on official business or, does it have anything to do with....you know?"

"No and no."

I placed the manilla envelope on her desk, swung around and caught her by the wrist. I pulled her toward me. Her eyes widened but she did not resist as I pulled her to me. I caught her face in my hands and placed my lips over hers. I had to stretch slightly to my tip toes, but I'd always done that. She had her arms on my shoulders and she was leaning into me. Her lips opened and I tasted the sweetness of her mouth and tongue.

It seemed to last forever, but it was probably only twenty to thirty seconds. I let her go and stepped back. It seemed hard to breathe and I felt moisture at the corners of my eyes, but I made myself breathe regularly. She looked at me with her lips open and she seemed to be struggling for words.

"Of all the things in this world I expected to happen today, that was absolutely the very last thing. Why....how...what? You took the words away from me, Bill."

"I had to find something out."

"What?"

"I had to find out if I could hold you in my arms and let you go."

We stood there staring at each other and she reached out with one hand toward me but she didn't touch me. I couldn't blame her because for most of the last six months I would have bitten it off. I reached out to her, took her hand and directed her to sit in one of the chairs next to me.

"You're not going to give me the high ground?" she said with a hint of a smile.

"You forget, Debbie, you told me in bed all about the tricks you were picking up with the Hunts. You may not have thought I was paying any attention, but I was."

"What are we negotiating?"

"Not negotiating, Deb. I just - I felt like I should come in here and talk to you. I have a lot of things on my mind and we haven't really talked - since all this started. I know you wanted to but I just wasn't...wasn't in a place where I could be in the same room with you."

"You must have gotten better, Bill."

She rubbed her lips with her thumb.

"You got a lot better."

"A little. But I have to tell you, it is still tearing me apart to be sitting here."

"Then why are you here, Bill? You said it doesn't have anything to do with the Cartel."

"No, I didn't really say that, although I can see where you might think that. I'm not here because anything has changed in regard to the Cartel but...what happened over the weekend...it was one of the things I've been thinking about."

"I don't understand."

I couldn't force myself to sit still so I stood up and walked away from her, then turned back to her.

"I can't tell you that there isn't a part of me that doesn't still hate you, Debbie. You hurt me, you hit me way below the belt and it took me a long time to pull myself together. I'll never forget some of the things you said to me back then. I'll never forget you turning your back on me to go to Doug that night. I'll never get those images of him and you together in our bed – in our bed – out of my head. If I'd seen it, it would have been bad but, in a way, not seeing it makes it worse because my imagination - I can't shut it off and even now there are times I'll be sleeping and I'll.....dream about you and him together."

I could tell from the narrowing of her eyes that the old anger was building and I expected her to flare up, but she didn't say anything.

"I know that we both crashed our marriage. I know that I left you alone. But, damn it, Debbie, even though I feel some guilt, I can't help believing that you could have changed things. You could always twist me around your little finger. You didn't, and that makes me think, it makes me know, that you didn't try to change things because you wanted out. If it hadn't been Doug, it would have been somebody else."

She sat back in her chair and ran her hand over her long mane of blonde hair. She was dry eyed, but...

"Well, I've been trying to get you to talk for six months, so I guess I should be happy, even if you're using the opportunity to unload on me. You're entitled, I guess, you got hurt the most. Even though you hurt me plenty for years leading up to...Doug, but if it makes you feel better..."

I walked back to stand in front of her.

"I'm not trying to hurt you, Debbie. Even if it may sound that way. I just wanted to clear the air. There's no point pretending that I'm not still hurting. I've got bruises that haven't healed and may not for a long time. I want you to know just how bad you hurt me, but it's in the past and it will get better."

"Then what..."

I knelt in front of her and took both her hands in mine.

"I wanted to know that I could be around you and not be crazy, that we could be....maybe not friends but co-parents. We can share the kids and share raising them and go to their graduations, their marriages and welcome our grandchildren into the world. I hope we'll be in each others' lives for a long time to come."

I didn't want to but I felt myself tearing up.

"We were married for a long time. We had a good marriage and we made good memories. Remember I told you once that you'd pissed all over the memories we made. Actually that was the way I felt... then, but with time I'll be able to remember the good times again, because we did have some good times."

She stared at me as if she was seeing me for the first time.

"What happened to you, Bill? Jesus Christ, what happened? I never thought I'd hear words like that come out of your mouth again. I figured I'd have to wait years and years before we could even be civil to each other."

"I saw us from another angle, Deb. You remember that old Jimmy Stewart movie that we loved - 'It's A Wonderful Life'? He saw what life would have been like if he hadn't been around, and I saw what our lives might have been like....if we had been very, very unlucky. I saw just how lucky we were that we're the people we are. It could have ended up so much worse for both of us."

"What are you talking about, Bill?"

I told her about Paul and Paula Donnally. When I told her what had happened with Dave Brandon I said, "This can't ever go out of this room, Deb. I'd probably be in trouble for what I did, but I don't care about that. I can take care of myself, but it would destroy Dave, and his wife, and their marriage."

She just gave me an innocent look and said, "I don't know what you're talking about. I never heard anything."

I told her everything, except the end of my meeting with Paula Donnally. It made me feel dirty. It didn't help that I'd jerked off twice since then remembering her touch. I had never checked the number she had left for me. I knew I wasn't going to call her, ever, but it felt like a viper had sunk its fangs in me and the poison lingered.

"I can't help believing they loved each other once upon a time. Maybe as much as we did. Now, I heard the expression somewhere about two scorpions trapped in a bottle, and that's what I think about when I remember them. I'm afraid she'll kill him or he'll kill her or they'll kill each other. They've lost each other and everything they ever had, and they'll never have anything together again.

"I decided I couldn't let that happen to us. You hurt me, I hurt you, but we'll get past that. Their story is over and it will never get a second chapter. Our story is over, but we can have a Second Act."

She gave me a troubled look.

"Bill - I don't know. God, I am so glad that you are finally talking to me. I miss what we had, but the problems we had, I don't know if we can..."

I shook my head.

"Not a Second Act for us – together. A Second Act and a second chance to find people we can build new lives with. I want you to find someone you can love and make a life with, someone who'll be a good and caring stepfather to BJ and Kelly. I don't know what will happen to me. I don't know if this thing - with Myra that doesn't seem like it will ever get a fair chance - has a chance to develop. Maybe it won't be her, but I hope that there will be somebody out there that I can build a life with. It won't be like what we had. Maybe it will never be as good as what we had, but it will give us both a chance to find happiness again. I don't want to think of you being alone, and I know I don't want to stay alone.

Now the tears came.

"Why are you doing this, Bill? Could I feel any shittier about the way I treated you? I didn't think so."

"Debbie, I know it was never going to work with Doug. Your mother said he was a fling and I know now he was. Apparently, Clint Abbott left you, but there are other decent guys out there. On the Bonne Chance, I met a guy, an insurance guy, and we got to talking. He told me something I haven't forgotten. He said you'll never know when you'll walk into an office or around a corner and you'll meet someone and you have to be willing to take the chance. As long as we're alive, there's a chance of walking around that corner and changing your life. You're too hot to stay alone."

This time she got up and walked away from me. She walked behind her desk, head down and then she looked up and stared ten years into the past. She moved her gaze from our younger selves on the Hawaiian cruise and turned back to me. She did something I couldn't put my finger on that drew my eyes to her fantastic chest. Myra might be bigger, but Debbie was a wonder in her own right.

"That night in the den, if you had made a move, if you had touched me, you would have gotten lucky. Did you know that? I looked at you and realized that no other man I've ever known loved me the way you did. You risked your life for me 20 years ago, and you'd give up your soul for me after the way I treated you – with Doug. Why the hell did I ever give up on you?"

I had to take a deep breath.

"That's the other reason I'm here, Deb. I want to keep you in my life. Being back in the – in our – house for the first time in six months - it all came back to me, my life came back to me. Even after our marriage turned to shit and I wouldn't recognize it, it was still a good life, because I had you and the kids in it. When I was lying on the couch that night after you walked out - it was as if the last six months never happened. It felt like I'd had a bad dream - a terrible dream - but it was all ending and I was going to wake up back with you.

"But...."

I looked at the woman I'd always known was going to tear my heart out and I felt a sadness so deep, so bone-aching cold that I didn't know if I could make myself say the words.

"But.....it wasn't a dream. The last six months were real. They happened. You took that bastard's side against me at UNF - you walked away from me. You lay with him....and you fucked him...while I was dying in that shitty little condo. I met Aline, and I fell – at least a little – in love with her. I found out that I wasn't really as terrible a lover and as miserable a man in bed as you'd made me think I was for years."

There was a time when I would have loved, eaten up, the expression on her face, but I didn't enjoy it now.

"What I felt when I went back to the house that used to be ours, what I felt laying on the couch and remembering our lives - that was the dream. The reality is that I'm learning to live without you. I'm better now than I was three months ago, and in a year, it won't hurt at all.....or much. A part of me will always love you - but I'm moving on like you told me to."

She smiled at me through tears running down her face.

"I guess....we always get what we deserve. Don't we....?"

I walked over to her desk and picked up the manilla envelope I'd placed on it, opened the clasp and handed it to her.

"What....?"

"Just give it a quick glance, before I go."

She pulled the paperwork out and wiped her face, then sat behind the desk. She started reading, looking up again and again as she read further.

"Oh, God, don't tell me that there's something really wrong? What aren't you telling me?"